Title: Denial
Summary: Jill was never in love with Leon. She never felt hatred towards the Count because of the pain he put Leon threw. No, never because she was never in love with Leon.
Warnings: Some spoilers.. Nothing else really.
Time Frame: After the manga; figuring that Leon goes and searches for the Count and all.
Disclaimer: Don't own anything minus the manga and the DVD.
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It wasn't so much that she was in love with him. Not at all. She supported him discovering himself amidst all the frantic mayhem that surrounded his poor soul.
Ever since he left.
But she never did fall in love with him. Not once. Not even when she would stay up late at night, crying, because his poor soul was so twisted and hurt by the sudden departure of him. It hurt her to see him like that. Pained her heart. But its not like it was jealousy or anything.
She wanted to reach out and hold him one day. Touch his shoulder, pull him into her and say 'Don't worry, he won't leave you completely.'
He's too precious to leave. And such a stubborn man. She'd always enjoyed being around stubborn men. She enjoyed their company. But she never did fall in love with them.
When he left to search for him she said to keep in touch. He would have to call her. Keep her updated on the search. Listen to his lost soul talk volumes of longing to see him again.
But she wasn't jealous.
Never could be.
Never would be.
She didn't scream when she hung up the phone with Leon. She never pelted it across the room and fall to her knees crying because her heart hurt so much. She'd double over in pain emitting from her heart. She would cry... cry and cry because he was so lost with out him. That sick son of a bitch. That man who had ruined yet another good person! But she never felt any hatred towards the Count for all the pain and torture he put him threw.
No, she never did that. Never would have even dreamed of it. Never. Never in a million years...
She wasn't in love with Leon... never could have been, even if she tried. Because she knew he would never return her feelings. Because she knew that he was so madly in love with the Count that he'd search the end of the world for him. That was the type of love a girl wanted. But she knew it wasn't for her. She knew that that type of love never happened to one person. Always happened to the one who didn't need it. That was just how it went. Always. So, no, she never fell in love with Leon.
Her heart never squeezed in on itself when ever she hear that sad distant voice calling in on her phone. No, it never felt like that. Because, she never did fall in love with him.
It didn't hurt when he told her goodbye each and every time. It didn't kill her every time she said 'Good luck, you'll find him.' It didn't hurt because she didn't allow it to hurt. Because if she did, that would be so wrong of her, and she would be a hypocrite. And she most defiantly was not a hypocrite. That was not who she was.
So no, she never did fall in love with Leon Orcot.
And she knew that even if she denied it, and said it wasn't true… that still at night it would eat her alive…
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This is my denial
This is my torture
This is my own pain
I don't give to you
This is my denial
I am never hurt by you
This is mine
And I don't believe its true
Because this is my denial
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Owari...