I've always been bad with emotions and how I should feel. People always say I'm either being too harsh or just not reacting in the way they wish I did. They claim I'm not normal, but in all honesty, I've never been normal, I don't even know what normal is anymore.
I'm a Faunus, which automatically makes me not normal. Normal people don't just walk around with animal parts stuck to them, so basically, no Faunus is normal.
I tried to make the world see that the Faunus weren't any different than the ordinary human, that we could be anything they could be, and more. Sadly I was too young and dumb to realize that what I was doing, what I thought was helping, was only making things worse.
And it wasn't just me, the entire White Fang was making things worse, only most of them didn't notice all the bad they were doing. I'm glad I left when I had the chance, the only thing I regret is leaving him.
During my time in the White Fang, I met a guy. His name was Adam Taurus, he's also a Faunus, and a member of the White Fang, one of the very important members. We were basically one in the same, we agreed with everything, almost. He was very passionate about working with the White Fang, about making the human race suffer like we did. He would always come up with the most inhumane ideas and the leaders would always accept them.
That was the one thing we didn't agree on. I didn't want to hurt anyone, to make anyone miserable. I just wanted to help change the world for the better, not for the worse. Adam wasn't like that at all, he didn't care who got hurt, he just cared about himself. Sadly I was too madly in love with him to notice that.
Adam was a strange person, which is something I loved about him. He would never act anything but himself, but sometimes being himself was the worst thing he could possibly be.
We had a lot of things in common and we soon became friends, became partners. Not only did we fight together, we also were together. I developed deep feelings for him, you could say I was in love with him.
We shared everything together, at least I did. I told him everything there was to know about me, things I'd never told anyone. He never judged me, not in any way, he was always honest. Or so I thought.
Luckily I wasn't the only one who told things about themselves. Adam didn't tell me much about himself, but he did tell me some minor details. He loved roses, almost had an obsession with them, they were his favorite flower. I don't have a favorite flower, I don't see how people have the time to think of something that useless. Sure, they're pretty, but they don't really have that big of a purpose in life. He asked me what my favorite flower was, and I also answered roses, cause it seemed like a good answer at the time. I did actually grow quite fond of them in the future, but that was only because he liked them.
He also told me he's a couple years older than me, but that I was already aware of. He didn't tell me much, like I said, nothing important anyway. I feel like an idiot for telling him everything about myself, everything important, when he literally told me nothing.
We hung out a lot, we went to meaningless places and made them meaningful to us. We created meanings to meaningless words and then started using them. We shared our hopes and dreams and watched the stars together, stole a lot of dust, listened to songs and then discussed those songs together. We were basically inseparable, until of course Adam was promoted and had to go to meetings with the White Fang leaders. That's when we started parting.
"Blake are you okay?", he asked me on one of our trips to the forest.
"I'm fine", I replied bluntly.
"You're not fine, you're not okay, I can sense it", he said.
I remember during that moment I hated how right he always was, he always knew exactly how I felt, even before I did.
I didn't answer him.
He walked in front of me and stopped me, then put his arms on my shoulders and said, "Please tell me if you're broken, I can help you".
"Maybe some people just don't want to be fixed", I turned away from him and continued to walk, only faster than before.
He didn't follow me, he left me to sulk alone in the woods, which might have been for the best considering I was quite mad at him. To be honest I think I was more mad at myself than I was at him, or maybe I was just jealous. He'd been spending a lot of time with other members of the White Fang, and not with me.
He did offer to help me, which was nice, but due to my extreme stubbornness, I didn't want him to help. Whatever I was dealing with, I knew I could handle it by myself, and in the end I did.
One cloudy night I was walking around the White Fang headquarters, waiting for Adam to finish his meeting with the leaders. He didn't know I was waiting for him, which could be the reason I was so shocked about what they'd planned during that meeting.
I'd waited for about half an hour after the meeting was supposed to end, and decided to go check inside the meeting room. I didn't enter the room, I just peeked through the windows.
I truly wish I hadn't seen what was written on the whiteboard. They'd planned to execute a lot of people, a lot of humans, during the next Schnee family public event. A lot of people I knew were going to that event, I couldn't let them die.
The next day I raided another train of Schnee dust, with Adam, since he insisted on joining his girlfriend on her mission. I tried my best not to seem like I knew things, I tried to act as if nothing was wrong. It didn't turn out the way I wanted. After we'd raided the train, I decided I couldn't take it anymore, and left. I removed the cart I was standing on from the cart he was standing on, and we were separated.
The look on his face, it broke my heart. He didn't act like anything had changed, I think he might have always known I was a lost cause, that I'd never be completely like him. His body said 'don't go', but his eyes said 'I don't care'.
After that I tried my best to stay hidden from the White Fang. I heard they were looking for me, but that ended after a week or so. I guess Adam didn't want me to leave, considering I knew too much, but that would be the only reason.
They never attacked the Schnee event, I don't know why, but they didn't. Maybe for once they decided it was a bad idea to hurt a lot of people in public. For once they did something wise and saved a bunch of lives instead of ending them.
I spent a long time after that just hanging in the woods, killing Grimm and wallowing in pain. I didn't want to leave him, I still regret doing so. He just didn't love me the way I loved him, I just wasn't good enough. I'm almost certain that he only loved me for my 'looks', though I'm definitely not the most beautiful person in the world.
His love for the White Fang and torturing innocent humans was way larger than the love he ever claimed to have for me. Honestly, I felt betrayed, I felt like he'd chosen someone else instead of me, which is sort of what he did, except the White Fang was not just one person. He chose a large group of mostly unknown people instead of me. It makes me seem extremely selfish, but love makes people do selfish things.
I stopped telling people things about me because of him. Roses will never be the same to me again. There's that one song that will always remind me of him. I push people away now, everyone, even the ones I care deeply for, just because I don't want to deal with all that again.
He most likely didn't even love me. Half the things he told me, unimportant or not, must have been lies. Everything he's told me must have been lies. All the times he called be beautiful or gorgeous, they must have been lies too. I'm just glad I was wise enough to leave him, for only misery would have come if I'd stayed. Not just for me, but for all the humans at that Schnee event.
I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as normal, we're all weird and unique, even if that makes us seem like there's something wrong with us. There's something wrong with everybody, but that's just something you have to live with, or in my case without.
As much as it pains me, as much as I'd like to forget everything that happened, I still love roses.