As Long As It Takes
Disclaimer: CBS, creators, producers, etc., own all recognizable characters, not me; I'm just borrowing them.
Spoilers: 5.2, 5.9
AN: Part of the Second Chance series and follows Not This Time, Repercussions and Magical Thinking.
As Long As It Takes
A loud, persistent chirping pierced the silence, invading her dream and rudely pulling her from the depths of sleep. Several moments passed before her brain registered the intrusion, identified the sound, and sent the appropriate signals to her body.
Groaning, she rolled towards the offending instrument of middle of the night torture and opened a single, sleepy eye. Despite the darkened room, her one open eye rapidly located the trilling cell phone perched atop the nightstand. Casting a quick glance at the bedside clock, she groaned again. Blinking away the last vestiges of sleep, her mind painstakingly turned over every possible scenario that led to a 4:20 AM phone call, none of them good.
Considering the fact that she wasn't slated for early call-out, and couldn't recall any open cases that would demand her middle of the night attention, the likelihood that the call was work-related was slim. That left only the possibilities she preferred not contemplating. Bracing for the inevitable words she didn't want to hear, she drew a sharp breath before grabbing the phone. Deftly she flipped it open, bringing it to her ear without bothering to check the ID screen.
"Duquesne." Despite the remnants of the sleep fog she hadn't quite shaken off, her voice was strong and commanding.
"Good morning, beautiful." The familiar voice held the hint of a twang that went straight through her, leaving a comforting warmth in its wake, at least until her brain reminded her of the hour and the questionable circumstances surrounding this very early morning call.
"Jake? Are you alright?" The anxiety she couldn't keep out of her voice clung to the question in spite of her valiant attempts to rein it in.
"Well, I'd be a lot better if you were here, but aside of missing you, I'm all right."
She smiled to herself. If he was flirting with her over the phone at 4:20 in the morning, he likely wasn't strapped to a gurney… or worse. Just the thought of worse sent an involuntary shudder through her body. But then this was Jake, and being strapped to a gurney certainly hadn't stopped his flirting in the past, she thought as her smile vanished. Snapping out of her momentary trance, she turned her attention back to the present where memories of Billy Gault's murder resided too close to the surface for her to make any snap assumptions about Jake's well-being.
"Jake, it's not even light out, if you just wanted to tell me you missed me, surely it could've waited until morning," she said with a hint of apprehension. Intuition told her there was more to this call than a simple I miss you, even if he hadn't said the words to that effect. Determined to get to the bottom of it quickly, she peppered him with questions. "You never call in the middle of the night unless it's urgent. What's wrong? Are you sure you're all right?"
"Calleigh, I'm fine," he reassured. "But if I waited until daylight to call you then I'd be stuck here watching the sunrise alone, and where's the fun in that? Not to mention the fact that by then I'd be long gone and you'd be on your way to work." Slowly she wrapped her fuzzy brain around his words, but before she could press him further, he continued. "And you know, as impressive as a sunrise is, I'd much rather be looking at you."
"Jake, where are you?" The words rushed out in a spurt.
"Well, I'm near you, beautiful." The smile on his lips was evident in spite of the unease he couldn't hide from her.
"How near me?" Her heart rate accelerated in anticipation of possibility seeing him. The past 3 and a half weeks had felt a whole lot longer than they actually were.
"Close enough that you could be here safely without breaking any speed limits in oh, say 15 minutes or so."
Unconsciously her brow furrowed as she tried to determine his location. It had to be somewhere close that they were both familiar with. His whereabouts came to her with a start. Of course, the beach, she thought with a shake of her head. An even 15 minutes from her apartment, it would be secluded at this hour, not to mention the perfect spot for watching the sunrise. "You're at my beach?" she half asked, half answered, her voice an octave higher.
"Can't think of a better place to watch the sunrise, can you?"
"But if you're here, why don't you just come over?" she asked, unable to suppress her slight exasperation at the tease that he was this close, yet not right there with her.
"You know I can't do that, Calleigh." His response was immediate and not unexpected, but the grim tone in his voice caught her off guard.
It was more than likely that memories of Billy Gault's death haunted Jake as much as they did her, although she knew he'd never let on or want her worrying. Always vigilant against the possibility of his cover being blown, he was even more zealous now in his attempts to avoid detection, safeguard his case and keep her out of harm's way. On the exceedingly rare occasions they were able to rendezvous, it was always on his terms. If Jake couldn't be certain they'd be both safe and away from prying eyes, he wouldn't take the risk. To that end, they saw each other sporadically, if at all. For him to surface like this in the middle of the night, something was brewing.
"I know, I know." A weary sigh reinforced her frustration with their current predicament. "Do you want me to meet you?" she asked, slipping out of the warm bed as soon as the unneeded question left her lips.
"Can you?" Another unnecessary question, although she couldn't help but wonder how much longer the answer would remain true.
Isolated trysts of feverish intensity made for a good trashy novel, but not for real life and her frustration was growing exponentially by the day. She'd long ago given up romantic illusions, yet here she was fervently clinging to passionate stolen moments knowing full well they'd never be enough to sustain either of them. Jake's lifestyle was simply not conducive to a budding relationship, especially one that had failed years earlier under similar circumstances. That the strain was beginning to show up in their sporadic and all too brief phone conversations was worrisome. Love should never be this hard or this lonely, she thought with another weary sigh.
"I need a little time to get ready. Technically it's still night time and I was sleeping, if you recall." She laughed lightly in a vain attempt to lighten the slight tension that was currently crossing the telephone lines.
"Sorry bout that," he snickered. "I'll make it worth your while."
"I'm going to hold you to that." She laughed again, easily this time, as she scrambled about the room grabbing clothes before heading into the bathroom. "Do you need anything?"
"Just you."
She couldn't help but smile as she flicked on the bathroom light with her free hand and turned on the shower. Despite the recent tension and the lateness of the hour, Jake's maddening charm had effortlessly worked its magic on her once again. "I'll be there," she drawled. "Will I have any problem finding you?"
"I'll be watching for you," he answered before hanging up. A lone figure in the dark with a 9mm by his side no doubt, she thought as her ponderings turned darker.
Methodically pulling her hair back with an elastic, she slipped under the hot stream of water while vainly attempting to quiet her mind. Whatever their problems, the fact remained that the knowledge she'd soon be seeing him again sent sparks of electricity coursing through her veins.
Too easily and far too quickly, Jake had maneuvered his way back into her life and her bed, but she could hardly complain, she'd held the door wide open for him to breeze through. His easy-going smile and magnetic appeal proved impossible to resist, despite her intention to keep him locked in the past where he belonged. Yet how could she say no when the heart she'd lost to him all those years ago remained firmly in his grasp?
She dressed quickly and gave herself the once over in the bathroom mirror. Damp hair hung limply across her shoulders, but with no time to spare for styling, limp was the best she could hope for. There's always an elastic, she thought wryly. Satisfied that a touch of blush, along with a few quick strokes of mascara and an extra dollop of concealer had brightened her lack of sleep pallor, she headed out after a final cursory glance at her reflection.
Hot coffee was her first priority once she put the car in drive, even if it meant losing few extra minutes with Jake. Keeping in mind that he'd woken her out of a sound sleep, he'd likely forgive her, especially if she came bearing a cup of strong brew for him.
Coffee in hand, she sped the rest of the way to the beach grateful for the lack of traffic this time of morning.
Turning off the main road, her eyes quickly sought his whereabouts in the otherwise deserted parking lot. Spying him standing by his bike at the farthest end of the lot and safely out of view from the road, he was exactly as she expected - a lone figure in the dark, 9mm at the ready.
Coffees forgotten, she slid out of the car and waited. Despite the cover of darkness, she could feel his eyes lock onto hers even from a distance. The surrounding landscape melted away as she watched him slowly make his way towards her. It was uncanny how whenever Jake came into the frame, she couldn't see anything else.
Hands shoved haphazardly in his pockets, his conspicuous stiff and ungainly gait drew her attention. Imagining the clenched jaw and taut, hardened muscles hidden under the sleeves of his jacket, she could almost feel the tension that wafted off him as he moved closer.
Agitation. Frustration. Heat.
Or was that her own she was sensing? Despite the chill in the predawn air, there was no mistaking the sensation of blood rising to the surface, spreading warmth throughout her body. Her skin tingled in anticipation as butterflies fluttered in her stomach and her breath caught in her throat. Waiting, watching, rooted in place, she couldn't bring herself to take a single step. Fortunately he was at her before she ever had to.
His only greeting was a tight-lipped smile as he approached. Without hesitation, he fluidly moved one hand to her hip, steadying her, while the other slipped behind her neck as their lips fused together in a demanding kiss. Gently he backed her up against the car, but there was nothing gentle in his kiss.
This was a kiss ignited by hunger and fueled by need. Readily she lost herself in the taste and feel of him. Needing even more contact, she snaked her arms around his waist, under his jacket and up his back, pressing him closer, enjoying the feel of his muscled chest against her.
He broke away first and the loss she felt was immediate. Lightheaded and panting slightly, she eagerly sought his lips, but he surprised her by moving just out of reach.
"Let's get out of here." His voice was a rough whisper against her ear. Silently she questioned him with widened eyes. His response was a hand between her shoulder blades, propelling her forward with a light touch. Disappointed by this abrupt turnaround, she nonetheless followed his lead, falling into step beside him as he headed towards the beach without another word.
She quickened her step to keep pace with him, no easy feat considering how weak-kneed that kiss had left her. Yet their passionate embrace seemed to have had the opposite effect on Jake, judging by his stiff gait and rigid jaw. Baffled she mentally skipped back over their previous conversations, looking for any clue that might explain why he looked like a tightly coiled spring ready to unravel any minute.
"Sorry 'bout waking you so early," he said, shooting a furtive glance in her direction.
"It was a bit early, even for you," she answered with self-conscious laughter.
"Not like I had to twist your arm, though." A hint of his cocky self-assurance sounded in his voice, but none of it showed in his face. Instead he looked strangely irritated and preoccupied.
"I figured this was the only time you could get away."
There was an implicit, if unasked question in her statement, but his terse response, "Something like that," shed little light. "You doing okay? Nothing going on I don't know about?" he asked after a moment's hesitation. His brows rose inquiringly as he waited on her response.
Still stuck wondering what was going on with him, his questions pulled her up short. "Me? Mm, I'm fine. Nothing unusual going on. Work's been busy, but it usually is since a portion of the population is intent on committing crime." Realizing she was starting to ramble, she turned her attention back to him. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." Another curt response, but this time the vehemence in his voice convinced her he was anything but fine. The added detail that he was obviously going out his way to keep a physical distance from her was the only other evidence she needed. At this point what he wasn't saying revealed more than what he was saying.
A stony silence draped them as they walked, which was now, mercifully, at a slower pace than the one they started out at. She was dressed for work, not leisure, and although she'd had plenty of practice, 3-inch heels and sand were never a good combination.
A brisk breeze stopped her in her tracks, sending strands of hair flying across her face and goosebumps racing up and down her arms. Grateful for the elastic she'd stuffed in her pocket earlier, she pulled it out now, twisting her hair in a neat ponytail. Jake waited at her side, watching her movements closely, but said nothing.
"I'm set," she said, eager to break the strange silence and get moving. "We can keep going." He nodded, stuffing his hands back into his pockets and followed her lead.
Turning her attention away from her sullen companion, she allowed her eyes to travel the expanse of the ocean. Despite the wintry chill in the air coming both from Jake and the wind off the water, the predawn beach was beautiful in an almost surreal way. Still hidden well below the skyline, the sun had yet to begin its early morning climb. Stars and planets littered the inky black sky all the way to the horizon. The waves lapped the shore in a soothing rhythm, allowing her mind to momentarily free itself from her unsettled imaginings. Almost instantly she was lost to her daydreams, imagining her someday house by the beach. She sighed dreamily. Someday in the far off future, she'd live close enough to the water to be lulled to sleep each night by the gentle sound of the moving tides.
"You 'bout ready to pack it in?" His voice penetrated the quiet, abruptly pulling out of her fantasy.
"What?" she asked, certain the confusion stretching over her face was enough to ask the question for her.
"With us, Calleigh, are you about ready to pack it in with us?" Aware she'd stopped moving, he halted as well, turning to face her as he did.
"No. I don't think so…" She hesitated a moment, long enough for her niggling misgivings about their future to bubble up to the surface. "I don't know," she finally answered, lowering her eyes from his scrutiny.
In light of the curveball question he'd just lobbed at her, his baffling demeanor finally made sense, even if the source of it didn't. It wasn't the question that threw her, if she were to be honest, she'd been asking herself the same thing the past couple of weeks, but hearing it from Jake's lips was not something she'd anticipated. Jake dealt with problems in their relationship by avoiding them, then dealing with the consequences whatever they might be. This direct and middle of the night query was the last thing she'd expected from him.
"Well, that's three different answers. Am I supposed to choose the one I like best? Cause if that's the case, I'll take the first one." Raising her eyes at his irritated tone, she met his pointed gaze with one of her own. Shifting his weight back and forth, he looked every bit as irritated as he sounded, sending her defenses into overdrive.
Her jaw tensed and her mouth formed a tight, thin line as she faced off against him. "I'm sorry, but that's the best I can do right now." His face twisted and he looked away quickly as if the edge to her voice had cut through him.
"So where exactly does that leave us?" he asked, jerking his head back to face her.
Her expression softened as she read the confusion on his. "Honestly Jake, I don't know." Noticing he'd taken his hands out of his pockets, she reached for the closest one, and gave a gentle tug. "Let's sit, okay?"
He waited for her to settle into the sand before plopping down beside her. The physical distance between them wasn't great, but the emotional gulf that had formed in the past few minutes was cavernous.
The conversation they weren't having prickled the thick silence that had fallen over them. Sitting with her knees bent and her arms wrapped around them, she leaned her head back to gaze at the sky, grateful for the chance to gather her whirling thoughts. Beside her, Jake sat hunched over his knees, repeatedly kicking at a shell with the toe of his boot.
"You know, before I took this assignment, I thought we'd gotten some things figured out," he said, finally breaking the stillness. "But lately, I don't know what's going on with you."
"Is that why you're here tonight?" Still focused on the ground at his feet, he didn't answer, which she suspected was answer enough.
"You're there, but you're not," he said, shaking his head.
Her eyes widened under fine, arched brows. His insinuation stung, his perception more astute than she'd given him credit for. "I haven't gone anywhere. You know exactly where I am, which is more than I can say about you," she answered briskly. He hadn't meant his comment literally and she knew it, but at the moment it was as deep as she was willing to go.
He clenched his mouth tighter as he responded to her dig. "You know exactly why that is."
"Maybe so, but that doesn't make it any easier, does it?" she asked, taking control of the conversation away from him. His only response was a grimace as he dug the heel of his boot in the sand. "I never know what to think when it comes to you. Do I worry or do I assume you're safe?"
"I can do my job just fine without you worrying about me," he said in a voice ringing with aggravation.
"That doesn't mean I won't. I don't hear from you for days and I don't even know if you're alive." Feeling the frustration build, she flung her hands out before crossing them against her chest.
"Calleigh... please don't think like that." The change in his expression from irritation to concern was immediate, but she paid little heed. Leaning in, he reached for her, lightly resting his hand on her shoulder.
Undeterred she continued, determined to finally say the things she'd been holding back. "You can't deny you take chances you shouldn't." She stared him down. It was a statement he couldn't refute, although his mouth opened slightly as if he wanted to. "I never know what you're getting yourself into, but I do know the lines blur much too easily with you. They always have."
"What's that supposed to mean?" He dropped his hand from her shoulder and sat up, pivoting his body so that he faced her head on.
"Just what I said. The lines blur," she answered coolly, holding his gaze. "With you the end always justifies the means, no matter what."
"Sometimes that's the way it has to be."
His voice rang with arrogance and she responded to his statement with a tone of self-righteousness that had her cringing on the inside. "Not for me it isn't."
"Well, you don't do what I do," he responded indignantly, raising his voice as he did. "And contrary to what you seem to think, I know how to do my job. Anything I do is usually out of absolute necessity."
"I don't doubt for a minute that you are more than capable of doing your job and doing it exceptionally well, but you disappear and I'm left wondering if you're safe, when you'll turn up again, and what boundaries you may be crossing, out of necessity or not." Turning slightly, she squared her shoulders, gesturing with her arms as she spoke. "Sometimes it's easier not to think about you at all," she said quietly, lowering her arms and her head. Easier that was a lie, but the alternative had caused her more sleepless nights than she cared to admit.
"Well, that's nice to know," he said, each word dripping with sarcasm. "Although it does explain the cold shoulder I've been getting on the phone lately."
She raised her eyes long enough to see the hurt that flashed in his. "That was never my intention," she said weakly, knowing the truth resided somewhere far south of her answer.
"Then why won't you talk to me when we get the chance?" His movements caused her to once again look up. Ignoring his question, as well as his impassioned stare, she fired her own questions back at him.
"And when is that? At random odd hours with no thought to what I might be doing? It's not easy for me to switch gears because you've suddenly surfaced." Once again she was dancing with the truth and she knew it. At the sound of his voice, everything else fell away, yet acknowledging that meant she'd fallen too deep to hoist herself back up, an admission she wasn't prepared to make. Dropping her head, she stared at her shoes, avoiding the eyes she suspected would see straight through her. She imagined him peeling back layer after layer of flimsy cellophane. Reflexively she hugged her arms tightly across her chest.
"It is for me." Facing away from her, his voice was muffled by his lowered tone, but his words rang loudly in her ears. "When I get the chance to be with you, I take it, even if it's at some odd random hour," he said repeating her words back to her. "I'm there, Calleigh, with you."
"But it's a one-way street, Jake. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?" Her voice was higher and louder, the tone accentuating the lines of frustration that creased her features.
"I know it is, but I can't do anything about that. At least not right now." Jake's exasperation matched hers, evident by the slightly more pronounced twang she'd detected in his voice.
"Famous last words," she said with a hint of bitterness.
Idly she played with the small gold disc that hung on a delicate chain around her neck. It had been his gift to her when they left the Academy all those years ago. Unembellished in front, the back was inscribed with their date of graduation and a single letter J, as if a secret for her eyes only. Wear it and you'll know I'm thinking of you, he'd said at the time. And she had, faithfully, until the message no longer rang true. Tucked away and long forgotten in the back of her dresser, it was no coincidence that she'd dug it out when he left this last time. She wondered if he noticed it hung on her neck now.
"I'm trying here, but you refuse to see that." His jaw tensed and his eyes narrowed as he spoke.
"This is hard, Jake. Harder than I remember, and harder because I do remember."
Abruptly he raised himself off the sand, gangly arms and legs moving in all directions. She watched him as he took a few steps forward, ran a hand roughly through his hair and then pivoted back to face her, as if he didn't know whether he was coming or going.
"And you don't think this is hard for me?" There was barely controlled anger hanging on to his every word.
"I didn't say that," she stressed. He gave her a dismissive look before turning away, shaking his head.
"It's hard enough to do my job and keep my head in what I'm doing without wondering what the hell is going on with you." He paused, inhaling sharply and letting the breath out slowly. "I can't have my head in two places."
Icy indignation laced her response as she shot him a cold look. "Well, I'm sorry I make your job harder."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." His apology came at the end of a long exhale, as if he'd finally run out of steam.
Taking a long, slow breath, she used the momentary truce to collect her thoughts before continuing. "It takes a special person to be able to do what you do, I know that." Her voice was soft and controlled, minus any trace of her earlier anger. She'd shared the same sentiment with Billy Gault's widow just a few months earlier, and her recollection of that conversation was as fresh today as the day it occurred. "I know where your head is when you're on assignment, and I know why it has to be that way. But I can't help wondering if the day is going to come when I no longer recognize who you've become because of this job, and that concerns me."
He'd turned his back to her, but jerked his head around now, an expression of disbelief straining his features. "Why the hell can't you give me the benefit of the doubt, Calleigh? Why do you automatically assume the worst?" Her words had rattled him; betrayed by his emotions, he sounded like he was hanging off the end of a long, thin rope. "You could try looking at me through different eyes for a change."
"Jake…" She halted at the word, stuck on the truth that rang in his accusation.
"Whatever it is you think I'm doing, you know there are some lines I won't cross. You know that or at least I thought you did."
She did know it, at least in her heart, but getting her head to accept what her heart felt wasn't easy. She rose off the sand to join him a few paces away. Placing her hand on his forearm, she moved in front of him. "I do know that." He sighed deeply, dropping his chin and briefly closing his eyes before meeting her gaze.
"I don't want to fight with you, Calleigh." His voice was gentle, his expression softened. "I just wanted to see you tonight."
"I don't want to fight with you, either." Her tender tone matched his.
"This isn't how I want things. I'm trying… but whatever I'm doing isn't enough. The last thing I want is to hurt you." He hesitated, shifting his eyes between her and a spot off in the distance, as if his confidence had vanished.
Hesitantly she stepped forward. Barely inches away, she was close enough to see his features clearly in the moonlight, despite the cover of darkness that hung over them. His face looked worn around the edges, and his were eyes ringed with fatigue, displaying a seldom seen vulnerability. His frustration tonight had been obvious, his hurt, less so, but despite his own unsettled emotions, his concern lay with her. Swallowing hard, the thought occurred to her that she hadn't considered Jake's feelings in this at all. He was as much at the mercy of their time together as she was.
"If you've had enough, Cal, I'll understand. Just say the word." The combination of his low-pitched voice and warm breath tickling her cheek sent an instant shiver down her spine. It was a moment before his words caught up to her.
He was giving her an out; she could walk away right now. All she had to do was say the word and the uncertainty, tension, and worry would be but a dim, distant memory. As would Jake.
Was that what she wanted?
There was no denying it had been on her mind the past couple weeks, yet once she heard his voice tonight, all she wanted was to see him.
Say the word and walk away. If only it were that simple. But it never was where Jake was concerned. Jake, with his potent combination of familiarity and fireworks wrapped in irresistible packaging, was anything but simple. More like simple met complicated in an eruption of intoxicating sensations that left her decidedly off balance and uncharacteristically aching for more.
Random calls at odd hours and isolated stolen moments laced with endless frustration did not a relationship make, but love changed all the rules.
She could walk away, but she couldn't.
Stepping into him, she laced her hands around his neck and kissed him softly, letting her mouth cover the words her heart prevented her from saying.
If he was surprised by the kiss, he didn't show it. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he clasped her against him and fervently returned her kiss. This time when she broke away to catch her breath, he reclaimed her lips straightaway.
Threading the fingers of one hand through his hair, she stroked the back of his neck with the other. She could feel the knots of tension slowly give way under her gentle touch. A visibly relaxed Jake greeted her eyes when they reluctantly ended the kiss.
"I take it that's a no?" he asked with a sly smile.
Dropping her hands to his waist, she tilted her head back to see him better. "Do you notice where I'm standing?" she answered, matching his smile.
"Well, yeah. Kind of hard not to notice you there," he snickered.
Resting her head against his chest, she breathed deeply, feeling her own tension dissipate. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Good to know." Pulling her close, he slipped his hands under her jacket and rubbed slow circles on her back.
"I've missed you." Her voice was muffled against his chest, but his reply confirmed he'd heard her.
"I've missed you, too, beautiful." He punctuated his response with a kiss to the top of her head.
Looking up from beneath a fringe of lashes, she briefly caught his eye, before leaning back against his chest. "I'm sorry about the distance I put between us. It didn't help us and it didn't make me feel any better, either."
"So that 'out of sight, out of mind' thing doesn't work too well?" he asked with a grin.
Content against his chest, she sighed deeply before answering with a muffled drawl. "No, I guess not."
"So, we okay?" He gently nudged her away from his chest. She looked up, meeting his questioning eyes.
"We are," she nodded. "But Jake, we're complicated," she pointed out, lest he fail to figure that out on his own. Despite her attempt to convey seriousness, Jake's expression was one of amusement. A smile twitched on his lips as he considered her words.
"Complicated and just a bit out of your control." He chuckled. "Which you hate," he added, shaking his head. Her eyebrows rose and she opened her mouth to speak, but he beat her to it. "But you love me more." Her planned retort was forever lost when he slipped his mouth into the hollow of her neck and all that escaped her lips was a cross between a faint moan and a giggle.
"Jake, you are impossible," she sighed several long moments later. Grateful his arms were holding her up; she sank deeper into his embrace as he trailed hot kisses up and down her neck.
"I know. And I love you, too." His lips found her mouth, silencing her once more.
"I do love you, Jake," she drawled when the kiss ended. "And you are impossible."
He laughed. "C'mon, let's sit," he suggested, motioning with his head to the spot in the sand they'd vacated earlier.
She nodded readily. "Mm, good idea, I'm going to be standing in these heels all day. Besides, you look tired."
Her observation drew a frown from Jake as he shrugged off the notion he was tired. "I'm fine, Calleigh."
Gently she placed her palm on his cheek and eyed him warily. "Did you sleep at all tonight?"
"I slept enough," he grunted. Wrapping his arm around her waist, he pulled her alongside him as he trudged up the beach. "I'm eating, sleeping, and being careful. And I only break the law when I have to."
A look of alarm passed over her face. She stopped moving and turned to face him. "I'm kidding, Calleigh," he said, kissing her quickly. "You don't have to worry so much." His eyes roamed over her figure. "You, however, are looking rather thin. Maybe I should be the one worrying. What's the matter, no one bringing you cupcakes?" he teased.
"No one," she shrugged, smiling sheepishly. Only Jake brought cupcakes and he'd been gone for weeks. She sank into the sand and waited for him to join her. Easing next to her, he slipped his arm around her shoulders.
"Guess I'll have to remedy that." His answer earned him a grin in return.
"Soon?" she asked hopefully.
"Soon," he answered, nodding. "Maybe a lot sooner than you think."
"Oh?" One inquiring brow lifted as she awaited his response.
"How about Saturday, that soon enough? Or don't you think you can wait that long for your confectionary fix?"
"Saturday? The whole day? How did you manage a day off?" she asked with a mixture of surprise and excited anticipation.
"The whole day and the whole night." He nodded, looking pleased. "Let's just say I earned it. You wanna meet me?"
"I think I might be able to free my schedule… if there's a promise of cupcakes, that is," she said slyly.
Gently raising her chin with his hand, he lowered his head until his lips hovered just above hers. "You got yourself a deal," he said, sealing it with a kiss. "Scoot over, you can lean back against me," he suggested. "It'll be more comfortable." She didn't hesitate to take him up on his offer. Once she settled, he looped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her temple.
Wrapped in his embrace, she trained her gaze at the horizon, looking for the lights of any ships that might be passing. The breeze had died down, but until the sun came out and heated things up, the air still held the crisp chill of a winter night. Judging by the sky, which remained inky black, sunrise was still a ways away. A quick glance at her watch confirmed her deduction.
"You know Cal, I never expected to get another chance with you." His voice punctuated the silence in a pleasing cadence.
She twisted her head around slightly to see him better. "I should think not," was her sassy reply, which earned a chuckle from Jake.
"I suppose you're right about that. But still, I'm not surprised either."
"Oh? And why's that?" she asked, her curiosity piqued by the confidence ringing in his voice.
Behind her, she could feel the rise and fall of his shoulders as he shrugged off her question. "Too much between us to ignore," he stated matter-of-factly.
"Well, for years that didn't seem to be a problem for either of us…" Until you came back, she finished silently.
"That was then." She felt another bob of his shoulders against her back. "And ya gotta admit, we haven't exactly had a problem picking things up now. So what does that tell you?"
"But Jake, doesn't it worry you that we've traveled this road once before?" she pressed. She turned her head sideways, but not enough to catch his eye.
"No, not really." To her ears, he sounded genuinely surprised by the question.
"It didn't end very happily the first time, if you recall." She felt his body stiffen. Curious to see his reaction, she swerved enough to fully face him.
"I know that, and I'm sorry I hurt you. That's not something I can take back, much as I'd like to. But that's in the past, Calleigh." He was looking away from her while he was talking, but she'd heard enough in his voice to be able to imagine his troubled expression. "You're right, a lot of years have passed." A heavy silence fell between them while she waited for him to continue. "Maybe I figured things out too late to do anything about it then. And maybe it wouldn't have been good for either of us if I had. Things were just different then." He shrugged before swinging his head back to face her. His dark eyes were intent on hers. "I love you, Cal, and I know you love me. That hasn't changed."
"Love was never our problem, Jake," she said wistfully, taking her gaze off him and settling on a spot in the distance.
"Then the other stuff we figure out as we go along. Isn't that what we've been doing the past couple months?"
Turning back to him, she nodded slightly; he was right, they had been slowly figuring things out. Yet she couldn't help but wonder if it would ever be enough. Was it enough to patch what was broken or would the cracks always show through? She stared into his eyes, searching for an answer she wasn't sure she'd find. "How do we know we're not just repeating history?" Her voice was thick with uncertainty. And doomed to fail all over again, she couldn't help but think. She took a deep breath, wishing she could exhale all her doubts once and for all.
"Is that what you think we're doing?" he asked, frowning as he did.
She thought about her question and his for a long time before answering. "No, not really, we're not exactly the same people we were then," she sighed. "But I do think we're capable of making the same mistakes."
"Calleigh, of course we're going to make mistakes." His devilish smile suggested he was up for a challenge and relishing the idea. That she was his challenge hardly escaped her notice. "Probably some of the same ones, as well as a bunch of new ones. It's pretty much a guarantee, which is why right now you're probably thinking, why didn't I hightail it back to my apartment for a couple more hours of sleep when I got the chance instead of sitting here repeating my mistakes?"
"I never said you were a mistake. And that's not what I was thinking." His question earned him an affronted frown, which he promptly ignored.
"Of course not cause you know you'd much rather be here with me repeating the mistakes you hate to make."
"Jake, you're impos…" He smothered her mouth with his before she could get the rest of the word out. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he leaned in, kissing her once more before briefly resting his forehead against hers. Keeping his hands in place, he leaned back slightly, studying her with an amused smile on his face.
"Calleigh Duquesne, you are equally impossible, maybe more so, but there is no one I would rather be with." His expression grew more serious as he continued. "I don't want to lose you again." Watching him with rapt attention, she found she was both unnerved by his unexpected candor and gratified by it at the same time. He removed his hands from her shoulders and took her hands in his. "I want us to have a real chance, whatever it takes, as long as it takes."
She drew a breath that caught in her throat. It wasn't only his admission that caught her off guard, but the hopeful, questioning look in his eyes. Jake needed from her, the same thing she needed from him.
For them to have any kind of a chance, there could be no more holding back. No longer could she walk through this part of her life at a safe, predetermined distance like a disengaged spectator. She didn't want to lose him, either.
Letting go was surprisingly easy when someone was holding your hands. A smile born of relief splashed across her face. "Whatever it takes."
"You sure?"
She'd learned to recognize the vulnerability he rarely showed, and revealing just how much he cared for her put it front and center.
"I'm sure. But Jake, it took you years and years to figure this out? And here I thought all these years undercover taught you to think fast on your feet," she teased.
He chuckled. "Well, you know, sometimes it takes as long as it takes." She laughed along with him. "C'mere," he said, pulling her into his lap. They were a tangle of arms and legs, but all that mattered were his lips finding hers.
"You do know you're the only one I'd climb out of a warm bed in the middle of the night to sit on a cold beach with, don't you?" she asked, pressing tiny kisses against his jaw.
"Well, I'd like to think so."
"You are," she purred. Lightly she placed her fingertips on his cheek. Brushing against the faint stubble and tracing the scars of long ago, she felt a pang of affection for him so acute, it physically hurt. Love cut deep.
"It won't always be like this, you know." He'd been peering down at her watching her movements. "Me always gone."
She looked up, meeting his gaze. "What do you mean?" she asked, troubled by the sudden preoccupied look in his eyes.
He looked away, training his gaze on the ocean and shook his head. "It just won't." She waited, but he offered nothing more, leaving her slightly bewildered by his words. He turned back just as quickly as he'd turned away and captured her lips in an urgent kiss, leaving no question that the time for talk was over.
Whatever was on his mind would surface when he was ready, likely the next time he surfaced. His lips made it clear that all he needed right now was her. Cradling her head with one hand, he freed her hair from the confines of the elastic with the other. He wove his fingers through her now loose locks, all the while tantalizing her with one searing kiss after another.
Any confusing thoughts about Jake's cryptic comment were lost as she gave herself over to him. Moaning softly, she basked in the sensation of his lips dancing up and down her neck. Just how much she'd been missing him the past few weeks was never clearer than at this moment. Worry hadn't been the only thing keeping her up all those long, lonely nights. And judging by the tender attention he was lavishing on her, Jake had had about all he could take of long, lonely nights himself.
His hands began to roam freely under her shirt, sending shivers down her back. "How about we take this somewhere more private?" she suggested.
He lifted his head away from neck long enough to reply, "We're alone here, Calleigh. I checked the place out before you got here."
She ignored his annoyed tone and slipped her hands underneath his shirt, teasing him with soft, feather like strokes up and down his chest. "No, I mean someplace even more secluded and a lot less sandy."
Busy planting kisses along her chin, he paused, clearly peeved at being bothered again. "Huh?"
"My car, Jake," she stated as if it should have been obvious.
He looked up finally, giving her a quizzical frown. "The car, huh?" His eyes shone bright in the moonlight and the beginnings of a smile tugged on the corner of his lips. She could see him turning over the possibilities in his head. "That'll work," he said with a roguish grin.
"Mm… didn't think you'd have a problem with it. After all, I seem to recall being told you'd make this worth my while. And you have been gone a very long time," she purred against his neck.
"This is true. But what about the sunrise we came to watch?"
"We've got time, it's still dark out," she answered, pointing to the sky. "And I plan on keeping you very occupied until then. But if you're good, I'll let you look out the window when the sun peeks up."
"If I'm good," he repeated with feigned disgust. "As if you've ever had to worry about that." He rose from the sand, pulling her up with him.
"There's always a first time," she teased, giving him her most flirtatious smile.
"No," he shook his head resolutely, "there's not." His affronted frown elicited a fit of giggles he promptly suppressed with a blazing kiss that weakened her knees. "C'mon, let's get out of here while we can both still walk. I'll show you good. I'll show you better than good," he smirked. He tucked her into his waist and pulled her alongside him as they headed to the car.
It was exactly the response she'd been hoping for. Her skin tingled in anticipation, just as it had when she'd first laid eyes on him. All she could do was grin.
He was here, and he was hers.
She'd locked him in the past long ago, yet here he was back in her life as if he was always meant to be there.
Her heart, so painstakingly pieced back together all those years ago, felt finally, wonderfully whole.
The end