Five Lies

He remembered the first time it happened. He'd just gotten back from a brutal quidditch practice and was dying to get in the shower when he saw her solemn figure sitting on the sofa. Her head was downtrodden and he distinctly heard sniffling sounds. All thoughts of nice, warm showers forgotten, Harry had taken a seat next to her and waited for her to notice him. It took longer than five minutes and Harry was just starting to get hurt from her lack of acknowledgement when she looked up. A guilty expression found its way to her face and he'd wondered why that was.

He'd asked her what was wrong when he noticed the swollen red eyes and puffy cheeks. She hadn't answered. At least not directly. It seemed like she had started to hyperventilate, because she drew quick, shaky breaths and her eyes were darting all around the room. She'd calmed down all of a sudden then and told him in a clear voice that nothing was wrong and he should just go take his shower. She'd given him a stare and for the first time ever, he was not happy with her.

Oh, he hid it well. She had no idea he knew of her lie, he'd never called her on it. He had no idea why, but he found it hurt him too much to call her on it. He could see it pretty clearly, actually. Sure, the outward signs were all there. The twisting of hands, the hysterical looks and the shaky breathing pattern. He'd learned to read people years ago, but it wasn't his knowledge of the most important language of all that led to his conclusion. No, it was the look in her eyes after she'd told him the lie.

He realised what a good liar she could be. She'd told him in a normal way that nothing was wrong and he'd almost believed it, almost thought his reading of body language was wrong, but then he looked her in the eyes and she stared back. She stared back with the most telling eyes he'd ever seen. There was no way that look could be mistaken for the truth. And it hurt. It hurt him more than he'd realised at the time.

He'd gone on his merry way of taking a shower after hearing the same answer a couple of times and it wasn't until he was in the shower that he fully let it progress it into his system. When it registered his pain flared up and shook his entire body. This pain, this emotional pain felt so much worse than whatever abuse his relatives could come up with. It hurt so much he almost wished it was physical pain so he could wave his wand and cast a few spells and that would be it.

But it wasn't over. It continued to flare up every now and then. She was his best friend. His best friend, something he'd never had before. He trusted her with everything, he told her everything. And she lied. It wasn't something small either, he could deal with that. No, she lied about something big and she continued to lie. He'd asked his other best friend about it, but his friend hadn't realised anything was wrong or perhaps he simply hadn't noticed. But he knew. He'd seen the other one's body language and once again it broke through a lie. His other friend knew.

He knew. He knew that was the first time she lied. It wasn't the first time for his other best friend, but that didn't seem to matter much to him at the moment. It was the fact that she lied. And told his other best friend, but not him. It was that that hurt more than anything. And he knew. That was the first crack in their carefully constructed friendship.

He knew. It hurt that she lied to him.

He remembered the second time she lied. He'd just woken up in Grimmauld Place and had gone into the bathroom to freshen up. He'd opened the door and was shocked by the picture in front of him. She was crying in the bathtub. He'd asked her what was wrong. She'd shown signs of lying, but had then changed tactics to carefully manoeuvring her body language into honesty like the first time she'd lied. He'd felt a severe déjavù prickle at the back of his head, but had decided to ignore it. He still remembered the pain of her lying to him before and did not care much for feeling it again.

Her eyes, though, her eyes gave it away again. Here she was, lying in a bathtub crying her eyes out and lying to her best friend. He remembered. That was the first time since he was twelve that he found himself wondering if she really was his best friend. He'd mentally given himself a bloody punch in the face, but that negative feeling kept swirling around in his mind. It was like his conscious but the opposite of it. It perversely sounded like it enjoyed messing with his mind. He could hear it laughing in his mind whenever he saw her.

He found himself in his room one of those days wondering if he'd lost his mind. Perhaps he had. Perhaps he had not. What he did know was that he was losing his best friend. And he could even be losing both of his friends for he'd once again felt like the third wheel when he realised the other one knew what was going on with her. And he just couldn't stand that.

He'd lain down on his bed after that pondering moment and had tried to sleep. He hadn't been successful, had in fact been tossing and turning and brooding all night. They were excluding him. Sure, there were no outwardly signs of it. He had no real proof. And he was sure his other best friends had no idea something was even wrong. But there was something wrong. Very wrong. And he wanted to fix that. He didn't want to lose the only friends he ever had.

But it seemed as if that was out of his hands. He acted just as he always did whenever someone was in his company, but when alone all of his thoughts and doubts returned. He knew he was being selfish. He knew it wasn't his place to figure out everything there was to know about her when she didn't want him to. But he couldn't help it. His entire body screamed pain because of her lies when he saw her yet she never noticed. Nobody noticed.

And that hurt just the same as knowing she was lying to him. Seemed to him like maybe they weren't those best of friends they always thought they were. Every other time he saw her after those lies she just smiled brilliantly at him with her dimples showing and shiny white teeth flashing. He'd never been one to push for answers and this was no exception. He'd always held back scared his friends would run off if he acted to forcefully. He'd held himself back hoping if they did run off he'd not get hurt by it. He'd held himself back and these were the consequences.

What if he'd pushed her just a little more, not just the second time she'd lied but the first one too? What if he'd acted a little more open towards her? What if he'd been with her more, told her his personal stories more, showed her his inner self more, let her see his emotions more? What if he'd just broken down those walls he'd built around himself and his heart?

Would she have given in, made a better friend, told him her secrets? Perhaps she would. Perhaps she would not. He didn't know. He'd never know. But what he did know was that this was the next crack and maybe even a bigger crack than the first.

He knew. The second time hurt more than the first.

The third time she lied she actually lied. See, he knew she hadn't actually lied the first two times, more like denied anything was wrong, but the third time she'd lied right to his face. Guess third time's the charm, right? So he'd labelled her denials as lying.

He'd been sitting in the common room just doing his homework with her sitting next to him, her quill scribbling madly. He remembered thinking how cute she looked with her tongue sticking out slightly to the left in concentration. See, he knew something else too. He loved her. Was in love with her, actually, and she didn't know. No-one knew because he hadn't bothered to tell anyone. He reckoned if she didn't trust him enough to come to him with her problems, she probably didn't like him the same way he liked her.

But that night crushed even the slightest bit of hope he had left in his already tiny locked up heart. She lied to him about something which he knew the truth of. She hadn't known that he knew, but it hurt all the same.

He'd been pretty occupied with stealing glances at her, so when his male best friend had sat down next to her he immediately noticed her posture change. Suddenly her body language screamed happiness for she was sitting up straight slightly turned to the other one and a rare smile played on her lips. He remembered the crushing feeling that accompanied those observations.

She was in love.

And not with him. So when he put all of the puzzle figures together, he wondered why he'd never noticed before. Perhaps he was too caught up in his selfish pain. If he hadn't been so caught up in brooding about her lies, he'd have noticed their nearly public displays of affection. He saw them perfectly clear now though. And as if the happy smiles on their faces weren't enough, he noticed their hands entwined under the table and their gazing looks into each other's eyes now too.

And it hurt. It hurt more than a hundred crucios and he would know. He'd been under nearly that amount of crucios. He punched himself mentally in the bloody nose, again wondering why he hadn't noticed. He should have noticed and he should have been happy for them. He clearly hadn't the first one, but he wasn't the second one either. And now he wondered if perhaps he was wrong in his accusations. Perhaps he was the one who wasn't the best friend he thought he was. Perhaps he was the one who made the invisible cracks in their friendship appear.

He'd forced a smile on his face after those thoughts and asked them what was going on, hoping they'd tell him now, after all those years of lying. They hadn't. They'd just turned to him with a momentary shock on their faces, which he knew stood for the fact they'd forgotten he was there, and then she'd told him. She didn't tell him nothing was going on. No, she didn't deny anything. This time she lied. This time she told him she was just happy she got such a good grade for potions, because Snape had been giving her bad marks lately, so this was as good as a birthday present. He saw his best friend nodding his head with her, as if trying to prove what she was telling him was true. He admitted she was getting good. He admitted she lied perfectly well now.

He knew. That didn't make it hurt any less. This time his heart really was broken, both because of the lie and their relationship. This time, their friendship was falling apart.

The fourth time she lied, he hadn't even noticed until he had the chance to rethink about their conversation.

She'd stumbled into their apartment, positively giddy and probably more than a little drunk. That didn't stop her from going about with her perfected lying abilities, though. His best friends still hadn't told him about their relationship, so it didn't come as a surprise when his best mate stumbled in after her and immediately shot to his room. He noticed his best mate was letting her do the lying, because he'd seen the quick conversation with just their eyes. That use to be his thing. It use to be him who could that with her and he still could, but the realisation that his best mate now did not only have a relationship with her body and mind, he now had a relationship with her soul too.

And it hurt. It hurt, because he'd been so happy knowing he still had something with her that his best mate hadn't reached yet. And now they had reached that level of communication and he had nothing. He was now what he suspected been coming for years. He was their friend. He wasn't a part of them anymore, like they use to always joke they were. No, he was just a friend now and friends are not supposed to be able to communicate with silent looks apparently.

But he hadn't said anything, hadn't even shown one clue that he knew. He was almost proud he was such a good actor and could hide his feelings so well, but then that annoying voice entered his mind again telling him he shouldn't be proud of something like that. Something like that was just proof how they weren't his best friends and that they did not trust him. He admitted he'd trusted them with less and less these past few months, but that stemmed from their breaking of his trust. They hadn't noticed that either and had probably just assumed he was his usual broody temperamental self again.

The fourth time she lied, though, after it was over he was glad he hadn't shown any other signs than a rational best friend would use. He'd asked where they were. She'd told him they went out with a couple of old school friends. He'd asked who. She'd told him. He'd accepted that answer and went to his room.

It wasn't until he was in his room that he remembered her attire. Surely she wouldn't go out with old school friends dressed in a skimpy little dress like that. And it made him want to hurt his best mate for telling her to wear something like that, because he knew that was why she'd worn it. His best mate was changing her into the rest of those girls. Into girls like Lavender and Parvati. And that shouldn't happen, because she'd been different. She'd been the one girl he knew who didn't hide her true self. And her boyfriend was ruining it.

He'd sighed in his bed that night nearly hearing its echo bouncing around the old room. It was a dusty old room, but perfect for him. He needed to defeat the world's darkest wizard and his best friends had no idea. It was one of the things he hadn't trusted them enough with anymore. So he searched for the horcruxes with unlikely sources, the most prominent one being Neville. Neville and he had found all of them too. The only ones left were his enemy's pet snake and his enemy himself. Thus it was nearly time. Nearly time for him to destroy him.

He was scared of course. But seeing Dumbledore die and Sirius, his parents and every other person he knew die made him more determined than anything else.

He knew. Their friendship was over and he had nothing left here, but a broken heart to heal.

The fifth time she lied, they both lied.

This time though, this time it'd be the last time they lied. The last time he'd hear their empty exclamations and the last time he'd have to nurse a broken heart back to working level.

He was glad. He was glad it was over and glad it was the last time. His whole life just seemed so empty and without his friends he realised he had nothing. Sure, he had Remus and the Weasleys but he knew they knew about his best friends' relationship too, so really he had no one but Neville and Luna to depend on. Those two had a really tight friendship, were almost like brother/sister, and he'd been worried at first thinking perhaps Neville would tell his best friend about the horcruxes. It seemed he needn't have worried for she knew already. How she knew, no-one would ever know, but she was a great help. She'd helped him with his emotional problems too.

She'd known everything it seemed. And having her really helped. He'd seen her in a new light after that and had trusted her with his life. She called him her soul mate, though he had no idea why. They'd had similar lives and thought on nearly the same page, but she was still a little more out of there than him. She usually just said opposites attract and he sometimes wondered if she meant it in more than a friendly way. He never gave it more than a single thought though, always thinking about that someone that told him four lies.

Leaving his brother and soul mate had been hard, but they understood him. They knew everything there was to know and he sometimes wondered how it came about again. The bonding of him, Neville and Luna had happened really fast and sometimes he wondered if it was too soon for him to tell them everything. He'd told Neville because he was almost the Boy-Who-Lived, so he deserved to know. He hadn't told Luna exactly, since she already knew, but he'd sometimes worried if he wasn't wrong in dragging her down with him.

He left Luna with teary promises to come back and not let that bastard win, and Nevilla with a brotherly hug. Luna had given him a quick peck on the lips, something that surprisingly did not shock him all that much. It had felt familiar and strange all at the same time, and he'd walked away with newly achieved confidence. Walking towards his best friends' house, he'd briefly wondered how it all came to be again, how in the span of a year, he lost his best friends through their last lie and he gained more important friends through coincidence. He shook those thoughts away though. They still thought he was their best friend, so he couldn't think about them that way.

He'd knocked on their door, but after hearing nothing decided to just go ahead and walk in. It wasn't like he had all the time in the world. But see, his decision to walk in wasn't the best he'd ever had. There was just something about watching two people have sex on the ground that makes one want to spit up one's lunch.

They'd looked horrified, but he'd just smiled after gulping down those two sandwiches that had been forced down his throat from Luna.

Closing the door and turning around, hoping to the gods above at least one of them had been smart enough to think about cover up in the time it took him to turn. Feeling slightly relieved when the blanket had just been wrapped around them, he'd walked in further preparing himself for the heartbreak that just would not come. He smiled again, knowing that was Luna's doing. That same thought about how everything in his life changed in these last few months flitted through his mind.

Noticing one of them stand up, though, he turned his attention towards them again. The one he'd loved for years and remarkably had gotten over in a jig, started talking. Those things he used to love about her seemed to only make her less attractive now, because those eyes really weren't pretty at all, they just screamed liar.

But he couldn't deny at least one small part of him still loved her. And that part did hurt, that part did acknowledge her mumblings. And that small part hurt even more when it recognized the lies.

He chuckled darkly, only just enough to shut both her and that small part of his heart up.

He'd told her exactly where she could shove her lies. Told her exactly how much he didn't care. Told her exactly how much he used to love her. And he'd told her exactly what he'd come to say.

Goodbye.

And he was gone before she realised, but he'd underestimated her for he wasn't even out the door when her hand grabbed his arm and her mouth told him she loved him. His arm burning, that small part of his heart aching and his eyes blazing fire he'd turned around and she'd stepped back in shock. His mind was shocked for a moment too, wondering where that came from. Yes, he was tired of hurting, tired of feeling that pain and tired of watching them cluelessly thinking he had no idea. He was tired of his pain, tired of that voice in the back of his head, tired of his responsibility to fight the world's darkest enemy. Most of all, he was tired of her lies and tired of his lies. He told them this and watched as their eyes clouded with pain, confusion and sadness.

Feeling both happy and sad from this accomplishment, he'd turned said goodbye and told them in a sad whisper how if he survived he'd perhaps give them another chance. Perhaps.

He took one step again, but turned around. He noticed their faces, their watery eyes and their guilty looks. He realised he'd just told them everything, everything from Voldemort to Luna and Neville and to his pain of seeing them together day after day after day. He realised they just realised that he knew all along and that he knew it'd been lies.

He realised they were hurting, because they just now realised how badly their friendship was affected by this.

And he realised he shouldn't put them through this pain for the simple fact that he still considered them to be his friends, not best friends per se, but friends, and friends don't do that to each other. He realised he was healing, from both his heartbreak and his sense of revenge. He told them this, told them he knew how much they loved each other and they should enjoy that and perhaps he would forgive them someday for breaking his trust. He walked away with one last message before the fight with Voldemort.

Take care.

This time, this time he heard their whispers of love and pleas that he'd be safe.

He knew. This time he believed them. This time he didn't get hurt. This time there were no restrictions. This time he loved them.