FINAL FANTASY
SURVIVOR
By: The Pink
Apocalypse
Sha the Confused
and Robinc
Primordial chanting begins as the Survivor theme music
blares in the background and the words sixteen Final Fantasy characters, forty
two-days, one survivor flash across the screen. Beautiful scenes of a tropical
island flash before your eyes and the words Neves Tribe appear followed by a
clip of a white hair man with piercing aqua eyes standing, staring at the
camera as flames lap up around him and the name Sephiroth appears across the
bottom of the shot. The image of an
immaculately groomed young man in a white trench coat fades in and as the name
Rufus appears the Shinra Electric Power company logo flashes subliminally in
the background. Next the camera focuses
on a snap shot of a gruff blond pilot clenching a cigarette between his teeth
as the word Cid comes into focus. The
image of a spiky haired man named Cloud staring off dazed into the distance, a
girl clad in pink sitting in a field of tropical flowers with the word Aeris
embossed on the image, and a young ninja named Yuffie wiz by. For a moment the camera rests on the image
of a luscious woman with long chocolate hair as the Survivor music stops
abruptly to be replaced by the theme from Baywatch while Tifa runs down the
beach. Suddenly the camera shakes as
someone smacks the cameraman upside the head and the face of a cat envelops the
screen. The camera zooms out as a cat
riding a giant pink mog comes into view with the name Cait Sith beneath the
image.
A raging waterfall replaces the image of the cat and the
phrase Thgie Tribe materializes. A shot
of a cocky man in a gray coat with a red cross on the arm sitting with his legs
folded comes into view. The word Seifer
appears and the camera shakes as someone smacks the cameraman again and yells
"Higher stupid you've decapitated the shot!"
The camera shifts again and you can see the young blonde's arrogant
smile. An image a cowboy laying in the
grass with a butterfly perched on the tip of his finger flashes by with the
word Irvine. It is replaced by a
picture of a picture of a young blonde woman with the name Quistis written
across the top of the image. Footage of
a smiling brunette clad in blue pointing up at the sky named Rinoa fade in as a
bird flies into a nearby fan and feathers fill the screen. Next the images of a short white haired
woman and a tall dark man standing back to back with the words Fujin and Ruijin
wiz by. For a moment a photo of a tall
sulky brunet man with blue eyes comes into view with the name Squall scribbled
across the top. Finally the camera
settles on the image of a tattooed blonde running toward the camera from a
moment the name Zell blazes across the screen until the image fades to black as
his head collided with the camera.
The camera fades in from black again as an image of a blonde
man with a swishing monkey tail comes into view. Hi I'm your host Zidane Tribal and this is Final Fantasy
Survivor. There will be two teams: the Neves tribe from Final Fantasy Seven and
the Thigie tribe from Final Fantasy Eight.
The last one left standing-no I mean, the last person who gets the most
questions right-no wait, I meant the last one on the island-alright that's not
right, because the jury will still be on the island and I'll most certainly
still be on the island, and our dedicated camera crew- Biggs and Wedge will
still be on the island- or they won't
get paid. Wait, let me try that again.
The last person not VOTED off the island- yes that's right- The
Soul survivor will receive…. casts his head to the ground thinking "I forgot
what they'll receive" a "prize" gosh
I'm good, a wonderful surprise, that will be revealed at the end of the
show. These sixteen castaways sitting
behind me will be flung out of the plane- which I'm standing in - and will land
in freezing cold water full of vicious sharks and starved piranhas, then they
must swim to the shore collecting everything they'll need for the next
forty-two days and nights.
At the mention of being thrown out of a plane Seifer's head
snaps saying, "Wait, I didn't sign up for this!!" Zidane, sensing he's about to have a revolt on his hands, points
out the plane shrieking, "Look it's Shiva, she just dropped her ribbon!" Before finishes the sentence all the men
stampede towards the door, Irvine actually jumping out. Cloud turns and says,
"Wait, I don't see anything-" as Zidane quickly sidesteps the gawkers allowing
them to tumble to the shark infested waters below. After watching her other two posse members throwing themselves
out the door, Fujin sighs, "MEN" and reluctantly jumps out of the plane after
them. Rinoa looks at her fingers
distractedly and notices that her favorite fingernail was broken. She quickly run towards the door shrieking,
"SQQQUUUAALLLLL!!!!!!!!!! Help me!!!"
as she too jumps through the threshold.
Zidane turns towards the remaining women and states, "Aren't you going
to join them?" Yuffie lifts her head
defiantly and barks, "Not for all the material in Wutai!" Zidane looks out the window and says, " Is
that something shiny down there?" Yuffie
quickly looks up and yells, "Gimme!!"
and jumps out the plane. Zidane smiles, obviously proud of himself for
being not only handsome and strong, but clever as well -obviously gods gift to
women. Would you look at that,
jumping out of planes at the sound of your voice, you dog. He turns his attention towards Tifa. Thinking that he should be at the island
before them, she'll be awfully cold in only a tank top and a mini skirt. Zidane smiles evilly at Tifa and turns his
head towards Aeris. "Aeris, aren't you
going out to help your boyfriend? I'm
sure he will feel forever indebted to his true love for saving his life." Tifa looks up, competition quickly
dissolving her common sense as both women sprint for the door. Quistis seeing that she's the last one in
the plane, rolls her eyes and says, "Spare me" as she jumps out the plane. Zidane quickly kicks their supplies out
after them and turns back to the camera.
"And so, Final Fantasy Survivor begins. Tune in next week as our tale of live human
drama continues. No rigs, no cheats,
just pure will to survive on the island closest to Hell."
As the camera light goes out Zidane says to the camera man,
"Who the heck would try do a show like this?
Must be Garnet, I remember her saying she was bored the other day. Besides, she's the only one with enough to
fund this crazy show." Biggs and Wedge
look at each other confused. Both
simultaneously thinking that as long as they get paid and survive the first
disc, they're happy.
***Authors' Notes***
General Info:
Host: Zidane Tribal
Camera Men: Biggs
and Wedge
Seven Tribe: Neves
Characters: Luxury
Items List
Sephiroth Lighter
Fluid
Rufus Shinra
Flag
Cloud Hair
Spray
Tifa Wonder
Bra
Aeris Diary
Yuffie Materia
Cait Sith Mog
Cid One
Pack of Cigarettes (thought he'd only be on their for a day)
Eight Tribe: Thgie
Characters: Luxury
Items List:
Squall Lionheart
Rinoa Squall
(that's why he brought his sword)
Quistis Her Favorite Self-Help Book
Zell T-board
(which he never uses)
Irvine Porno Magazines
Seifer Hyperion
(because Squall brought his)
Raijin Fishing
Pole
Fujin Picture
of Seifer
*** (I lied before) Authors Notes***
Contrary to popular belief we don't hate these characters –
in fact we love them – even Rinoa!
Sha and Kree hold down a sceaming Jen as she shouts "Die Rinoa -
FUJIN FOREVER!!!!!! Its all in the
name of science.. er um .. I mean humor!
Please R and R! We
like reviews, reviews are good all smile and we usually honor
requests!!
