Clarity
She howled out in pain, his title on her lips in a desperate plea as another contraction rolled over her. She despised no one more than him in that moment but she yearned for him, she wanted him there, needed him. He had to be present for the birth of his own creation, their child.
He, a father once again.
He told her it would never happen, it couldn't, he wouldn't let her get pregnant and with that she had agreed. She needn't upset him over something that to her, in that moment of discussion hardly mattered or applied. But at some point things were out of one's own hands, some things just happened, highly unpreventable no matter how preventable they had at first seemed. She had thought, once, of ridding herself of her situation but she couldn't stomach the thought for very long. She had to go through with it, no matter what he said and if his heart should so break she would prevent it before it had the chance.
And that was why she was alone calling out his name with no response. He did not know.
She screamed his name once again with the instruction to push somewhere in 19th century London. Vastra and Jenny were her only companions while Strax found other means to keep himself busy at her request.
Without her husband she gave birth, unplanned by candle light to a tiny daughter born too early and far too small but brilliantly alive.
River sobbed when Vastra placed the child in her arms, her husband's name, his real name, was whispered into the soft flesh of her daughter's cheek a memento of who she belonged to.
Five minutes. She told herself. She wanted her husband far more than air in that moment, she wanted to share this with him; the sweet new born smell and her cuddly warmth, she was so small in her mother's arms so completely fragile but she held strength in bounds. Holding the child in her arms she had eyes only for her precious, doll like little face. She couldn't ask for her husband, wouldn't. It would ruin her plan.
Either way, her five minutes were up.
"Jenny," She tore her gaze from the baby as Vastra removed her from her arms with the promise to return her. "I need you to do something for me." Her voice wavered but she refused to let it crack. Her daughter cried. "My vortex manipulator, it is in my bag. Take it and her." River shifted, ever so slightly so she could gain another glance at her daughter over Vastra's shoulder where her now quiet child was being rewrapped into her blanket. "Please, take her somewhere she'll be safe. The Doctor must never know about her and neither should I."
"Doctor Song?" It was a question on Jenny's worried behalf. Surely she wasn't serious about what she was saying.
"I can't raise her, Jenny and The Doctor mustn't know he created another life, he would never forgive himself." Jenny nodded, understanding. One had to lie in order to save themselves and River was lying the most for them all. He would never know of this child and she would try her best to pretend she never existed. Vastra handed Jenny the tightly wrapped little girl with River's final confirmation. "One last thing, Jenny," The girl looked up but the woman before her only had eyes for her tiny daughter.
River Song knew something that they did not. But they sensed it.
"Name her Clara." Vastra finished with the coordinates on the vortex manipulator that she had strapped to her wife's wrist. With a crackle the young woman and infant were gone. Jenny would return but Clara would be lost to her mother for hundreds of years. Only until she fell into her father's arms and into the depths of Trenzalore would she be found again. Far too late for River Song.
I don't know what I did or why I did it, I'm sorry. Be nice.