Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma ½, It and all it's characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

The Saotome Secret Book

By: Ms. Abyss

(It's my first time writing fan fiction…please be gentle.)

Chapter 1: The Book of Secrets

Genma and Soun tiptoed into Happosai's room and began to look through his stolen possessions. "It's got to be around here somewhere…" Genma mumbled. Soun nodded. "You sure, he took it?" Genma nodded and noticed a bookshelf. "I bet it's there!" Soun gasped. "Yes! It must be!"

After the events of the failed wedding attempt, things had been pretty quiet. The wedding had been rescheduled for the following week and Ranma and Akane gave up and accepted. Genma had remembered about a special book. A book he had made great use of in his youth. Now he and Soun Tendo were searching for it.

"I've got it!" Genma yelled. "Got what?" Ranma asked from the door. Genma ran over and grabbed his son by the hair. "Come here! It's something outstanding!" He yelled, dragging his son out of there and into their own room. Soun blinked. "I wonder if Kasumi is done with dinner?"

Ranma punched his father in the back of the head. "Why did you have to pull me out of there by my hair?! Ya could've just told me to come with you!"

Genma frowned and rubbed the back of his head. "Guess you don't want this ancient, Saotome family book of secret Anything Goes martial arts." He said, waving the book around.

Ranma's eyes went wide. "Secret?! Like, no one else knows about them? Are they powerful?" He asked, staring at the book. "Oh yes, they're very powerful. Any man who uses them becomes the most powerful man in the world." Genma said, laughing.

"Hand it over!" Ranma yelled.

Genma smiled widely. "Listen here, Boy. Before I give you this, you have to promise to keep an open mind and read the entire thing, cover to cover, got it?" Ranma gave his father a suspicious look which he promptly shrugged off. "There ain't nothing' I wouldn't do to get stronger. Hand it over, Pop, I promise."

Genma grinned and handed the dusty book to his son. "It'd probably be in your best interest to master the techniques before the wedding next week." He said happily, patting Ranma on the back a few times before making his way to the kitchen.

Ranma blinked a few times and sighed, opening the old book. "The old man ain't makin' any sense… Akane's cooking probably made him act like thi-" Ranma blushed a deep shade of red, dropping the book and jumping back and away from it. "WHAT KIND OF STUPID TRICK ARE YOU TRYIN' TO PULL?!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

Soun and Genma felt the house shake briefly and looked at each other from their places at the dinner table. The two smirked at each other. "I take it that you gave him the old book?" Soun laughed. Genma opened his mouth to reply but heard angry footsteps approaching from the guest room. He considered his options. Run away and avoid getting beaten to a pulp for trying to help? Or…

Suddenly a girlish shriek was heard from upstairs. Soun picked up his newspaper and hid behind it. "Akane must've read that book 'How to be a good Wife' I gave her." Nabiki said, smirking. The two fathers ran into the kitchen and grabbed onto Kasumi's legs. "Please, Kasumi dear, protect us from them!" Soun whined. Genma nodded, waterfall-like tears streaming down his face. Kasumi simply sighed and said, "Oh my…"

Genma and Soun heard the footsteps getting louder and braced themselves. Instead they heard a big crash followed by a "Watch where you're going, you stupid tomboy!!" and a "Why don't you, you perverted idiot!!"

After that…it was nothing but silence. Ranma rubbed his forehead where he had bumped into Akane and blushed, looking at the floor. Akane did the same. "I-I'm sorry…" She mumbled, chancing a look at him. Ranma shook his head. "No…it was my fault, I wasn't watching where I was…"

Akane nodded and turned towards her room. "Um…bye." She said awkwardly, before running back into her room and closing the door. Ranma slammed the palm of his hand against his forehead. He jumped when he heard her door lock.

He began walking back to the guest room and then finally remembered. "That's right…I was gonna kick the old man's ass for giving me that…book." He said, looking at said book which was on the floor.

He sighed and entered the room, closing and locking the door behind him. He sat down on his futon and picked up the book. 'I did promise I'd read it and… I wouldn't want to disappoint Akane on our honeymoo-' Ranma blushed. "What am I thinking?!" He shook his head and opened the book.

Ranma began to read. 'Saotome Method of Anything Goes Lovemaking… The complete guide to ensure the ultimate mutual pleasure of whomever masters the five simple steps… THIS IS STUPID!! What the hell, Pop?!' Ranma smacked his forehead. "This can't possibly work. If it did then Pop would have a million ladies chasing him…" Ranma mumbled, rubbing his bruised forehead.

He heard Genma's voice from the other side of the door. "Oh it works alright… but only for the right people." Ranma glared at the door. "What the hell kind of martial arts is this anyway? Why would I ever have any use for it?" He asked, growing more irritated by the fact his Dad was practically spying on him. "Let me in and we'll talk." Genma said, a big smile plastered onto his face. Ranma growled a bit, got up and answered the door, glaring at his father.

Genma smirked and pushed past him, entering the room. Ranma looked out into the hall, making sure no one was around to eavesdrop. When he was sure nobody was there, he closed and locked the door.

"Tell me why you think I'd ever need this silly thing." He said, holding out the book. Genma took it from him and flipped through it. "Come on, Boy. What do you take me for? I'm not an idiot, it's obvious what a total virgin you are." Ranma whacked his Dad over the head. "Shut up."

Genma sighed and continued talking. "I figure, that if you were able to master these steps and practice in your girl form as well, you'd be able to make your wife a very happy woman." He said, his face full of pride. "Practice WHAT in my girl form?!" Ranma yelled, his face instantly red.

"Read the first step." Genma said, handing him back the book. Ranma snatched it from him and read aloud, "Step 1. Prepare. The best way to ensure that it's an incredible experience is timing. Make sure you last long enough by training yourself." Ranma looked up from the book, glaring at his father. "Go on." Genma said after a minute long staring contest.

Ranma looked back to the book and blushed. "T-to train yourself…masturbate but make sure to stop before orgasm…do this six or seven times before allowing yourself to climax…" Ranma glared at his father. "Pop, what the hell IS this?!" Genma frowned. "Keep your voice down, Boy, do you want Akane to hear you?" Ranma's face turned pale. "Uh…right."

After reading the rest of the chapter, Ranma was so embarrassed, tears were forming in the corners of his eyes. "I d-don't think I sh-should read this s-stuff…" He stuttered, handing the book to his father with shaky hands. Genma smirked. "Alright but if you want it, it'll be right under my pillow." He said, taking the book.

Ranma shook his head. "Hell no. I'm never looking at that again! I'm going into the dojo to train with real Anything Goes martial arts!" He yelled, leaving the room. Genma sighed. "Oh well, Akane's loss I suppose."

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