So , hello! This is the first thing've ever written, and I'm really nervous about it, but yeah, I hope you enjoy this! :)
Diclaimer: I have all the Doctor Who box sets... but thats as far as my ownership goes. Not mine. :(
This is for my lovely Abbie, my twin, who I love very dearly. She's the one that pressured me into making an account on here, and she's been so supportive and lovely, and I just love you, even if you do mock me for being over emotional. ;)
Letters to space.
When she wakes in the mornings, she always feels lost.
Every morning, she wakes before him, (he blames it on his Donna side, but she's pretty sure he's just lazy...) and finds herself quite at loss at what to do. Without fail, every morning, her heart would flutter at the sight of him, fast asleep next to her. His stupid, unruly brown hair gloriously mussed up by sleep; dark eyelashes that flutter over his pale cheeks, hiding eyes that mesmerise her; so very old but so new at the same time. Her new new doctor.
She runs a finger over down his side burns that he loved so much, admiring the way he'd scrunch up his face in annoyance; giggling slightly at the sleepy 'Mmmmph' that would escape his lips. She never thought she could be so... so domestic with him. When they first met, he was a crazy old man with a box, so set in his ways of running through the sky, leaving only star dust in his wake. She loved him, not caring if it was unrequited, not caring that he was 900 and she 19, not caring that he would live and she would wither and decay. She just loved him, eternally.
Every morning seeing him sleeping beside her, the first few rays of golden sunlight tangling around his slim frame; she simply couldn't believe that this was true. Finally, after so much wishing, dreaming, praying he'd come back to her, he had.
Guilt would always pinch at her skin then; her heart would sink thinking about a man that looked so similar to him, a man who she left on a windswept Norwegian beach, who held such pain in his beautiful eyes that it nearly killed her. A man whom held her heart, right from the second he took her hand, and told her to run.
She'd then press a kiss to the sleeping mans forehead, gazing at him with tears swelling in her eyes, before reaching under her pillow and retrieving the piece of paper and pen she'd place there the night before, without fail.
She'd hesitate then, the pen hovering over the paper patiently, admiring the way the inky droplets made the mundane white of the paper seem more vibrant somehow, bringing it to life. 'Like he did to me' she'd muse, small smile gracing her face. She never understood why her brain found it hard to form the words, because every morning, she'd write the same letter to him, every morning, each letter she'd write would be a ghost of the last.
'Doctor,
Sometimes, I think back to that day on the beach and feel so confused. Why did you leave me here? After I took so long to find you? It makes my heart hurt. Couldn't you have been a bit selfish, just for once, and tell me those words you were always so close to finishing?
But then, I remember how much hurt shined in you're beautiful time weathered eyes. And I realised, that all you wanted was to take my hand, just like you used to, pull me into that mad blue box of yours and take me on adventure after adventure. The Doctor and Rose. Shiver and Shake. We'd run through the stars, not caring, not worrying, just living.
But, you are a time lord. More than that though, you are a good man. You're never selfish, even for the slightest second, and I admire that about you, so very much. So you smiled a tight lipped smile, pushed the pain and the loneliness deep down inside, and left me here, with him.
I love you even more for giving me him. He's kind, sensitive, witty and compassionate; everything that I could ever wish for, and more. Thank you for giving me a chance to live, to walk down the aisle in a pretty white dress, to hold my babies in my arms, to see my grand children. It's something now that I realise I could of never had with you, no matter how much I wished it could.
Anyway, enough about me, I'm turning into you, all this waffling on! How are you? It seems such a stupid, mundane question doesn't it, a 'how are you?' We're universes apart, and all I think to say is 'how are you.' Such a human thing to say, I think.
What I mean is, are you lonely? Have you found anyone? Please find someone, my Doctor, you say that my version of you is broken and needs fixing; but you do too. Even a Doctor needs a doctor, sometimes.
I'm going to finish up this letter now; my eyes are filling up with tears so much it's getting hard to see what I'm writing. You'd probably roll your eyes at that, 'silly human emotions' you'd mutter, shaking your head at the stupidity.
One thing I have to say though, before I go; is that I love you. I do, I really do, forever and ever. I know that you'll never be able to say the same, but that's okay, honestly. I'm happy.
I love you. '
She'd sign he name with a flourish then, admiring the way her tears would make the blue ink run down the paper like raindrops racing down a window pane. Hauntingly beautiful.
She'd seal the letter in an envelope carefully, before writing his name, penning each letter delicately; like it's her final goodbye.
Turning her head, she'd see him, still blissfully lost in his world of slumber. He'd never know what happened to her on a morning, never see the internal struggle she'd go through each day, before the sun rose high in the sky. She liked it better that way though; she couldn't stand to see him worry, or even worse, start blaming himself for her silly confused musings. That would kill her, to see his eyes full of guilt for something he'd never done.
She'd rise from the bed, still clutching her letter, and walk over large windows, undoing the latch and throwing them wide open. She'd close her eyes, and savour the feeling of the rays of golden sunlight caressing her face.
Every morning, a letter would dance across the sky, full of heartbreak and sorrow and promises but most of all, full of goodbye. Rose would always watch the letter fly away, willing it find him, even though she knew it was impossible, for there was more than distance separating them. She still would screw her eyes up tight, willing the little letter to dance it's way through the stars, to find the little blue box, to find the man who's name was penned so delicately on it's side.
"Rose?" his groggy, sleep laced voice would call out, startling her.
"Yeah, I'm here." She'd answer, trying to wipe away her tears hastily, putting a tired smile on her face.
"Rose... have you been crying?" he'd question worriedly, taking in her puffy eyes, the glistening tracks shining on her cheeks.
"Bad dreams." She'd whisper hoarsely, casting one last look over her shoulder to see the letter still drifting away; a speck of white against a vast canvas of blue.
So, thats it! Tell me what you think! :) Tomorrow will be the letter to Rose. R & R! :D