Author's Note: I wrote this for Tia (who writes the funniest fanfiction ever called Who Would've Known on TONFA). This isn't well done so there's a chance I'll improve and re-upload it at some point.
Summary: One Christmas Eve ...Kakashi Scrooge was visited by a ghost. One-Shot.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Tia or Domo.
One Christmas Eve
"Hey Kaka-sensei!" A loud, annoying voice was promptly ignored by the now fast-walking man. "Kakaaashi!" Feeling a weight on his back, Kakashi switched himself with a cactus and continued walking. "Hey wait! We want to have a team seven Christmas party and we need you to come and drag Sasuke there, or Sakura won't come!" Hearing Naruto's approaching footsteps, Kakashi poofed away, leaving Naruto to trip and fall face-first into another oddly placed cactus.
Kakashi smiled at his newly bolted door, no-one could get in or out now. His peace for Christmas Eve and Christmas day was secured. Settling down in his armchair in front of the lit fire, he pulled out Icha Icha Paradise and began to read it. He was soon interrupted by the sound of glass breaking and the ping of overly-shiney teeth.
"Hey Kakashi, how's it going?" Gai gave Kakashi a thumbs up, convinced that Kakashi would turn to look eventually. Kakashi cursed inwardly, how could he have forgotten that ninja don't use doors?
"Gai, no. I will not have a competition with you, I will not go out drinking with you, I will NOT celebrate Christmas with you!" Kakashi settled back into reading his book for all of two seconds before Gai spoke again.
"No Kakashi that is not what I am here for. You see I am not really Maito Gai, I am... A ghost!"
"Gai, turn of the torch and leave. We are not telling ghost stories."
"Aah my cool rival, this is not a story! Tonight you will be visited by one ghost, and only one ghost because no-one else wants to spend time with you, and I have to be gone by midnight so let's hurry this up." Finally giving up on Kakashi turning around, he walked in front of the chair. "I am currently the ghost of-"
"Gai... Why do you have a beard?" Kakashi thought Naruto cuddling pot ramen while he slept was the strangest thing he's ever seen, but now Gai had a sleek black beard and moustache.
"Well you would know if you had not interrupted me. As I was saying I am currently the ghost of Christmas past, hence my most youthful facial hair. I am here to take you on a journey of your past Christmases, take my hand!" Gai extended his hand to Kakashi, sweatdropped as Kakashi just stared at him, and held on to Kakashi's shoulder instead.
Standing in the middle of a field, Kakashi frantically searched for his book.
"It did not come with us Kakashi, you do not need the distraction, you must pay attention to what I am showing you. Look." Gai pointed to the three figures nearby.
"Kakashi, come celebrate Christmas with us, sensei can't come because he's spending it with Kushina-chan, but we have presents for you." Rin smiled.
"Hmph, I don't have a present for you, and I bet he hasn't got any for us either!" Obito scoffed, turning away from the younger Kakashi.
"I have better things to do." Was all the explanation Kakashi gave, leaving his teammates to train by himself. Icha-deprived Kakashi stared at his former teammates, before being whisked away later into the night, at his old house.
Young Kakashi was alone in his house, like he had been every Christmas since his remaining parent had died, and even some Christmases before that. Except this year, beside him was a small, neatly wrapped present, addressed to Minato-sensei, the one person he truly respected and cared for. However he couldn't give the present to him, he didn't want to intrude on his private time with his fiance, he knew he would just ruin their Christmas. Older Kakashi remembered that present, it was gathering dust in a box of his old things.
"I think you have seen enough. Come, for I am the ghost of Christmas present!" Kakashi had no time to react to Gai's outburst before he was transported away again.
Kakashi could barely look at Gai for a second, though he was thankful that the beard was gone, he was surrounded by blinding bright sparkly lights.
"So that you can tell me apart from the real me." Gai gave a brief explanation, and Kakashi turned his attention to working out where they were. It was filled with plants, a carton of out-of-date milk, a beaten poorly-made doll of him and a poster of Sasuke's face with an 'X' drawn through it, leading Kakashi to the conclusion that it was Naruto's apartment. Sasuke sat on the sofa, attempting to ignore Sakura's advances, while Naruto was barely conscious on the floor, with several holes and bruises, and slight charring.
"Sasuke was not happy about coming here tonight, violently denying Naruto's invitation, however youthful Naruto did not give up!" Gai pounded his fist into the air in honour of Naruto.
"Sasuke-kuun~" Sakura called, leaning into the angry boy.
"I've had enough! I am never willingly spending time with you two again!" Sasuke stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. Sakura pouted, pulling out her Sasuke plush and snuggling it.
"I'll get the floor..." Naruto rolled onto his back, drooling.
"And where were you when this happened?" Gai whisked them away to Kakashi's apartment, where he sat on the armchair reading Icha Icha. Kakashi peeked over his other self's shoulder to read.
"Icha Icha is so good, nothing is better..." He smiled, happy to be reunited with his precious book.
"There are times when it is inappropriate to be reading it." Gai commented. A whoosh sounded as they reappeared in a dimly lit room, filled with the sound of Sasuke's scream. Kakashi watched himself sealing the curse mark, his other self sneaking a peek at his book, Kakashi also looked, smiling at the remembrance of the whipped cream scene. Kakashi saw something he hadn't noticed before at that moment, a small flicker in the seal that travelled up Sasuke's back.
He pushed the thought out of his mind as Gai transported them again.
"Gai... Why?" Kakashi stared in shock at Gai's head. His beard and moustache were back but were now white, and he wore a green and white hat.
"I am preparing for later, I will give my youthful student Lee the best Christmas ever! Did you know that Father Christmas originally wore green, not red?" Gai said. "Ahem, I am the ghost of Christmas Future!"
"So Kakashi, are you going to come with us?" Naruto asked, Sakura standing behind him.
Future Kakashi had his face buried in his book. "No, I'm sure you can handle it yourselves..."
"A new Icha Icha!" Kakashi exclaimed, "I must not look, no spoilers, no spoilers!"
"Well you won't tell anyone, right?" Sakura asked, slightly nervous.
"Tell anyone what?" Future Kakashi answered, satisfying his students, who were completely oblivious to the fact that Kakashi hadn't been listening to where they wanted to go.
"I don't need to show you your future self sitting around reading Icha Icha Ta-"
"Don't tell me the name!" Kakashi interrupted Gai, mentally repeating his 'no spoilers' mantra.
"Well, let's just see what happened to those two." Gai whooshed them away again, this time to a candle lit room where Sasuke sat eating a can of whipped cream, still confused by his obsession with it.
"Sasuke!" Naruto yelled, walking into the room with Sakura, "Merry Christmas! We brought you presents!" They each held out presents, "It's okay if you didn't get us any, shopping is still open today!"
"Naruto!" Sakura put on a smile for Sasuke, "Here, open them."
"I..." Sasuke stood slowly, slipping the can of whipped cream into his pocket, "Will kill you!" Naruto was now in the clutch of a large being that surrounded Sasuke.
"I don't think we need to watch this..." Gai said, transporting them to the day after. They stood in a wreckage, Sakura lay dead in a bloody heap on the floor, cuddling Sasuke's shirt.
"You could have prevented it, Kakashi..." Gai said. "Well, it's midnight, time's up. Gotta go!"
Kakashi was alone in his apartment, his book closed on the floor, wondering how much trouble his future self got in for letting his students die. Sighing, he decided that trouble lasted longer than the three of four Christmases he had to be nice for to avoid their death.
After digging out a small yellow-wrapped present from an old box, he headed over to his favourite spot, the memorial stone.
"Hey guys, sorry for not ever spending Christmas with you., or getting you presents. But this year, I'm going to clean your stone! I have to take care of my students now, but I'll be back tomorrow. Sensei, here, I got this for you years ago, I know you've been waiting for a while but don't open it until tomorrow." Kakashi placed the present in front of the stone.
Yugao, who was waiting behind a tree to visit Hayate once Kakashi was gone, began to doubt his sanity.
Kakashi waved to the stone and left, running through Konoha and ignoring the sight of Gai climbing down Lee's chimney.
"Hey, teme!" Naruto ran after Sasuke, Sakura following. "Hey, we're gonna celebrate Christmas together, wanna come?" They finally caught up.
"Just the three of us? No." Sasuke began to walk away.
"Hold on," Kakashi jumped down from a tree, his book in his pocket. "I'll celebrate too, and I will make sure this is a team Christmas, no romance or flirting." Sakura and Naruto both pouted, but brightened when Sasuke nodded and turned around to go with them.
"Thanks Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto grinned.
"Lies!" Came a loud voice, a teenage girl appeared, pointing at Kakashi. "This is not Kakashi! You see him as Kakashi because you can't handle your attraction to what he really is!" The four of them stared at her oddly. "For he is... Domo!"
"Huh?" Kakashi questioned. His team looked back at him, suddenly seeing a brown cuboid shaped thing that looked like it wanted to eat them. The girl grabbed him.
"I know this, for I am Tia!" She dragged him away to her makeshift apartment, a tent behind Ichiraku.
Finally back at his house, Kakashi wondered into his bedroom to get some sleep, but was greeted by Pakkun next to his very wet pillow.
"You didn't get me a Christmas present." Pakkun poofed away, leaving Kakashi to sink to the floor and curse Gai's existence.
~The End~