Disclaimer: Vampire Knight does not belong to me.
1/3/08 Good evening! Please be kind, this is my first foray into VK fandom. This is an experimental ficlet, I usually don't write in this style. The fragmentation is on purpose, and furthers the point I was trying to make; I am aware that this may make it unreadable. Feedback would be greatly appreciated (especially if I should not create a line break whenever I have italicized thoughts).
Also, the opening quote and the first, third, and third to last italicized bit is not mine, they are paraphrased quotes from the scanalated copy I have of VK. I'll post the volume and ch when I can check it.
On a final note, this is told from Yuuki's point of view.
Edited September 10, 2010 for formatting
Midnight Thought. 'A name only to be whispered at midnight when all the world's asleep.' KanameYuuki if you squint.
"I love him. Almost to the point that I lose myself."
They think I know nothing, that I am only a child who knows nothing and doesn't even realize it. But I do.
(I don't want to remain this way, permitted to be an unknowing child)
They think I am too young to know of things. But I know what those feelings they try to hide from me are.
(love, desperation, redemption, life, death, desperation, hate)
They see me only as a smiling child who will nod and smile at their pretty compliments. But I know more than they think.
(it would have been easier if you had stayed in your garden, just a little longer)
I know Kaname-sempai is lying to me, that he knows the answers to my questions, and hides them from me.
I know he does it because he's trying to protect me; he always has, he always will. He was there when I was born in the snow twice over; renewed each time, forgetting, remembering.
(There is always a price to be paid)
Kaname. . . sama. . .
(a name only to be whispered at midnight when all the world is asleep)
I don't call him that anymore; I tell myself that it's because it's strange for Miss Disciplinary Committee to address the President of the Night Class that way, but in truth. . .
I've tried to forget him, how
(irreplaceable, irrevocable, life without Kaname would be—no, no, no)
important he is to me. Even though I try to tell myself that even though he was kind to me as a child,
(he still is)
it's not the same; he owes me nothing, not even his attention.
I don't know what to think anymore.
(a world shattered in red, a world found again in snow, again and again in snow)
I'm not that child he found in the snow anymore. I am not the child who called him onii-sama. I am the Yuuki Cross who loses herself in thoughts of her
(never mine, always mine, a thirst that cannot be quenched)
Kaneme-sempai, until she cannot tell what is real and what is not.
What I feel for Kaname-sempai. . . is not something I can lie and ignore anymore. I know it, I know it as both Yuuki Kuran and Yuuki Cross that I loved him – that I do love him.
But this game of chess and intrigue must end.
(the pieces are collected. the pawn reaches the other side to be crowned queen)
Am I—have I ever been—able to really touch him?
(why. . . even when I am here, is your face sad?)
No. . . there is no time for things like these feelings; there are more important things: strength to protect
(the echo of "Zero" is lost in the abyss of devastation and loss. the queen will protect her king even if it costs a knight)
Kaname-sempai, even if he does not want me to.
Kaname-sama, who I will protect, regardless of pain and fear.
(as the queen dies for her king, so will I)
Please review, a moment of your time is all I ask!