Why.
By Moonstarer
Disclaimer: CSI, not mine, wish it was, but I'd accept just Grissom if offered! etc. etc.
AN. This has spoilers from season 8, but I haven't actually seen beyond 7.15 and all my info for what happens after that is what I've picked up from stories on so if I've got things wrong it's your fault! Many of you will not like this one shot, but I wanted to try offering a different reason for Sara's departure. It might also give a clue why I don't write much GSR myself. Those of you waiting for an update on my story Senseless, don't worry this is just a little exercise to get my brain back together before I move on with that story.
Why
Sara rested her head against the window of the bus, staring into the blackness but seeing nothing. She had chosen to take the Greyhound out of Las Vegas so that she would have time to think, and that was what she was doing right now. Thinking about what she had just done to Gilbert Grissom.
The real problem hadn't been obvious from the start, though Sara had to admit, Grissom had been aware of part of it long before she was, he just hadn't realised how deep it went, she hoped he never would.
She'd brushed aside his arguments that he was too old for her, assuming he was just making excuses and ignoring that her father had been born only six years earlier than Grissom.
The dream about a picnic that she'd once woken from realising that in it she'd been calling Grissom "Dad" she'd dismissed to herself as just some Freudian thing, not to be taken seriously. After all she'd had far weirder dreams in her time
When he'd returned from his sabbatical looking unkempt, haggard and most of all grey she'd made a joke of it, called him "Grandpa" and pursued him with a razor, but it triggered what became an increasing uneasiness.
He loved her though, unconditionally, and that was such a rare thing in her mind that she couldn't give it up.
Getting Hank the dog had worked well for Sara, it added to the feeling of being part of a family, something she desperately wanted, but having a pet didn't force her to clarify her feelings about Grissom's role in their little unit in the way a baby would have done.
Natalie had been right about her kidnapping being the beginning of the end. The reaction from her colleagues had finally made her realise that it wasn't just Grissom who loved her; she was lovable, as a friend, as a colleague, as a substitute sister. She still hadn't wanted to leave Grissom though; she did love him dearly, just not necessarily in the way he would want her to. His obvious devastation and feelings of guilt over what had been done to her, had made it impossible for her to take a step back at that time.
Sara's response had been almost Pavlovian when she'd heard his "proposal". Fear of what might happen if she said no, of losing him, of having to explain why she couldn't marry him plus the many years of waiting for him to make just such an offer all made it impossible to refuse, and even more difficult to retract her acceptance later.
How could she have told him the truth, without hurting him even more than she was by leaving him like this? How could she tell the man who loved her so much that yes, she wanted him to be a father figure, but not, as she'd once thought, for her child.
Going like this would hurt him less, but Sara knew in her heart that the real reason was far more selfish. If she left this way she knew he'd wait for her, and as with the idealised father that Sara had always yearned for she knew she'd always have a home with him.
Sara smiled wanly as she though of how Grissom would sum that feeling up. It was from a poem by Robert Frost;
"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, They have to take you in."
AN OK that's it I'll duck and cover now and wait for the GSR to hit the fan!