Waiting

A/N - Make sure you pay close attention to the dates at the beginning of each new section. It's very important to note when each section takes place in order to properly understand the time line of the story. It jumps around a lot, so it would be really confusing without those dates. Also, note that this is not a one shot. This is a chapter story that will continue in several parts until I feel like it's finished, so don't be sad if a chapter ends on a depressing note. Things will progress as new chapters are added. I've written about half of it so far, but I'm actively working on it and will update as often as I can! Thanks and enjoy!

Chapter 1 - As Long As It Takes

June 29, 1998

I am waiting because I told you that I would. Well, maybe I didn't say it out loud, but you knew didn't you? Didn't you?

Maybe that's not really why I'm waiting at all. I don't have any other choice, do I? You are everything. When did you become the center of my life? No, not only the center of it... everything around the center too. All of it.

When did you know that you would be saying goodbye? Was it hard for you? Was it as hard as it was for me? Then why did you leave? If you had a choice, why did you choose the one thing that would destroy me?

Fifty-six days. It isn't so long, Harry says. But what does Harry know? And what happens when fifty-six turns to five hundred and six? I can't bare to think of numbers so huge, so lonely.

What was it that you said when you first told us? I don't want to remember the exact words you spoke. I'd rather remember the feeling. But I do remember those words, like it or not, exactly as you spoke them.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to go..."

I remember exactly. After all, what's fifty-six days? I remember every word you ever spoke to me. Well, maybe that's a bit romantic. But you know I always tried.

Two thousand, four hundred and sixty-six days. That's how long I've known you. And still, I remember the very first words you ever spoke to me...

"Has anyone seen a toad? Neville's lost one... Oh! Are you doing magic? Let's see it then."

And now, years later, here I am. My heart dropped to my feet when I knew it was real, that you were leaving after all, that it wasn't a joke. And the question on my mind when you told me you didn't want to leave me...

"...I don't want to go..."

"Then why are you doing this?"

You asked me to try to understand, begged me to. And I said nothing.

But here I am, waiting. I'll wait for you, Hermione. I'll wait until there's nothing left to wait for. Will you come home different? Will you have grown apart from me? Is that my worst fear or would it be worse for you to never return at all? Just to see you, to hear your voice... I think I'd be glad just to get a glimpse of you from far away rather than to never see your face again. But I know that I will. This is not the way you planned it. It was not goodbye forever. And you never change your mind, you never stray from the plan. But things can change. They always can.

Are you waiting for me too? I never considered that you might not be. But now that I think of it, you never said that you would be. Will you return and find me here how you left me, waiting, and pretend not to notice? Will it be sad and sorry that I'm still here and that I'm not ever going anywhere else until you direct me, until you lead me there?

I've counted every day of my life, separating the ones that I've lived without you and the ones that we've shared. How many more days until I wake up and find you here again where you belong?

But it doesn't matter. I have promised you. I'm waiting because I don't want to stop. I'm waiting because you are all that I want. I don't care how long it takes. I will never stop waiting. If you should return and tell me that there is no point... but even then I'll keep waiting, hoping, dreaming... because without you there is no purpose, no logic. I'm sick of hiding from you, sick of being afraid of what you might find out. Because I've spent years pretending that every part of me doesn't belong to you. But it does. So come home and everything will be alright. Come home and I'll make things change, I'll do what I should have done years ago.

I'm waiting. I'm waiting for you so that you will know exactly how I feel. You'll know when I first see you coming home, when I run to you and tell you that I've waited so long... And then there will be nothing left to wait for.

May 4, 1998

"Hermione!"

"Over here, Ron," Hermione called from somewhere up ahead.

Ron continued forward and stopped when he reached the first open door on his left. He peered inside and caught sight of her brushing her robes off in the front, her eyes turned down.

"What's up?" he asked, concerned when she allowed her hair to fall around her face, effectively hiding her expression from his view.

"N-nothing," Hermione sighed, shaking slightly as she adjusted her bag on her shoulder and finally straightened up to look at him. She had clearly been hoping that her former tears would no longer show signs of having ever been present. But Ron spotted her reddened eyes and cheeks easily and knew she had been crying.

"Nothing?" he questioned as he stepped into the room closer to her.

"We should hurry," she said as she set her eyes on the open door behind Ron, ignoring him as he approached her. "The train will be leaving soon."

"Hermione..." but he could tell that she had already decided that she had nothing she wanted to say to him, and he felt a wave of disappointment cross through him when he realized that she had closed off to him and was not planning on changing her mind. She walked past him to the door.

"Coming?" she called back into the room as she went ahead into the corridor. Ron jogged slightly to catch up to her, ready to start a fight with her if she wasn't willing to talk. But he would not get that chance...

Ginny strode up to them, her eyes also somewhat bloodshot. Ron noticed Harry standing down the corridor a bit waiting as Ron, Hermione and Ginny made their way down to meet him.

The walk out to the carriages was silent, the four of them lost in their own thoughts. And then they were riding down the slightly bumpy path out the front gates towards Hogsmeade station.

After everything they had been through, all Ron wanted now was to be with Hermione. He had been putting off talking to her about everything since the war had ended mere days ago. But after she had kissed him in the Room of Requirement, he felt that it was finally going to be alright, that he had to make the next move and tell her how he felt about her. He wasn't planning on spending any more time away from her, and he wanted to make sure that she knew that.

They boarded the train, and Ron took the opportunity to speak when a thought crossed his mind.

"You don't suppose Prefects will be meeting today, do you?"

Hermione stared at Ron looking a little tired.

"I mean to say, we're Prefects, even if we weren't here, right? So should we go and help?"

At his words, Ron could have sworn he saw something cross Hermione's face, something he had seen once or twice before, but most notably in the Room of Requirement seconds before she had jumped on him...

He swallowed, his stomach flipping over lightly, and he wished more than he had wished almost anything before in his life that Harry was not currently in the compartment with them.

"Oh, Ron, I don't think we need to. Everyone's just trying to get home to their families now. They don't need us."

"Right," Ron said, nodding slightly as he sat down opposite Harry.

He would not have even guessed that Hermione would sit anywhere except beside him on the bench so he scooted over away from the window so she could have the window seat, but then, to his shock and horror, she sat on Harry's side away from the window. He stared at her, a sick feeling rising in his stomach. Was it possible that she regretted kissing him at all? Why had it taken them this long to discuss it? They had been distracted, helping everyone clean up the castle and bury the dead. Ron had lost a brother, and Hermione had been there to comfort him, but there wasn't time for anything else, for them to really talk. Now that they were going home, he was anxious to get her alone so he could find out exactly what she was thinking. He was having a much more difficult time now trying to figure that out than he had ever had before.

The train ride was quite tense and awkward, and finally, Ron could no longer stand it. Hermione had fallen asleep and Harry kept throwing Ron strange glances like he could read his mind.

"What?" Ron asked Harry somewhat defensively after a long, particularly strange glance thrown his way by Harry.

"Nothing," Harry whispered, glancing at Hermione.

"You keep... I dunno. Making faces..." Ron said.

"Making faces?" Harry asked, scratching his ear and glancing at Hermione's sleeping form again.

"Come on," Ron demanded suddenly, and he left the compartment.

Harry followed, and as soon as the compartment door slid shut, Ron took a breath and began.

"Do you know what's going on with her? Because she doesn't seem to want to talk to me. I thought about starting a fight with her just to get her to say something to me!"

"Ron-"

"Then she sat on your side in there and... did I do something wrong? Apparently I'm pretty thick when it comes to her so it wouldn't surprise me, but I don't remember doing anything daft so you'll just have to tell me if you think I did something..."

"Ron," Harry tried again, and this time Ron paused. "I don't really know how to tell you this..."

Ron swallowed hard. Whatever Harry had to say, it was certainly not good news.

"What?" Ron asked fearfully.

But the compartment door opened and Hermione peered out at them.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked them, puzzled.

"Talking," Ron answered shortly. "You were sleeping."

"Ron," she said in a small voice. "You didn't do anything wrong. Maybe you two should come back inside now."

"You heard-" Ron began, his face heating up. But Harry started into the compartment after Hermione, so Ron followed them in and shut the door again.

Hermione started to pace, wringing her hands together as she did when she was contemplating a very difficult decision. Ron's heartbeat quickened as he waited, hoping that she'd soon stop pacing and start talking. She finally did.

"Ron... I don't know how to..." She let out a strangled sound and resumed pacing.

Ron noticed suddenly that the train was slowing down. They were almost at King's Cross.

"Oh!" Hermione exclaimed as she noticed the same thing. She moved frantically to the window and stared out, her eyes watering.

"Hermione, what's going on?" Ron demanded as the train rolled slowly into the station.

"No! We can't be there yet!" Hermione shouted, shaking her watch.

"You slept a long time," Ron said.

"Then why didn't you wake me?!" she exclaimed angrily.

"Because you didn't ask me to! I can't read your mind, Hermione!" Ron bellowed back.

"No, no, no..." she muttered, wringing her hands again as the train finally stopped.

"What the bloody hell is going on?!" Ron demanded furiously.

"Please..." Hermione begged as students began to file out of the train.

"Harry?" Ron questioned, suddenly remembering that Harry had been about to tell him something outside that he was sure was not going to be good before they had been interrupted by Hermione. If Hermione wasn't going to get on with telling him, maybe Harry would.

But Harry wouldn't meet Ron's eyes. Hermione whipped her head around to stare at Harry, shocked.

"Harry! You know?" she asked incredulously.

"I'm sorry, Hermione," he said, "but I overheard you asking Ginny what to do. I don't really know everything I suppose, but I think I know what you're upset over."

"Will someone, please, for the love of Merlin, tell me what the hell is happening?!" Ron shouted, his face red.

But Ginny appeared in the hallway outside the compartment and Harry went to open the door when she smiled in at them, oblivious to their conversation.

"Sorry," Ginny said as the door slid open. "I thought I'd be able to get away at least for part of the trip. Everyone wanted to talk. And we don't know if any of us will be able to return next year if they can't fix the school in time."

Harry nodded, but said nothing. Ginny suddenly seemed to feel the tension in the compartment.

"Sorry to interrupt, but everyone else is already off the train. We'd better go quickly..."

"Yeah," Harry said, looking back at Ron and Hermione where they stood, both red faced, behind him.

Ron suddenly stepped forward, grabbed his robe and bag, and exited the compartment with a rough shove past Harry and Ginny.

"What's gotten into him?" Ginny asked, looking from Harry to Hermione and back again before seeming to come to a realization about something. "Okay," she said nodding slightly as she gave Hermione a sympathetic smile. Hermione passed by suppressing tears, and Ginny and Harry followed her off the train and onto the platform.

Ron stood a good distance away from the train. He had found a fairly clear area to stand and watch as Hermione, Harry and Ginny exited the train. He breathed heavily as he stared in their direction. He watched as Hermione scanned the crowd, and he only realized that she had been looking for him when her eyes landed on his and she walked purposefully toward him. Harry followed and Ginny parted ways with them, throwing Ron a sad glance as she turned away.

"There's no time left now," Hermione started as Harry stopped a few feet behind them, "I didn't want to tell you like this."

"Hermione, please, just tell me already," Ron begged, his anger subsiding at the look on her face. Her eyes were wet with tears and her cheeks were flushed. She wouldn't look at him directly.

"Ron, I... I'm going away," she said and Ron felt his heart stop. He hadn't expected this. Not at all.

"What? What are you on about?"

"I got an offer from the Ministry and... they want me to work with foreign countries... with relations after the war..."

"Wait, what do you mean going away? For how long?" Ron said, his chest beginning to constrict. He could hardly hear what she was saying to him...

"Ron, I have to leave... they're sending me away. I'll be going to several different countries with a team. I have to leave right away... tonight... I don't know how long. Maybe... maybe a year or... or two. I speak French so they want me to-"

"Don't go."

"Ron..."

"Don't do it, Hermione!"

"Ron, please try to understand. This is a really big opportunity for me!"

"But what about us?" Ron asked suddenly, more forcefully than he had intended. A heavy silence surrounded them at Ron's words. Harry uncomfortably shifted from one foot to the other and looked down at the ground in front of him, trying not to be noticed.

"Me and... and Harry," Ron added lamely, trying to cover his tracks, his cheeks turning pink.

"Ron, please understand..." Hermione looked down now too, tears beginning to spill out of her eyes.

Finally, after a long moment, she looked up again.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to go..."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"I-I've told you..." Hermione whispered.

"So that's it." Ron swallowed thickly and tried very hard not to think about what this meant. He felt his chest tightening more with every second and his ears began to throb, but he was not going to cry, not here on the platform, not in front of them...

"I have to go..."

Ron nodded but said nothing.

"I'm sorry," Hermione sobbed.

But Ron silently stared off past Hermione, his eyes unfocused and his heart pounding furiously.

"Please," Hermione whispered, stepping closer to him, closer, closer... "forgive me." And then she was mere inches from him, but he would not allow himself to look down at her.

Before he had a chance to realize what she was about to do, she had dropped her bag and was kissing him. He kissed her back and closed his eyes instinctively, and when he did, tears that he had been holding forcefully back, trickled down his cheeks.

When she parted her lips from his again, he felt sudden empty and cold, and without thinking, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tightly against him, burying his face in her hair. He felt her shaking, felt the skin of his right forearm getting wetter and wetter as she cried silently against him. And then he spotted his parents, slowly coming towards them from across the platform. He pulled back from her and dropped his arms to his sides. He turned away from everyone as his parents came closer and attempted to discreetly wipe the tears from his face.

"Everyone ready?" Mrs. Weasley asked when she reached them. Ron turned to his mother and attempted a half-smile.

"Let's go," he said before stepping forward between Harry and Hermione to follow his parents off the platform.

He heard Hermione's muffled sob as she covered her face with her hands. But he did not turn back around to look at her. He couldn't.