Bottom of the Ocean
swinglifeawayxx
Part One
"It was a mistake," I mumbled, looking away from two of my best friends standing in front of me on the "Hannah Montana" set. We were in my dressing room, where the two had practically cornered me and demanded to know what the hell was going on with me. I didn't have any answers.
"What were you doing alone with him anyways?" Mitchel asked incredulously, flipping his long hair out of his face. "He's 22, Miley. You're 15!"
"I know, Mitch, thank you. I met him through Brandi and her friends," I replied, avoiding his real question as well as his piercing gaze. Emily was very much at evidence at his side, her tiny frame looking strangely intimidating as she glared at me.
"That's not what he asked," she pushed firmly. Em had always been protective of me, and anyone would be able to tell she was seriously pissed off.
"I don't know, okay?" I exclaimed, on the verge of helpless tears. I threw my hands up into the air and flopped dejectedly down on the couch behind me. " I don't know what I was thinking, all I know is that I regret what I did. Big time."
I threw my purse and house keys on the kitchen counter in my wing of the house, walking over to the refrigerator. I opened the stainless steel door, grabbing a lemonade Vitamin Water, unscrewing the cap and gulping half of it down in one go. As I shut the door, my stomach clenched; my eye caught a picture of me and three brothers, arms around each other, the youngest staring straight into my eyes. I hadn't been able to bring myself to take it down since the breakup - three months ago. I shut my eyes tightly for a moment, before turning and making my way down the hallway to my room, flicking of the kitchen lights as I went. It was near ten o'clock at night and my driver had just dropped me off at home from the set. Mitchel and Emily hadn't pressed the subject after seeing how upset I was, but it still hurt to see how disappointed they were in me.
I walked into my blue bedroom, grabbing my laptop off of one of my night tables and placing it on my bed. After pressing the power button, I walked across the room to my bathroom, turning on the light. I looked in the mirror and looked away fast; I was a mess. Ever since the pictures had surfaced, I hadn't really bothered to put on a lot of makeup or put on really flashy clothes. I looked more like an average teenager than the teen queen.
I sighed and turned on the faucet, cupping my hands under it to catch the stream of water. The shining liquid pooled in my palms and I leaned down, swiftly splashing it on my face, waking me up. I reached blindly to the side and grabbed the towel that was hanging on the hook in the wall, patting my face dry. When that was done, I hung the soft towel back up, carefully avoiding looking into the mirror. I turned and walked back into my room without a second glance.
I was already in a pair of comfy sweats and a tee-shirt, so I plopped down onto my bed, leaning against the fluffy pillows. i pulled my MacBook onto my lap, typing in my password before clicking on the internet icon. The homepage popped up and I clicked on the address bar, my fingers flying across the keyboard. Soon the red and white "Youtube" logo popped up. My fingers guided the mouse to the search bar, where I typed in my desired search. In a matter of seconds, videos titled "Miley Cyrus Photo Scandal" flashed onto the screen.
This had become a daily routine for me. I came home from work and checked out what the fans were saying about me that day. I had a surprising amount of supporters, but the haters were brutal. I'm not sure why I made myself look every single day - probably because this was my way of punishing myself.
I clicked on the first video I saw, a new one. Once the page loaded, I skipped right down to the comments. I, of all people, didn't need to see those pictures again. I took a deep breath and started reading.
"shes so ugly when i see her face it makes me wanna throw up!!" Well, this was a usual comment. I was used to it. Not to say it didn't hurt, I just knew better than to let it bother me.
"omg shes just like any other teenage girl. we all take pics like that so dont be a hypocrite." Here was one of my true fans. I appreciated them more than ever.
"omg miley is a fricken slutt and im sry but she is. she so used nick. i feel bad for him. miley isnt good enough for any jonas brother." These hurt the most.
I didn't use him, I didn't! We were best friends before we dated, he was the one who told me he liked me, he was the one who stopped calling, he was the one who broke it off! I loved him! And I never liked Kevin or Joe. They were like older brothers to me. I still talked to them. Why did all the blame always have to be on me?
Tears pooled in my eyes and rolled slowly down my cheeks. I stared unseeingly at that one comment for God knows how long, before a hand not my own pushed down the screen and shut the computer.
"Why do you do this to yourself, Miles?"
I looked up to see Trace and Brandi staring down at me, Trace's hand on my laptop. My face crumpled and I started to sob, curling in on myself. My brother and sister rushed to sit on either side of me on the bed, Trace moving my computer back to my bedside table. Brandi stroked my hair as I curled into a ball, laying my head in her lap.
"Shh, Miles," she soothed, trying to calm my crying. Trace rubbed my back, silent. My sobs continued, untamed, ripping from my throat. I hated the fact that I'd disappointed them so much.
We stayed like this for a good five minutes, me trying to take solace in the unusual presence of both of older siblings home at the same time.
"I'm s-so sorry," I gasped out, sitting up and trying to even my breathing. I looked around at both of my family members. "I d-don't know what I was thinking when I t-took them, and I did-"
"Miley, it's not your fault," Brandi cut me off, moving to sit next to Trace in front of me. "I'm the one who introduced you to Tom. I knew he wasn't the best guy in the world."
"It's not y-your fault, Brand," I said, looking at my hands in my lap.
"Miley, you were pressured," Trace said softly. "You have pressure on you all the time from the entire world. You're allowed to make a mistake once in a while."
"But I let everyone down," I whispered.
"This family loves you no matter what you do," Trace said, firmly now. "And your fans still support you."
"The ones who don't aren't your real fans, anyway," Brandi added. "And your friends still love you."
"Not all my friends," I mumbled, tears springing to my eyes again.
"Oh, Miley," Brandi said, pulling me into her arms. I rested my head on her shoulder. "Nick still loves you, the time just wasn't right for you guys."
"He loves Selena," I whispered, trying desperately to stay calm.
"What makes you think that?" my sister asked me, pulling back to look at me.
"You haven't seen the pictures?" I asked incredulously.
"What pictures?" Trace asked calmly, but I could hear the dangerous note in his voice.
"Hand me the laptop," I said, sighing. He did, and once I got to youtube, I did yet another search. This time the pictures that came up were of Nick and Selena hugging fiercely, and of Selena wearing a vintage Elvis Costello tee - the same kind Nick had.
"Son of a bitch. I'm going to kill that kid," Trace growled under his breath, wrapping an arm around me and closing the laptop once again. I ignored him.
"They could mean nothing," Brandi tried to reason. "I hug my best guy friends all the time, and there are more than one Costello shirts in the world."
"It's just the fact that we're not even friends anymore. It's bad enough to watch him happy with someone else, but then to know that I don't have any tie to him at all anymore," I whispered. "He has no reason not to forget me and just move on."
"No one in the world could forget you, Miles," Trace winked at me, though his eyes were still angry. "Trust me on that."
I managed a weak chuckle as they enveloped me in a group hug.
"Don't worry, Mi," Brandi murmured into my hair. "It will all work out...just give it some time."
The next morning when I woke up, my phone was flashing on my bedside table. Squinting against the bright light streaming in the window, I grabbed the rectangular body and slid my finger across the screen, unlocking it. There were two new text messages, one from Joe and one from Mandy. I clicked on Mandy's first. It read,
"Hey Shmiley, I heard from Brand that you had a rough day yesterday. Call me to hang out today!! Time for some Mandy-style cheering up!! Love you girly, Shmanderrs."
I grinned despite myself. I loved that girl. Quickly replying, telling her I would take a shower and then call her, I opened Joe's text.
"Hey Miles, just wanted to tell you I love and miss you!. We all do. Stay strong, dudette. Love, DANGER."
This one made me sad again. They didn't all miss me, and I knew it. I replied quickly with the same message I had sent Mandy, saying I'd call him in a bit.
Then I threw my phone on my bed and went to take a long, hot shower. Once that was done, I put on my bathrobe and wrapped my long hair up in a towel, walking back to my bedroom. I picked up my phone and sat down on the couch, only to find that I had another new message. It was from Shmanders, telling me not to call until later because she was in dance rehearsals for "Beach Girls." I shrugged and pressed the button to take me to the phone, pressing the familiar digits of Joseph's cell phone number. I pressed the CALL button and waited. It rang a few times before Joe answered with an excited,
"HELLO MISS ' I NEVER CALL MY BIG BROTHER/ BEST FRIEND UNLESS HE GETS DESPERATE AND TEXTS SEVEN BAGILLION TIMES!!'"
I giggled.
"Hello, Danger."
"Hey, Miles," he said, normally this time, and I could hear the smile in his voice. "How you been doing?" The smile dropped from my face.
"Um..."
"Oh, sorry, stupid question!" he blurted out, and I breathed a sigh of relief at not having to explain yet again. "Whatcha been up to?"
"Random stuff," I said. I waited about three seconds, grinning.
"AWKWARD!" we both yelled, laughing. This was why I loved talking to Joe, he could cheer me up in seconds. Then I heard a voice in the background that made my heart skip a beat.
"Who're you talking to, Joe?" It was him, of course.
"Miley," Joe said shortly, knowing that hearing Nick would make me upset again.
"Miley Cyrus?" the voice practically yelped.
"How many other Mileys do we know?" Joe asked sarcastically, chuckling. I could practically see him ruffling Nick's curls jokingly.
"Oh." That's the last I heard of the voice.
"Hey Joe, maybe I should let you get back to the band..."I said a bit awkwardly. "You sound busy."
"Um.. okay? I love you, Miles," he said, a bit confused.
"I love you too, Danger."
"Wait! Go to "Youtube" and look up 'Joe Jonas Miley Cyrus Photos'. Trust me, it'll make you feel better."
"Thanks Joseph. Bye," I replied, hanging up.
Ignoring his request for the moment, I walked through the door to my walk-in closet, heading over to grab some clothes. I headed back to the bathroom and slipped into my boyshorts and bra, pulling the towel from my hair. I decided to leave it curly, so I rubbed some gel through it and left it to air dry. Next, I pulled on my Sevens stone-washed skinny jeans, followed by a black tanktop. Over that, I pulled on a blue and black checkered, off-the-shoulder sweater. Next, I moved on to makeup - simple lipgloss and mascara. I walked back to my closet to grab a necklace and some bangles, as well as a pair of green converse hightops.
Done getting ready, I walked back to my computer, turning it on and doing just as Joe had requested. I clicked on the first video I saw, and listened carefully.
"Have you seen the pictures, Joe, of Miley Cyrus floating around the web?" The interviewer asked.
"Um, I-I don't think so," Joe responded. Bullshit.
"Come on, Joe!" the interviewer encouraged. "You know you have."
"Well, I just, we, uh, we're good friends with her. We've got her back and we love her to death." Joe responded loyally. I could hear Kevin agreeing in the background. That made me grin, appreciating just how much they cared. Then it struck me...Nick hadn't said anything. He hadn't even pretended to stick up for me and care. He couldn't even pretend.
Wiping angrily at the tears already ridiculously forming, I clicked out of the screen, showing my background, a shot of the ocean. The water was so clear and blue, you could see all the way to the bottom.
The bottom of the ocean.
The bottom of the ocean.
The words echoed through my head, sparking my creativity. Oh, I had a song idea. I had a good song idea and, so help me God, I was going to run with it.
"Momma, how long until we get there?" I asked, looking up from my lyrics notebook. My mom glanced up from her laptop, which was resting on her knees in the backseat of the limo.
"About ten minutes, baby," she replied with a smile, probably happy to see me so excited. I had been locked away in my room for the past few days, finishing the song idea that had popped into my head. We were now on our way to the Disney Channel Games concert, which I was going to be performing in. Disney hadn't allowed me to participate in the games, which I totally understood, no matter how much I hated it. I brought it upon myself.
When we got there, I was immediately rushed to my dressing room, though we still had hours. Just being cautious. My sound-check was in one hour, so my stylist decided to just have my hair done by then. He washed my hair and blow-dried it while I warmed up my voice. He was just finishing with the Chi I had brought, when a voice yelled "Knock, knock!" just outside my door.
"Come in," I called out. I couldn't see the door from where I sat, but as soon as the two pairs of arms wrapped around me from either side, I knew exactly who it was.
"Danger! K2!" I exclaimed, jumping out of my chair, much to Bryan (the stylist's) dismay. I turned around and threw my arms first around Kevin, then Joe, feeling the latter kiss the top of my head. "I missed you guys!"
"We missed you, too, Smiley," Kevin grinned once Joe let go of me.
"Ehemm," Bryan fake coughed. I giggled and jumped back into my chair while he playfully swatted the top of my head.
"Oops, sorry Bry."
"You better be, little missy," he said, mock-sternly. I giggled again.
Joe and Kevin pulled up two chairs on my left side, while Bryan swiveled my chair so I could face them.
"How've you guys been?" I asked immediately, trying to keep the subject off of me for as long as possible.
"We've been good," Kevin started with a knowing look. I didn't fool him for a second - I never had been able to.
"Kev, here, bought a new guitar that is now his wife and children," Joe teased. "And I've been being my normal self."
"Joe, you're never normal," Kevin pointed out. Joe stuck his tongue out at him. My smile was huge; I loved watching their playful banter.
"Sounds fun. How long until the new record?" I asked as Bryan curled my long hair into loose barrel curls.
"August twelfth," Joe grinned, bouncing in his seat. "We're so excited!"
"I'll bet," I smiled, happy for them.
"How about you, Miss Cyrus?" Kevin asked.
"July twenty-second," I replied, playing with my hands. They knew where most of my inspiration for this album had come from. Joe, noticing this, sobered.
"How've you really been, Miley?" he asked earnestly, trying to catch my gaze. Bryan took this as his cue to leave.
"You're done Miles," he said, patting my shoulder. "I'll come back before the show for touch-ups." Then he left me alone with two of the only people in the world who would actually demand to know what was actually going on.
"Uhm," - I drew in a shaky breath - "I've been better, but I'm dealing." I was still looking down, and I felt someone's hand lift my chin up; Joe.
"You're not alone, Miley," he said quietly as Kevin nodded beside him. "We're always here to talk, and we always will be, whether you're dating Nick or not.
"Thank you," I whispered.
They both stood up and pulled me with them, enveloping me in another Jonas group hug. One was missing though. I tried not to let myself think of that.
"Are you ready to rock sound-check?" I mock-yelled as we pulled back.
"Uh, hell yeah!" Kevin yelled back.
"Let's go!" yelled Joe, and proceeded to sling me over his shoulder and run right out of my dressing room, Kevin on our tail.
"Joseph, put me down!" I screamed, laughing as he tickled my sides.
"Never!" he exclaimed, tuning the corner and heading backstage. People stopped to stare as we passed, some grinning, familiar with Joe's antics.
I was still giggling when we got backstage. Joe came to a sudden stop, pulling me down and wrapping a protective arm around me. Confused, I followed his gaze; my smile faded. Standing in front of us was none other than Nicholas Jonas, in the flesh.
"Uh, hi," he said, his eyes wide. My eyes were cold as ice.
"Nicholas." I nodded my head. I could've sworn I saw him flinch.
"I was just looking for Joe and Kevin. We've got sound-check after Demi." He wouldn't even look at me.
"I'll, uh, let you do that," I said quietly, turning to Joe. "Knock 'em dead!"
With one last hug from Joe and Kevin, and one last glance at Nick, I made my way over to the mic station, willing myself not to look back.