Early one morning when Finn Hudson was six years old, he discovered a trunk in the closet that his mother had planned to give him when he was older. In the piles of men's suits, shirts, ties, pants, and army fatigues, he was thrilled to discover a helmet, a rifle, and a set of metal ID tags that read "Christopher Hudson". Little boys being what they are, he immediately donned the helmet and ID tags and picked up the-thankfully unloaded-rifle and built himself a fort behind the couch so that he could pretend to be a soldier like his father. It was fifteen minutes before Carole Hudson woke up and realized what he was doing. Mothers being what they are, she quickly scolded him, locked Christopher's things back up, and put them in the attic. Finn had cried and begged her to let him keep them. "Absolutely not. You can look at the pictures we have of your father later, but you may not look at those things again until you are old enough to understand what that gun is for. It's not for you to enjoy, it's not to make you look cool. It's an object that can end a person's life forever with a slip of your finger. A gun just like that one is the reason your father is gone."
Finn understood, as best a small child is capable of understanding such a concept, and he never asked to play with his father's gun or any other weapon again. But on Finn's sixteenth birthday, when his mother gave him another present that had the capacity to end a person's life with a slip of a finger, neither of them thought about it that way. Finn mostly thought of it as something to make him look cool and something to enjoy. Carole knew that and didn't mind, as long as he realized she'd bought it for him so that he could drive himself to and from school and followed her rules about how late he was allowed to stay out.
Two weeks after his high school graduation, Finn was driving that same car downtown to interview for a summer job when it happened. One car sideswiped him, another car had crashed into him from behind, and as he was trying to straighten himself out, another car had crashed into him from the side, sending him over a bridge. Thirty minutes later, Rachel got the call.
"We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Finn Christopher Hudson. Loving husband of Rachel Barbra Berry Hudson, loving son of Carole and Christopher Hudson."
Rachel, who was sitting in the front row sandwiched between Kurt and Hiram Berry, closed her eyes tightly. Her mind was screaming that this could not possibly be happening. This was just a nightmare that was lasting an extra long time. Any minute now, she was going to wake up in bed next to Finn, he was going to take her in his arms and promise her he wasn't going anywhere. Just like he had ten days ago.
Their wedding had been small but elegant. Rachel had walked down the aisle with one of her fathers on each side, both beaming. Her bridesmaids, Santana, Mercedes, and Quinn, had been waiting on the left side, the groomsmen, Puck, Blaine, and Kurt, waited on the right. Finn waited in the center and took her hand as soon as she was close enough to reach. Sue Sylvester waited at the podium.
"Finn Christopher Hudson, do you take this woman, Rachel Barbra Berry, do be your lawfully wedded wife, to love, tolerate, and put up with her constantly singing and bursting into tears whenever anything happens and decorating everything you own with gold stars, as long as you both shall live?"
Finn smiled and brushed Rachel's cheek lightly with two fingers. "I do."
"And do you, Rachel Barbra Berry, take this man, Finn Christopher Hudson, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love, irritate, feed, put up with his snoring, and allow to take up over two thirds of the bed every night, as long as you both shall live?"
Rachel smiled and let a few tears slide down her left cheek. "I do."
"By the power vested in me by the fact that any idiot can get certified to perform a wedding these days, I now pronounce you…Finchel."
All their friends and family stood up and clapped as Finn bent over and pulled his new wife into a kiss.
As long as you both shall live.
Leroy Berry's fingers closed around his husband's hand in an attempt to fight the tears forming in the back of his eyes as he remembered the conversation that had taken place an hour before Rachel's wedding.
"Okay, now I've got it. As soon as Finn and Rachel get here, we need to split them up. You, Carole, will go up to give Finn a hug and accidentally spill some grape juice on his shirt. Rachel will inevitably flip out, so you, Burt, will take Finn aside and tell him you brought a spare shirt just in case, and then you will take the opportunity to lock him in the janitor's closet. It has no windows, I've checked. Meanwhile, you, Hiram, will repeatedly insult Sue Sylvester until she dramatically storms out and destroys half the room in the process, then I will take Rachel outside and tell her the wedding has been moved to an alternate location, get in the car with her, and refuse to stop driving until we have discussed all the reasons that this wedding is a terrible idea, while one of you goes back in and tells the rest of the guests that Finn has joined the army and Rachel has run away to join the circus."
"Don't be ridiculous," said Hiram. "That wouldn't work. Burt would never think to bring an extra shirt."
"Finn and Rachel are on their way over here right now," Carole reminded them. "If we try and talk them out of the wedding now, it'll make their whole day bittersweet, and they'll hate us and be even less likely to listen to anything we have to say later."
"That's true," Leroy admitted. "Hey, I know. When they get here, Burt and Carole will go to the lobby and greet them and offer to help them get ready and Hiram will guard the door while I sneak outside, find Sue Sylvester, and pay her five hundred dollars to put a fake name on the marriage license. That way, when this thing inevitably goes up in smoke, we'll be able to say, "Surprise! Turns out you were never really married after all!"
Hiram and Carole exchanged glances.
"You know, that's not actually a bad idea," Carole remarked. She glanced at Burt, who was starring into space and looked like he was in deep concentration. "Honey, what do you think?"
Burt shrugged. "He's your son."
Carole put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't give me that," she said gently. "I know you have something to say that you think I don't want to hear."
Both Berrys turned and looked at Burt. "I married my first wife when she was in high school," he finally said. "She was eighteen, I was twenty-one. At the time she was the love of my life. Granted we had an incentive to get married young-she was already pregnant with Kurt when I proposed-but we were perfect together. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't trade those eight years for anything. Not even if she hadn't been pregnant yet."
Everyone was quiet for a moment. "So what are you saying, Burt?" asked Leroy gently.
"I'm saying...let's give them a chance. Maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't. You never know. They'll figure that out for themselves."
Hiram and Leroy looked at each other. Neither of them would have bet on Finn and Rachel's marriage lasting more than a few months. In fact, they'd hoped it wouldn't. Sure Finn was a nice guy, but he just wasn't...ambitious. Not like their gold star was. But it was time to trust Rachel to figure that out for herself. And if by some miracle-or lack thereof-it did and up working out, then what would there be to say other than that when two people are meant to be together, they find a way?
Leroy's mind was brought back around to the present when Hiram squeezed his hand extra tight for a moment, and he realized that he really was crying now. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. Not like this.
"And now, I believe that Finn's mother would like to say a few words."
Carole Hudson took a deep breath and returned Burt's encouraging glance with a tiny smile as she made her way up to the podium. "First of all, I'd like to thank each and every one of you for coming here today to remember and honor my son. It means the world to me. Ever since the day he was born, Finn has been the happiest part of my life. Even when he was a little boy, running around the house, getting into things the way little boys do..." she paused for a moment to remind herself not to cry right now.
Two rows behind the front pew, another person who virtually never cried was trying to fight the tears and the memories of the part of Finn's life that Carole had just mentioned. He was the only one out of their current group of friends who even remembered him at that age. Right now, there was one particular day that he'd rather forget.
"Mom! Mom!" yelled Noah Puckerman at the top of his lungs as he threw open the back door of his house and tore into the living room, his best friend right on his trail.
"I didn't do it!" yelled Finn.
"Yes you did!"
"No you didn't!"
"YES. YOU. DID!"
"Be quiet, Noah!" scolded Mrs. Puckerman from her position on the couch with a cold cloth on her forehead. "Mommy has a headache!"
"But Finn killed my dinosaur!" Noah held up the decapitated plastic T-Rex. "See?"
"No I didn't!"
"Yes you did!"
"No I-"
"ENOUGH!" yelled Mrs. Puckerman. "Both of you, get back outside! We're out of painkillers and I need to save up my energy in case your father comes home from work."
Reluctantly, the two seven-year-old boys trudged back outside. Puck turned to Finn and glared at him as they walked.
"Why did you lie to my mom?"
"I didn't!" Finn protested. "You kept telling her I killed your dinosaur!"
"Because you're the one who threw it and broke it! Not me!"
"But I didn't kill it! I just made the head break off!" Finn crossed his arms over his chest. "If it was dead, it would be in heaven. But it's not. It's right there in your hand. So I didn't kill it." He smiled triumphantly.
Puck's brow wrinkled in confusion. "I thought that when someone dies they just kind of lay there and never move or breathe again."
"Nope," said Finn. "My daddy died when I was a baby, and my mommy says that after the bad guys killed him, he rose up to heaven to watch over us and be with all the other dead people."
"Ohhh," Puck responded. He brushed back the long dark hair that was falling over one eye. "What do you think it's like up there?"
"I always thought it might be kind of like summer camp, only forever. There's one cabin for boys and one cabin for girls, and in the morning they eat breakfast, and then they grab their rafts and inner tubes and go swimming."
After a moment, Puck said, "I hope it's like that."
"Me too," Finn responded quietly. "Sorry I broke your dinosaur."
"It's okay. Let's go inside and tape him back together."
"Okay."
In the present, Puck held his breath and willed his tears to stay behind his eyelids where they belonged. He still had that T-Rex in an old box of toys somewhere. He and Finn had wrapped several layers of tape around it's neck. It looked terrible, but to them it had been good as new. Because at that age, it had still felt like anything that broke could be fixed.
"Without Finn Hudson, there would be now New Directions," said Will Schuster. "I would probably be working in some office somewhere, making more money than I ever could as a teacher, but it wouldn't matter, because I wouldn't be happy doing it. And I would definitely be married to someone other than the woman I love now, and if all that were the case, I wouldn't be the man I am today. When I first started teaching at William McKinley High, I hoped that I would be able to inspire my students. Maybe even change their lives. I never expected that my students would be returning the favor." Will paused to blink back a few tears. "You were a good man, Finn Hudson. This one's for you."
Every single member of New Directions braced themselves for an emotional blow as Will pulled out his guitar. Rachel and Kurt held each other's hands and their fathers' hands more tightly. Santana pulled Brittany closer to her side. Mercedes pulled an entire box of tissues out of her purse. Blaine sucked in his breath as Mr. Shue began to strum the first few notes of a song he didn't recognize the melody to.
"I got the news on Friday morning
But a tear I couldn't find
You've shown me how I'm supposed to live
And now, you've shown me how to die
I was lost 'til Sunday morning
I woke up to face my fear
While writing you this goodbye song,
I found a tear
I'm gonna miss that smile
I'm gonna miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I'd do it all again
So play it sweet in heaven
Cause that's right where you wanna be
I'm not crying cause I feel so sorry for you
I'm cryin' for me"
"In some ways, Finn Hudson was the heart and soul of the New Directions," said Mercedes. "What he lacked in dancing, he made up for in leadership. That first year he overcame pressure from his teammates, his peers, and even his football coach because he wanted to show everyone that it was cool to be in Glee Club, that there was possible to be good at both football and at performing. Finn helped to make us a team."
In the seat directly behind Puck, the unholy trinity sat together. Santana reached over and squeezed Quinn's hand as she and Brittany cradled each other. Quinn absentmindedly took it, lost in thought. Neither of them wanted to go up there and say anything, because they were the only romantic interests Finn had ever had besides Rachel and seeing as that he was her husband, it might be inappropriate. Especially for Quinn. Finn and Santana had only had one night, no emotional attachment whatsoever, and neither had really enjoyed it. And she wasn't sure she would ever completely forgive him for the fact that he had accidentally outed her to the entire state. Or for the fact that he had called her girlfriend stupid. Or the fact that he had broken up with her best friend at a funeral. One of the few things she liked about Finn, though, was that he always seemed to realize the error of his ways just in time to pick up the pieces. Or try to, anyway. Some times, like when he'd set that homophobic campaign smear in motion, it had been too late to really fix the damage. Other times, it hadn't.
At their senior prom, right after his official king and queen dance with Rachel and the obligatory photo shoot, Finn left to use the restroom. He had made it halfway down the hall when he realized someone was following him, and judging by the fast-paced click of the high heels on the linoleum, they were following him with a purpose.
"Hey, Frankenteen! Wait up!"
Finn turned around. "Hey, Santana."
And for the second time that year, he felt the quick, sharp sting of her palm against his face. He narrowed his eyes in surprise.
"You know, I like you and all, but I think that one slap per school year is quite enough."
"Actually, because you can never change the fact that you're the reason my parents found out I'm a lesbian and my Abuela disowned me, I can slap you as many times as I want. But that was for Quinn."
"What the hell are you..."
"You know exactly what I'm talking about! First you try telling a girl who's been paralyzed for the past three months, isn't speaking to half her family, and currently has no contact with her own daughter that she has everything, just because your girlfriend might not get into one stupid college she applied for..."
"NYADA was more than just one college to Rachel," Finn protested. "You wouldn't understand."
"...and then you try to pull her out of her wheelchair, which, honestly, I don't even want to know what the hell you were thinking..."
"Oh come on, Quinn's not even really paralyzed! You saw what she just did!"
"She could barely keep half-standing long enough to finish the song. You honestly think she's physically capable of getting up and dancing right now?" Finn didn't know how to respond to that, because he knew she was right. "And by the way, Rachel wasn't actually voted prom queen. Quinn was. She gave the crown to Rachel because even after everything she's been through, she thought Rachel needed it more than she did." Finn's mouth slowly fell open. "Yep. That's right. And don't go thinking for a second that she did it for you. Even if she had wanted to, I wouldn't have let her."
A few minutes later, Finn reentered the fake prehistoric wonderland. Santana and Brittany were onstage singing I Wanna Dance With Somebody Who Loves Me, Mike, Tina, Mercedes, Sam, Blaine, and Kurt were dancing with their dates, and Rachel was dancing with Artie. Quinn was sitting by the wall being congratulated by a surrounding crowd of peers and teachers. It hit Finn when he quietly moved close enough to see her better that the smile on her face was genuine. This wasn't the same smug smile she had in the earliest days they'd been together when she'd walked through the halls holding his arm, almost as if he were some prize, or the smile she had when she was at the top of the cheerios pyramid, or even the way she'd looked at that girl she'd actively been trying to get the sympathy vote from last week. Whatever this was, it was more than just a teenage girl surrounded by an adoring crowd. This was a girl who, for the first time, felt like she'd really won.
"Hey." Finn gave a startled smile as Quinn threw an unreadable glance in his direction. He hadn't really meant for her to notice him. "Rachel looks amazing. I'm glad she ended up coming after all." A few of the people around Quinn stepped back as Finn moved over to her, sensing that they had something to say to each other.
"Santana told me what you did. That was really nice of you."
Quinn smiled and shrugged. "I already knew I was going to have one big moment tonight. I didn't need the crown to go with it as much as I thought."
"Quinn, I'm sorry. I was wrong. Seeing you get wrapped up in all this stuff about prom and campaigning and popularity, I thought that you'd gone back to being the petty cheerleader you were when we met. But you're not that girl anymore."
Unexpectedly, a tear rolled down Quinn's cheek. "Thank you, Finn. It means more than you know." Mostly because if he could see that she'd changed, anyone could.
Finn smiled and turned to glance around the room for a moment. He spotted Rachel walking up to the stage and positioning herself between Santana and Brittany with a microphone in her hand, ready to start singing. Then he turned back to Quinn and held out his hand.
"Do you want to dance with me?"
"Sure." He took her hand and led her to the dance floor while Rachel began singing.
"There I was again tonight,
Forcing laughter faking smiles
Same old tired lonely place"
Santana took over for a verse.
"Walls of insincerity,
Shifting eyes and vacancy
Vanished when I saw your face
All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you"
When Finn and Quinn reached the dance floor, Finn stopped and took both her hands. She shook her head.
"This time, I want to stand up. Please."
Finn gave her his hand and let her pull herself into a standing position. She immediately leaned against his chest, supporting as much of her own body weight as she was physically capable of.
"It's okay," whispered Finn. "We've got this."
"This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you"
The irony of the fact that New Directions's last performance all together before they lost one of their members had been We Are The Champions was just hitting Artie now as he and the other Glee guys took their place at the front of the room.
"One of the biggest things that Glee club has taught us is that sometimes, it's easier to express your feelings by singing than by trying to talk about them," said Artie. "So that's what we're going to do today." He pulled a radio out from behind a display of flowers and pressed play for an instrumental that caused everyone in the room to feel-if possible-even more emotional even before the guys started singing. Sam stepped to the front of the group and began with the first verse.
"There's no one in town that I know
You gave me some place to go
I never said thank you for that
I thought I might get one more chance"
Puck stepped forward and sang the next part.
"What would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance"
Then altogether.
"May angels lead you in
Hear you me, my friend
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in"
Kurt subtly traded places with Puck, stopping to squeeze Blaine's hand for a fleeting second on the way to the front. He sang just one verse as a solo, then faded back and let the other guys finish while he just stood there because his throat was too tight to keep going.
"And if you were with me tonight
I'd sing to you just one more time
A song for a heart so big
God wouldn't let it live"
"May angels lead you in
Hear you me, my friend
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
May angels lead you in
Hear you me, my friend
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in"
After some subtle applause from their audience, Kurt plunked himself down in the seat between Burt and Rachel. He felt his father stuff a wad of tissues in his hand and Rachel squeeze him tightly for a fleeting moment. He wasn't sure if she'd been offering support or needing it or both when he saw her walk up to the front of the room in the dress he'd picked out for her, black and elegant with a flowy skirt that made her look like she was attending a funeral in the old south. He'd known she'd been thinking about singing something but hadn't thought she'd actually be up to it.
"Hello, everyone," said Rachel softly. "Thank you for coming. Especially to those of you who also came to our wedding two weeks ago."
Kurt frowned when he realized that Rachel wasn't even remotely misty-eyed. There was something eerie about that that. She always cried when she talked about anything even remotely emotional. One of two things was going on, either she had used up all her tears crying for the past three days nonstop, or the event that was going on right now was just so gut wrenching her tear ducts were broken.
"For last Christmas that Finn and I ever spent together, he bought me a real star and told me he'd named it Finn Hudson. He told me that if I was ever sad I could look up at the sky and remember that he would always be watching over me. As you can imagine, that means more now than ever."
Kurt looked at her face carefully. A single tear rolled down her cheek. It was both comforting and gut-wrenching.
"This one's for you, Finn," whispered Rachel. "You were the love of my life."
Rachel took a deep breath before beginning her song a cappella.
"Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on"
Kurt felt Rachel look to him for support, but barely managed to return the glance because he and Carole had both started sobbing on the first note. Rachel paused for dramatic affect and then exploded into the next part of the song she had chosen to skip to, causing every single person in the room to start crying.
"You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on"
As long as you both shall live.