Title: Perfectly Normal
Rating: M
Summary: My heart, my soul, and my life was his to do with as he pleased. I wouldn't object and I wouldn't run. I was Mello's, as I had always been, and so giving up my life for him was perfectly normal.
A/N: Felt like writing.
*Unseen*
When my parents died I didn't cry. I didn't wail and rave and throw a fit. I sat, I blinked, and I turned back to my game of Space Invaders. Some may not understand my reaction, but then I guess I would have to explain my relationship with my parents. (The term parents was never really clearly defined in my mental dictionary and always had the caption "Refer to, acquaintance" with it.) My mother and father had unsuccessfully tried to have a kid for a long time. By the time they had me they were well set in their jobs and didn't have the time to take care of me.
Neither of them wanted to give up their careers in order to take care of the baby they had tried so long to have so I was handed to a wet-nurse as soon as I came home from the hospital. That wet nurse soon became my nanny and care-giver. I once made the mistake of calling her "mamma" as she tucked me in bed and she kind of froze and got a sad expression on her face. Then she smiled down at me, kissed my hair, and told me that her name was not "mamma", it was "Marie".
I wish Marie was my mamma. I wish I could have stayed with her after my own parents death but the state wouldn't allow it. So, Marie packed my stuff, gave me a hug, kissed my hair and told me to be good before ushering me into the patrol car.
I later found out that along with the term "death" there usually went the fact that the deceased person wasn't coming back. That means I would never see my parents again. I couldn't find myself able to be sad though. I had never really seen my parents anyway, never seeing them again was perfectly normal.
*Invisable*
At the orphanage I was sent to there was this contest called Rankings. All the children of the orphanage, a rather large and elegant place called Wammy's, were to take a weekly progress exam for each of our classes. On Sunday, after all the grading had been done, the Ranks were posted. My roommate was a boy named Mello and he had made scoring first place on Rankings his life goal. I had made it a smaller less immediate goal and usually held a steady place as third. That was fine by me, as I had lost my competitive streak rather quickly as a child.
My competitive streak came about with my need to be noticed by my parents. After realizing that Marie was not my real mother I set out on an ambition to make my real parents care for me the way Marie did. I did this by getting the best grades in school. Marie soon realized what I was doing and would post the grades on the fridge to see on the rare occasions that they came to the kitchen to eat while they were home.
They saw the papers but would hardly look at them before calling a short "good-bye" and leaving. I would be sitting at the table as I watched Marie cook and she would look over at me and smile.
"I think you're doing wonderful." She would tell me as she held out a spoon for me to taste what she was cooking. But there was a sad anger in her eyes that she would always blink away. Soon I would share that sad anger with her as I realized that it was useless to try and gain my parents love.
So competing for Ranking was never as big of a deal to me as it was Mello. I just did my work and didn't expect to be noticed. After all, being invisible to the people that mattered was perfectly normal for me.
*Experiment*
There was no way to describe the feelings I had when Mello first kissed me. It wasn't long and drawn out and I won't bore you with description of how soft his lips were as they moved against mine. I'm not a romantic and his lips weren't soft. We were kids and we had a habit of biting our lips, not using lips-balm, and experimenting on our friends.
The kiss wasn't out of the ordinary as far as we were concerned and as quickly it happened, it was even more quickly forgotten. It was an experiment of our childhood, a fluke of puberty, and a small blip on the radar of our adolescence. It did however change a lot of things between us and opened a whole knew gateway of things for us to test out on each other. We were two boys sharing a room and going through puberty, things were bound to happen.
So as we stumbled our way through discovering lust and the pleasure of masturbation, we also realized that such things were much better if another person was involved. Our sexual activities at Wammy's never went as far as penetration though. (We often had fights as to who would actually bottom, which deterred the whole event quite well. -I secretly knew Mello would win dominance in the end though.)
As we grew more accustomed to our sexual desires we would often turn to each other for release. (It was a friend-with-benefits type of situation.) Mello tended to enjoy more intimate things while a good hand or blow job would send me into my own personal bliss. So catching us rutting against each other like animals in heat wasn't strange; in fact, it was perfectly normal.
*Problems*
If there was one that Mello did well it was running. That's actually how he ended up at Wammy's. He'd run away from his foster home and Wammy had found him on the streets of some city in Germany. He was lucky.
As I was saying, Mello was good at running, especially from his problems. I never personally experienced this particular talent of his until the day that he left though. L had died and Roger had asked Mellow to work with Near. Mello couldn't let his pride be trampled like that so he left. He packed a bag and left. You see working with Near as well as handling the matter of L's death were two of his problems. The fact that he left me just proved that I wad the third. This realization hurt me a lot seeing as Mello was the only friend I had.
I didn't let Mello leave without a fight though and he ended up having to almost knock me unconscious so that I would let his leg go and not scream for him to stay. Like a dog properly beaten into submission I let him go and curled up on my bed to cry. He never looked back either. When Mello leaves something behind he well and truly leaves it. It is obliterated from his thoughts and any reminders of it are swiftly destroyed. The fact that he treated me the same as all his other problems then was perfectly normal.
*Mutt*
Another thing about Mello is the fact that he is utterly predictable to anyone that knows him. He's smart, he's hot-headed, and he tends to have a passion for things that err on the side of illegal. So, like any well-trained mutt, I found my mater quickly and efficiently. Mello wouldn't have wanted to stay in Europe in case he get caught and sent back to Wammy's, Japan was too dangerous at the time seeing as he was by himself and therefore had no back-up in case he ran into Kira, and so Mello would aim for the next biggest power: the US. Yeah, us Americans with our slang, fucked-up economy, and bad habit of trying to rule the world because we thought we were the shit. (I forgot to mention that I was raised in New York.)
So, I followed Mello's predicable footsteps and high-tailed it to america, the country of dreams and fresh starts. As I said, finding Mello wasn't that hard and he soon realized that no matter how much he threatened me I refused to leave his side.
"You'll just have to run away again Mells." I told him as I chewed on the filter of a cigarette. (Smoking was one of the less healthy habits I'd picked up while on my own.) He simply glared at me but that just urged me to finish my thoughts out loud.
"Of course you're rather good at running aren't you?" I directed at him and his hand clenched tight around the grip of his gun. He didn't turn the fire-arm on me though and I sensed that our past friendship was still intact after nearly four years of not being together.
Things fell in line after that and I was once more regarded as Mello's loyal mutt. This position however, was perfectly normal.
*Carnal*
After our reunion our relationship returned to what it had been before Mello had left. Except one thing was different Four years had passed and we had grown into men, albeit young, but still men. Along with this advance in age came the fact that we'd grown out of much of the desires that we had before. Or they had outgrown us, I never figured out which.
We soon found out that the things that would satisfy us before no longer ignited the same lustful burning within us as before. We needed more, craved more, and so we sought out more. It wasn't a dramatic affair. It was just as it had been before until we took it farther than we ever had. And, as predicted, I bottomed. (While I retained much of my gangly teenage physique Mello had gotten quite strong while among the mafia ranks.)
Following Mello's instructions I would lay down and welcome him between my legs like we both knew I would and he would waste no time in pushing into me. My amount of preparation and comfort often depended on his mood and I honestly began to think that Mello liked to see me in pain. This thought was proven as fact when he once told me that I made the best sounds when he fucked me dry. (Thank you ever so much for your kindness Mello.)
Our coupling was soon always joined with a need to cause the other some amount of pain. Mello did it mostly out of his own sadistic needs and I just happened to realize that Mello was a masochist. Despite all of this I always ended up panting and moaning like a whore beneath Mello as he pounded into me. It was carnal, it was unloving, it often left me sore and unable to walk but I would never say that I didn't enjoy it. And so I would return his thrust with bucks of my own as we both sent each other into a mind-numbing euphoria. After the sweat had cooled, and as I was drifting between wake fullness and sleeping, Mello would always leave. He never once stayed, and I never asked him to. I was used to him abandoning me by now; between us, such a thing was perfectly normal.
*Life*
Tonight however, was the night that all of this changed. Mello stayed and kissed me once, something he hardly ever did. This foreign action was enough to banish all need for sleep from my mind and I found myself looking into dark aquamarine eyes. Mello simply looked at me for a long moment before kissing me once again.
"I'm sorry." He said and I couldn't help but frown.
"Sorry for what?" I asked and he only shook his head for rested his forehead against my shoulder.
That was the first time that we had actually slept together and the "sleep" part actually happened. So when Mello informed me of his plan to kidnap Takada I knew that this was his way of saying good-bye. I hadn't been with Mello when he joined the mafia, I hadn't been with him when he blew up the base, I hadn't been there for him as he healed from his burns, but now I could be there. I could protect my master like any proper mutt should, and so I made my choice. I decided that I would die for Mello, my only roommate, my only friend, my only lover, and the one man that I could say held my heart. Because he did. My heart, my soul, and my life was his to do with as he pleased. I wouldn't object and I wouldn't run. I was Mello's, as I had always been, and so giving up my life for him was perfectly normal.
*End*
If there was one thing in my life that I could say was not normal, it would be the fact that Mello cried when he told me good-bye for the second, and last, time. The tears weren't noticeable they were just enough to brim his eyes with red, but I saw them. I saw them and I new that I was doing the right thing. I knew I would die, Mello knew I would die, we both knew that this was the last day we'd even be on this earth, but neither of us was going to be the one to back down. And so I told Mello good-by in return and watched in silence as he drove away on his bike. I would carry through with my portion of the plan and Mello would follow up on his.
But we both knew that we were in this together, until the end, and that was perfectly normal.
A/N(2): And so we've reached the end. I know that this fic was a little disorganized but I felt like it turned out a lot better than I had originally anticipated. Hopefully you all liked it.
Thank you for reading.
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