Hello again! I bringeth my newest creation, Everything I'm Not!!
I wrote this fic back in March soon after my boyfriend broke up with/cheated on me. My friend Caitlin had had me listen to the song previously, before Christmas, and I suddenly remembered it after what happened, and went to listen to it, and realized that not only did it fit me PERFECTLY, but it also fit Rose (and Martha, too. I found a new appreciation for her :) ) after the events of Girl in the Fireplace.
Originally I had planned to use P!nk's Who Knew, but this fit better. :)
This is most definitely NOT my best work, but I posted it on LiveJournal, and I got only positive reviews there, so I figured, "eh, what the hell?" and decided to post it here as well.
Anyway, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, nor do I own the rights to Everything I'm Not by the Veronicas.
Everything I'm Not
By doodlegirll
***
Stupid, lying Time Lord.
Stupid, blonde French woman.
Rose furiously wiped away the tears as she walked down the hall, refusing to allow them to fall until she reached the sanctity of her bedroom, where she could dead-lock seal the door and kick and scream and cry all she wanted.
And, more importantly, she wouldn't have to face him.
Rose finally reached her room. She threw open the door and walked inside, slamming the door as hard as she possibly could behind her. The TARDIS hummed, as if to ask what she had done that for, but Rose ignored the ancient ship and threw herself face first onto her bed. She grabbed her pillow from the headboard and buried her face in it, letting the tears fall in rivers down her face, carrying her make up and mascara with it.
How could he do this to her?! After all they'd been through together?!
Had he forgotten the Autons? The Slitheen? New Earth? Ancient Rome? Had he forgotten the Daleks, and how she had so willingly taken in the Time Vortex for him?
Obviously he had.
Because here he was, gallivanting off with some French woman from the eighteen century, snogging her, and even dancing with her! And he had only known the woman a few hours!
Rose felt her heart breaking all over again in her chest at the thought.
She knew the Doctor loved Reinette. He had been enthralled with her since they had first seen her on the other side of the time window, on the other side of what was her fireplace. She knew that while he would never admit it, he had loved the famous Madame de Pompadour. He had even offered to bring her onto the TARDIS!
He had loved her in the way Rose had thought…the way Rose had thought he loved her. Rose had thought she and him were special, and that what they had was special.
But she had been wrong.
Because the Doctor had left her, for Madame de Pompadour, the mistress of King Louis XV.
He had snogged her. Snogged her. Danced with her. Rose couldn't help but remember that he had danced with her, too, right here on the TARDIS back when they had picked up Jack during World War II with the gas masked child Jamie stalking them, asking for his mummy, back when nothing stood between them, and it seemed as though nothing ever would.
But that had been the old Doctor, the proper Doctor, the Doctor Rose knew would never in a million years leave her – or Mickey, even – stranded on a spaceship in the 51st century with no way to get home. That was the Doctor Rose had grown to love and trust, the Doctor that had taken her hand and shown her a life she never could have imagined, racing through the stars. The Doctor she had known – the Doctor with big ears and blue eyes and a leather jacket – would never have done that to her. Never. Not like this new Doctor, the skinny one in pinstripes with wild brown hair and sideburns and soft brown eyes.
But that Doctor was gone now, replaced with this…stranger.
The worst part, Rose decided, was not that he was completely oblivious to how she felt about the matter, but the fact that she still loved him.
Reinette had been right.
"We both know, don't we Rose, that the Doctor is worth the monsters…"
Rose fought back another sob and buried her face in her pillow again, allowing the cool cotton to soothe her hot face.
The TARDIS hummed in consolation. Somehow, Rose knew the TARDIS knew what she was going through, and that the TARDIS cared very deeply about her. And while Rose could not understand the old girl because she wasn't telepathic, she knew she was saying something like "It'll be alright, Rose."
After a couple minutes, Rose wiped her eyes and walked into her bathroom. Running some warm water into the sink, she scrubbed her face clean of the tearstains and runny mascara. She combed her knotted hair and slipped into her pajamas.
"Tea." She said to herself. "I need some tea."
"Tea! All I needed was a quick cup of tea!"
Rose shook her head to rid herself of the memory and opened her door. Poking her head out to make sure no one was around, she made her way to the kitchen, where a steaming kettle of tea was waiting for her on the stove. Rose crossed the room and turned down the temperature, taking the kettle from the burner and setting it on a hot pad on the counter nearby. Rummaging through the cupboards, she found her favorite mug and poured the warm liquid into it. She poured a dash of milk in, and inhaled deeply before sipping it lightly, smiling in pleasure.
"Rose?"
Rose nearly spilt the tea everywhere at the sound of her name being called from behind. Setting the cup back on the counter, she whirled around to find the Doctor leaning against the doorframe, watching her curiously.
"Doctor!" She said. "Don't do that!"
The Doctor grinned as he walked towards her. "Sorry." He said.
Rose grinned back momentarily before letting her eyes drop back down to the floor, and she turned away, back towards the counter.
"Rose?" The Doctor asked.
"Hm?" Rose asked, sipping her tea again.
"Rose, is there something wrong?"
"No." Rose answered, a little too quickly. "Why?"
"Well, for starters," the Doctor said. "You're being quiet."
"So?"
"So," The Doctor said. "Something's wrong. You're hardly ever quiet after an adventure!" He looked her dead in the eyes, and Rose found it hard to tear away from his brown orbs that bore into her own. "So what's wrong?"
"Nothing." Rose said, finally breaking away. "Just tired 's all."
The Doctor stuffed his hands in his pockets and raised an eyebrow. "You sure?"
Rose felt the frustration begin to boil in her chest. She felt it all slowly turn from pain to red hot anger.
"Fine." Rose said stiffly, hoping it would tell the Doctor to drop it before she went off and did something she would regret.
The Doctor's eyebrows furrowed and he fidgeted slightly. He watched as Rose stared furiously down at her tea, and, even though she thought he could not see, he saw that tears were slowly making their way down her cheeks. He gently reached out an hand to touch her arm.
"Rose." He said quietly. "Please tell me what's wrong."
Rose pulled away from him as though he had burned her. "Don't touch me!" She hissed, and the Doctor took a step back, slightly startled by her sudden outburst. He held his hands up, palms out.
"Alright, alright, sorry." He said quickly. "Please, Rose, tell me what's wrong."
"You want to know what's wrong?" Rose whispered.
The Doctor nodded.
"I'll tell you what's wrong!" Rose began to scream as she stormed towards him, closing the few feet between them. "Three words: Madame de Pompadour."
Comprehension overcame the Doctor, and he opened his mouth to speak, but Rose shook her head, cutting him off.
"I'm not finished yet!" She said. "How could you, Doctor? How could you just go off and leave me an' Mickey like that?! You know bloody damn well we can't fly the TARDIS! You left us, Doctor! Just went off and jumped through that mirror on Arthur, knowing full well what you were doing! You were going back to save her, Reinette, the Uncrowned Queen of France. You went back to save her and left us stranded in the 51st century! Mickey and I almost died today, Doctor, while you were off dancing with that…that…woman! You went back to save her and didn't even look back!" She looked at him, angry tears forming once again in her eyes. "You loved her." She declared.
The Doctor opened his mouth to reply again, but shut it, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
"Don't try to deny it." Rose went on. "I saw the looks you gave her. Those were the same looks you…you used to give me. But that doesn't matter because you found somebody else, and I'm just another Sarah Jane."
"You're not…" The Doctor started. Rose cut him off again.
"Don't even start, Doctor." She said. "You loved her. She was beautiful, smart, and talented. You loved her because she's everything I'm not." She looked at him. "And to think I waited five and half hours for you! And you even know why?"
The Doctor swallowed and shook his head.
"Because I love you." Rose said. "And I can't believe I was stupid enough to think you loved me back." She stormed past him. "I'm going to pack. You can drop me off at Mum's."
The Doctor watched her, mouth agape, as she moved towards the open door of the kitchen. It wasn't supposed to end this way. Not like this.
His hearts felt like they were dying. With every passing second, and every step Rose took closer to that door, his hearts constricted and burnt, and felt as though they were about to shrivel up into raisins. He felt as though someone had taken each of them in their hands and twisted, and he found that this was a pain like none he had ever known before.
He sprinted across the kitchen in three great strides. He grabbed Rose's arm and spun her around as fast as he could, and pressed his lips to hers in a desperate, but passionate kiss.
Rose stood there, still at first, unsure of how to respond, but eventually she relaxed and kissed him back, with just as much passion.
And suddenly, nothing else mattered. Not the day's events, not Reinette, nothing else mattered but the two of them, right at that very moment, lost in each other's arms.
Finally, after a moment, Rose pulled back, needing a breath. She looked at the Doctor, who smiled at her.
"I don't…understand…" Rose said, confused. "What…"
The Doctor chuckled and pulled her close.
"I loved Reinette, yes." He admitted. "But Rose, oh, Rose, she's not you. You're beautiful, and smart, and talented, and so brave. I never could have asked for someone any better, Rose. No one else would have waited five and a half hours for me." He tucked her head under his chin. "I love you, Rose."
Rose, fighting back happy tears this time, wrapped her arms around him.
"I love you." She whispered. "And I'm sorry I blew up like that."
"Only natural." The Doctor replied. "You've had a long day, and you're tired. I heard ol' Mickey-boy snoring like a drowning elephant when I passed his room a couple minutes ago, and that's where you should be: in bed, asleep."
Rose giggled and yawned. "Yeah, you're probably right." She said, pulling away from him, but never letting go of his hand. She smiled. "Goodnight, Doctor."
The Doctor pecked her on the cheek. "Goodnight, my Rose."
Rose smiled bigger and turned to walk out of the kitchen. This time, the Doctor watched her, and his hearts did not feel like they were going to shrivel and die. No, this time, they were ready to burst at the seams in happiness.
He called to Rose, "Rose?"
Rose turned. "Yes, Doctor?"
"She's not everything you're not." He said. "You're everything she's not."