It was a night like any other. Well, for Myka Bering. Myka, you see, was a CIA official. Her daily life consisted of going around, kicking ass, fighting imaginary sugar monsters (she hated sugar with a passion), eating sugar-free Twizzlers in moments of obligatory product placement, breaking the fourth wall, and kicking more ass.
Tonight, she was on assignment at the Smithsonian. She was to protect the President while he went and made a speech on invading Finland. Nobody knew why the United States government wanted to invade Finland, but oh well.
She eventually saw the person she was looking for: Chet Greenfield. "Hi, I'm Chet Greenfield."
"Your name is 'Chet'?"
"Yes."
Myka laughed uncontrollably. Everybody started staring at her, so she moved on. "So... 'Chet'...", she giggled again at this, "I need some of the museum artifacts moved to the west wall. They're blocking an exit... 'Chet'. Ha, I just can't get over that!"
"I don't see anything that's funny about my name... 'Myka'."
"...Good point."
"Good. Let's go in and talk with Gordon Letanik, the artifact prep guy. Just be careful, he's really kind of weird."
Gordon was a thin, wiry man in charge of preparing museum artifacts. He was kind of perverted. Tonight, he was trying to French-kiss a strange Aztec shrunken head with mysterious crystal shards for teeth.
"Come to me, my handsome Aztec head. You have been shrunken and mummified, but I will teach you to be well again, oh yes..."
At that point, Chet and Myka walked in. "Gordon, this is Myka Ber- … what the FRAKK are you DOING to that poor Aztec shrunken head?!"
"I'm teaching it manners, what does it look like?"
"Well, stop teaching it "manners", or you're fired!"
"Fine. But later, we will be together. Forever. What do you want?"
Chet sighed, and said, "This is Myka Bering, CIA. She wants you to move some artifacts."
"Oh, my, what a lovely woman. Could you stay a while, perhaps?"
Myka walked up to him. As he was about to kiss her, she punched and broke his nose. "Nope, unless you want me to do that to all the bones in your body. Now move those artifacts."
Gordon whimpered. "Fine, I'll just satisfy myself with this lovely shrunken head. Now leave, we're about to get started... moving artifacts."
Chet shook his head. "I'm sorry, Myka. Nobody else wanted the job, so he's what we have. We can't really fire him, so let's leave him be."
"Fine with me." They both left.
After they did, Gordon said to the head, "Let's finish this..." He put his tongue in the shrunken head's mouth. He had forgotten about the crystal teeth, and he cut his tongue on one. It bled and bled, and no matter what Gordon did, it kept bleeding.
The shrunken head started to speak to him, in a voice that he knew only he could hear. "KILL THE GIRL. THE MEXICAN AMBASSADOR'S DAUGHTER. ONLY THEN MAY YOU MAKE SWEET LOVE TO ME. DO IT. NOW."
"Yes... my liege."