Disclaimer; I own none of the following characters! There are traits of other shows and books in here as well!
This is basically a game show between Darren and Steve to see who is best dictated by the one and only me! Hope you like it! Please R&R!
The Game Show
Me: Hallo and welcome to the game show where it's go quick or leave. There are three rounds then a break for viewers to vote who their favourite contestants are! So let's meet our players!
Me: Our players tonight come from the dark and rough world of the night. All the way from Vampire Mountain it's Darren Shan the one and only Vampire Prince! Don't let looks fool you. He may look like a child but he has all the senses of a full vampire.
Me: And from the murky depths of the Lake of Souls it's Steve Leonard-
Steve: Leopard!
Me:-the Lord of the Vampaneze! Don't think your safe in here folks as he's as mad as a hatter and rude! Plus I'm not kidding.
Darren: Can't you get his name right?
Steve: Yeah my name is very important! Leopard strikes fear into the people's hearts! Not Leonard!
Darren: It doesn't. It's just catchier.
Steve: Oh yeah? Do you want to settle this now?
Me: Guys! We are still on air you know. Onto our first round! The quick firing session!
Me: Ok. Question 1: Who are the five Vampire Princes in the Saga of Darren Shan?
Darren: That's easy. Arrow, Paris Skyle, Vancha March, Mika Ver Leth and, of course, me.
Steve: What? How comes the Saga's named after you?
Darren: Cos I wrote it.
Steve: Well how was I supposed to know the answer to that question?
Darren: Didn't you read it?
Steve: No cos it was written by you.
Darren: (smacking his head with his hand) you're hopeless.
Steve: I'm not hopeless! I nearly killed you!
Darren: Emphasis on the nearly. Clearly if you had I wouldn't be standing here right now.
Me: (rolling my eyes) don't I know it. Can we move on to Question 2?
Darren: Yes.
Me: Ok. Who sired Annie's son?
Steve: Me of course. Who else would do such a thing?
Darren: Are you insulting my sister?
Steve: I said no such thing.
Darren: Yes you did!
Me; Guys! Please remember this is a game show not a fighting zone! Can't you get on for a moment?
Darren: No.
Me: I give up. Ok. Question 3. Who is the Lord of the Shadows?
Darren: No one. I killed Steve and then sacrificed myself to stop Mr Tiny's prophecy from coming true. But if you want to go into technicalities then it's-
Steve: Me.
Darren; You lost. That doesn't make you special.
Steve: Oh yeah-
Me: Guys. Pull it together or else.
Me: Ok Question 4. Who is the most well liked character in the Saga?
Steve: Me!
Darren: No you bloody wanker! It's Mr Crepsley! All the girls cried when he died!
Mr Crepsley: They did?
Me: How did you get in here?
Mr Crepsley: I do not know.
Darren: Yes they did. Now can you go please? Like now?
Mr Crepsley: Of course. Just kick his ass for me.
(Mr Crepsley leaves and there is a long silence)
Darren: That is the closest he has ever come to swearing.
(Everyone stares at him)
Me: Oookay. Moving swiftly on. Question 5. Why does Darius hate Steve?
Steve: he doesn't hate me. He's my son.
Darius: (off stage you're the worst fucking dad ever!
Darren: What he said. He hates you because you killed Shancus.
Steve: So what if I did. You were annoying me.
Darren: that's no reason to kill a child!
Me: We are still on you known. And this used to be a no swearing show.
Darren: Sorry.
Me: So at the end of round 1 the scores are 20-5 to Darren.
Steve: How has he got 205 points?
Me: No you have 5 and Darren has 20.
Steve: oh. Well that's not fair!
Darren: Oh shut the fucking hell up you wanker!
Steve: Well at least I'm not gay.
Darren: There is no way I am gay! I have a girlfriend!
Me: Enough with the insults! Now on to round 2- the truth-or is it a lie?
Darren: Probably a lie in Steve's case.
Me: Darren!
Darren: Oops! Sorry! Err…round 2?
Me: Thank you. So statement 1: Vancha has a girlfriend.
Darren: No way! He can't even stay clean!
Steve: I agree. They prefer me to smelly bag.
Darren: He only lives by the wild.
Vancha: (off stage with Darius) yeah take that you pile of s***!
Me: If anyone swears again on this show I will personally kill them!
Steve: Don't hurt me!
Me: next statement: Steve killed Shancus in the Old Theatre.
Steve: Yes. Yes I did.
Darren: that made no sense.
Steve: To me it did.
Darren: And this is the reason people call you mad.
Me: Ok. I really see what you mean Darren.
Darren: Thank you.
Me: Statement 3: Darren goes to sleep with a teddy bear.
Darren: (going red) what? Who sent that in? There is no effing way I go to sleep with a teddy bear!
Steve: Awww but once ickle Darrenkins did used to go to sleep with Flopsy the spider.
Me: (trying not to laugh) you had a teddy spider named Flopsy?
Darren: (now bright red) I got him when I was three all right! And he was cute!
Me: (fighting laughter) Ok I believe you. Statement 4: Steve used to poke women in rude places.
Darren: hell yeah! With whatever he could find!
Steve: (turning red himself) what? You promised you wouldn't tell!
Darren: That was when we were friends.
Steve: well you didn't have to say it on live TV you stupid vampire!
Darren: Yes I did.
Vancha and Darius: (laughing) GO DARREN!
Me: (giggling) Statement 5: Tom Jones is a natural scientist.
Darren: Uh no. He's a footballer.
Vancha: What's a ball got to do with your foot?
Darren: No football is a sport. One I'm very good at.
Steve: Oh go show your ***** to your fans.
Me: I said no swearing!
Steve: Ah but I didn't swear.
Me: Fine any rude comments will get you killed too.
Steve: Can't we express our feelings fully?
Me: No.
Darren: Can we just carry on with the show?
Me: Of course. At the end of round 2 the scores are now 40-10 to Darren. Still.
Vancha: Darren has 410 points while Steve has nothing?
Me: Weren't you here when I discussed this with Steve?
Vancha: Yes.
Me: then you know the answer to that.
Vancha: Oh yeah.
Darius: (wishing he wasn't there) I can't believe I know you. You're such an embarrassment!
Darren: (rolling his eyes) don't I know it!
Me: Ok. Well that's it for now folks! Sign in again tomorrow for rounds three and four as these two spent more time fighting than actually answering the questions!
Darren: Wait. We have to come back tomorrow?
Steve: Yeah so I can embarrass you even more!
Darren: You embarrass me even more and I'll throw you back in the Lake of Souls.
Steve: you wouldn't.
Darren: Oh yes I would.
Steve: You little… Hey get back here!
(Steve runs off after Darren who is way ahead of him)
Me: I hate my life. Well tune in tomorrow if there are any contestants left.
Vancha: Hey sweetie if they're not here can Darius and I fill in for them.
Me: Hmmmm… good idea. I wouldn't have to keep telling them to shut up then! Just so long as you keep to yourself.
Vancha: Of course.