"I don't think that was meant to happen."
Tony looked in horror at message that popped up on the computer screen. "You think I don't know that?" He reached out and smacked the side of the monitor hoping it would miraculously go away.
It was supposed to have been simple. Tim had hacked so many different servers' in the past, and Tony had an inkling that not all of them had been sanctioned by Gibbs or any of the other higher ups of NCIS. Surely the little computer geek had used his computer skills to snoop around the computers of his co-workers, including Agent Butte, the striking brunette agent that Tony had been wooing for the past month, though to no avail. Butte had regarded him the way one may regard a bit of dirt on their clothing: Brush it off and forget about it.
After one too many brush-offs, Tony had decided to take matters into his own hands. He'd borrow Tim's computer while the younger agent was away and would find the little hole thing (or whatever the hacker term was for it) that Tim had left behind when he'd hacked into Agent Butte's computer –after all, who wouldn't want to spy on a woman as gorgeous as that? – and he would use it to find out a bit more about her. Hopefully, he'd be able to find out what websites she frequented and gain some insight into how to attract her. If it turned out that she was a fan of professional wrestling, he'd get some tickets to the next match; if she was into polkas, he'd gladly get himself fitted for some lederhosen.
No sooner had he typed in the password – poor predictable Tim; always using the same password – than a box popped up on the screen with a ping. The box read, "Caught!" and, despite multiple efforts on Tony's part to close it, the box had stayed up. In fact, when he tried to close it, a new box with the same message would pop up.
"I do not think that is going to make it go away, Tony."
He shot her a withering look, but began trying different tactics. First, he jabbed the "escape" key. When he did, the "Caught!" box didn't pop up; instead, a similar looking box popped up, this one reading, "That's not going to work!"
"McGee must have Tony-proofed his computer," Ziva said bemusedly. "Perhaps you have used it once too often?"
"Are you going to stand there being a smart ass or are you going to help me?" He began randomly hitting keys. Each time, the same box popped up with something different written in it. One box read "You're stuck!" while another read, "You're not getting out of this one!" and yet another reading, "Give it up! I won!" When he tried to simply turn it off, new message boxes popped up. These read, "Ha!" and continued popping up one at a time, increasing Tony's frustration.
"Why should I help you?" Ziva inquired. She was standing beside Tony, leaning over to look at the screen. "I am not the one who broke into McGee's computer just to impress some stuck-up agent who has made it clear that she wants nothing to do with me."
"Hey! She's a very nice woman!"
"It's a miracle she doesn't catch flies in her nostrils considering how high she sticks her nose in the air."
"Look, Ziva. We could sit here debating about something this trivial…or you can help me get this damn thing off McGee's computer screen!"
She lowered her head and looked him squarely in the eyes. "And if I do not?"
Tony returned the stare. "I'll tell him that you stood idly by while I broke into his computer."
Ziva considered this for a moment before nodding. "Very well. What does McGee usually do when he has computer troubles?"
"Has he ever had computer troubles?"
"Good point." Ziva crossed her arms and leaned against the desk as she thought. "What is that thing most people do when their computers freeze up?"
"Turn them off?"
"No."
"Call the Geek Squad?"
"No."
"Buy a new one?"
"No! There is something that people do…keys that they hit all at once and it makes the computer start again…control…and something…"
Tony snapped his fingers, suddenly realizing what she was trying to say. "Control – Alt – Delete! Of course!"
He placed his right thumb on the "Alt" key, his right middle finger on the "Delete" key, and his left thumb on the "Ctrl" key. With a single glance to Ziva, he gently tapped down on each key simultaneously. The result was a loud, wailing siren that caught the attention of everyone in the squad room.
"I DO NOT THINK THAT WORKED!" Ziva shouted to Tony, her hands clamped tightly over her ears.
"DO YA THINK?" he sarcastically retorted, also covering his ears.
"DINOZZO! DAVID!" The duo looked up and saw Director Vance standing at the top of the stairs with a sour look on his face. "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"
"MCGEE'S COMPUTER…IT'S GONE BERSERK, SIR!" Tony explained, leaving out the fact that he was the reason it was going berserk.
"WELL, WHERE IS HE?"
"I'M RIGHT HERE!"
Tim ran in and made a beeline for his computer. He shooed away Tony and Ziva, giving them each a hard stare, before running his fingers along the keyboard. With a few clicks of the keys the sound was gone and the screen had returned to its normal state.
"McGee! What the hell is wrong with your computer?" Vance asked as he neared the trio.
"Sorry, sir. That was the result of someone trying to break into my computer."
"You mean a hacker?"
"No, I mean someone physically standing over my computer and trying to gain access to my files. I set up a program so that when a person logs in, a box automatically pops up telling them that they've been caught. There's a code that needs to be typed in to make it go away and I'm the only one who knows it. No matter what the person does, the boxes will stay up. If they attempt to restart the computer by pressing 'Control – Alt – Delete' then an alarm sounds, which it seems happened."
"You installed a program to catch people snooping around your computer?" Tony asked in disbelief.
"Yes, and, based on what I just walked in to, it seems that I was smart to do so," Tim replied coolly.
"DiNozzo! David!" Vance bellowed. "Since you two don't seem to have enough to do, I suggest you busy yourselves by cleaning the supply closet."
Tony groaned as Ziva's elbow harshly jabbed into his ribs. "Jeez, I'm sorry! How was I to know the Probie had booby trapped his computer?"
As the pair was led out of the bullpen by Vance, Tony caught sight of Agent Butte approaching them. He shot her a smile, but was shocked when she passed him and walked toward Tim.
"Wow, Agent McGee," she gushed, "That was really smart the way you protected your computer. I'm such a dunce when it comes to computers. Maybe you could better explain them to me tonight over a couple of drinks?"
"DiNozzo!" Vance barked. "Stop banging your head against the wall and get to work!"
The end!