A/N: Moblit is Hanji's assistant who's always seen standing behind her in the manga. Hanji's crush is an OC.
She couldn't have been more obvious. In fact, Levi thought, she may as well have had Moblit stand behind her holding a sign saying DO NOT DISTURB CURRENTLY ENVELOPED IN THE THROES OF ORGASMIC PLEASURE. It was just plain obscene.
Hanji's mouth was open, tongue occasionally darting out to wet her lips, her cheeks were flushed, a pretty pink colour Levi had never seen appear on her face before, forehead sweaty with loose hair strands clinging damply to her face, breathing slowly and heavily. Levi watched her hands, which were at her sides, curled into fists which she kept clenching and unclenching.
This was fucking ridiculous.
"Hanji."
No reply. She didn't even have the courtesy of acknowledging she heard him. Levi was beginning to get annoyed. Usually when he called on her first he'd have trouble shutting her up, since she always felt the need to bombard him with an endless array of scientific anecdotes. Or with some new theories on how to establish communication and an intimate bond with those damn Titans. Or stories of Mike getting kicked out of brothels during his nightly excursions or how curious she was about the questionable items she saw stashed in Irvin's drawer that he had confiscated from recruits which she always begged to have a closer look at – for the sake of research!- but Irvin would turn red and adamantly tell her no and-
Fuck, Hanji was now drooling.
"Hanji."
Nothing happened. No reaction at all. Levi scowled. When Mike first told him that Hanji had a crush on some guy that was newly assigned to her squad, Levi had merely scoffed in reply. In all the years he had known her, the only thing that excited Hanji was Titans and science. He vividly remembered the day when he first showed her the live Titan specimens he had acquired for her (who she later hideously named Sonny and Bean, carefully decided after bugging Levi for his opinion on possible names at 3 am in the morning.) The first week she barely slept as she spent most of her time with the two monstrosities, reading goddamn children's books to them, putting on a one-man play for them (sometimes reeling in Moblit to narrate), and singing songs to them (although Levi preferred to refer to her singing as 'the wailing of a bag full of injured cats.') It wasn't until Moblit came to him, panicky and tearful, telling him that Hanji refused to go to sleep and was on the verge of collapsing, that Levi knocked her out and forcefully put her to bed.
Levi furrowed his brow. Why was he remembering that now? He glanced back at Hanji, whose eyes were beginning to get glazed over.
"Hanji."
Levi waved his hand in front of her face, but she didn't even as much as blink. He followed her gaze to the other side of the room, where the object of her so-called affection, a guy Levi vaguely recalled was named Lucas or something, was currently devastating Moblit in a very one-sided arm wrestling competition while Mike ran around taking bets. Something was beginning to nag at Levi's chest. This was really fucking unbelievable. Hanji? Having a crush on something that wasn't a 7 meter humanoid giant with an appetite for human flesh? It wasn't something that Levi could fathom. Nor did he particularly want to, because the idea of Hanji being flustered around a guy was fucking weird to him. It was probably just some temporary phase she was going through, Levi decided. Yes. That was it. Give it a week and Lucas would be as forgotten as that one desk in her room that Hanji never remembered to clean which Levi ended up polishing once a week after the thought of all that assimilation of dust and cobwebs drove him insane.
The sound of clapping right next to him shook Levi out of his musings. Hanji had emerged from her dazed state and was now clapping enthusiastically as Lucas pumped his fist in the air to the sound of cheers from the other Recon members. Moblit was sitting slumped over the table while Mike patted him pleasantly on the back.
"Isn't Lucas just great?" Hanji said breathlessly, wiping the sweat from her brow with her sleeve. "I can already tell he'll be a great addition to my squad."
Ignoring the tightening feeling in his chest, Levi glared at Hanji, thoroughly and utterly aggravated. She had some fucking nerve disregarding him for the last half an hour to only speak to him to sing praises of some guy who she barely knew and just won some shitty arm wrestling competition.
"Yeah well, I don't think winning against Moblit of all people in an arm wrestling competition is anything to fucking celebrate about," Levi replied snidely. "You could challenge him with both arms broken and in casts and he'd still go down like a damn fly."
"Yes, that's nice to know," Hanji uttered dreamily, waving a hand toward Levi. "Isn't it time for your meeting with Irvin? You better get going."
She didn't even look at him when speaking. Taking care to noisily scrape his chair against the floor and bang his cup against the table top, Levi got up from the table they were sitting at. Hanji didn't seem to notice, too busy looking stupid with that ridiculous smile on her face as her eyes followed Lucas around the room.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Levi headed toward the exit, feeling incredibly irate. It was all Mike's fault, he reasoned, for telling him about this whole shitty crush thing in the first place. Why would Mike think he even cared who Hanji liked or didn't like? Levi didn't give a damn. He didn't care at all.
"Hey, leaving already?" Mike appeared, slinging his arm around Levi's shoulder, seemingly oblivious to the waves of displeasures emanating from Levi's body. It was times like this Levi really appreciated his small stature, as his height made administering pain to sensitive man parts a real easy treat.
"Did you see Hanji's face?" Mike smirked, and Levi wondered how angry Irvin would be if he destroyed Mike's private regions. It would solve the problem of Mike visiting brothels during work hours, at least. "She's practically smitten for him! I didn't think I'd see the day this would happen to Hanji, of all people."
As appealing as the thought of the destruction of Mike's groin sounded to him, Levi knew Irvin wouldn't be happy if he found out that humanity's second strongest soldier was incapacitated due to a perfectly aimed crotch shot. Levi coldly shrugged Mike's arm off him.
"I don't give a damn about Hanji being smitten," Levi spat out the word as if it tasted disgusting. "Don't waste my time with bullshit about that again."
Mike raised his eyebrows, and then sniggered. "If I didn't know you any better, I'd have thought you were jealous!"
"It's good thing that you know me so well then," Levi retorted, wondering why he felt like just got doused in cold water. He could hear Hanji's familiar laugh somewhere far behind him. Resisting the urge to glimpse back, Levi stalked past Mike and left the room.