Disclaimer: I do not own the characters/ideas/plots/concepts of Napoleon Dynamite. They are all the intellectual property of Mr. and Mrs. Hess. Quite frankly, if I did, each and every one of them would be corrupted. Other than that, this fiction is original work. This also actually ties in with a game I play online. Review/e-mail me if you wanna know which game. The entire story is a flashback. Enjoy!

Well, this is it. Everything that happened, I wrote it down here. From the silly to the short, from the angels to the IDIOTS (Gosh!), everything that went down (at least from what I remember) is in my own words right here. Oh sorry, it's not all in my own words. Deb started this thing off when she gave it to me. Things were pretty hairy when I first got this. I mean, I had like a buttload of issues to deal with in my life when I started writing in this journal. It's all good now though, for those problems are in my past, and I couldn't be any happier.

It was really hard getting out of Idaho, really. I was only born there and had lived there for the then whole 18 years of my life. On the other side, losing someone you love and being forced to cohabitate with someone you loathe is pretty taxing on the soul, and when your soul is taxed, you make some darn serious decisions about your life.

So here I am, recalling everything that happened from the time I ran away to the time I started my whole life over. A menial education in a small town in Idaho got me six figures, can you believe it?

I hope you take something away from reading this, even if it's so much as an obscure piece of cheesy trivia. Enjoy, and stay lucky.

Napoleon Dynamite, M.A.

May 21st, 2005 3:00 PM

I just tore the plastic wrapping off, and now I'm writing the first entry. I almost feel as though I shouldn't be doing this. After all, it IS for him, not for me. But I feel the need, just in case some great publisher reads this one day.

Poor Napoleon. The man can't get any breaks in life. He sacrifices his own pride for the sake of his friend, and it pays off, if only for a minute. Then, it's all downhill. Grandma Dynamite passed away last week, and it's been taking a toll on him. Despite his efforts to prove to the state of Idaho he can depend on his own minimum wage income, the state forced him to live with his uncle, Rico. Rico vowed after the wedding to make Napoleon's life Hell if he ever saw him again.

Pedro is going through some hard times as well. He's having a difficult time talking with the Preston BOE. He can't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things with the board members, particularly, the lack of a Spanish language program at Preston High. Preston currently offers French, German, Latin, and Italian. Though the Board refuses to admit it, the reason PHS has no Spanish offered is because of the low number of Hispanics in the state, and especially the town, where Pedro and his family are the only ones. Why they didn't learn from Pedro's landslide win over Summer (now in a nuthouse) is a mystery to me.

If I recall correctly, Kip and Lawfawnduh are doing fine in Detroit. Napoleon keeps in touch with them by e-mail, at least, when Rico's not being the monkey on his back.

Rico controls all communications to or from Napoleon. He insists that Napoleon is the sole reason for him being miserable, and is trying to cram that same misery down the poor man's throat.

Yes, I do consider Napoleon a man, even if some in Preston consider him a child stuck in a man's body. Heck with them. They don't know him like I do.

So Napoleon, if you do read this, I'm sorry if the packaging of this journal scared you, but I wouldn't have gotten it past Rico any other way.

I'm already on the second page of this, so I'd better close it up. Chronicle your life, Napoleon. Take it all in, and then put it on paper. Or, better yet, write as you go. I hope this journal will be good to you.

Love,

Deb 3

Next: Napoleon'sfirst entry.