I'm not really sure what prompted me to write this. It's not technically supposed to be part of my 'Never' series, though it does have Never in the title and could be worked in if you saw fit. I was working on a profile for Lily for a role play site I'm a member of, and as I tried to sleep, the first few lines wrote themselves. Then the next two or three did the same. Finally, I gave up on sleeping and wrote the first half... It's just Lily reflecting on her long-over relationship to a certain Severus Snape. I hope you enjoy. Reviews would make my day.

They say you never forget your first love. That was all the same to Lily Potter. She'd always been the kind to dwell on her mistakes, and Severus Snape was no exception. What she did want, however, was to let go: for her stomach not to clinch every time he was mentioned, for her mind not to race every time she heard a Death Eater was dead, and most of all for her heart to stop aching when she thought of their childhood together. She just wanted to be free.

She loved James, and there was no on in the world she would trade for him... Not even Severus. But he wouldn't understand this; he couldn't. She was his first love. But that still left her alone on days like these, trapped in an empty house with only nostalgic thoughts for company.

Sighing heavily, the nineteen-year-old nestled down in her favorite chair and stared out at the drizzly grey sky. It was a perfect day to remember.

At the time, she'd believed, as all teens did, that they'd be together forever- best friends. After all, it had been that way from the start.

Lily had first seen Severus when she was nine-years-old. It was a wonder they hadn't crossed paths before; Mill Town wasn't exactly a thriving city. She'd been angry... Petunia had been being her ever-bossy self, and as usual, she'd had enough. Fuming, the red-head had taken to the swings, muttering under her breath and pumping her legs harder than necessary. Then he'd been there, and a friendship had blossomed as if it had always existed.

Sev had been her first real friend. He'd been the first to hear her rants about her parents' then 'unfair' rules, the first to defend her from Petunia's teenage mood swings, and best of all, the first to introduce her to magic. And in turn, she'd been the first to see more than a poor boy from 'the bad part of town,' the first to know his story, and the first to try to help. They'd been inseparable.

Until their fourth year, they'd been just that- inseparable best friends. But things changed. They grew up, and they grew closer. Former play dates became intimate discussions about their futures and their fears. Things became more... Just more.

Lily couldn't fight the sad smile tugging at her lips. They'd had a lot of good times together. That was for sure...

June had come in cooler than usual, and the fourth years swarmed the lake as the first day of exams ended. While most would acknowledge they should be studying, very few actually returned to the library upon the completion of their first day of torture. She and Severus had been in separate exams- Charms for the Gryffindors, Defense Against the Dark Arts for the Slytherins. But all the same, day one was over.

Severus had beaten her to the tree, and she'd settled in next to him, their knees brushing gently against each other as they sat in closer vicinity than your average 'just friends.' The pair began recapping the highlights and shortcomings of their exams, but the conversation evolved quickly.

"I can't wait for summer," she'd said innocently enough. "I miss being home, especially seeing my parents."

His eyes had almost instantly darkened, a mix of fear and sadness briefly flickering across their black depths. "I can wait... I'd rather stay here. With you."

"You'll still be with me, Sev," her fourteen-year-old self had whispered, regretting her words. "You can come to our house any time you want to. Don't- If he starts anything, just run. Day or night, I don't care. Ok?"

"Alright." He looked nervous. "Thank you, Lily. I- I-"

"You what, Sev? What's wrong?"

Before she understood what was happening, they were kissing. And it was... Sweet. Nice. Right. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Then things went back to normal... They had always loved one another, so nothing needed to change.

Lily missed him... The old Severus, anyway. Over time, he changed. He grew darker, more absorbed in the Dark Arts and Voldemort's movement. He buried himself deeper and deeper in his housemates' ideals until he eventually slipped away entirely.

She'd made ever excuse she could for him: his parents pushed him too far, he was corrupted by his less reputable friends, he was bullied into it... The list went on, but the facts didn't change. He made a choice. At first, it was an interest; then a hobby; then it became his life.

But she'd still defended him. Lily had always been sure the boy she'd grown up with, the good man she'd known, was still there. Even five years later, she still believed it. But she couldn't stand by him anymore... He'd gone too far, so she left.

Lily wished she could say she walked off without looking back, without hoping her decision might miraculously change his mind, but she couldn't. She still looked back. She still wondered. But she also stood by her choice. Five years later, she was married to a man she loved more than she ever could have imagined, and she was bringing a small piece of the two of them into this world. Their love flourished, and she could leave Severus in the past. Almost.

For though she had moved on, her heart still remembered every moment. After all, first loves never die.