Author: veiledndarkness
Title: These Thoughts, Going Nowhere
Rating: Pg
Pairing(if any, or gen): Implied Bobby/Jack
Summary: If they stopped and brought down the walls, would they be happy?
Warnings: Usual disclaimer. They aren't mine. But a girl can dream, right?
000
I watch him when he's sleeping. His face unlined, relaxed, his breathing even.
I wonder what he would think if he knew that I do this. I smile at the thought of waking him, a surprise indeed.
No, I won't do that. I bite my thumbnail, watching his lips move. I wonder what he dreams about.
I pretend to myself that it's me he dreams about, a love that goes beyond brotherhood.
I swallow awkwardly over the sudden lump in my throat. I'm stupid to think that.
I should be happy that he loves me at all. To want more, to need more, is selfish.
This love he gives, it's not enough. It's never enough. He sleeps, and I watch.
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I watch him when he's playing his guitar. His face open and blissful, his fingers moving nimbly.
I wonder what he would think if he knew that I use every excuse to watch him play, regardless of my other plans.
I can't tell him. It sounds so...lame. I blink as my eyes burn. Would he play for me if I asked? Instead of this hiding and listening, too many secrets.
I like to pretend he's playing for me. I scowl at the thought that some girl may capture his heart and one day have him play a song for her.
I wish to myself that I was braver than he thinks. I wish I had the nerve to tell him the truth.
I should be happy that he cares at all. To hope for more is pointless. What makes me deserve love like his beyond that of a brother?
The love he offers, I take. But it's not enough. It'll never be enough. He plays on, and I listen.