His rough hands cup my face and slowly slide back to twist into my hair. As his fingers slide through each strand they catch on small knots, which he likely caused, but the pulling is good. It grounds me. It makes me fly. His lips are insistent yet soft. He is coaxing me further. I want more from him, and it feels like there will never be enough.
I can feel my skin heating up from the inside out. Slowly I open my eyes and peek out at him. His face is flushed, and I'm sure mine is as well (the curse of being a redhead). Though, the light tinge on his cheeks just makes him even more handsome. This damn boy could be covered in goo and I would probably still swoon at his cheeky grin. As I study his face, I can't help but wonder how it came to this. How did I fall for James fecking Potter? And better yet, how did I end up snogging him this evening? Then, my eyes are slipping shut, and I am lost once more.
Earlier that Evening
Halfway through my rounds this evening, and I haven't heard one peep. Even the astronomy tower was empty tonight. So with half an hour left, and no scheduled rounds partner to chat with, I have decided that for the rest of the night, I am just going to patrol the seventh floor. That way, once the clock strikes twelve, I can slip into the common room and continue studying for my potions exam on Monday. Normally, I wouldn't spend a Friday evening studying this late, but with the Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff match tomorrow, my availability is going to be limited. In previous years, I may have considered bringing work to the match, but now that James and I are friends, I know that I should be there fully to support him.
I also know, that if I brought schoolwork with me, James would undoubtedly notice and give me hard time about it for the rest of my days. He still hasn't shut up about the match 3rd year where I accidentally wore green gloves to a Gryffindor vs. Slytherin match. Excuse me, but I am allowed to wear colors besides red and gold! Though I admit, I really should start double-checking which gloves I have packed in my bag before heading off to a game.
As I finish my second loop of the seventh floor, I walk over to the stairs and lean on the thick railing. Most of the paintings in the large stairwell have quieted down for the evening. For some, you can hear soft snores, while others appear to be empty. I lean over the railing a bit and look down towards the ground floor. The stairs swing slowly to and fro and make a slight swishing noise as they cut through the open area.
As I lean against the railing, I think about how magical Hogwarts can be. I never thought my life would go like this, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Even the Marauders have begun to grow on me; kind of like mushrooms or fungus… Well actually, that's not really true. In reality, the Marauders have become friends, great friends actually. Lupin and I always got along well, but more and more I have realized how sweet Sirius can be when he wants to be. He is such a charmer. I almost feel like I should keep my friends, and their trusting hearts, away from him, but the only reason I can come up with is that he is sweet towards everyone, especially girls (which isn't too much of a deterrent).
Even James has grown on me. He holds doors open for me. He sneaks pumpkin juice out of the Great Hall for me (when I miss breakfast and rush into Potions just before the bell hits). He has even tried holding my books when we walk to class. (Which, I might add, is ridiculous and therefore unacceptable. I can hold my own books thank you very much… But I suppose it is the thought that counts.) I can feel myself smiling as I recount how these past few months have developed. A few years ago, I thought that James Potter would be my eternal enemy, but this year has made all of the difference.
We have spent many nights in front of the common room fireplace talking all evening while "sharing" James' food (I'm sorry but if he brings out his Mom's cookies, I am going to eat them. I don't care if he gives me permission or not). It almost feels like things are building with us. It's as if each time we hang out, our friendship grows stronger. Like this is the beginning of something, not just the end of a six-year feud. Often I catch him with a surprised grin when we agree over something, or I notice him saying things like, "in five years you will agree with me." It's as if he sees me in his future. I really like this new James.
He has even stopped pulling pranks with his friends, which is a major accomplishment for James Potter. For a while there, it was getting to be outrageous. Charmed chairs that began dancing around the room just as you were about to sit down. Convincing the house elves to use "special" sheets when changing those in the Slytherin chamber, and then hearing the students screech as they were hit with the strongest itching powder I have ever heard of. The Slytherins were still scratchy weeks later. They even charmed the food the entire last week of sixth year to Gryffindor colors in celebration of us winning the House Cup. Those boys are brilliant, but their minds are—
Suddenly, I hear a loud crash through the stairwell. I lean more over the railing and can't see anything out of the ordinary, but in this castle that doesn't mean much. After a quick check of my watch (Fifteen Minutes Left!), I start my trek down the stairs. The sixth floor looks pretty quiet, so I continue down the next staircase. As I reach the fifth floor landing, I start to see faint swirls of dust around one of the corners. After a quick walk down the corridor, I round the corner and WHAT THE FECK!
A few feet away stands James Potter, with a huge grin on his face. Damn he looks good. Surrounding him are his fellow Marauders. They all have smiles on their faces and are looking at a nearby statue. I follow their eyes and see that Gregory the Smarmy has received a rather grotesque costume change. He is now wearing a bright pink and white polka dotted dress, a pair of fuzzy pink boots and a face full of makeup. In fact, now he vaguely resembles some of the other girls when they dress up for Hogsmeade weekends.
The marauders' laughter began to die down, so I train my eyes back to their faces. Peter looks scared, Lupin looks guilty, and Sirius looks happy to see me. I am disappointed to see all of them there, but my biggest frustration is with James. He said he was done with all of this crap! What a load of bull!
As I focus on James, who has his eyes focused just above my head, I realize that his face is filled with a mix of the other boys' emotions. Happy. Ashamed. Angry. Fearful. Then, James begins to inch to his right. I think he is trying to cover up the mess that is Gregory, but that is not possible. It is like a beacon of fuel to the fire raging inside of me. How dare he…
"Lil—. Hey, um, what are you doing here?" James stammers. "Still on rounds? I figured you would cut out early to study for Potions. It is going to be a killer exam. We should study together this weekend…" He trails off as he finally meets my eyes.
I am so furious that I can feel my hands shaking and my heart thudding against my ribcage. "JAMES POTTER!" I yell, because I can't even think of anything else to say. C'mon Lily, words… Use your words. I ball my hands into fists in order to calm the shaking, and continue to glare at him. Maybe I can burn holes in his handsome little face.
James continues to stutter a bit, starting sentences but never finishing them. "Lily, we were—. I mean, it was just—. Were weren't—. I wasn't thinking about—."
I realize that we are alone in the hallway. The other Marauders must have snuck away while we argued. Cowards. I will have to find them later and tell them what I—.
Suddenly, in frustration, James strides towards me. He stops directly in front of me, the tips of his trainers touching mine, and grabs my fisted hands. "Lily please. It was just a bit of fun. Please don't be mad at me."
"JUST A BIT OF FUN? James! You told me you changed! No more pranks! No more childish behavior!" I am fuming. I wouldn't even be surprised if he told me that there was steam coming out of my ears. I haven't been this upset in a long time, at least not with James. I feel stupid. I feel betrayed.
"Lily please! They begged me for one last prank! I have stopped! They kept telling me how I was changing and that I wasn't any fun anymore. I know they were goading me, and I know that they were right. They know why I have changed, and they just don't want to be replaced. I am different now. Please Lily—."
"This doesn't look like change to me…" I interrupt. My eyes trail down to his hands clasped around mine, and I am hit with an overwhelming sadness. His hands feel so warm and comforting, but the boy they belong to is making me feel the exact opposite.
"Lily, listen to me," he whispers as he squeezes my hands in between his. I continue to look at our hands with a grim look on my face, and he makes a frustrated noise. Then, he releases my hands and my sadness is crippling. I feel like my knees are about to buckle. This is it then. This is the moment I have lost James Potter. All of our past resentment turned to friendship has been for nothing. All of his sweet words and actions lost. Apparently the tension that has building over the past few weeks was leading to a fight, not a resolution.
Then, I feel his hands cup my face and tilt my head up towards eyes. He holds my face steady and waits for me to meet his eyes. I look up and latch myself to his gaze. I am lost in hazel.
"Lily," he breathes. "Please believe me. This isn't me. You know the real me."
My mind is reeling and I slowly catch up to him. After a few moments I ask, "Why did you change in the first place? Why do I like you now?"
"You like me now?" James asks, with an eager look on his face.
"James," I admonish, "answer the question". My cheeks heat up at the slip up, which he can probably feel against his fingers, but I refuse to be deterred. What did he mean when he said he had changed for a reason?
"Well I didn't exactly change… I just became a more mature version of myself," he trails off, while rubbing his thumbs across my cheekbones. I cross my arms, and give him a sterner look. Keep going boy.
"C'mon Lily, you must know by now." I am still confused, so I just continue to stare at him. Maybe I can find answers in his warm eyes. Maybe the truth lies in their flecks of gold or their deep brown outline. I must look as bewildered as I feel, because he just sighs and starts to continue.
"Lily. Lily, Lily, Lily," he breathes. I like the way he says my name, as if he cherishes each syllable.
"You are so frustrating sometimes. So determined and fierce. A force to be reckoned with." His eyes are glowing. "But I wouldn't change anything about you. You have gotten under my skin ever we met first year, and since then, I can't seem to forget about you. Though, I would never want to forget you Lily. When I see you, or hear your voice, I remind myself of how grateful I am that you are in my life." His eyes seem to be actually melting me. I can feel my lips part in surprise, and my body comes alert at his words.
"And it's not just because I would miss having a study partner, or that without you I would be in charge of all of those prefects on my own." He makes a face of annoyance, but it is quickly followed up with a slow smile. "Lily, you and I fit, like something I have never experienced before. I can barely believe that any two people can fit the way we do. I feel connected to you already, and I am not even sure if you feel the same way." He makes a face, and I can't tell if he is upset or frustrated.
My mind is reeling. Is James saying what I think he is saying? Do I want him to say all of this? I am scared and worried, because, this friendship that we have been cultivating is wonderful. The teasing. The bickering. The secret smiles. I don't want to lose that, or for any of it to change. What if he grows to hate me? I know that I am stubborn and that we don't always agree, but, we do fit. I feel it too. I can't even imagine my future if it didn't include James Potter. No nighttime talks or note passing in our classes. No more inside jokes or shared baked goods. It sounds horrible. I don't even want to think about a future without James.
"Damnit Lily, I am botching this all up. Okay here goes." He rubs my cheekbones once more. Back and forth. Back and forth. "Lily, I like you. I like your smile. I like your crazy humor. I even like the dazed expression you have on your face. I like every bit of you, from your fiery hair down to your clumsy feet." He looks scared, worried, but relieved (maybe he was worried that I would run away).
He said it! He likes me, and I can't even think past that. I want to run my fingers across his worried expression, to smooth out the worry lines on his face. James Potter likes me, Lily Evans. I can feel my lips form a smile, but I don't know what to say. How do I do this? So, instead of words, I decide to show him. I uncross my arms, reach up and pull his hands off of my face. I squeeze them quickly, then release them at his sides and reach up to his face. I pull his head down to mine, and our lips meet.
Then, I am swept up in the best kiss of my life. James responds after a few moments of shock, and reaches his hands around my waist. His lips continue to move with mine, pushing and pulling. I run my fingers through his hair, and he deepens the kiss. I gasp, he takes advantage, and I feel his tongue twist with mine. I feel myself being pushed against a nearby wall, and settle into the surface, while pulling him down towards me. He breaks the kiss and starts trailing small kisses across my cheeks, my nose, and down my neck.
Every place his lips touch blooms with heat, and my body feels like it is on fire. "Lily…" He starts repeating my name over and over against my skin. It sounds like he is pleading with me. It sounds like a prayer. He runs his fingers up the sides of my body, trailing them up my neck, and lips meet mine once again.
Present
I am lost in this kiss. I can't tell which way is up or which way is down, but I do know that I am kissing James Potter and that it is earth shattering. After a few more minutes, I break the kiss, and his face breaks into a smile. I rest my forehead against his and get lost in his expression. His eyes are glittering. His lips are red. His face is flushed, and he can't quite seem to catch his breath. James continues to run his hands up and down my sides, making a slow path down the edges of my stomach, my hips and the tops of my thighs. His touch is on fire, heating me even more. I find myself focusing on his lips, but force myself to stop for a moment. Just one moment.
"James, you—. I want to tell you—." What the feck! Now I am stumbling for words. I take a deep breath, try to focus myself, and attempt to carry on.
"I never thought things would be like this between us. You are James Potter, and I am Lily Evans. We fight with each other. We terrorize each other. We do not have a traditional boy meets girl story." I take a deep breath, lose myself in his eyes and continue.
"James, I like you okay? I don't know how it happened or when it happened but I do know that even when I want to wipe that grin off you face, I still think you are the fecking bee's knees. I know that I am difficult, and that together we may argue, but I can't seem to care. I don't want to argue with anyone else. I don't want to steal anyone else cookies, or laugh at anyone else's jokes. I will even let you hold my books, if it makes you happy."
And then, James' face breaks into the widest grin I have ever seen. It is so bright that compared to James, the sun would look like a distant star. He squeezes my waist, picks me up, and spins me around the hall. When my feet touch back down, I also smile at him, and then start to laugh. I feel like I am floating on air. He is so beautiful and he likes me. Me!
I reach one hand down to grasp his hand, and reach the other up to his face. My body is still on fire, and I don't plan on that stopping anytime soon. With a slight pull on his face, James reads my intentions. He growls, "Oh, I'm going to carry your books all right," and the kiss begins once again.
I can't believe we have reached this moment, but I wouldn't change it for anything.