Hey All! So, this was requested by an anonymous user on tumblr. It's not the best thing that I've ever really written. To be honest, I don't know what to even think about it. But, I wanted to share it on here as well. Hope some of you like it. :)
It's an AU Season 6 One-Shot.
Enjoy!
The Things We Lost
He feels her wrap her arms around him, kissing his shoulder. He wishes more than anything that it wasn't like this, that he could tell her what she wants to hear. But, he can't. He hasn't said those words to anyone in so long saying them now seems so foreign to anyone that isn't her.
He can tell that it her hurts though. The way he looks at her. It's with admiration, with support and some sort of love. Although, it's not really the type of love that she wants him to have for her. It's been a year since they were displaced from their home, since his brother's been gone. It's been a year of grief, of hardships and of sitting..Waiting..Wishing.
"I can't.." She begins to say as she watches him get up and leave the warmth of her laying there in the sheets.
"We can't do this anymore, Caroline." He says quietly, not wanting to look at her so that she see's the sadness in his eyes. He doesn't want the questions to be asked because he doesn't really know the answers. Because, since his brother died, he'd been somewhat distance. And, today isn't any other exception.
"I know." She replies with tears in her own eyes. She loves him. She doesn't want to let him go. But, deep down. Caroline knows that he'll never love her, like he loves another.
"At least we tried.." Her voice cracks. He turns at the sound of it. When her head lifts up and she finally meets his gaze. Maybe there's a chance, maybe he'll change his mind and not leave this time…..Maybe…He'll love her more than he loves...Elena….Just, maybe.. Caroline thinks for a moment. Yet, it quickly fades. Because, she knows the truth. Both in her heart and in her mind. He never will.
"I'm sorry." He tells her, pushing himself away from their bedroom wall, walking over to her and embracing her tightly into his arms. Even though he doesn't love her like she wants. He hates seeing her cry and he doesn't want to leave her like this.
"Me too." She whispers, burying her face into the curve of his neck as he holds her, kissing her cheeks and telling her that she should leave for a while, that she too should get a fresh start, away from him, away from this unknown town.
"I don't know where to go." She admits, taking a step back from him. She feels his hands run up and down her arms gently. His eyes are soft when he speaks to her. "Go anywhere you want. Caroline, I love you...It's just..I'm not-."
She cuts him off with a nervous laugh and shake of her head. "You're not in love with me. I know...Stefan, I know. But, it's been fun and it's been wonderful being loved by you even if it's been temporary." She's crying when she says the words. The tears are cascading tears down her cheeks because for so long. She didn't want to believe it. Although, here is it- now all in the open.
He doesn't love her. He loves another.
"I've tried moving on and-." He pauses for a moment, the sound of footsteps being heard in the hallway of the small house that they purchased 40 miles outside of Mystic Falls.
"Go to her. Talk to her and figure things out. I know you love her, Stefan. You always have and I was a fool to think that he'd love me that way too." Caroline tells him, picking up her clothing and bunching it up into her hands as she gives him a saddened look. His own eyes are regretful and sorrow filled.
"I didn't use you to confirm my feelings for her and you, are not a fool, Caroline! It's just, since Damon died and-. Her and I, we've been growing closer again." He confesses as Caroline glances up at him, nodding.
"I've noticed." She wants to say. However, she keeps the words to herself. She bites her tongue and looks down at the old wooden floors beneath her feet. There are so many things she wants to say. But, she doesn't want to waste his time or hers. Because, she really doesn't even know where to begin.
"I love you. No matter what. Even if she doesn't love you anymore. I do. I want you to know that before you talk to her. I love you, Stefan." She abruptly states as she watches him place his hand on the door handle, about to leave the room. His body tenses, his back muscles flex when he turns around, bites down on his bottom lip. "I love you too." He tells her with some underlined truth in his green eyes.
She doesn't watch him leave, instead she turns back to packing her things. As much as she is broken up about her and Stefan finally ending things. Caroline knows that somewhere in her heart, it's for the best. And, that's what she thinks as she packs her belongings, with only one destination in mind….Anywhere, but here.
"Elena…" His voice trails off as he stops near the door, watching her sit in the living room, combing over what looks like is the reminiscence of one of her journals.
"I am so sorry." She admits, not wanting to look at him because she isn't sure what else to say. Because apologizing right away for everything just seems like the best thing to do.
"I know." He comments softly, taking a step into the living room, watching her legs lift up off the couch, moving them to the ground as she pats the seat beside her.
He sits down, huffing out a breath and looking out towards the fireplace that's dying out.
"I love you. And, I know it's stupid of me to even say that, to even think it. But, it's true. I love you and that's why I'm here." He tells her, hearing her swallow down her own words. She doesn't say anything, just places her hand on top of his and watches the fire die out.
"I love you too. Like-." She begins to tells him, turning his face with her cold hands as she searches his eyes. She doesn't want to see the years of hurt that she's caused. But, she knows she needs to see it all. She needs to see the pain and suffering, she needs to realize that he's here because of her, he's like this now. Torn up, conflicted, broken all because of her.
"No. You're lying to me and you're lying to yourself. You don't love me like a friend, Elena. I know that. I've sat up too many nights holding you in my arms, respecting your choices while you've grieved over Damon. I've spent too many nights watching your face fall when I tell you that Caroline and I are going to bed..Together. That isn't the face of someone who loves me like a friend. That's the face of someone who still loves me as if she wishes she was stil my lover!" Stefan suddenly shouts, getting up from the seat and pivoting on the soles of his shoes to look at Elena in the barely lit room.
They'd been dancing around the issue for months. Trying to avoid their feelings for each other out of the respect for Caroline and Damon. However, things reached a boiling point and tonight was the final straw. "Tell me you don't love me anymore. Tell me that you didn't wish it was you in my bed instead of her..Tell me during all those moments we've had together in the past year. That those moments have been a lie and I'll go away with Caroline. We'll leave and-." His words become cut off and his thoughts are cut short when she stands up on shaky legs, tears streaming down her face as she takes her journal and throws it across the room, watching it slide down a wall with a loud thud.
"I'm sorry! How many times do I have to tell you that I'm sorry for so many things. I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for ruining us..However, I'm not sorry that I still love you! That you are the only thing keeping me together. It's because of you, that I feel whole again. It's because of your support and love that I don't feel so broken anymore. How many times do I have to look you in the eyes and try to deny what I still feel something for you!" She screams, the feeling of his hands on both sides of her arms make her pause to lock her gaze on to him when he licks his lips and exhales.
"It's been a year….He's gone and he's never coming back. And, I know that you've tried loving her like you loved me, Like I tired loving him..I've seen it- because I've tried it before. To love another never works when you're still in love with someone else." She whispers softly, feeling his thumb glide across her skin, wiping away the tear falling down her cheek.
He hears her sniffling, her eyes locked on to him. "So, what do we do now. How do we move on, now?" He questions, his hands still placed on each side of her arms as she suddenly falls into him. She crashes against his chest, sobs into his neck as she tells him once more how sorry she is and how overtime she hopes that he'll open up his heart and still love her, even after everything she did to hurt him. After everything they both did to hurt, each other.
"All I ever wanted was for you to be happy." He tells, as he lays her down on to the cold sheets in another one of the four bedrooms in the house later that night. She watches him sit on the edge of the bed, his face looking down at his boots, averting her glances that he knows she's giving him when she says. "I was..Once, a very long time ago."
"And, all I ever wanted was for you to find happiness." She tells him, hearing his boots hit the ground as he too falls back into the sheets and lays beside her, looking up at the ceiling and still not looking into her eyes.
" I did, once..A very long time ago." He says, repeating her own words to her as he feels her lean into him, placing her head against his arm and inhaling deeply.
"I loved you with all I had. With everything that I was. I loved you and I still do. Not only as my friend. But, as my lover, as my support system. As my everything. I know that we both made mistakes. But, I want to fix them all. And, I know that it's been so long since we've even been together this like this and that we're both still healing..I guess, that's why I didn't want to admit it at first when the feelings that I thought were lost forever came back. I wanted you to be happy with Caroline and I wanted to grieve over Damon properly. I wanted to give us enough time." She says in a broken tone, looking up at the ceiling as they watch the fan overhead, spinning above them in circles, never once breaking it's rhythm.
"Enough time for what?" He asks her, turning his head just slightly as she locks her eyes on to his, searching them as if she's trying to search his mind. Stefan smiles a little after it finally clicks and he finishes her sentence for her. "You wanted to give us enough time to see if this is what we really wanted again."
She nods, nuzzling into him more as she finds his hand and intertwines their fingers together. It's still a perfect match, a good fit. Like, it always had been.
"I've been so horrible to you, I've been so unfair and I just...I wanted both of us to heal from each other as well."
She tells him. Laying beside him and just squeezing his hand as he turns to her, propping his head up off of the pillows that they are laying their heads on as she feels him extend out his hand to her cheek, brushing it up and down her skin before he plants a kiss upon it with his warm lips. He smiles, for the first time in months around her and when she finally turns to look at him, she does the same. "I know what I want, Elena. But, if you're still unsure. I want you to take your time and come find me. I don't want to rush this, I don't want to mess this up." He confides in her, leaving a quick kiss against her cheek as he pushes off the bed and heads towards the bedroom door.
He's just about to leave to check on Caroline when her soft voice stops him in his tracks. "What do you want, Stefan?"
He pivots, turning back towards the bed and smiling at her as he quietly states in a firm and truthful tone. "You. Elena, I want you. Even after everything, I still want you." He says, pausing before he adds in. "But, I'll wait until you're ready to start whatever this is between us again. So, when you are. Come find me." He tells her, stepping out of the room and leaving her sitting there in wonder.
"It's going to be really hard, you know. Trying to regain everything we lost. Everything we once were." She shouts at him, getting up and running after him. He pauses near the staircase, nodding his head and agreeing with her.
"I know." He whispers, turning to the side to look her over once more.
She's still beautiful as she always had been. She still manages to make his heart race even if he knows he barely feels it beat inside of his chest anymore. "You're forgetting something though."
He can see the wonder return in her eyes when he steps away from the staircase and gets a little close to her, still keeping his distance. But, still making sure that he's able to look at her square in the face when she asks. "And, what could I possibly be forgetting?"
Stefan smiles. Softly replying when he lifts his hand up to her cheek, caressing her smooth skin when he says. "That we have an eternity together. And, that we can take a long time to fix this. Because, I love you, Elena and I'll wait for however long it takes."
A/N: And, that's it. I hope you all liked it.
Reviews are appreciated. :)
