Turning Point
Chapter One: In His Arms
It was morning already, the sun just peeking over the horizon. He stood at the open balcony door, letting the cool morning air rush into the already cold apartment, but he wasn't aware of the chill as it brought to his bare torso. He wasn't aware of much of anything anymore.
His eyes hurt, heavy from lack of sleep. His head ached. Everything ached. Abruptly, he realized he really wanted to pummel something. He hadn't slept a wink the night before. He wondered if it would be the worry or the lack of sleep that finally made him deranged. His lips curled into a humorless smile at his cynical joke, running a hand through his hair, tousling the already messy black locks.
There were dozens of questions- dozens of worries- dozens of doubts; all of them running through his head, his emotions going wild. He threw back his head to watch the last of the sunrise, letting his mind wander back to the night before.
She had come to see him that night- to tell him she was going to have his child. One night they had been together, the best night of his life. The last thing he had expected, even with his admission of love to her; he'd given her both a miracle and the biggest complication of her life.
They had created a new life together. He closed his eyes, joy and thrill coursing through him, only to be chased away by the guilt and remorse. This had been the same thing running through his head last night.
He hadn't been able to do a thing. She had needed so much more from him last night. She had needed comfort, needed reassurance. She had needed him. All he done was turn away, when she had needed him the most. He had just run away. As much as he hated himself for it, as much as he hated to admit it. He was afraid. Fear wasn't something easy for him to admit. But it was there. He lacked so much that she would need. Still, he had to give everything he had to give.
He suddenly knew what he had to do.
xxxx
Morning had finally come. Sunshine spilled in through the window, flooding the room with a golden glow. She almost felt that nature was making a mockery of her mood. Pulling the blanket tighter around her, she rolled away from the window. She hadn't slept very long. It surprised her she had been able to sleep at all. She had finally exhausted herself enough, crying herself to sleep. Even at the thought, tears crept into her eyes, and she irritably blinked them away. She was determined not to cry anymore. Tears wouldn't do anything for her now. She wished she could be stronger, feeling so weak and vulnerable. She knew she needed to be stronger, if she had to face this on her own.
She had gone to see him the night before, knowing she had to tell him somehow. She remembered well, her own shock at the first announcement. Getting sick in the mornings; feeling tired beyond what she should; terrible headaches, dizziness. She had gone to the doctor, thinking she had a virus.
How far she had been from the truth…it was still burned vividly in her mind, the way the paper had trembled in her hands, as she read the test results over and over again in disbelief. So many fears, so many questions, too much for her to face on her own.
And so she had finally summoned the courage to tell him.
He didn't say a word. The look on his face was enough: wide-eyed and thunderstruck. And he had run away. She couldn't blame him for it. She wanted to run away herself, just be able to escape the inevitable truth, that she was carrying their child. She was the only one that could not get away. She knew he was afraid. He would never admit such a thing, but he was. And still, she couldn't blame him for it. How could she, when she felt such fear herself? Just the thought of what was happening, enough to leave her trembling inside.
It wasn't that she didn't want the child. She had always wanted a family of her own. But she wasn't ready to be a mother. She was only sixteen. What if she wasn't good enough? What if she couldn't give their baby what he or she needed? What if their families completely rejected them for this? What if...?
It had only taken one night to lead them to this. She had never questioned he would be her first, but it had shocked her how he made her feel. It was a side of him rare to see, a part of him so gentle. His touch had been tender, passionate, his kisses enough to light a fire in both her body and heart. Her heart had never stood a chance against him, never hesitating in giving itself to him.
They had been no more than small children when she had first met him. The moment she had given him her offer of friendship, she had devoted herself to him. She promised to stay by his side. She vowed to take care of him. She was determined to protect him in away different from the way than how he protected her.
She needed him now. More than any other time before, she need him more than ever. She hated to need him, such a weakness when she needed to be strong. For her sake, for his sake, for their child's sake. She couldn't lean on him when he didn't want it. But still she did, if only they could lean on each other. She wanted his love. She wanted his support. Not just for her, but for the little life growing inside of her. She would bring that little life into the world. And give all the love she could, a love she already felt.
Her baby.
Her child.
xxxx
He went to see her later that afternoon. It broke his heart to see the pain so evident in her expression. It broke him even more when she nearly slammed the door in his face. He pushed his way inside, intent on seeing her. He took her hands, feeling them small and smooth against his rougher palms. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and let them open once again. Full of emotion- pain, regret, longing, but above all, burning with love.
He spoke to her gently, reassuring the best he could; trying to make her understand all that was going through his heart and head. She pulled away, turning away from him. He looked at her, hair shadowing most of her hair from him, tears in her eyes. She was well aware of his burning stare, but she could not bear to look his way. He pulled her into his arms, into a warm and strong embrace.
She couldn't hold it back any longer, and she fell against him crying. He held her closer, and she held him closer still, her arms in a desperate hold as if he would disappear.
He came to see her that afternoon, and it was complete shock to see him behind that door. She couldn't stop the waves of pain that came when she saw him. She held back the tears the best she could. It tore her heart to have him so close, and yet so far from her, though not knowing he was closer than she thought.
Seeing the regret in his eyes, she feared the worst, thinking he couldn't stay beside her. He caught her hands in his, even as she tried to get away. She couldn't help the shiver that ran through her, at the feel of rough, calloused palms she knew so well against her skin. She watched as he closed his eyes, wondering what he was doing.
And then he slowly opened again. It was her turn to stand in shock, unable to understand. His eyes, no wall keeping back his soul. No cold barrier to hide what he was feeling. Rich mahogany brown, full of love and warmth. He began to speak, and though half of it didn't make sense, with as fast as he talked, it still soothed her, with he tone he used, so warm and soft and reassuring. He became a different man right before her eyes, all over again.
She couldn't take it. She pulled away, turned away from him. Hair shadowing most of her face from him, tears in her eyes, she tried to hide from him. She could feel his eyes on her, burning into her very soul. He broke through her resistance, pulling her to him.
"I'm here, Kei. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
Her tears had long since stopped, and still she stayed in his arms, her head cradled in the crook of his shoulder. He sheltered her, sheltered them both, with soft, tender words, and the strong protection of his body.
"I love you, Yusuke."
He smiled at her use of the three simple words that held his heart, and as he pressed a kiss to her forehead, he quietly whispered in reply. Her name, soft and reverent, and it was the only thing to fill the silence for a long while.