A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; no copyright infringement is intended.
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She's average, Emmett finally conceded. For three hours he tried to decide between ugly or average; he couldn't put down Edward's new girlfriend but . . . dang! Boring! Average at best, his subconscious corrected when he looked up from his lunch tray.
The human girl did compliment Edward's own behavior. She seemed old-fashioned yet independent; from the sounds of their conversation they shared interests. But did he have to pick such a plain girl? Emmett wanted the best for his brother, therefore Edward should have someone near Rose's category. Smoking hot.
Ah yes, Rosalie, the love of his life. He couldn't resist watching her from the corner of his eye. She wrapped the ends of her hair around her finger, let them unfurl, and did it again as she studied her reflection in the window. He knew exactly what she was thinking, it's what she thought every time she caught her reflection—I'm more beautiful than anyone in this room—and he was always quick to agree. Not because he was afraid she'd kick his ass, he loved a good wrestle with his woman, but because it was true.
Rosalie had the sexy curves of the women of her day, flawless porcelain skin, and large golden eyes framed by thick black lashes. Her blond hair was bright and lustrous without any product, although sometimes she did use a spray to hold a curl; it was too thick otherwise.
Edward's girlfriend couldn't even hold a candle to Rose. Her brown hair was just that, brown, and kind of flat and frizzy. Boring brown eyes were placed into a heart-shaped face—Rose had a perfect feminine face caught just between that fragile line of girl and woman—and her lips looked a little big where they sat.
He couldn't see the big deal about her. She didn't leave a big impression. Actually, what was her name? Beila? Paula? Mia? It was something with an A, he knew that much. It was whispered throughout the school but Emmett couldn't be bothered with locker room gossip. He missed his mortal days, unlike the rest of his family, but he had to wonder if he ever sounded so stupid fawning over a girl. The Cullen's had been nearly everywhere but the children of Forks were the worst.
Why did Edward have to pick one from this crowd? Emmett liked the girl from Montana; her undying devotion was cute. And what about Tanya? Now there was a woman! Besides being a succubus and wanting to eat every man in the world, she was nice. Edward and Tanya had a lot in common, too. When he wasn't hiding from her they often played chess or talked about Dvorak's compositions. If Edward had hooked up with Tanya, Emmett could finally call him a real man.
But maybe Jasper was right—and it wouldn't be the first time. Maybe Tanya was too ballsy for the wimp. His 19-century breeding would never die; he'd want a soft girl, someone who could depend on him to do all the work. Wake up call, Eddie! Not going to find that these days, he scoffed.
In all honesty, if he was going to start dating modern girls—make that, dating at all—the boy had to man up. He was a flaming homo if Emmett ever saw one, just without the liking men part. Edward had to put the cosmetics behind him and learn to take charge when his woman wanted him. Or maybe the girl would wear the pants in the relationship; yeah, that'd be good for him.
Emmett couldn't contain his laughter at the mental picture of Edward, donned in a frilly pink apron, pulling cookies from the oven.
The sound of the bell drowned out the rest of his chuckles and he obediently grabbed his and Rosie's tray of pulverized food as he stood. Emmett glanced over to Edward and his girlfriend on their way out just in time to watch the toe of her shoe catch on the doorjamb. She dropped her bottle of water, arms flailing, and would have kissed the floor without Edward there to catch her. He set her on her feet, holding her plastic bottle, discreetly checking for damage. Worrywart.
"You need to be more careful, Bella," Edward warned softly.
Her face lit up like a red beacon. Emmett's eyebrows rose with interest at the way her heartbeat skyrocketed as she apologized, also stumbling over her words.
Rose tugged on his arm, gorgeous sneer in place. "What are you looking at?" she hissed. She already knew.
He leaned over to kiss her sneer away before placing his arm around her shoulders to lead her out the side exit. "Don't know what you're talking about, Rosie-bear, I see only you."
She tried to glare at the nickname but it was ruined by the beautiful smile.
Well, I can see why Edward likes her, he thought, recalling the smell of her blood as she blushed. The way she tripped, like she didn't know the trap was there although she'd stepped over it with careful precision all week, was kind of . . . endearing. Maybe Bella isn't so boring after all.
He couldn't wait until Edward introduced them; she had a whole lot of the one and only Emmett McCarty Cullen's teasing coming her way.