I...I can't believe I actually wrote this pairing. They're teenagers here, don't worry.
*
"Say, Kyle?" Cartman leaned back against the arm of the sofa. "You know how I used to torment you and call you names and try to get you killed all the time back when we were kids?"
"Yeah, and you still do it once a week," Kyle reminded him.
"Well, old habits die hard, my Jewish friend."
"And stop with the Jew crap, Fatass! A lot of Jewish people have moved into the neighborhood in the last five years!"
"But they're not you, Kyle." Cartman lowered his eyelids and leaned closer. "You know, the only reason I treated you like crap all those years is because..." His voice dropped to a whisper. "I was insanely attracted to you, Kyle."
"...right."
"I'm serious, Kyle. Sure, I hated you. Gave you a hard time." Cartman knocked the hat from Kyle's head and twirled a tight red curl around his finger. "But only cause you were driving me insane with your Jewish good looks."
"...okay, now you're starting to freak me out." Kyle inched as far away as he could. "You were an asshole, you were always trying to mess up my life or make me look stupid, and I'm supposed to believe all that time you were actually in love with me?!"
"I never said anything about love, Kyle."
"In lust with me, then," Kyle sighed, rolling his eyes. "Either way, this is creepy and I think I'm gonna get the hell out of here before it gets worse." But as he began to stand up, Cartman grabbed him around the ankles and pulled him to the floor. "Hey, let go!"
"Come on, Kyle. Make out with me a little. You know you want to."
"No!" But as soon as the word left his mouth he found himself pinned under his worst friend, staring into his eyes, and a small part of him started to want it. Goddammit! He did have to admit Cartman was better-looking these days; he was still fat, of course, but he'd grown enough muscle over the years to balance it out. Nice, firm muscle... AAAAAH! He struggled to push Cartman off him, but to no avail.
"See? Your mouth says no, but your body says-"
Kyle growled, flipping them over, frustrated when Cartman gave little resistance.
"I hate you so much," he hissed. "I-I don't have a yardstick big enough to measure my hate for you at this very moment, you fat douche."
"But you want me," Cartman said, irritatingly unfazed by the words, and Kyle realized he was fighting a losing battle. What could it hurt, he decided. Maybe if we just get it over with it'll never happen again, he thought, remembering Wendy's dilemma with Cartman years ago; it comforted him to know at least he wasn't the only one who had fallen under Cartman's spell.
"Fine," he said. "If it'll shut you up, anyway." He crushed his lips against Cartman's before the other boy could respond.