Unsaid, a west wing fanfic

Author: Francesca

Ficdom: The West Wing

E-mail address: 'Unsaid'

Genre: CJ Cregg/Sam Seaborn

Rating: G - PG

Set: S2 "In the Shadow of Two Gunmen" and after the events of "What Kind of Day Has It Been"

Spoilers: Only if you've never seen this episode.

Disclaimers: I don't own the characters (I'm just borrowing them). The song lyrics are by Sarah McLachlan and it's called 'I Love You' This can be read as a 'standalone' but follows on after the events in 'Confession' and feedback is always appreciated.

Credits: Elizabeth for Beta reading.

C.J looked at him, "Sam?"

"Yeah."

"Were you scared? "

Sam paused and steadied himself. "Yeah."

"Me too. Thanks."

Sam slowly walked back into his office, pausing in the doorway to watch C.J. open the door and step into the noise and chaos that was the press room. Sam shut his door and threw himself down in his chair and stared at the wall.

He'd been scared alright; scared C.J. would remember the events of last night, all of them. He'd been scared she'd ask the questions, "why did you do it?", why of all the people he could have tried to protect, he'd chosen her, or maybe why he was carrying her necklace around in his shirt pocket over his heart. Scared that he'd told her how he felt when she couldn't hear him and now he couldn't take it back, he couldn't lie to himself about it anymore. He'd been bad lying about it before. He ran his hands through his hair replaying the conversation in his mind, 'follow me around with coconut oil and hot towels?' He groaned audibly, that's right Sam just hang a sign round your neck, 'C.J., I love you like I've never loved anyone in my life and I don't know how to tell you. S. Seaborn.' Hey maybe he should skywrite it; that would be an idea. Walk into the briefing room and announce it to the press? He shook his head, after that comment he was probably too subtle. But he remembered how she'd felt in his arms, the feel of her hair, the scent of her perfume, her shampoo and her soap and he knew he could go out to a bar and smile and flirt but it would be what it had always been since he realised how he felt for her, empty and hollow. He had let Mallory down gently because he had faced that fact and she deserved more, she was worth more than a man who couldn't love her.

They'd go and see Josh as soon as they could get away, even if he was still out cold. The thought of her lying in the hospital the way his best and oldest friend was chilled him to the bone, the thought that she could have died took his breath for a moment. He knew he'd acted out of pure instinct last night because he couldn't face a world without her in it and he was more scared of that feeling than he was of nearly anything else in the world because he couldn't let it show.

SARAH McLACHLAN - I Love You Lyrics

I have a smile

Stretched from ear to ear

To see you walking down the road

We meet at the lights

I stare for a while

The world around disappears

Just you and me

On this island of hope

A breath between us could be miles

Let me surround you

My sea to your shore

Let me be the calm you seek

Oh and every time I'm close to you

There's too much I can't say

And you just walk away

And I forgot

To tell you

I love you

And the night's

Too long

And cold here

Without you

I grieve in my condition

For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so