(I needed to remember how to write in Death Note Land so naturally I pick my least favorite scene ever. Sigh.)
Oh, God,was really all Matsuda could think, oh God, and that…sucked, didn't it. Because he'd never really believed in God. He wasn't sure or strong enough to believe in something like that. Here and now in the dark when his sweating hands still held a loaded gun that seemed more awful than it ever had. Oh my God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry—and he wasn't apologizing to God, either, not any God that belonged to him. He wasn't sure how many people he was apologizing to but he knew what name headed the list and he knew what it looked like written in a shinigami'sinky jagged penmanship; raw scars across white paper; horrible, horrible absolution, really.
Oh God but he felt in his shaking, uncertain soul that there wasn't that kind of being to look to for answers or salvation. Right? There…wasn't. There wasn't. He just knew too much right then why they'd all wanted something like that and it—hurt that he didn't know whether they'd needed it yet.
Oh God, he thought.
And I have to tell Misa. How can we tell Misa
Near's perception was off the charts—he was L's successor, after all—he knew he lacked something akin to emotional intuition or at least fell short, even so. It was blindingly obvious to anyone the emotions present here. Yagami's panic, his fear, his sudden death: a catalyst for several useless changes. He noticed among the remaining NPA members a struggle with sympathy against relief. Matsuda's horror and anguish. The SPK at his back with a milder sense of fulfillment, and puty, and varying degrees of unsettlement.
Near searched himself and found no sympathy at all.
It'd been his victory.
(his--)
They removed the body.
He allowed himself one glance at where it had been, and thought several things. Practical: This would have to be reported in some official capacity. Obvious: Kira had been told it would end like this. Vicious: The bloodstains dark against the floor, black in the dim light, spelled out Mello's eulogy.