Forgive me for this crap I made…
DISCLAIMER: I don't own it and you know that.
I have always known that I was not worthy of him.
Though that really didn't stop me from going on caring about fridge-boy anyway.
That was always so like me…
The problem is I cared way too much. I cared for him so much… So much that I think I fell in love with him.
And that's what hurts.
I love him but I am nowhere near his league.
I am not worthy enough to surpass the cold barrier he had built for anyone who tries to get too close to him. And incapable too.
Well except for Yanagi.
He adores her. Anyone can see that.
That's why Recca takes special care when it comes to his hime and Fridge-boy.
I admire him.
I admire his skill with the sword and the seemingly flawless way he handles it. It reminds me of a god… I admire the grace that he carries within himself. While me?… well I… sort of… stumble on everything.
I admire his unbending loyalty to his loved ones. That he even can offer his life for them. His quest for vengeance for the death of his sister…
He even sacrificed his happiness just for…
I admire his sadness…
Though I'd rather die than admit it to him. And besides, he calls me monkey so why would I indulge him? He has enough of fangirls to pamper himself with praises notwithstanding his cold exterior.
Sometimes I think that the world was totally unfair to him.
It was bad enough to have your world crashing down when the only person you care about is murdered.
Then Yanagi… the perfect mirror of his sister, he finally had found someone who can make him happy at last after all that he'd gone through… but she was involved with someone else… Recca.
The last straw was Meguri Kyoza, his teacher; his master who took care of him after the death of his sister turned out to be the one who actually betrayed him.
He had practically dedicated his life only for his vindication for his sister only to realize that the one who had helped him for this was the same person who killed his own happiness.
His only happiness.
And now, everything's over.
I wonder what would be his purpose for existence when his vengeance has finally taken its rest. I wonder how he takes all this things in.
I had wanted to comfort him. I wanted to reach out to him and assure him that everything's gonna be fine… because I'm here.
But I never really reached out.
Only Yanagi can.
Right.
Yanagi.
He lives now to protect Yanagi.
I walk with him today.
With me cheerfully skipping in front of him talking all sorts of nonsensical stuff which would occasionally earn me a snort or a snide remark.
I was a cheerful person.
But in front of him it was a cheerful mask to hide my innermost feelings that I'm afraid would cost me his friendship.
It was uncomfortable.
Nevertheless, I was happy this way. We live in the same neighborhood so he would get stuck with Ganko's and my company when walking for home.
We always tried to cheer him up. Sometimes we give him these surprise visits that pissed the hell out of him and we'd be dead if not for Yanagi. Sometimes, only Ganko and I did those surprise visits which is more disastrous in my opinion though he looked much more relieved I wonder. Or sometimes Ganko and I would pull him over to my home for tea and lately, he appears to be sociable enough to stay for dinner.
He seemed warming up to the gang though he is still the same fridge-boy when it comes to dealing with him personally.
I sighed. What a mess!
Ganko who was walking beside me gaped at me. "Fuuko-neechan?"
I sweatdropped and mentally kicked myself, did I just talked out loud? "Uh nothing!" I faked a smile then quickly looked for a proper excuse. "Just thinking of my Natural Science's project…"
"Hmm…?" she shot me an inquisitive look. "What about that?"
"Eheh!" my eyes perked upward. "I am momentously failing so my blasted teacher asked me to do a science project about the atmosphere! How am I supposed to do that in one week's time!" I said exasperatedly. Truly agonizing over the fact that I don't even have a single clue on what kind of science project I should do about the atmosphere.
"Maybe you could do a study about your Fuujin… Since it controls the wind and all… isn't?" Ganko had eagerly suggested that huge sweatdrops suddenly appeared at Mi-chan's and my head.
"Well I don't think he'd appreciate that…" I said between clenched teeth. "What does the world know about those bloody madougous anyway?"
Ganko shrugged. "Well… Mr. Shigeo knows awfully a lot about madogous and the Hokage." Ganko narrowed her eyes suggesting that she was in deep thought. "I'm sure he'd appreciate it."
"Well… Mr. Shigeo is not my teacher Ganko. Adding also to the fact that HE is a HISTORY teacher Ganko!" I explained sarcastically. Don't know why I'm so at the end of my tether today…. Probably because of that bastard. Well personally, I'd rather give him a taste of my fuujin and blast him off to any god-forsaken place. I smirked. No teacher. No science project.
"Oh…" Ganko simply said then turned her gaze to Mi-chan. "Mikagami-niichan, what do you propose?"
I turned to look at him not actually knowing what would be his reaction. It's either he impress us with his superior brain capacity or he'd use that superior brain capacity to taunt my so-called low I.Q. one.
Well, he didn't have the chance anyway. We were interrupted by female voices up ahead of us.
"Ganko!" two girls waved excitedly at our direction.
"Trinity! Sherrie!" Ganko waved back as enthusiastically as they did.
The two girls hurried towards our position and giggled at the sight of Mikagami.
As expected, ice-boy didn't look pleased.
"Hey girls!" she turned to us. "Fuuko-neechan and Mikagami-niichan, this is Trinity…" pointing to a bespectacled girl with a pretty face who smiled shyly at us. "… And this is Sherrie." Pointing to a perky looking brown-haired one.
"Hi!" Sherrie beamed.
"These are my friends." Said Ganko. "Sherrie, Trinity, this is my sister Fuuko and this is Mikagami-niichan." She pointed at the two of us randomly.
I cheerfully waved a 'hi' while ice-boy only nodded.
The two girls smiled animatedly nonetheless obviously charmed with the handsome guy at my back. "Nice meeting you Fuuko-san, Mikagami-san!" Sherrie bounced merrily. Trinity only shyly nodded again.
"Ganko!" Sherrie began. "Were on our way to Tsubaki's house! I heard the party is gonna be a blast! Are you on your way?"
"Party?…" Ganko looked perplexed. "Oh no!… No, I didn't know…"
Trinity smiled. "It's her birthday. Everyone in class is invited."
Sherrie snagged Ganko's arm forcefully. "Come with us! It'll be fun!"
Ganko tried to pull back. "Eh! But Fuuko-neechan?…" she turned to look at me, her eyes pleading me to let her go.
Wait.
My head began to zoom in and I felt my heart constrict on my chest as realization hit me squarely on my face.
Oh no! This was not part of the plan! No Way!
"Fuuko-niichan?"
I'll be alone with Mi-chan! I haven't once been alone with him.
No, I can't!
It had all been easy to act cheerful and bubbly in front of him when Ganko's also there. I don't know how to act all alone with him. I'm…
I'm gonna fuck this up.
He might see behind the cheerful mask. He might realize my true feelings! He might
My train of thought was abruptly interrupted by a low bow of Trinity who had mistaken my panicked expression with distrust on them.
"Umm… Fuuko-san… You shouldn't worry about Ganko-chan… We'll take care of her. We'll ward off suitors, and we'll bring her home before seven."
"Fuuko-neechan, please? Can I go?" Ganko pleaded.
I stared at them, my jaw practically hitting the floor.
How can I refuse them now?… puppy dog eyes… children.
But…
What about…
"For god's sake monkey, it's just a party." Mi-chan calmly retorted from my back, his baritone voice rendering a cold wave at my nerves. "It wouldn't harm her or anything… just let her go."
You wouldn't be saying that once you found me pledging my undying love to you jerk!
"Fine." I surrendered feeling as if my whole world suddenly crashed on me. "Be home at seven."
"Yeah sure!" Ganko and her two friends started to run at the opposite direction.
"And no suitors!" I shouted at her.
"Hee… hee…" she waved then continued running.
I waved back.
Then my face took a sullen expression.
Now what?
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Sherrie: "She sure looked stricken… It's as if we'll feed you to a monster."
Ganko: "Yeah… I sorta feel guilty… but I'd rather, she looked like I just fed her to a monster." (Remembering Mikagami's sharp mouth and cold attitude. "Hmmm... And a bishounen monster at that.)
Trinity: (ponderous) "Mikagami-san sure doesn't look like a monster to me… in fact, he's handsome."
Trinity: "Ganko-chan… are they a couple?"
Ganko: "Ah---" (sweatdrop)
Trinity: "Fuuko-san isn't much a beauty but… weird… they oddly look good together… must me the aura."
Ganko: (sweatdrop) "Guys… its not-"
Trinity: (ponderous) "Maybe she doesn't want to be alone with Mikagami-sempai… maybe he's a pervert that always takes advantage of her… I know a good body when I see one…"
Ganko: (pale) "W… what?"
Sherrie: "Ah! We're here!"
Trinity: "Whoa! I'm glad."
Ganko: (relieved and sullen) "Me too."
-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-
Not happening.
The situation had awfully gone more awkward for me.
I pretended to wave and stare at Ganko's retreating back while thinking of topics I can open in front of Mi-chan until there was no sign of Ganko's back anymore.
Nevertheless, at the end, I never did know.
My back tensed up even more as I prepared to face him. I wonder why I'm so riled up with something as shallow as "he" standing at my back looking at me when he might probably be looking the other way sneering his boredom off.
I've decided to use the cheerful-brainless-twerp masquerade.
I turned to face my back to see him actually watching me. My breath hitched.
Gak! Blue eyes… so handsome.
Oh for god's sake Fuuko! Pull yourself together! It's not like you haven't seen his face one too many times!
Oh I know dimwit! I practically see his face everyday!
But not looking at you…
Like that.
Huh?
Just like now…
I saw his mouth move… saying… "I want to go home now monkey" then he started walking away nonchalantly.
Huh?
My head bonked. "Oh… right…" I shifted my bag to my bag then followed him rather dazed. "L… let's go."
Did I… just imagined that?…
I eyed his back.
Maybe I did.
"I wonder why your teacher even gave you a project with the prehistoric I.Q. of a monkey like you…" he muttered while continuing to walk.
I definitely did.
"Hey Fridge-boy!" I growled. "That's the third time you called me monkey! Take it back!"
"Monkey." He repeated flatly.
What a jerk. "That's it! That's the last straw! You want a piece of me! Come and get me!" I nearly shrieked at him dropping my bag.
But he continued walking, his back looking bored even.
"Eh?…"
"I'm not in the mood to fight monkeys right now Kirisawa." He said.
I picked up my bag; the awkwardness I felt earlier replaced with the blistering anger I felt for him for dissing with my pride. I started walking, still following him. "Fridge-boy." I muttered.
Well at least it's not awkward for me anymore. I felt like a robot earlier… good thing I was at his back…
And besides…
His eyes.
They were like blue steel flashing.
It was…
Oh whatever!
Silence hung in the air…
The silence was like stretching forever. I'd be fidgeting if I could.
I fixed my gaze at his back again. He didn't look like bothered. Come to think of it, he looked like lost in his thoughts. It was even probably the case when he's with me and Ganko.
Then maybe he won't notice the silence.
I stared at the ground.
Damn! I'm the only one tensed up here! If only I could lose myself with my thoughts just like him! But then, I could only think about him, which will make me even more aware of him.
Life can be such a bitch!
Maybe if I rather fell in love with Domon I'd have more peace of mind.
What a mess to love an iceman. What a mess I am…
Where's that blasted intersection anyway!
I feel like I've been walking for hours!
A shadow that loomed in front of me had my shoes screeching for a halt. It was Mi-chan in front of me blocking my path.
WOAH! One more step and I'd be crashing with Mr. Pretty boy here!
Like preparing for battle, I took a breath then looked up to meet his dreaded cold gaze… his eyes.
Ice blue.
Beautiful… but cold.
"What?" I asked as calmly as I could muster, which came out too cold for my taste. I wanted to back out with the hard look that he gave me. But of course I didn't. My warrior instincts wouldn't let me.
"Oh…" I raised my eyebrows, straying my eyes at the back of his shoulder. Finally! Fresh air! Not that he smelled bad!
I noticed that we already had reached the intersection. He'll go right and I'll go straight ahead.
I returned my gaze at him, my heart painfully constricted at my chest with that cold unemotional look.
It's so frustrating.
It hurts.
My heart was at once overcome with a wave of melancholy.
He's so beautiful… and so cold…
I love him.
And I'd do anything to deserve someone like him…
"Umm… your project…" he started, a little apprehensive.
"What?" his words totally took me off guard. Did he just say my 'project'? What's he trying to say?
"Your project…"
"What about my project?" I demanded. I could see him fighting off a blush that's slowly creeping up to his cheeks with my interrogation.
"You can do a diagram of the different parts of the atmosphere…"
"What..?" my jaw dropped. He was listening?
"Well you said you don't know what to do about you project… so I… and…"
"Wha..?" he really did.
His face took on an annoyed look. "And will you quit saying 'what' over and over again. I know you're an idiot but you're really starting to sound like a broken record."
"Wh..! What the… d… diagram?" he actually told me what to do with my project?
"Even a monkey like you can make something as simple as a diagram of the atmosphere right?… Or are your brain skills that distorted!"
"Huh?" I stared at him, still reeling from the initial shock.
"And of course you must know everything about its parts… That will be easy since the atmosphere does not contain all sorts of formulas… etc… etc…" he continued while studying or I think he's studying me.
"You actually…"
He stopped. "Kirisawa, you really are that moronic, are you? I can't even make out what you are trying to say!…"
I winced. Sometimes, I do wonder about that.
Scratch that. I'm a warrior anyway!
I noticed that I was gaping at him openly. Fuck! I shut my mouth and met his eyes. "Uh… yah…" I looked at him uncertainly.
He just looked at me, so I took a step back, suddenly aware that I was too close. Enough to hear him breath and too close to his gaze enough to make me confess everything without even allowing my superior warrior brain skills to think…. What am I thinking!
I smiled. "Well… thanks…" I don't really know what to say… I need to get away… quick! I again took a step back and I was about to run for my life… well… er… make that for my heart… when he grabbed my wrists and started pulling me towards his part of town.
"What the hell Mikagami!" I bellowed.
"Stop shouting like a maniac! You're embarrassing my name just being with you! You're even lucky monkey that I'm helping you with this project of yours!" he retorted still pulling my poor hand but not looking at me.
"Ok! Ok! I can walk by myself Mi-chan!"
He dropped my wrists while still walking. "Jeez! That hurt!" I inspected my wrists… I think its dead… all the blood has gone…I followed him. "Oi ice-man! Finally melting huh? I just knew it!" I happily teased.
He just continued walking.
Damn!
What can I say?
I cringed.
Then I smiled. This can't be that bad right… right?
Someone save me from myself.
Right now.
We are lapsing into silence.
And I just ran out of things to say.
I am still following from the back, wryly studying him.
It is just so unfair! How can a guy look so beautiful in front and look good too even if his back is facing you.
Damn it! I know I am having a bishounen overload! I won't be surprised one day when I'll be signing up in his fan club holding banners and whatnots and I'll be screeching my empty head off with every impressive … move?.. he makes…
Darn!
All I think about is Tokiya Tokiya Tokiya Tokiya.
Maybe I really out to sign myself in that club!
Aaaarggh!
Quit thinking and start talking Kirisawa!
I was about to resort to the lamest effort for conversation about the weather when he suddenly broke the screaming silence that was totally blowing me into chunks with his voice. He kinda has a cool voice…
"I was wondering Kirisawa…"
My ears perked up. Oh… even fridge-boy wondering about something…
"Why did you look scared earlier?"
I flushed. "Scared?" Scared? He's not making sense… oh shit! Does he know? "Stupid! Stupid Kirisawa!" I mumbled to myself.
"When Ganko was invited to that party…" he glanced at me as if looking for something. "And when you were abnormally quiet the entire walk…"
I am so dead! I'm gonna kill myself! Yeah… like… right now!
He suddenly paused as if contemplating his words. Then he continued. "Are you per chance… afraid of my company?"
I stopped cursing myself and also stopped walking. "Huh?"
aaahhhhh! I've abandoned this story for awhile and I have completely got this plot worked out! But when I got back to it I completely forgot what would happen next! I am so stupid!
Ehehhehehe… I'm writing fanfiction when prelims is just around the corner… yah… talk about sluggish…0
Oi jef! Magupdate ka naman!