A/N:
This is sort of a continuation to Troubled mind. Where HIakru starts to understand his brother and discover who he was beore he died.
And something else hihihi. Read and find out.
panchuu: I am glad that you enjoyed it! I add a little part where it says ow he died...if you decide to read the story you must read that part to understand the ending of this one. Am I making sense lol? Hope you read this one too. Thank you for reading and reviewing.
lukomouse: You cried? With my fic? OMG I am so honored! I am so happy that you loved it! Hope you read this one too so you can see the answer to your review lol. Thanks and if you read this please review!
twinkle-twilight: I know it's sad but I think it fits Kaoru, he always hides his emotions. I wrote one happy story HxK D! It's called Together. I hope you read this sotyr and review and thanks for reviewing Troubled mind. Bye!
Sakura Yamazaki : I am so glad you liked this fic! And I am also glad I am not the only person in this world that absolutely hates Haruhi! She always meddles in everyone's business and apparently doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut. Innocent my ass!GRRRR! Sorry got a little carried away lol. I try not to obviously make her mean in the fics cause people like her...damn. Hope you read this continuation that I made cause you asked for it D Read and review pleaseeee!
Please review!
Clouds in the sky.
Hikaru looked outside the window with bored eyes. Ever since the funeral, which had been a year ago, he could not pay attetion to anything anymore. Only the garden. Every time he looked at it, he could see his brother laying lifeless on the ground...smiling.
What pained him the most, was the smile on his brother's face. Showing that he was happy when he died. That he was happy because he was dying. Like that was a good thing. It pained him because made him remember what a failure he was. He failed to see Kaoru. Truly see...
After all, he must have been really depressed to commit suicide. Right after his funeral, Hikaru found anti-depressive medicines. He asked his parent's about it and they knew it. They were surprised that Hikaru didn't know. So was he. All he had done ever since Kaoru's death was blame himself.
"Hikaru. Try to pay attention..." it was Haruhi. She was trying to make him do better at school. His grades were shit. What did she expect anyway? He looked at her and then back at the garden. He heard her sigh. Today was her sixth month aniversary. Sixth months since she started dating Tamaki. God he was so dense...he actually thought that what he had with Haruhi was forever. How could he?
Now...now he was Hikaru Hitachiin...the only Hitachiin. The girls didn't confuse him with anyone...he didn't get to play 'Who is Hikaru?'game with anyone. Because there was only one of him. Only him...alone. He actually got mad at the fact that no one seemed to care. Of course they missed Kaoru but...they had him so why bother with tears? But it was so not like that!
He sighed...he couldn't hate anyone. It was his fault and he would carry this burden on his own. Like his brother bravely did until his very last breath. Only to count on his pillow to cry and his pen and paper to write his thoughts. Kaoru's journal was found right after the funeral. Again everyone knew about it but Hikaru. He had written about Hikaru's denseness on his journal.
" I laugh...in a way of preventing me from crying. Four months have passed! Four whole months! And he is yet to notice my tear stained pillow. Or the big dark marks that have formed under my eyes from my lack of sleep. Or many other things I am desesperatly trying to make him see but he doesn't!
Well...I guess he is not obliged to see. Separation is natural...I did see that coming. What I didn't see coming was him completely ignoring my existence. I honestly thought that he would notice my presence. But I barely see him. And he never sees me. He was never much of a observer...he proved to suck at it...he is completely blind. Just like I knew he did be."
The dau was beautiful...just like the day of Kaoru's funeral. Just like the day afterwards when he discovered both journal and anti-depressive pills. He only took it to try to stop the end. Trying to slow down day of his death. Trying to find something or someone worhting living for.
" I finally convinced them...Ootori produces the best anti-depressive medicine ever and I finally convinced mom and dad to let me take it. Kyouya is actually negociating the lowest dose for me...they are creating a new dose just for me. Mom was afraid I miht do something with the medicines. Not that I didn't think about it...I just think it's too soon to take such drastic measures.
I will take one per day and in case is not sufficient they will increase the dosage. Which I hope they do. I will need a lot of those to make me feel at least a little bit like the old me again."
By the time Hikaru had read half of Kaoru's journal he almost didn't believe it was his. So different from the Kaoru he knew. So sad and broken. He use to be happy, cheerfull. He used to think about everyone around him, he use to think about everyone's feelings above his own. But with time he became selfish...only thinking about his pain. Not that Hikaru blaimed him for it since his brother had the right to be sad...he just wished he could have stopped Kaoru in time.
" I am reading the content of this diary again... I wish I had started to write my thoughts long time ago. So I could compare what I was to what I became. I am certain it is a completely different person, but maybe ifI had my thoughts in ink on a piece of paper...maybe I would think differently. Maybe it would stop me from what I am thinking of doing.
I am not how I used to be no matter how much I pretend. Kyouya knows. He knew even before he sold the pills to me. He says everything he does is because of money, but I know Kyouya is not like that. I found his pills too. He is sad because his most precious friend and loved one was taken away from him. That person being the blind Tono of course. Like me Kyouya is broken. We exchange knowing glances when we see our respective loved ones, completely unaware of our deadly sadness.
He is not the only one that has seen me change. So has Haruhi. God, I am trying so hard not to hate her! But I can't like her like I did before she started dating with my brother. She always meddled in everything. Why can't she meddle now and say something to my brother? I asked her...she said it is becase he must see it on his own. I hope she feels the weight of my death when it comes. Because I am certain I can't take much longer."
Hikaru was forcing himself not to cry now. He could remember every single word of the last entry his brother wrote on his diary. The images of his dead brother and the funeral real and vividn his head. He sighed and closed his eyes trying hard to think about something else, but nothing could get his mind eslsewhere.
" This is the last...after this my thoughts will be gone forever. Soony heart and brain will have stopped taking me away from this endless pain that some people call life. I know I am being unffair. That there are worse things than what I am going through. But my pain cannot be disconsidered just because I am rich. Money doesn't buy happiness or love. And nothing in the world is more important than these two things. Nothing! So if I don't have and never will have the two most important things in mylife there is no reason to continue on living.
I stole my mom's sleeping pills. I know she hasn't been able to sleep ever since I am on medications. I also stole a Merlot. Not actually stole since it was in our house, but I couldn't have taken it. I wonder what will I feel? Sleepy? Dizzy? Nauseous? All the three? Well...I hope it's like falling into peaceful slumber.
Now it's time for my goodbye. My brother will be with Haruhi until sunset and he won't notice my absence. I wrote him a suicide note...just to try to explain what is going through my head. Though I am certain he won't understand. If he comes to search for me in our classroom which I am not certain he will do, because even though I said I wnated to go home with him today, he might forget. Well...even if he doesn't come someone will find the letter eventually...someone will find me eventually. I wonder what waits for me? Maybe nothing...but right now, that is all I want. A peaceful, empty, dreamless, Haruhi-less, sleep.
Goodbye my diary...the ink and paper that hold a piece of my soul."
Hikaru lowered his head. Pretending to be asleep and actually crying. He tried to cry silently and wipe his tears on his sleeves. The teachers didn't say anything to him anymore. They knew he would be crying. So he continued there crying until the bell rang. Though he did not move after it rang.
"Hikaru...c'mon...class is over." Haruhi said and he heard other footsteps. People entenring the classroom. He didn't want to go to his house. He couldn't call it his home anymore. His home was wherever Kaoru was. And Kaoru wasn't anywhere so Hikaru didn't have a home anymore. " C'mon Hikaru stop blaming yourself. It's been already a year."
Hikaru not only shut himself down. After his brother's death he stopped talking. It took him six whole months to make him say something and the only thing that got out was Kaoru.
"Hikaru-kun. If you want you can stay at my house for today."Kyouya said. So they were already there. The Host Club was gathering to celebrate Haruhi and Tamaki's dating. How long had he been in that classroom? But Kyouya's offer was something he wanted. Kyouya was the one that understood his brother right before he killed himself. He wanted to ask so many things to him. Though he knew Kyouya wouldn't answer. For the second time in over a year, he spoke.
"Thank you." Everyone looked shcoked but Kyouya. He knew that Hikaru hadn't even opened his bedroom door ever since his brother died. Maids gossip. Hikaru was gratefull to have somewhere to sleep other than his house. Full of memories.
"You're welcome."he said and left the room. Tamaki was encircling Haruhi in his arms and Kyouya couldn't watch the couple.
Hikaru stood up and left right after Kyouya also ignoring the couple. They looked confused at him. What could he do? Lately he was trying hard not to blame Haruhi for making him blind. He was trying, but like his brother it was turning out to be more difficult than he expected.
"Kyouya-senpai..." he let his name hang in the air, to see if he would stop typing and look at his face. He did."Why could you understand Kaoru and I couldn't?" he asked. Kyouya observed him for a while. For a moment he felt like it was his brother he was talking to. Those eyes were too familiar.
"I was passing through the exact same thing. And your brother was being quite clear and obvious. Even Tamaki asked about him once." Hikaru cursed himself. If Tamaki saw something it's because it's something completely obvious that everyone else saw. He noticed how Kyouya didn't use senpai as they all did, or Tono. It must hurt to see them together. Kyouya looked at him sighed and smiled slightly."You are becoming more and more like Kaoru." he said and closed his laptop.
"What do you mean?" Hikaru asked looking puzzled. Kyouya looked outside the window. For a moment Hikaru could swear there were tears in his eyes.
"Calm. Youare observing things more. Wanting to see beyond the surface. Something you brother did without having to think. He saw and he knew. A bit like Haruhi but in the silence."he said and hide his eyes behind his glasses and hair.
"What do you mean by "in the silence"?" he asked.
"Kaoru saw, and instead of saying what he thought, like Haruhi does, he remained with his mouth shut. And only did something if he thought it to be extremely necessary. He never meddled. And never said what he thought, unless he felt like he needed to. Like the theory of the carriage that turns into pumpkin...now it's more a fact than a theory." he said and his eyes traveled elsewhere, somewhere Hikaru couldn't see them. But he knew Kyouya was broken too.
"He knew things on the moment he saw, you say...like I see you now?" he asked to Kyouya.
"And what do you see?" he asked without looking at him. Not really expecting him to know anything.
"You and Kaoru were friends. Turned out to be great friends since the situations you were in were the same. I always wondered where he was when he slept somewhere else. I guess he was here with you, like I am now. Talking about what you both felt. But I guess...you'd wish you said everything you wanted before he was gone. And that his...his..." Hikaru swallowed, talking so much wasn't something he had done in a long time...talking like this about his brother was something he never did. "his death gets to you as much as it gets to me...because he was the only one that knew you. The only one that knew me." Hikaru said as tears poured slowly from his eyes. Kyouya looked at him with a smile. His eyes were full of tears but he wouldn't let Hikaru see them fall.
"Very good Hikaru...I wished you could have seen your brother before, in the way you see him now." Kyouya said and removed his glasses. Hikaru buried his head in the pillow beneath him and cried. It took him over a year to see things as they were, and now they were so clear that he couldn't believe he never saw them before.
"Were you and my brother...well...hum..."he was embarassed, it was not an easy questioon after all.
"No." he answered shortly.
"Your hearts were..." Hikaru tried to find the right word for what he was trying to say.
"Owned by other people." Kyoua whispered. Hikaru probably wasn't meant to hear it. He had never seen Kyouya open himself that much. Kyouya stood up and turned off the lights. He laid on his bed and put a hand on his forhead. He looked tired. Hikaru watched him until he slept. He smiled. He didn't know Kyouya very much. And probably never will know him as much as his brother did. Even though he was starting to see things, he would never be Kaoru, therefor, never see things like he did. But he would be eternally greatfull to Kyouya. For being there for his brother, for letting him die knowing he had a friend. His eyes closed heavy with sleep, and for the first time ever since his brother's death he got a nice night of sleep...he dreamed of Kaoru...but in this dream, he wasn't crying anymore...he was smiling.
Hikaru sighed. He had had that talk such a long time ago. It was even hard to remember. He only remembered it because it was the first well slept night.
He was 67 years old now. His brother wished him to live a happy life, and thought it would never be completely happy without him, it would be...comforting.
He married at the age of 20, arranged of course, but at least the girl was nice. He told her the thruth about his brother's death and she understood. His family lied about it. Said he had died in a accident. She never judged or critized. She actually visited his grave with Hikaru every month.
He had two kids. Well adults now. A 46 year old son named Kyouya, he named him Kyouya to try to express how grateful he was to him. And a 42 year old daughter named Kaoru. He had seen girls named Kaoru, and when she was first put in his arms, those bright hazel eyes, and few red hair, when she first smiled at him, he knew she was carrying a piece of Kaoru with her. Turned out to be true. She grew up and during adolescence she proved herself to be extremely alike his brother.
And here he was again. Ouran High School. It was his grand children time. His grandson, son of Kyouya had already graduated. But his grandaughter, was still 16. It was their annual event. He watched teenagers running everywhere trying to get everything ready before their parents arrived. He chuckled.
"Why are you laughing dad?" his daughter asked. She was guiding him through the school. It had expanded a little. He smiled at her.
"It makes me remember of my days. God...my days. I must be really old." he said and she laughed.
"The Host Club right?" she asked and he nodded. Everything around him was familiar. He could almost see the Host Club there, like he was watching his life from far away. Like this was a movie theather and the movie was the story of his life."Dad...I have been wanting to ask you a question for sometime now, but I have always been afraid of your reaction."she said looking down and bringing him back from his thoughts. Before they realized they were in the very spot he had tried to avoid in the passed 50 years. The garden. The very same tree where he last had seen his brother. He shivered.
"Whatever it is, you can ask me." he said tenderly at his daughter. The day was bright, hot, and filled with flowers everywhere...a all too familiar scenery.
"Uncle Kaoru...didn't really die in a accident did he?" she asked not looking at him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"No." he answered and she let out a soft sob. She hugged him.
"It must have been terrible. I am so sorry. I shouldn't have asked." she said and sat down on the grass. Though she was 42 sometimes she looked like a child.
"It is ok. I am glad you know. Family shouldn't hide this things." he said and sat down too. Though his mind was fast and "brand new" his body wasn't really helping. Especially the past days...he had been feeling tired more than he had ever.
He suddenly felt a bit dizzy, and closed his eyes. When he reopened them, first he looked shocked, than he smiled and stood up. Suddenly he wasn't tired at all. Suddenly it felt like he was like those school kids. His eyes watered.
"It is about time...Kaoru...don't ever make me wait this long." he said and smiled tears falling from his eyes. He would finally be with his brother again. For the first and fortunaly not last time in years...he was happy.
"It is about time...Kaoru...don't ever make me wait this long." she heard him say. He was standing with his arms wide open, like he was going to hug someone, tears fell from his eyes. She wondered if he was seeing her uncle. Her mother told her to bring him to that very spot since it was the place where uncle Kaoru had killed himself. She had never believed that story untill she heard it form her dad. She was going to call out his name, maybe he was getting really old and being where he last saw his brother wasn't helping at all, but before she could open her mouth, he was falling.
"DAD!" she screamed, calling the attention of the people around to help her. He was lying unconscious on the floor. His eyes were closed and he was smiling, tear-stained face. She cried and yelled for him, over and over, ambulance sounds quickly appearing in the background. He was gone.
In the sky, which was clear and blue only a couple of minutes before, now there was two clouds". Slowly making their way towards each other. Covering a bit of the sun, making the perfect view of the sky Ouran High School had ever seen.
From the third music room, a 69 year old man , with glasses watched the sky. They were finally together again...He smiled.
A/N:
Kaoru can be used as a girl's name.
Example: Ruroni Kenshin- one of the main character's name is Kaoru and hse is a woman.
Simbolym: clouds Kaoru and Hikaru.
I am just guessing his age here, since I am not even from the USA I have no idea the years between Hikaru's and Kyouya's high school years.
Hope you like it, and I know it looked sort of weird, Hikaru seeing Kaoru thing...well I believe in spirits and I thought it would make a kawaii ending.
Flames are accepted
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