Pairing: Sakura X Hinata
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of it's characters.
Written for the Queer Fest 2012 on LJ.
Please read and enjoy!
She was ten the first time she noticed how Hinata looked at Naruto. She thought it was cute, but what could possibly possess someone to like that idiot she couldn't imagine. Especially when there was Sasuke. Sasuke! She felt her heart flutter whenever that word popped into her mind. He was perfect – calm, cool, good at everything. Kya! She loved him so!
She was ten the first time she noticed she was a little different from the other girls in the class. She was quiet, they were loud. She was meek, they were bold. She was scared to talk to the person she loved, they fawned all over the boy they cared for. It wasn't as if she didn't want to, it was just that she couldn't. So she looked at Naruto as he played his usual tricks, waiting for him to notice her – to come and talk to her. But he never did, and she felt invisible. A pain she grew to understand as unrequited love began to develop. She didn't know what it was called back then, but she vowed to try harder to stand out. Naruto… she loved him.
She was thirteen when life started to fall apart. Sasuke didn't love her? He scared her, with talks of revenge and murder. When they were out on missions, he would often talk in his sleep, cry in his sleep – once, he even woke up screaming. It terrified Sakura. What had he been dreaming about? She was almost glad the days Naruto snored really loudly. She couldn't take the sound of Sasuke's voice at night anymore.
She was thirteen when all the responsibilities that life had imposed on her all came down at one go. She couldn't be better than Hanabi, she couldn't be better than Neji. But she remembered Naruto – about how hard he struggled to get better. And she felt just a little better. She would try hard too, just like Naruto – she would become strong. Maybe he would notice her then. She would be the strongest kunoichi in the village – better than Ino, better than Sakura – and then she could just imagine Naruto smiling as he walked up to her, a grin on his face. He would say, "Great going, Hinata." And she would be happy.
When the time finally came to part with Sasuke, she was heartbroken. All those times they had spent together, all those memories, was Sasuke really willing to throw it all away for the sake of revenge? Was Sasuke willing to throw her away as well? She was sure there was something between them. She was sure that over the days, a small bond had developed between them. What would happen to Team Seven without Sasuke?
And so, with trembling hands she had confessed, she had asked him to stay. He had responded, it just wasn't what she wanted. It broke her. It broke her dreams, it broke her down to her very core.
Next time she saw Naruto, she begged him to bring Sasuke back. Right then she could tell – Naruto was just as broken as she was. That night, they held hands while sitting on a park bench and staring up at the moon. They would bring Sasuke back.
Hinata was too scared to confess her feelings to Naruto. She wanted to, especially when she heard that he was going to go away for a while. How long? She had asked. Some people said two years, others said more. One idiot even said that he was never coming back. She had run as fast as she could, breathless, her hair flowing everywhere. She needed to tell him. She needed to tell him that she was in love with him. She wanted to go with him. She wanted to help him.
But she knew that was impossible, and watched from afar as Naruto waved goodbye. She knew right then what she had to do. She would grow strong in these two years. She would change everything about herself. She would become someone who Naruto could love. She had looked once at Sakura. She knew how Naruto felt about Sakura. She would be better than Sakura, maybe then Naruto would notice her too.
Sakura trained. She trained hard under Tsunade. She wasn't going to let Naruto go by himself, they would go together to bring back Sasuke! She worked hard all day and all night. She improved her medical ninjutsu as well. Tsunade had told her that it would help their three man cell. At night, she cried. She cried because Sasuke was gone, because Naruto wasn't there to cheer her up. This had become a routine for her. She would work her body to the point of exhaustion, and at night she would read up on new techniques – mostly medical techniques. She would not be a liability.
Hinata trained from the early morning right down to the night. Her heart thought of nothing but being better than Sakura. She had asked Neji to help her train, and when he had time – he did. But that wasn't for long. So she kept practicing her punches, wondering if it was good enough. Lots of thoughts floated through her head while she trained. Where was Naruto right then? What was he thinking of? Did he ever think of her, even as a passing thought? When he came back, would he be glad to see her? Would he recognize her? Would they… she blushed as an image of them kissing floated through her head.
And that was when they first talked to each other.
Under the wide blue sky, Hinata trained her punches and kicks when Sakura came to help her. Hinata didn't want Sakura's help at first. She wanted to be better than this girl, so she shouldn't take help from her.
But Sakura wasn't listening and before Hinata could say anything, Sakura was demonstrating how to throw strong punches and kicks. She was a good teacher, Hinata had thought. And within three days, Hinata could almost match her.
"Great going, Hinata," Sakura had told her.
She remembered those words. Naruto was supposed to tell her that someday. The words that Sakura had spoken. She had bowed to Sakura and thanked her profusely for her help.
She was glad to be away from home.
She wanted to be away from her family. She couldn't take the way her father doted on Hanabi anymore.
She wanted to be like that person. 'But I'm too weak.'
She needed to get away from them.
So she pretended to want to take a walk late at night. She noticed that her father had scrunched his nose up at this and that hurt.
Her hands were trembling, she could feel them. The night was strange, was it normal to hear your heart beat so loudly? Wait. What was that smell? Was something burning?
Hinata could smell something burning and followed the smell to Naruto's apartment. Her heart fluttered when she saw that the lights were on inside the apartment. Naruto was back? Why hadn't anyone told her? She ran as fast as she could, but then she stopped. What was she going to do? Hug him and tell him how she felt? She shook her head, the smell of something burning hitting her again. She snapped out of her reverie. Naruto might be in danger, she thought. And so she ran as fast as she could.
She banged on the door of Naruto's apartment. The door opened, and a familiar voice coughed and beckoned her inside, "I should never have tried to cook." Sakura said.
"Here?" Hinata sounded surprised.
But Sakura smiled at her. Hinata knew what that smile meant. She missed them. The same way she missed Naruto, Sakura missed them too.
'I call out to a shooting star, I call out tonight'
What was that sound? Was Sakura singing from the bathroom? She had wanted to clean herself up before they attempted to cook again, and Hinata feared she would have to do the same. Putting the fire out had left them both a little charred.
"Hinata?" The voice seemed surprised to find her there.
The singing had stopped, and Hinata could feel her fingers tremble.
"Sa-kura san…" She flinched as she said that name. How many nights had this person made her suffer?
The thought of her being with him, talking with him so casually; the thought of him preferring her over Hinata… She had always watched them quietly, and kept her tears to herself. She was a quiet person.
"You're not going to come in?" Sakura smiled and waved at her, beckoning her to come inside.
"Ah…" Hinata looked at her feet.
For Hinata, life had never been easy. There were too many expectations to live up to, and she had passed but a few of them. She had failed in her eyes. And Haruno Sakura was the exact opposite of her. She had surpassed everyone's opinion of her, surpassed all boundaries. She was an important person. She was… She was someone Naruto could be open to, someone he cared deeply for. She could hit him, scream at him and still laugh with him at the end of the day. She was someone Hinata didn't like. What was the word? Jealous? Yes, she was jealous of Sakura – because she was everything Hinata wanted to be.
"If you want to wait until I'm done, that's fine by me too." Sakura sounded normal. Hinata clenched the door she was holding on to more tightly. She still felt slightly uncomfortable in Sakura's presence
"I…" She looked at Sakura. She was smiling at Hinata. "I wish I was as strong as you." She whispered.
"What?" Sakura called out before standing up from the bath.
She walked towards Hinata, and before Hinata knew it, Sakura had grabbed her arms and was pulling her towards the bath, "Sakura-san, wait…" Hinata called out before Sakura pushed her into bath.
"Gah!" Hinata screamed as water entered her mouth. She struggled in the water for a second before rising back up to the surface, staring around the room.
The sound of sudden laughter drew her attention towards Sakura, "I'm sorry." She laughed, "You look like a ghost right now."
"Oh?" said Hinata as she walked towards the telephone shower. There was a mirror below the shower, and a stool stood ready for the owner to drench and clean themselves before entering the bath.
Hinata looked at herself in the mirror and smiled, "I do." she said.
Water splashed everywhere as Sakura jumped into the bath, "I'm sorry I got you wet.". She looked apologetic and Hinata smiled at her and shook her head, "Its okay."
"I'll share my towel with you."
Hinata looked at Sakura's reflection in the mirror. She was looking at her expectantly, "Okay." She replied shyly.
"Then hurry up and join me." Sakura splashed some water from the bath towards Hinata. The brunette tried to dodge and failed. She held up the telephone shower above her head and pointed it at Sakura, "Now I'll get you wet too."
Sakura quickly tried to dodge the water, but Hinata was faster.
"Kya!" Sakura screamed as she was sprayed head on by the water coming from the telephone shower.
Hinata laughed as she sat down on the stool and started washing herself. Sakura waded to the edge of the bath and looked at Hinata, "I'm glad you're here, I was getting bored all by myself."
"Oh…" Hinata tried to think of something to say, "You sing beautifully."
"My mother used to teach me how to sing after I came home from missions." Sakura smiled again.
That was when Hinata noticed it, "You don't have to force yourself, you know." she whispered softly.
"Huh?"
"To smile. You don't have to force yourself to smile." Hinata tucked her hair into a bun and walked towards the bath, "I'm scared of things too."
The smile had gone from Sakura's face, "What are you scared of?"
"My father." Hinata looked at her, "I'm scared of not being good enough."
Sakura smiled at her, a dull look in her eyes, "No you're not. You're scared of losing Naruto aren't you?"
"And you're scared of losing Sasuke-san." Hinata turned her back on Sakura, looking at the water as it moved around her in small waves.
"He's gone."
Hinata was caught off guard by those words. She turned around, "Sasuke-san?"
Sakura smiled at her, but Hinata now saw that her eyes were red. Had she been crying here?
"Sasuke has been gone for a long time now. I've thought and I've thought Hinata." Sakura was looking directly into her eyes now, "Even if he comes back… No, I don't want him to come back. He's safer this way. I think I want him to die."
"You what?" Hinata was taken aback by those words. But Sakura… wasn't she one of the girls that liked Sasuke?
"If he's dead, then he won't have to suffer anymore. Then I…" But she didn't need to finish the sentence. Hinata already knew how it ended 'then I wouldn't have to suffer anymore'.
"We have to try our best." said Hinata, trying to change the topic. She had a vague idea of what Sakura was hinting at.
"I'll fight him. I'll fight him, and then I'll beat him." Sakura was looking at the ceiling now. It was clear to Hinata that she was crying, "I'll fight him with everything I've got and then we'll die together."
"Sakura –san!" Hinata reached out and grasped Sakura's hand.
"I can't beat him Hinata." She whispered, "But I won't let Naruto die trying to fight him either. Konoha needs Naruto. And I want to be with.." She looked away from Hinata and tried to stand up, but Hinata firmly held her hands, forcing her to sit down in the bath again. "The village needs you too." She was looking at the water now. It was still hard for her to look at another person's face. If it was Neji, it was alright, but otherwise…
"I wish I was as strong as you." Sakura held onto her hand and let her head fall on the edge of the tub. Had she been crying all this time?
"I'm not strong." Hinata replied.
"All I can think of is Sasuke, even though I know that he's abandoned this place, he's all that floats through my mind."
"That's because you love him…" Hinata looked away. She knew how that felt. To love someone knowing that those feelings would never be returned. Sakura had felt that way too?
"I don't love him." Sakura replied, "I don't even know what love is anymore." She smiled, "Maybe it's how you feel about Naruto?"
Hinata found herself in shock, "How did you…?"
"You could have used your Byakugan if you just wanted to see Naruto. But you wanted him to notice you right? That's why you hid and watched."
"Naruto knows?" Hinata's eyes went wide. So, Naruto had known all along? But he hadn't said anything to her.
"I'm sorry." Sakura whispered.
Hinata shook her head as the tears started to fall, "It isn't your fault." Besides, it wasn't as if she'd ever made her feelings for Naruto a secret. Kiba had known from the start. Shino had just pretended to not notice. But now, Naruto had known as well.
She looked at Sakura, "I think you're stro…" She felt a head on her shoulder and she leaned in. It was comfortable. She cried. She could hear Sakura cry.
Hinata didn't know how long they cried together.
Hinata wasn't very good at cooking, but between them they managed to get some rice boiling. They sat on Naruto's bed and ate their food – rice with an egg on top. They didn't speak much, but both of them felt comfortable there, in that room. A faint smell of Naruto lingered there and both of them felt safe inside. Their tears had dried up, and for that night – they had each other. Someone to dry their tears, someone they could cry in front of. It was a huge load off their backs, and they both felt safe there. In that room, with each other.
He would come back, thought Sakura, and then he'll bring Sasuke back.
He would come back, thought Hinata, and then I'll tell him that I love him.
After that night, they started to talk to each other a little more. Hinata began to slowly open up to Sakura – something she had never done with anyone before. Was this what it was like to have a friend? She had wondered. And why had Sakura picked her? Wasn't she good friends with Ino? But Sakura seemed to like hanging around with Hinata, and the brunette couldn't say that she hated it.
Sakura liked being with Hinata. A part of her reminded her of Sasuke. The hair, the strangeness of her eyes. The way Hinata was quiet. It wasn't the way Sasuke was quiet – intimidating and fierce, but rather a gentle quietness that Sakura seemed to enjoy. There was one night when Sakura had wondered how things would have turned out if Sasuke was more like Hinata. And above everything, she liked the companionship. Hinata didn't ask too many questions, and she liked that.
She would have hated to answer what she was doing in Naruto's apartment. She would've hated to admit that she went there often, that she missed her friends. She knew that no one would understand how she felt anyway. She also knew that Kakashi knew. She liked that about him, how he could keep secrets. And wasn't Hinata just like her? While she waited for Sasuke, Hinata was waiting for Naruto.
When Naruto finally came back, Sakura was able to smile. A real smile – the way she could smile around Hinata for the past few months. She was glad that Naruto was the same as ever, and irritated that apparently she was the same as ever as well. Really, that idiot Naruto was never going to change. She wanted to tell him that she was going to be the one to fight Sasuke – but that wasn't the time. She was glad that she and Hinata hadn't left anything back at Naruto's place. She didn't want him to find out that they used to go there. At the same time, she was just a little sad that their haven was gone.
Hinata hid when she found out that Naruto had come back. Would she find him? She already knew that he would meet Sakura before her – that was, if he was to meet her at all. But she still wanted him to find her, and find her he did, quite by accident of course. And Hinata, after rehearsing everything she should say like she had been practicing with Sakura, quite promptly fainted.
That night Sakura laughed as she heard the story. Hinata blushed and looked away.
"It's alright." Laughed Sakura while wiping a tear from her eyes, "You'll get another chance." She squeezed Hinata's hands softly, indicating that no matter what happened, she would be there. Hinata smiled back at her, Sakura was right, she would get another chance. Meanwhile – she ducked – she had to find some way of avoiding Sakura as she flung pillows at her. She picked up the pillow that was lying the closest to her and flung that back at Sakura.
It had been a good idea to ask Sakura to spend the night at her place. She didn't care right then what her family thought. All night the two of them laughed. They finally went to sleep when the saw the sun was rising. At some point, Sakura had snuggled close to her, her own futon discarded. But Hinata knew Sakura's weird sleeping habit by now and didn't complain.
She would get her chance to confess to Naruto someday, and she would do just that when the time came.
The time did come eventually, right before she died.
She could still remember the pain she felt when the rods went into her body, she had wanted to scream. But she had a job to do. She had to protect the village, Naruto, Sakura… She would protect everyone she cared about.
And right before her life force surged away, she made the words Sakura had told her come true. She told Naruto that she loved him. But the piercing scream coming from Sakura was the last thing she remembered hearing before everything went black.
When Hinata woke up, the bright blue sky greeted her with its beauty.
"Thank god." She felt her head being lifted and placed on someone's thigh, "Saku…?"
Sakura placed a finger on Hinata's lips, "You're alive."
"But I was dead?" Hinata looked around, confused and stunned.
"Not anymore. Naruto…" Sakura wiped her tears away and started focusing her chakra on the wound on Hinata's leg, "Naruto saved the village."
"I knew he would." smiled Hinata before closing her eyes. The feeling of warm chakra healing her and the tiredness she felt made her want to relax just for a little bit.
She had told Naruto about her feelings, and that was a weight off her shoulders. No matter what happened now, she felt that she could deal with it.
"Didn't you think about me even once?" screamed Hinata as she tried to stop herself from slapping Sakura. How could she think she could defeat Sasuke by herself? Not even Danzo could defeat Sasuke. Did she really think that a simple poisoned kunai would do the trick?
"I was just trying to stop him." Sakura's voice sounded dead, it was as if she didn't want to be alive anymore.
"How could you stop him with a silly idea like that?" Hinata's voice turned softer, she didn't want Sakura to cry because of her.
"I thought if I told him that I loved him, it would end." Sakura looked away from Hinata.
"You what? To Sasuke-san?"
Sakura shook her head, "Naruto."
Hinata's eyes went wide after hearing that. Sakura had confessed to Naruto? Even though she knew, even though… How could she? Hinata felt her arm rise on its own and Sakura got ready for the impact. But it never came.
When Sakura opened her eyes, she saw that Hinata was still staring at her, a dead look in her eyes, "I'm glad you're still alive." She finally spoke.
"He rejected me." A strange smile made its way to Sakura's lips, "He said that he wanted to save Sasuke no matter what."
She heard footsteps moving away from her, and she looked up to see that Hinata was walking away.
"I'm sorry!" she called out, "I wasn't thinking."
'Not you too Hinata, don't leave me alone.' Sakura thought as she fell to the ground, tears streaming down her face.
For the next few weeks, Hinata didn't speak to Sakura. And with each passing day Sakura felt something inside her hurt more and more. When had she become this dependant on Hinata? She couldn't remember when it started, and she didn't know what she was feeling right then.
Nobody could cheer her up, at least not until Hinata came to her room with a pillow in her hand. She felt lonely and wanted to sleep over. Would Sakura let her?
Sakura cried as she hugged her friend tightly, of course she would. This room was hers as much as it was Hinata's. Hinata should know that by now.
"I missed you." Hinata told her that night, "I'm sorry I got so angry."
"I missed you too." Sakura tried really hard to keep her tears in check, she didn't want to start crying in front of Hinata, "But it was my fault…"
"No it wasn't. You were trying to protect your friend."
Sakura held Hinata's hand tightly, searching for some form of reassurance.
"I've been thinking for the past few days. I'm sorry." Something wet landed on Sakura's hand. That was when she realized that Hinata was crying, and after that she couldn't stop herself either.
That night, the two girls held each other tightly as they cried. They cried for their lost loves, they cried because of the way the world had changed, and most importantly, they cried because they knew there was finally somewhere they belonged. That there was someone waiting for them at home.
Sakura knew that should something happen to her, Hinata would come rushing in to save her, and Hinata felt the same way. They both understood how Naruto felt about Sasuke. But they also understood that what they felt for each other was a little different than the bond Naruto and Sasuke shared.
But what it was, they wouldn't dare question yet. No, they were too scared, too tired, and too heartbroken. But they both knew that the question would come up someday.
For that night, holding each other and letting the tears fall was enough for both of them.
When they woke up the next morning, they were both smiling.
"Want to invade Naruto's kitchen?" Sakura suggested.
Hinata just smiled back at her. Sakura knew the answer right then.
War.
It was right at their doorstep.
Sakura looked at Hinata, "We might not see each other for a really long time."
There was a look of sadness in each of their eyes, "We might not make it out of this alive."
Sakura giggled softly, "We might never see each other again."
"We will." Hinata's voice was full of confidence, "We'll all come back together, and we'll go have yakiniku again. Just us girls."
Sakura looked at her and smiled. She ruffled Hinata's hair, "I'm scared I'll never see you again."
"You won't get rid of me that easily." Said Hinata, looking away, blushing.
Sakura sounded surprised, "I never imagined you would say that."
"I have heard Naruto saying it before." Hinata smiled at her.
They were both sitting on a cliff, looking at the sunrise. They had decided to have one last sleepover before the war began. But they couldn't get any sleep that night, so they talked. They comforted each other with words, but at heart each knew how much they would miss the other. They didn't know where this war would take them. They didn't know who would make it back alive. But right then, they were alive and breathing, and that was more important.
When the sun started to rise, Sakura turned to Hinata, "If we make it out of this war, there's something I want to tell you."
"Me too." smiled back Hinata as she held Sakura's hand.
A soft wind was rustling in the air, making the dawn slightly chilly. Hinata snuggled in close to Sakura and placed her head on her friend's shoulder.
"Do you want a hint of what I have to say to you?" asked Sakura, placing a hand on Hinata's head.
Hinata looked up at Sakura and nodded. She closed her eyes, she knew what was coming.
Soft lips descended on hers. It calmed her, and she kissed Sakura back.
It was a small brief kiss, an indication of what was to come after the War.
"So come back alive, okay?" Sakura smiled at her.
Hinata smiled back, "You too".
And with that, they both stood up. They would have to go and join their squadrons soon. There was work to be done; there was no time for love, not yet. And as they went their separate ways, the rustling wind seemed to whisper the words 'thank you' into the air. They would meet back for a sleepover after the war, and then – their requited feelings would finally touch.
Author's Note: Hope you liked it. This was my first time trying something new. :) :) Please leave a review if you can. And thank you for reading!