The Places That You Have Come To Fear The Most

Summary: "The fight-or-flight response, refers to a physiological reaction that occurs in the presence of something that is terrifying, either mentally or physically." Karma always ran when she's scared, it was just natural. However, when her running causes Amy's life to hang in the balance, Karma Ashcroft is suddenly faced with the things that scare her the most: falling in love and losing Amy.

Pairing: Amy Raudenfeld/Karma Ashcroft

Warnings: Language

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter One

She doesn't remember how she got here, or why it is so hot. God, why is it so hot? She's practically naked. Fuck, when did that happen? Karma Ashcroft's mind is racing in a thousand different directions as she glances around the cheesy motel room with the faux flower petals on the floor. This wasn't supposed to be happening. Not like this. Her first time wasn't meant to be in some cheap motel room with a popular guy and her gorgeously, sexy, and perfect best friend standing inches in front of her in less than revealing clothes. No, this is wrong. This is all wrong.

Your first time is supposed to be special. It is supposed to be with someone that you love, someone who is going to be gentle and caring and is going to make sure that they can do whatever possible to make you comfortable and happy; with someone who would hold you afterward and brush your hair out of your face and tell you just how amazingly perfect you are. It was supposed to be with someone like... Amy.

Like Amy? Seriously Karma? Amy Raundenfeld? She gulps for oxygen as she stares at her best friend, their faces barely inches apart. How in the world is this happening? And since when did Amy get so damn sexy? Except, she shouldn't think that way, she should not think of her best friend as sexy. Normal people do not think of their best friends, or faux girlfriends as sexy. She should be thinking Liam Booker is sexy, she should be thinking about how she wants nothing more than his hands all over her and the two of them going further than she has ever gone before. She should be thinking about Liam. Liam. Liam. Liam.

Fuck, Amy.

But see, she's not gay. She really isn't. She doesn't find girls attractive, not even in the slightest bit. She hates the female population for the most part, because they are bitchy and rude and just… on the whole horrible species of people. It is why she has only had one real girl best friend in her entire life, and that person is Amy. It is the person that she can't stop staring at. She can't feel this way, at least, not amount Amy.

Maybe she's just curious. After all, this is her first sexual encounter after all.

Yeah, Karma nods as she tries desperately to find some moisture in her mouth, she's just curious. It's not like she's in love with Amy or anything.

Except, maybe she is.

Maybe Karma's not faking it. Maybe she never had been faking to anyone but herself.

However, she manages to lose all train of thought when Amy's fingertips are gently rushing against the nape of her neck and her stomach is on literal fire. She thinks that by the time that Amy's lips are hovering above hers that she might actually self-implode and she can't remember the last time that she was so excited for anything else. And then, suddenly, it is happening. Amy is kissing her, like, really kissing her and it takes Karma's breath away. Her chest is tightening, her stomach has butterflies- no, screw that, pterodactyls wreaking havoc inside of her stomach.

It's like, suddenly, everything just… made sense. As if Amy had somehow managed to take paint brush and color her entire life in a beautiful, vibrant, neon shade of pink. As if her best friend somehow found every missing or broken piece glued them all together and made her into something beautiful. She completed her.

As she opens her mouth, leaning her body heavy into the kiss, she can suddenly see everything behind her closed eyelids. Every single sign that the universe has thrown her that she managed to keep missing, time and time again. It was Amy. Even when it couldn't be and shouldn't be, it was Amy. She could see their entire lives together- college, marriage, kids, the white picket fence, the whole shebang. And dear God, that scared the living shit out of her.

Pulling away, Karma searches Amy's eyes for something, for anything to make sense of what just happened. But suddenly, it as if a new window has opened within those deep swirls, a window into Amy's soul, something that she has never seen before. Unexpectedly, Amy is looking at her as if she hung the stars in the sky and gave the moon its shape and Karma can't breathe. Has she always looked at her like that?

Shit, is she looking at Amy like that?

"Whoa." She manages to gasp a breath and Amy nods, staring at her so affectionately that it feels like a telephone cord around Karma's neck, rendering her unable to obtain any oxygen. How in the world is this happening?

"I know," Amy smirks and smiles as if she had been waiting for Karma to say that. Fuck, had she been? As Karma's mind races even further, she feels another prickle somewhere deep within her when she watches Liam Booker scoop Amy up into his arms, kissing her so hungrily, so desperately, as if the world might stop spinning if he doesn't.

And it is a feeling like a knife straight into her heart when she realizes that Amy is kissing him back.

She is kissing him back.

Her knees begin to shake and her heart begins to ache, in ways that Karma never imagined possible, in ways that she has never felt before in her entire life. Never, except for once. Once when she was six years old and her father bought Zen a brand new bike and didn't get her anything from his trip. But this is bigger than some stupid bike or some stupid Barbie that her father promised her but never returned with.

This is Amy.

And Liam.

Nothing makes sense anymore. She doesn't know who she is angrier with. Amy, for kissing the only boy that she has ever shown any interest in or, Liam for kissing her best friend and perhaps her not-so-fake girlfriend. All she knows is that she is standing there, her dark brown eyes flickering back and forth between both of their gorgeous faces, two people who she genuinely cared about as they made out with each other. And fuck, she can't breathe. She can't… she can't…

Amy. Liam. Amy. Liam. Amy. Liam.

"I-I can't do this." Karma stutters, as she grabs her trench coat, quickly throwing it over her naked body as Amy's eyes scan her in concern. Amy steps forward so gently that Karma is almost sure that she is going to break in half but instead of acknowledging her best friend, Karma pushes past her in haste, leaving the door slamming behind her.

Then, suddenly, she is running. She is running so hard and so fast that she almost swears that her knees are going to give out beneath her but God, she doesn't care because she has to get away, she just has to get away from all of it, from the both of them. She is running, her feet pounding against the concrete beneath her as Amy's quiet but concerned voice calls out, pleading for her to slow down. But she can barely hear it, in fact, it is almost as if Amy is on a different continent entirely calling out to her.

People don't feel this way. People don't feeling this way about their best friends. People feel this way about Liam Booker, the most popular boy at Hester High, the boy with the bashful eyes and a heart breaking smile that makes girls fall to their knees before him. People feel this way about quarterbacks, about lead singers of the band, about their twenty four year old Geography teacher. People don't feel this way about their best girlfriends, especially when that person is Amy Raundenfeld.

She doesn't know when the rain started or when the tears starting to fall down her face but all she knows is that the lightning is dancing on the sidewalk in front of her, lightning her way home. She doesn't know when she starts sobbing but all she knows is they are aching through her in the most heart wrenching sounds as she gasps for her breaths.

"Karma, please!"

Shaking her head, the brunette shuts her eyes tightly as she keeps running, each steps harder and harder than the other. She has to get away; she has to get away so that she can breathe again. She is running so hard, so fast, that she doesn't even notice that she is running across the busiest intersection in Austin, Amy hot on her heels, with the sounds of horns blaring echoing in the vibrations of the cracking thunder in the pissed off sky above her.

All she knows is that she has to get away from it all. Get away from Hester High, from the cheesy hotel room, from the way that her parents are constantly swooning over her, from Liam Booker and his infatuating smile, and even away from Amy, the only person who ever understood her.

She ran and ran and ran, damning the both of them to hell with every raindrop or tear that fell down her face.

She physically cannot do this. Not like this. Not with Amy.

She can't remember coming home, or exactly how she got here, until it is nearly half an hour later and she is buried under her blankets so deeply that the apocalypse could not find her. Beside of her is nearly a thousand used tissues, the teddy bear that Amy won for her at their fifth grade fair, and the television remote that she hasn't touched since she realized that House Hunters was on. She is finally comfortable, for the first time all night, well she would be, if she could actually ignore the fact that the biggest part of is missing.

As another crack of thunder bellows in the sky above her, she digs herself deeper and deeper within those blankets, tucking them up until they are resting just under her nose. Inhaling deeply, she can still smell Amy's perfume from their sleepover two nights ago and suddenly, the all too familiar scent makes her heart slow.

In fact, she is almost completely in a dream world of house hunting internationally when there is a rapid knocking on her door before it busts open. Barely able to open one eye, she notices her mother standing in the doorway and she snuggles deeper down in her blankets.

"Hey Mama. What's up?" Karma yawns sleepily.

"Karma… baby…" Mrs. Ashcroft whispers and the tone of her voice quickly snaps Karma awake. She knows that tone, even though she has only heard it once in her life and it was the night that she sat her down with Zen to tell her that their GamGam had passed away. It is a tone of carefulness, of fragility, as if her daughter might completely fall apart at the sound of her voice. Shooting upwards in her bed, Karma shakes her head softly, raking her nails through her brunette curls, gnawing on her bottom lip softly, her heart thudding in her chest.

"M-Mom? What's wrong?"

"Oh, sweetheart. I…I am just so sorry." Mrs. Ashcroft whispers, her voice breaking as the tears begin to spill down her cheeks. Karma sucks in a hard breath as she stares at her fragile mother as she makes her away across the room to sit on the edge of the bed with her daughter. There is a look in her eyes of despair, of loss, of aching, a look that Karma knows a little too well. Before she even knows why, there are tears mirroring in her own eyes and bile rising in her throat at the unknown.

"What happened? Is it Dad? Is it Zen? I told him to be careful but God, it's like he never listens. It's like he doesn't think that I need him but he is my big fucking brother, of course I need him! And I…" But Mrs. Ashcroft interrupts her as she gently places her hand on Karma's wrist with a whimper, an action that lets Karma knows that it is something far more serious.

"There was an accident, Kam. The… the… the rain was just too heavy and… the lights went out and I guess the driver… I do not even know how to begin to…"

"Wait, what do you mean there was an accident? What are you talking about?" Karma asks, although she already knows. She can just feel it. Crawling to her knees, she stares at her mother, wanting her to tell her something, anything, rather than the truth that hangs in the air between them. Mrs. Ashcroft lets out a shaky breath as she looks down at her hands, the tears falling from her weary eyes.

"N-No, Mom. Mom, please tell me that…" Karma begs and Mrs. Ashcroft shakes her head as she lets out a heart wrenching sob, a sound that completely snaps something inside of Karma.

"Baby, it's… it's really bad. It's…it's Amy."

And suddenly, Karma's entire world goes the darkest and most painful shade of black.