This is just a fic that takes place a few years after the game. No big adventures, just two people trying to find out their lives and emotions.
~Rinoa~
I'm here lying on my bed, trying to get to sleep. Squall wasn't beside me, again. He was working late, again. He had some essential things to get finished, again. He had no time to be with me, Julia and Raine, again.
It's like he spends more time in his office than with me and our two daughters. He even missed Julia's tenth birthday which had just gone by, hell he wasn't even there the day Raine was born just over seven years ago. Our two daughters hardly know him, and it makes me sick. I wish he would spend more time with the three of us, I understand his work is important and demanding but is it really more important than his family?
The irony of it all is that my father was the same, never there for anything. I remember my first piano recital, he wasn't there. My mother was there, smiling proudly at me, but my father was too busy to come, he was to busy the year after that as well, although my mother wasn't there then. That wasn't her fault, it was my father's. If he hadn't been giving out to her in the car about not turning up for his precious fundraiser she would've been able to concentrate on the road. Instead she had to put up with him, and it got her killed in the end. After that I gave up the piano, it just didn't feel the same. I like to play a few pieces every now and then, but I wasn't any good at it then, I'm no better now. My mother was the one who was good at the piano, I seem to have inherited my father's musical talent or lack or talent.
Nether the less I remember spending hours by the piano as she patiently taught me. I used to love it, I hated the teacher I got after she died, she used to give out to me telling me that I never practiced when my father made sure I practiced everyday. I eventually gave up. I found no enjoyment in learning it anymore. My mother was never like that teacher, maybe I wasn't that good at the piano but she always told me that I was excellent and that I was her little angel and that one day I would fall in love with a prince and that he would take me away to a far away castle. That was her dream, if only she had waited for her prince to return home. The whole irony is that I fell in love with her true love's son.
I did fall in love with Squall, but do I love him now? I don't know, I thought that love lasted forever, but I've been having doubts recently. Does he love me now? Did he ever love me? Or was I just convenient for his whole political image? I don't care anymore, alright that's a lie, I do care, but I've learned to cope, but what about Raine and Julia? Does he love them? Does he even care about them? I know he does care about them, but he's lousy at showing it, but what kills me is that I don't know if he loves them or not. My Father never loved me, just like he never loved my mother, she didn't love him either. At least I loved Squall at one stage.
Do I really not love him anymore? I remember when we first became a couple that I would jump in front of a bus for him if I had to, but when Julia came along, things just changed. She became my number one priority, and so was Raine when she came along. Both of them still are, but Squall...could he not accept that he wasn't the only person in my life? Hyne forbid, if it came down to it, I'd choose Julia and Raine over Squall without a moment's hesitation. I know it sounds harsh, but it's the truth, and even when I was still deeply in love with Squall that would've been my decision, I'd like to think that he'd chose his two daughters over me if it ever came to it. That's the curse about being a mother, your no longer on top, it's your children. I'd murder for the two of them, just forget I ever said that if I wind up in court one day.
I don't know who Squall is anymore. When I first met him he was quiet and reclusive, he hated opening up to others, but slowly I managed to slip through the cracks and get him to open up. I remember we'd spend hours just talking about everything from our favourite foods to our inner thoughts. He doesn't talk to me anymore. He's hidden behind his masks again. It's almost as if he's a complete stranger now. I worked so hard to get him to open up to me, and for what? For him to ignore me? For him to roll over to the other side of the bed and tell me he's had a long day whenever I want to have a serious conversation? For him to never hold me tightly like he used to when I was upset? For him to completely ignore his two daughters?
I can't take this anymore, I have to talk to him. I can't put it off for any longer. When he comes home tonight, if he comes home at all that is, I'm going to talk to him, it's not fair on either of us or our daughters.