The Dursely's Departed

Disclaimer: NOT MINE! All characters are the property of JK Rowling, bless her soul. I get nothing.

Archive okay with my permission.

Leaving Privet Drive

"Hurry up, Petunia!" Vernon was squeezed in behind the steering wheel looking thoroughly put upon. Dedalus Diggle was sitting next to him apparently playing with the radio which was making a cacophony of sounds suggesting all buttons and dials were being engaged. Hestia Jones was lingering outside the car, seemingly intent on having Petunia squeeze between her and the massive Dudley. She politely held the door open, gesturing for Petunia to precede her.

"Thank you" Petunia muttered as she slid in beside Dudley. Hestia seemed delighted at this bit of courtesy and cried out loudly "Oh, you're so very welcome!" as she slid in and closed the door.

Even pressed up against Dudley, Petunia couldn't get far enough away from Hestia to successfully pretend she wasn't there. Opting for a non-committal nod of the head toward Hestia, Petunia locked her eyes ahead saying "Very well, Vernon…we might as well be on with it".

Vernon put the car in gear and began backing down the driveway. This caused such an excited set of squeals from both Dedalus and Hestia that Vernon stopped the car, turned in his seat and roared "WHAT IS IT??".

"It goes backwards then? This car of yours?" Dedalus asked excitedly. "I'd thought they would go forward, you see… How outstanding!" Meanwhile, Hestia leaned forward excitedly, grabbing Petunia's attention "So, will we be going backwards all the way? I'd never thought to travel backwards, always sat forwards on my broom you know….do you think I should give it a try?"

Unexpectedly, it was Dudley who stepped in to put things back on course. "It goes both ways. Backwards and forwards. That stick there…when it points to R the car goes backwards, when it points to D the car goes forward."

Petunia beamed at her son as though he'd just explained Einstein's theory of relativity.

"Right then" said Vernon, getting the car going back down the driveway. Both Hestia and Dedalus watch excitedly when he moved the gear shift from "R" to "D". As the car began to move forwards, they broke into applause.

Vernon rolled his eyes, not bothering to suppress a groan of disgust. Hestia reached across Petunia to tap Dudley on the arm. "Excuse me…if you wouldn't mind…how is it you know that the R makes the car go backwards and the D makes the car go forwards….I would have expected B and F, if you know what I mean."

Dudley truley looked sympathetic. "Oh, yeah, well…you know we have to take special classes to learn to drive a car, not everyone can do it." Dudley puffed up proudly. "I just finished my class last month, had to take it twice because it's so complicated, but I got it!"

Petunia beamed. Dudley paused as if trying to remember the original question… "Oh, yeah…well the R is for "reverse" you see, the D is for "drive"" he said confidently. "Oh, how clever! Hestia exclaimed" "So, when you're in R you aren't really driving then?"

This appeared to stump Dudley who scrunched up his eyes as if pondering a truly deep mystery. Petunia patted his arm encouragingly. "Never mind, Didums…. Um… Mr. Diggle, is it? How far did you say we needed to go?".

Dedalus grinned widely at Petunia, thinking his prediction of fast friendship was already coming true. Leaning in enthusiastically, only inches from Petunia. "Oh, ten miles should do it I would say. I remember reading an article in the Prophet—that's our daily newspaper, don't you know—that there was a least one witch or wizard in any 10 square mile area of London. So, ten miles ought to put us in range of someone who is allowed to do magic, does that make sense, dear?"

Petunia, jerking back a bit at the endearment "Um, yes, well…of course, that makes sense. Vernon, how much further?"

"Oooo! Can it keep track then?" Dedalus at once turned his attention to Vernon, obviously impressed by the many things the car could do.

Dudley, however, seemed to feel that was an area in which he could display expertise. "Oh, yeah! It can keep track of all sorts of things! See that number there?" Dudley leaned forward pushing his large arm between the seats to indicate a number on the dashboard. "That's what we call the trip odometer. You set it to zero at the beginning of the trip and it keeps track of how many miles you've gone. And this…" Dudley swung his finger up, nearly causing Vernon to loose his grip on the wheel "this is the regular odometer. It keeps track of every mile the car has gone since it was first made".

"Oh, my, how impressive!" Dedalus exclaimed, causing Dudley to puff up even more. "But I wonder why then this, what did you call it? Trip thing, here says 250….surely we haven't gone 250 miles so quickly have we?" Dedalus looked to Dudley for his answer, seeming to sense that Vernon was using all his will power to simply drive the car.

"Oh, that's 'cause Dad is keeping track of the mileage, you know. He didn't set it to zero when we started driving, he set it to zero when he put gas in the car. This way he can keep track of how many miles he can drive on a gallon of gas."

"Gas? This runs on gas?" Hestia seemed unduly disturbed by that concept. While Dudley didn't know what she thought the word "gas" referred to, he once again knew that he had the answer. "Gasoline, petroleum, it comes from the ground. It's what we call a fuel. The car heats it up and the energy from the heat makes the car move."

"Oh, how delightful! I don't mind telling you I had quite a different image in my head when I heard that word "gas" dear! Thank you so much for your wonderful explanation."

Dudley nodded warmly… "Oh, it was nothing really…they teach us that in school".

Dedalus was happy to see that Dudley, at least, seemed willing to get along. He had been a bit frightened at first sight of the boy and it had taken Harry Potter quite a few minutes out on the porch to convince him this wasn't some part giant child who might explode in rage at any moment.

However, his concerns on how far they'd traveled still needed to be answered. He cast a glance at the man called Vernon. Once again, Dedalus decided Dudley would provide an answer that was at least a bit less explosive than anything Vernon might say. Looking Dudley in the eye, he asked "So, then, how will we know when we've gone 10 miles?"

Dudley looked confused and glanced over at his mother. Petunia looked like she'd rather bite an onion than be friendly with this Diggins person, but knew her Dudley needed her.

"The road, this is Canon Road and if we stay on it until Walthsingshire, we will have gone 10 miles."

"Right! That's what I was going to say…once we get to Walthingshire it will be 10 miles."

"Wonderful!" said Dedalus, looking genuinely impressed at this bit of knowledge. "So, how many more miles do we have to go, then?"

Dudley looked thoughtful, but then noticed a sign up ahead "4 miles, it's 4 miles more to Walthsingshire!".

Dedalus positively clapped with glee at this display. "Wonderful! You're such a tremendous help!" Dedalus grinned happily at Dudley, truly grateful that someone in the car seemed both willing to talk to him and knowledgeable about the mysterious machine that was hurtling them across country. Dedalus would have felt much more comfortable flying a broom high above all these trees and signs and other cars.

Dudley smiled at the compliment. Deciding his father wouldn't risk punishing him while driving, Dudley pursued his earlier question.

"Mr. Diggins, sir?"

"Oh, how polite he is!" Hestia patted Petunia on the arm "That's a mother's teaching that is!" Petunia forgot not to smile at the unusual circumstance of hearing both herself and her son praised at the same time. "Yes, well, thank you, he's always been a good boy."

Dudley pressed on. "Mr. Diggins, just why is it that Harry isn't going with us? I understand that he has other friends and stuff, but doesn't he need protecting too?"

Dedalus seemed truly touched by this. "Oh, don't you worry dear boy! Harry is being protected. The thing is, he's sort of the reason there's any danger, don't you know? So, anyone who's around him is going to be in danger too, that's the thing. We're hoping that by separating you, we can keep you all safer."

Dudley considered this for a moment, but before he could respond, Vernon interrupted "But then why did we have to leave? Why not just take him away?"

Dedalus spoke with that quite, childlike tone one uses with the mentally unstable… "I understand how you might think that, Mr. Dursley, but I thought it had been explained to you. When Harry no longer considers your house his home, the one we don't name will be able to "see" it. He will know that Harry lived there with you as he grew up. He will, no doubt, assume that you hold some affection for Harry and would, if he could, hold you and your family, possibly even torture you, to convince Harry to come to him".

"But, that's ridiculous! We could just explain to the fellow that we were stuck with that Potter brat. We don't hold any more affection for him than he does for us!"

Dedalus and Hestia pulled back with shocked looks on their faces. Of course they'd sensed that Harry's childhood home had not been the friendliest, but to hear this man claim there was no affection at all was unexpected.

Petunia and Dudley exchanged glances. Dudley looked almost as shocked as Dedalus at this outburst.

Petunia broke the awkward silence. "Yes, well…whether there was affection or not, I don't think this fellow, as it were, is someone who listens to reason….at least, that was the impression I'd gotten from before." She looked over at Dedalus who seemed to be recovering his composure. "Is that right, Mr. Diggins? He's not really someone you can reason with?"

"Quite right, dear! And how very perceptive of you. Indeed, I'd wager that if he believed you when you said there was no affection in the house he'd just blow the whole thing up with you in it. He'd be angry that he'd wasted his time and he'd take that out on you."

Petunia's jaw slacked in horror and Dudley let out what might have been a whimper.

Even Vernon looked frightened at this thought.

"Oh, Dad! Walthsingshire! Right here! Turn in!"

"I see it, boy, do you think I'm blind?"

Dedalus looked infinitely relieved to have finally arrived.

Vernon pulled the car into a parking space in front of a small hardware shop. Turning to Dedalus, he asked "What now? What do we do?".

"We apparate." Dedalus said, as if he were announcing that they'd now be going for ice cream.

"We what? How do we do that? We can't do that. Are the whole lot of you mad?" Vernon blustered, causing both Petunia and Dudley to blush and look away.

Hestia, also adopting the "confirmed mental case" tone of voice, patted Vernon soothingly on the arm and said "Yes, dear…we do know that" Vernon jerked away as she continued "But, of course, we'll help you, won't we? We can take you with us. Sort of like a ride! Like you drove this car thing, but all the rest of us got to come along. Is that clear?" She looked genuinely concerned that her explanation might not have been simple enough, but Vernon seemed to understand her.

"Very well then, let's get on with it!" Now that Vernon was committed, he didn't want to waste any time. Vernon had made quite the career for himself by never wasting time and he wasn't about to start now.

Hestia, still in her "tone" tried to calmly explain "Well…we really need to go somewhere, dear…we can't do it from the car now, can we?"

"Why on earth not? What's wrong with the bloody car!"

"Oh, nothing, dear, nothing at all…the thing is, we're sitting, aren't we? If we tried to Apparate while sitting, well.. it could be uncomfortable when we land, don't you see? Apparating onto a couch or a chair is a bit dangerous, don't you know? And, if we don't do that, well…then we'd just fall on our bums wouldn't we?"

Petunia, Dudley and Dedalus all nodded at this. "Yes, Vernon, dear…that makes sense, we don't want Dudley to get hurt now, do we?" Petunia offered.

Dudley looked mildly affronted at the suggestion he was the most likely to be injured, but let it go.

Vernon seemed to recognize that, much as it disturbed him to think it, these magical people were the experts in this area so would have to be listened to.

"Okay, well…let's just get out of the car then if that's the problem."

Dedalus looked relieved at the progress Vernon seemed to be making. "Very good, yes, that's right, we'll have to get out of the car. But we can't just Apparate out here on the street now, can we?"

Petunia spoke up "Right, dear! What would people say if we just suddenly popped away?"

Hestia was positively delighted by this. "Popped away! That's exactly right! Not only will we vanish from sight, but there's quite a distinct POP noise! How clever of you! You must have been very close to your dear sister to have remembered that!"

Petunia's discomfort at this line of thought was fortunately covered up by Dudley.

"We passed a field back there a bit, if we just walked into that field, no one would be able to see or hear."

"Excellent!" Dedalus exclaimed, utterly relieved that the woman and boy seemed to have some sense at least.

"Let's just do that then….now, didn't you hide some things in the back of the car before we left?"

"We didn't hide anything! What do you think we are? Criminals? We put our luggage in the trunk of the car, you loon!"

"Oh, dear…well, how very smart of you then, to do that…should we perhaps get those things out?" Dedalus hoped that by praising the man, he'd at least get him to quit yelling all the time.

Dudley opened the car door and, as Hestia was looking both impressed with his skill and befuddled on how to proceed, he reached over his mother to open Hestia's door as well. "Oh, how wonderful! What a strong, smart young man you have here Mrs. Dursley!"

"Petunia, please" Petunia offered before she caught herself. Vernon looked positively livid at this offer of familiarity, but Hestia was delighted. "Petunia it is! And, of course, you'll be calling me Hestia, then!" "Oh, of course, yes. Hestia, Thank you" Petunia replied as she slid out of the car.

Dedalus had watched Dudley with great care and was preparing to open his door, when, to his amazement, the lock seemed to just open by itself. "Oi!" He quickly pulled the handle and climbed out before the thing could change its mind. "Young man! Can you explain this? How on earth…I thought you folks couldn't do…you know…"

Dudley chuckled softly, enjoying the rare experience of being the smarter person as he unloaded their bags from the trunk… "No, it's an automatic lock, that's what it is. See, it's connected to Dad's lock so when he unlocked his door, yours unlocked too, get it?"

Clearly satisfied with that explanation, Dedalus reached up, trying to give Dudley a paternal pat on the shoulder but couldn't manage more than an odd sort of tap on the elbow. "Thank you, young man! I don't know how we would have gotten this far without you…now, can you lead us to this field you saw?"