Someday
Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to Stephanie Meyer.
A/N-set in Eclipse AU.
"I am so sorry." Bella hung her head in shame. She hated hurting Jacob. But she couldn't change the inner workings of her heart. Her decision had been made a long time ago.
Jacob's eyes were full of pain, and not just from the injuries inflicted on his body. He gazed at her in despair, unable to voice how much her final rejection had shredded his heart in two. But he hid it. He still wanted to maintain some kind of dignity. His pride was all he had left to hold onto now. "I had to try." He said eventually.
Bella raised her head and met his sorrowful eyes. Emotionally she was at her lowest ebb. She had feelings for Jacob. It could even be considered love. But it didn't match the hold that Edward had on her heart. If he had never existed then she knew that she would be with Jacob now. He was the natural path her human life would have taken. But she wasn't going to be human for long. Even though it was gut wrenching having to turn away from her best friend, she no longer had a choice. "I wish things could have been different." She whispered as she edged closer to the bed again. Jacob held his good hand out toward her and she took it. His heat wasn't as intense as it usually was. His body was battling to heal itself. His devastating injuries would have killed a normal human. It was only his wolf genes which had prevented a tragedy.
"Don't cry, Bells." Jacob said tiredly as he tugged her closer. "C'mere." He was fighting to keep his eyes open. The strong drugs Carlisle had given him to ease the pain were beginning to work.
"Oh, Jake." Bella let out a choked sob and fell on her knees beside his bed. "I should be the one comforting you, not the other way around."
A ghost of a smile crossed Jacob's handsome face before it died. "C'mere." He murmured again. He pulled on Bella's hand. She rose onto her feet and crawled on the small bed beside him. There wasn't much room. Jacob's six feet, seven inch frame took up most of it. She was careful to avoid his bandaged arm which was strapped across his body. His skin was slick with sweat. "Stop crying now." Jacob chided her gently. "I don't want my last memory of you looking so upset."
"I can't help it." Bella tried to stem the flow of her tears for his sake, but it was so hard. She rested her head on his arm and closed her eyes. She was so emotionally beaten down. He was too. Jacob's eyes closed too, and without conscious thought they both drifted off into an uneasy slumber.
Bella woke up to the sun shining in her eyes. She raised her head, blinking furiously as she tried to get used to the brightness. She was disorientated. A lock of hair fell in front of her eyes and she brushed it away irritably. "You're awake." Jacob's husky voice startled her.
"Jake?" Bella rubbed her eyes and sat upright. "How long have we been asleep?"
"All night by the looks of it." Jacob was lying on his back. His skin was still covered in perspiration, but he was much more alert.
"Oh no." Bella began to panic. Edward would be fraught with worry. Of course he knew where she was, but still. She avoided Jacob's curious gaze as she slid off the bed and stood up on wobbly legs. "How are you?" She asked hurriedly to cover her agitation. "Do you feel a little better?"
Jacob nodded slowly. "Uh huh. You don't look so good though."
"I don't?" Bella was feeling very flustered. She ran her fingers through her tangled hair.
"You should call him if it makes you feel better." Jacob couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice as he realised the source of her nerves.
Bella paused. "I'm worried about you."
"I'll get better eventually." Jacob turned his head away from her so he was facing the wall.
"Jake, I…."
"Please go, Bella. I am barely holding it together here." Jacob finally confessed.
"I'm sorry." Bella bit on her bottom lip as she spilled the useless words. Her apologies were so meaningless. "I love you, Jacob." She whispered as she began to head for the door. But she didn't reach it. Bella stared down at her feet. She tried to move them, but they wouldn't obey her. She lifted one then the other, stepping back. They seemed fine, but when she attempted to leave the room for a second time it was as if she hit an invisible wall.
"Why are you still here?" Jacob had been holding his breath, waiting for the inevitable click as the door shut behind Bella, confirming that she'd left, but when he didn't hear it he turned his head to see what she was doing. He saw her standing near the door with her head down, staring at her feet. "Can you just go, Bella? You're making this so much harder for me." He continued desperately when she didn't immediately respond.
"I can't." Bella tried to move forward again but the same odd sensations happened again. She could only go backwards, toward Jacob. "I can't leave." She said, panicking.
Jacob misunderstood her. Faint hope made his heart race in his chest. He reached out toward her, his fingers shaking as they sought hers. "It's okay, Bells. It's okay."
Bella turned to reluctantly face him when she felt his fingers touch hers. A lump lodged in her throat as she saw the hope in his eyes. He thought she was wavering. She hated herself in that moment. She looked back at him, distraught. "Something's happening."
Jacob tried to sit upright but he was in too much pain. He groaned, his hand dropping back to his side as he lay on his back, frustrated. "Dammit." He cursed.
"Jake." Bella said in alarm as she hurried to his side. She had no problem moving now that it was toward him. She knelt next to him and rested her hand on his cheek. "Stay still. Do you want some water or something?"
"No." Jacob groaned again as his eyelids fluttered closed. He clenched his teeth and sweat broke out on his forehead. "It hurts, Bella."
Bella's panic increased. She scrambled to her feet and tried to head out of the room to get help, but the same thing happened. It was like she hit a brick wall. She could have screamed. Instead she yelled out for help. The door was immediately thrust open and Sam came inside, followed closely by Billy. "Jake needs help." Bella cried desperately as she rushed back to his side.
Sam ignored Bella's pleas and went straight to the small cabinet by Jacob's bed and took some of the strong painkillers that Carlisle had prescribed for Jacob. "You're due a dose." He said directly to Jacob as he continued to ignore Bella as if she wasn't there.
Billy hovered in the background as Sam hunkered down by Jacob and helped him sit up a bit. Bella hurriedly propped loads of pillows behind Jacob's body for him to lean against. Jacob took the glass of water from Sam with his good hand and quickly swallowed the pills. He gulped the water down with the tablets and fell back on the pillows, his face awash with agony. "Fuck." He muttered.
"Jake, are you alright?" Billy wheeled his chair further into the room. Sam stepped aside so he could draw nearer the bed.
"I'll be alright when the pills kick in." Jacob replied through gritted teeth.
Billy's attention was drawn to Bella. Her brown eyes were huge in her pale face. She appeared tired and on the verge of a breakdown. He wondered what she was still doing there now that she was awake. He had popped his head in earlier to find them both fast asleep and had decided to leave them alone. His son needed rest and he didn't want to disturb him unnecessarily. "We've got it from here. You should go, Bella." He said to her, not unkindly.
"I can't." Bella faltered. Her eyes flicked to Jacob. He was gazing at her with that same hope in his eyes. Bella wanted the floor to open up and swallow her. She had told him once that his pain was her pain, and it was never truer than in that moment.
"Jacob needs rest." Sam stated coldly. He was tired of Bella getting in the way of his brother's recovery. She had caused enough trouble already. He just wanted her to leave. "You need to go."
Bella physically shook as she glanced at Jacob's anguished face again while at the same time trying to do as Sam wanted. She hit the invisible brick wall again and stopped. She looked at everyone helplessly. "I can't." She whispered brokenly.
"See she doesn't want to go." Jacob reached out for her hand again. Bella stepped backwards and let him take it.
Billy and Sam exchanged a confused glance before the latter abruptly left the room. Billy studied Jacob and Bella carefully. His brow furrowed as he watched the way his son's eyes were trained on Bella's every move. Something was amiss here. "When you say you can't leave what do you mean by that?"
Bella's mouth opened and then closed when she felt Jacob's fingers wrap around hers. The pull to comfort him was strong. She didn't want to hurt him, he was emotionally too fragile. "It means I don't want to." Bella lied. She looked at Billy desperately as she said the words. She watched understanding dawn on the older man's face.
"See. I told you." Jacob's eyes were closing. The strong painkillers were sending him under. Bella sat beside him and brushed her fingers over his face. He gave her a small smile before his eyelids drooped shut. She and Billy remained silent for a good five minutes before they spoke; wanting to make certain that Jacob was definitely asleep.
"Why can't you leave?" Billy asked again in a low voice.
"I physically can't." Bella whispered back to him. "I get so far then it's like I hit a brick wall. I can't leave Jacob. I can only go to him."
"He's asleep now. I think you'll find the pull has lessened." Billy saw the confusion on Bella's face but he didn't immediately explain. He left the room, indicating for her to follow. Bella walked slowly, expecting to feel the same invisible barrier as before, but she found Billy was right, it had gone. She hurried out of Jacob's bedroom, being careful to shut the door quietly after her.
Billy was waiting in the narrow hallway. Bella swallowed thickly, she felt her guilt return as she looked at his lined face. "How did you know I would be able to leave right then?" She asked tentatively.
"Because he's asleep and doesn't need you so much right now." Billy's explanation was cryptic.
"I don't understand you." Bella was totally confused.
"I don't understand either. I have never heard of it happening like this before. Why now and not before?" Billy sounded like he was talking to himself.
Sam came bowling down the narrow hall and stopped behind Billy. His normally stoic expression was missing. Bella guessed he must have heard their entire conversation. She looked at Jacob's Alpha nervously. Sam had never been her biggest fan. She recalled the night he had rescued her after she had gotten lost in the forest after Edward had broken things off with her. The memory was painful and she winced. "Is it for certain?" He asked Billy.
"Is what for certain?" Bella was getting annoyed by this two way conversation. Was she supposed to guess? "Please tell me what you mean?"
Sam locked eyes with Billy for a long moment. "Tell her what you suspect." He urged the older man.
Billy sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I would rather speak to Jacob first." He hedged.
"Jacob may not even realise himself just yet. He is physically weak as well as emotionally." Sam threw Bella a look of disapproval. She cringed, knowing he was blaming her for Jacob's weakened state. She couldn't blame him. Jacob had been fighting for her sake after all.
"You're in his head." Billy accused. "You would have sensed it, surely."
"Just because I have been through it myself does not make me a so called expert on the phenomenon. " Sam snapped. It was the first time Bella had ever seen him lose his cool. "I am on a learning curve just like everyone else." He finished bitterly.
"I'm sorry." Billy apologised. "You're right; there is only so much the old legends can tell us."
Sam's expression softened. It was clear he didn't like upsetting Billy. "Jacob has been denying his heritage for a while now. You know he has fought it more than the rest of us." His dark eyes were drawn to Bella again and he frowned. "We all know the reasons why." He said pointedly.
To Bella it was like they were speaking a different language, one that she was failing to understand. "Please, just tell me what is going on?" She begged.
Billy sighed, rubbing a hand over his face as he did so. "We think that you and Jake…." He hesitated as if trying to find the right words.
Sam took over the explanation. He was more direct. "We think that Jacob has imprinted on you." He stated bluntly. "We think that's why you are having trouble leaving his side while he is in such a weakened state."
Their reasoning was ludicrous. Bella felt almost like laughing. It was impossible. Jacob had described imprinting to her before, and this was nothing like it. Her world hadn't turned on its head. Her universe hadn't shifted. It was exactly the same. She was exactly the same so was Jacob. "It's impossible. I know that it only happens when the wolf looks into his imprints eyes for the first time. Jake has stared into my eyes tons of times and…." She clamped her mouth shut as she realised what had come out of her mouth. It was true. Jacob used to gaze into her eyes a lot. He would sit holding her hand on the rare times that she visited the res. She wondered if he had been trying to make it happen. "You've got it wrong." She said faintly.
"Your feelings may not have changed, Bella." Billy told her wearily. "But something has shifted…."
"This is stupid." Bella interrupted him. "I can prove it. I'm going to walk out of here."
Billy and Sam watched her march off down the narrow hall and disappear around the corner. They both waited expectantly for the front door to open, but it remained quiet. A moment later Bella came back into view. "I can't leave." She sobbed.
"I'll get Emily." Sam mumbled as he left a distraught Bella alone with Billy. She would be better at dealing with this then he would.
Billy rolled his chair forward and took hold of Bella's hand. "Come on, my dear. Let's get a hot drink inside you. Jake will be out for a while yet. It will give you time to calm down."
Bella didn't have much of a choice. Her head was in an emotional tailspin. She couldn't believe this was happening. It was too bizarre, too surreal. She thought of Jacob, lying injured in his bed. She had seen his hopeful smile flit across his face before the strong pills had pulled him under. She thought of Edward, waiting patiently for her call to come and pick her up. Her heart ached for both of them. Once again she was caught between them, but this time through no fault of her own.
A/N-thanks for reading!