"Peace pipe my ass."
"Potter, shut the fuck up." Draco squeaked before letting the smoke out of is lungs.
"Peace." Ron laughed, studying his fingers in the form of a peace sign. "Look, peace."
"Ron, shut the fuck up." Hermione coughed out as she passed the bowl full circle and back to Harry. "Has anyone told you you're fucking annoying?"
"And has anyone ever told you you're a bitch?" Draco said. "Let the boy have his fun."
Hermione smirked and flicked Draco off.
"Naw man, not my style." Draco shrugged, taking the pipe from Harry. "I like them boys."
"How bout them Yankees?" Ron said, bursting out laughing. "Yankees. Ah, I love America. It's the place where Dan came from. Dan Smith, how fucking American."
"Again, shut the fuck up Ron." Hermione looked at Draco and raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah." Draco nodded his head.
"You tell him girl." Harry shouted.
"Shut the fuck up Potter, you'll get us in trouble." Draco hissed, putting his hand over Harry's mouth to shut him up. "I honestly don't think McGonagall would be too fucking happy if she found us in here smoking pot and having a fucking orgy. And damnnit, Snape would kill me for even stepping foot in this godforsaken House."
"We're not having an orgy." Hermione said.
Draco shrugged. "Well, not yet."
She rolled her eyes and took a hit from the bowl. "Why did I have to be the girl who's friends are all pixie ferries?"
"Hey." Draco glared at her. "I am not your friend."
"Well then why are you here Malfoy?" She asked.
"Cause I'm Potter's friend." Draco smiled and leaned over to kiss Harry.
Hermione rolled her eyes again and looked at Ron. "They're like fucking rabbits, those two are. Always touching and snogging and God knows what else."
"Sex." Ron said bluntly.
"Yes, sex." Hermione sighed as her eyes floated over to Draco and Harry's lip-lock.
It was kind of like a grisly car wreck you really want to look away from, but no matter how hard you try to pry your eyes away you have to watch. Hell, who wouldn't want to watch those two go at it, even pay to see it? They're all slicky and smooth and Draco looked damn sexy with his new surfer-boy look. Platinum blond hair Anna Nicole Smith would die for and a tan only attainable by laying out naked all summer on private golf courses. Which is exactly what he did. No tan lines. Nope, not one. And Hermione'd checked during one of his and Harry's previous sex sessions they would start right in front of everyone.
"Granger, you gonna hit that or continue drooling over the hot boy-on-boy action?" Ron asked, adopting Draco's use of last names.
"Huh?" Hermione shook her head as Ron's words sliced through her little fantasy floating through her head. "Oh, yeah. No, wait. It's cashed."
"Ah shit." Ron lapped into his pissed off mood he got into every time the weed ran out. Of course, five seconds later he'd be happy again and plotting to seduce Snape in the next potions class.
"Hey, what do you think of filming them?" Hermione leaned over and whispered in Ron's ear.
"What?" Ron asked, clearing out the bowl for later use.
"I was just thinking that people would probably pay to see that. I mean, you know how people swoop down like vultures the second they kiss in the halls. They want hard core Malfoy on Potter sex and I know people would pay for it." She smiled deviously. "How much would you pay for your own personal copy of Malfoy & Potter: A Sex Story?"
"That's a shitty name." Ron said flatly.
"Well we'll think of something better. But what do you think people would pay for that?"
"Five galleons at least."
"Come on Ron. It's The Death Eater fucking The Boy Who Lived. People are going to pay a lot more than five galleons for that."
"Well I don't know."
"How much do you pay for your normal porn?"
"Ten galleons, at least."
"Then we'll double it. Twenty pounds for hot boy-on-boy, enemy-on-enemy, bad-on-good, Malfoy-on-Potter action."
"Why do you keep saying Malfoy first? He doesn't always top."
Hermione took one look at the two guys making their way to the closest bed, Seamus's, and looked back at Ron. "Come on Ron, we know who tops. And it sure as hell isn't Harry."
Ron seemed to think about that. "Yeah, true. He's a bottom boy. Okay, go get the camera."
Ten minutes later Hermione was back with the camera. They decided to wait until the next sex session to begin filming, seeing as it was already half way over. The also felt it would be good to use the camera to the fullest and film the guys at atleast five different times and locations.
That was why the next day in potions when Neville asked why Hermione was carrying around a camera she just smirked and said, "If you film it, they will buy it." That left Neville pretty damn confused and Ron laughing his ass off. That is until Snape gave him detention and his laugh turned into a full out grin he kept on his face the rest of the day.
"What's up with the camera?" Harry asked at dinner that night. "You've had it everywhere with you today."
"Nothing." Hermione grinned and patted the camera. "Hey, I was thinking we should go get smashed down in the dungeons tonight."
"Yeah sure." Harry agreed.
"Don't forget to get Malfoy." Hermione said.
"Kay." Harry cracked his neck and pushed his food around with his fork. That is, until it suddenly got up and walked away. "Aren't they supposed to kill it first?"
"You wanted it rare." Hermione shrugged.
"Yeah, rare as in, they just killed it." Harry informed her. "Not rare as in, they haven't killed it."
"Eh, same thing." Hermione stood up abruptly and started towards the dungeons. "I'm gonna go tell Ron what's up. Make sure you and Draco are down there in a half hour."
"Sure."
Forty-five minutes later a very sweaty and rumpled Harry and Draco appeared in the dungeons. At first Hermione wasn't sure they'd be up for another round of hot sweaty sex, but after a few minutes she realized they were in one of their affectionate moods and there would undoubtedly be more sex to film. What she wasn't expecting though, were Seamus and Dean approaching them ten minutes later.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Hermione asked, quickly recalculating the plan in her head.
"Harry told us to pop in if we were in the mood." Seamus said, quickly caculating exactly how many Irish car-bombs the half bottle of Bailey's would be able to supply him. He figured a lot and plopped down on the ground next to Harry and began making the shot.
"And we're always in the mood to get drunk." Dean added.
"Fine." Hermione sighed. "What the fuck? Is that Neville?"
Dean took a quick look over his shoulder and nodded. "Yup."
"What the fuck? This wasn't supposed to be a party." Hermione said, frustrated. This was definitely screwing up her plans.
"Blaise and Millicent will be here in a minute." Draco said before he began chugging the bottle of Tequila in his hand. He wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand when he was done and burped before adding, "And Pansy said she'd make an entrance."
"Oh, and Lavender." Harry said. "And that one girl with the blond hair."
"Which one?" Ron asked.
"The one with the blond hair." Harry said as if it explained everything. "You know, the sixth year? The one that turned her robes into a miniskirt?"
"She's hot." Ron said.
"Oh yeah." Hermione said and then looked around nervously. "Um. She is."
"Hey Granger, I think we need to talk." Ron pulled Hermione away from the others.
"What?"
"What are we going to do? We can't film Potter and Malfoy shagging with all these people around. It's like this is a sign or something. Maybe we shouldn't do this whole porn thing."
"Ron, you are far to easily ready to throw in the towel. Come on man, we've got to do this. We'll be rich."
"Rich?"
"Rich Ron. Hell, we can build our own porn dynasty."
"Sounds interesting."
"And you know what sounds even better to me?"
Ron grinned slyly. "Orgy?"
"Orgy." Hermione confirmed.
"We should probably get permission for that though. Don't you think?"
"We will. We'll just wait until they're smashed."
"Are they all of legal age?"
"Well. There's you, me, Harry, Draco, Seamus, Dean, Pansy, Lavender, Blaise, Millicent, the blond girl who failed a few years, Neville and. Yeah, we're all of legal age."
"We? You mean you're going to participate in this little," Ron made little circles with his hands, "thing?"
"Huge group orgy we're filming Ron. Of course not." Hermione rolled her eyes. "I'll be the camera-woman."
"Oh."
"Hey! Where the hell did Granger and The Weasel go?" They heard Draco yell from the other side of the dungeon.
"We're coming." Hermione yelled back. "Remember, get them blitzed then we'll have them sign something for consent. Got it?"
"Crystal."
"What?" Hermione looked confused.
Ron looked at her sheepishly. "Sorry, I thought you were gonna say clear. So I said crystal. You know clear as. Never mind."
About an hour later everyone was well into their drunken faze and Hermione, being a bit tipsy as well, decided it was about time to make her little home video. She went around and asked everyone if they wanted to participate and had everyone sign a parchment saying they lawfully were of age and consented to being filmed. Everyone wanted in, even Neville which kinda surprised Hermione.
"Okay, and action everybody." She smiled from the camera. "I said action. Hello, when I say action you people start shagging like bunnies."
"What, no candlelit dinner?" Draco said sarcastically.
"Do it." Hermione snarled.
Draco shrugged and pulled the closest person to him, Blaise, into a luxurious kiss. It took a moment, but soon everyone followed suit and the next thing Hermione knew clothes were coming off and grunts and moans were indicating that all the participants were very much enjoying themselves. Hermione smiled and walked around slowly to get at it from every angle.
A few hours later everyone was satisfied and they headed back to the dorms. Being much more sober each one asked Hermione for a free copy which she promised to get to them as soon as she put a soundtrack to it. Two days later Orgy With The Enemy went on sale. Hermione and Ron were sold out within fifteen minutes and within twenty were up for two months worth of detention along with everyone else.
"I still think it was good idea." Pansy said, scrubbing at the same spot on the floor she'd been at for the past hour. "I'd do it again."
"So would I." Ron agreed. "Do you have any idea how much money we made yesterday? Well over two grand."
"Ginny said she wanted in." Harry said. "But I told her that's be pretty sick seeing as her brothers in it."
Ron visibly shivered with disgust at just the thought of his little sister joining in. "That's warped."
"Yeah." Draco agreed. "I mean, one Weasley's bad enough. But two? Going a little too far, hm?"
"You weren't saying that Saturday." Ron smirked.
"Shut up Weasel." Draco sneered and went back to overseeing everyone's progress in scrubbing the dungeon floors.
"You know," Hermione said, "we have two whole months of detention. Which means that we'll be in lots of different places and in very close proximity of each other. So I mean, it's natural that someone would start making out with someone else and some of the others would join in or sit on the sidelines and watch and that... I dunno, somehow one of us would just happened to have a camera and manage to get the whole thing on tape." Hermione shrugged. "But, what do I know?"
"We're working on the Quidditch field tomorrow." Draco said, sounding as casual as ever as he studied his fingernails. "People would certainly pay to see naked Quidditch."
Hermione grinned. "I'll bring the camera."
"Potter, shut the fuck up." Draco squeaked before letting the smoke out of is lungs.
"Peace." Ron laughed, studying his fingers in the form of a peace sign. "Look, peace."
"Ron, shut the fuck up." Hermione coughed out as she passed the bowl full circle and back to Harry. "Has anyone told you you're fucking annoying?"
"And has anyone ever told you you're a bitch?" Draco said. "Let the boy have his fun."
Hermione smirked and flicked Draco off.
"Naw man, not my style." Draco shrugged, taking the pipe from Harry. "I like them boys."
"How bout them Yankees?" Ron said, bursting out laughing. "Yankees. Ah, I love America. It's the place where Dan came from. Dan Smith, how fucking American."
"Again, shut the fuck up Ron." Hermione looked at Draco and raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah." Draco nodded his head.
"You tell him girl." Harry shouted.
"Shut the fuck up Potter, you'll get us in trouble." Draco hissed, putting his hand over Harry's mouth to shut him up. "I honestly don't think McGonagall would be too fucking happy if she found us in here smoking pot and having a fucking orgy. And damnnit, Snape would kill me for even stepping foot in this godforsaken House."
"We're not having an orgy." Hermione said.
Draco shrugged. "Well, not yet."
She rolled her eyes and took a hit from the bowl. "Why did I have to be the girl who's friends are all pixie ferries?"
"Hey." Draco glared at her. "I am not your friend."
"Well then why are you here Malfoy?" She asked.
"Cause I'm Potter's friend." Draco smiled and leaned over to kiss Harry.
Hermione rolled her eyes again and looked at Ron. "They're like fucking rabbits, those two are. Always touching and snogging and God knows what else."
"Sex." Ron said bluntly.
"Yes, sex." Hermione sighed as her eyes floated over to Draco and Harry's lip-lock.
It was kind of like a grisly car wreck you really want to look away from, but no matter how hard you try to pry your eyes away you have to watch. Hell, who wouldn't want to watch those two go at it, even pay to see it? They're all slicky and smooth and Draco looked damn sexy with his new surfer-boy look. Platinum blond hair Anna Nicole Smith would die for and a tan only attainable by laying out naked all summer on private golf courses. Which is exactly what he did. No tan lines. Nope, not one. And Hermione'd checked during one of his and Harry's previous sex sessions they would start right in front of everyone.
"Granger, you gonna hit that or continue drooling over the hot boy-on-boy action?" Ron asked, adopting Draco's use of last names.
"Huh?" Hermione shook her head as Ron's words sliced through her little fantasy floating through her head. "Oh, yeah. No, wait. It's cashed."
"Ah shit." Ron lapped into his pissed off mood he got into every time the weed ran out. Of course, five seconds later he'd be happy again and plotting to seduce Snape in the next potions class.
"Hey, what do you think of filming them?" Hermione leaned over and whispered in Ron's ear.
"What?" Ron asked, clearing out the bowl for later use.
"I was just thinking that people would probably pay to see that. I mean, you know how people swoop down like vultures the second they kiss in the halls. They want hard core Malfoy on Potter sex and I know people would pay for it." She smiled deviously. "How much would you pay for your own personal copy of Malfoy & Potter: A Sex Story?"
"That's a shitty name." Ron said flatly.
"Well we'll think of something better. But what do you think people would pay for that?"
"Five galleons at least."
"Come on Ron. It's The Death Eater fucking The Boy Who Lived. People are going to pay a lot more than five galleons for that."
"Well I don't know."
"How much do you pay for your normal porn?"
"Ten galleons, at least."
"Then we'll double it. Twenty pounds for hot boy-on-boy, enemy-on-enemy, bad-on-good, Malfoy-on-Potter action."
"Why do you keep saying Malfoy first? He doesn't always top."
Hermione took one look at the two guys making their way to the closest bed, Seamus's, and looked back at Ron. "Come on Ron, we know who tops. And it sure as hell isn't Harry."
Ron seemed to think about that. "Yeah, true. He's a bottom boy. Okay, go get the camera."
Ten minutes later Hermione was back with the camera. They decided to wait until the next sex session to begin filming, seeing as it was already half way over. The also felt it would be good to use the camera to the fullest and film the guys at atleast five different times and locations.
That was why the next day in potions when Neville asked why Hermione was carrying around a camera she just smirked and said, "If you film it, they will buy it." That left Neville pretty damn confused and Ron laughing his ass off. That is until Snape gave him detention and his laugh turned into a full out grin he kept on his face the rest of the day.
"What's up with the camera?" Harry asked at dinner that night. "You've had it everywhere with you today."
"Nothing." Hermione grinned and patted the camera. "Hey, I was thinking we should go get smashed down in the dungeons tonight."
"Yeah sure." Harry agreed.
"Don't forget to get Malfoy." Hermione said.
"Kay." Harry cracked his neck and pushed his food around with his fork. That is, until it suddenly got up and walked away. "Aren't they supposed to kill it first?"
"You wanted it rare." Hermione shrugged.
"Yeah, rare as in, they just killed it." Harry informed her. "Not rare as in, they haven't killed it."
"Eh, same thing." Hermione stood up abruptly and started towards the dungeons. "I'm gonna go tell Ron what's up. Make sure you and Draco are down there in a half hour."
"Sure."
Forty-five minutes later a very sweaty and rumpled Harry and Draco appeared in the dungeons. At first Hermione wasn't sure they'd be up for another round of hot sweaty sex, but after a few minutes she realized they were in one of their affectionate moods and there would undoubtedly be more sex to film. What she wasn't expecting though, were Seamus and Dean approaching them ten minutes later.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Hermione asked, quickly recalculating the plan in her head.
"Harry told us to pop in if we were in the mood." Seamus said, quickly caculating exactly how many Irish car-bombs the half bottle of Bailey's would be able to supply him. He figured a lot and plopped down on the ground next to Harry and began making the shot.
"And we're always in the mood to get drunk." Dean added.
"Fine." Hermione sighed. "What the fuck? Is that Neville?"
Dean took a quick look over his shoulder and nodded. "Yup."
"What the fuck? This wasn't supposed to be a party." Hermione said, frustrated. This was definitely screwing up her plans.
"Blaise and Millicent will be here in a minute." Draco said before he began chugging the bottle of Tequila in his hand. He wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand when he was done and burped before adding, "And Pansy said she'd make an entrance."
"Oh, and Lavender." Harry said. "And that one girl with the blond hair."
"Which one?" Ron asked.
"The one with the blond hair." Harry said as if it explained everything. "You know, the sixth year? The one that turned her robes into a miniskirt?"
"She's hot." Ron said.
"Oh yeah." Hermione said and then looked around nervously. "Um. She is."
"Hey Granger, I think we need to talk." Ron pulled Hermione away from the others.
"What?"
"What are we going to do? We can't film Potter and Malfoy shagging with all these people around. It's like this is a sign or something. Maybe we shouldn't do this whole porn thing."
"Ron, you are far to easily ready to throw in the towel. Come on man, we've got to do this. We'll be rich."
"Rich?"
"Rich Ron. Hell, we can build our own porn dynasty."
"Sounds interesting."
"And you know what sounds even better to me?"
Ron grinned slyly. "Orgy?"
"Orgy." Hermione confirmed.
"We should probably get permission for that though. Don't you think?"
"We will. We'll just wait until they're smashed."
"Are they all of legal age?"
"Well. There's you, me, Harry, Draco, Seamus, Dean, Pansy, Lavender, Blaise, Millicent, the blond girl who failed a few years, Neville and. Yeah, we're all of legal age."
"We? You mean you're going to participate in this little," Ron made little circles with his hands, "thing?"
"Huge group orgy we're filming Ron. Of course not." Hermione rolled her eyes. "I'll be the camera-woman."
"Oh."
"Hey! Where the hell did Granger and The Weasel go?" They heard Draco yell from the other side of the dungeon.
"We're coming." Hermione yelled back. "Remember, get them blitzed then we'll have them sign something for consent. Got it?"
"Crystal."
"What?" Hermione looked confused.
Ron looked at her sheepishly. "Sorry, I thought you were gonna say clear. So I said crystal. You know clear as. Never mind."
About an hour later everyone was well into their drunken faze and Hermione, being a bit tipsy as well, decided it was about time to make her little home video. She went around and asked everyone if they wanted to participate and had everyone sign a parchment saying they lawfully were of age and consented to being filmed. Everyone wanted in, even Neville which kinda surprised Hermione.
"Okay, and action everybody." She smiled from the camera. "I said action. Hello, when I say action you people start shagging like bunnies."
"What, no candlelit dinner?" Draco said sarcastically.
"Do it." Hermione snarled.
Draco shrugged and pulled the closest person to him, Blaise, into a luxurious kiss. It took a moment, but soon everyone followed suit and the next thing Hermione knew clothes were coming off and grunts and moans were indicating that all the participants were very much enjoying themselves. Hermione smiled and walked around slowly to get at it from every angle.
A few hours later everyone was satisfied and they headed back to the dorms. Being much more sober each one asked Hermione for a free copy which she promised to get to them as soon as she put a soundtrack to it. Two days later Orgy With The Enemy went on sale. Hermione and Ron were sold out within fifteen minutes and within twenty were up for two months worth of detention along with everyone else.
"I still think it was good idea." Pansy said, scrubbing at the same spot on the floor she'd been at for the past hour. "I'd do it again."
"So would I." Ron agreed. "Do you have any idea how much money we made yesterday? Well over two grand."
"Ginny said she wanted in." Harry said. "But I told her that's be pretty sick seeing as her brothers in it."
Ron visibly shivered with disgust at just the thought of his little sister joining in. "That's warped."
"Yeah." Draco agreed. "I mean, one Weasley's bad enough. But two? Going a little too far, hm?"
"You weren't saying that Saturday." Ron smirked.
"Shut up Weasel." Draco sneered and went back to overseeing everyone's progress in scrubbing the dungeon floors.
"You know," Hermione said, "we have two whole months of detention. Which means that we'll be in lots of different places and in very close proximity of each other. So I mean, it's natural that someone would start making out with someone else and some of the others would join in or sit on the sidelines and watch and that... I dunno, somehow one of us would just happened to have a camera and manage to get the whole thing on tape." Hermione shrugged. "But, what do I know?"
"We're working on the Quidditch field tomorrow." Draco said, sounding as casual as ever as he studied his fingernails. "People would certainly pay to see naked Quidditch."
Hermione grinned. "I'll bring the camera."