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A Ying Thing - Restoring Tradition
Disclaimer - I do not own Dynasty Warriors.
Yue Ying carefully placed the bowl on the table. She sat in her seat and started reading the latest news on military matters. One line had mentioned a husband and wife, which reminded her of her situation. Her and her husband was married for how many years now? To her, the years were slower than ever. The only romantic event she remembered was the first few weeks after her marriage. Ah, it was about five years ago. Bonded in matrimony, yes, but in life, they are completely separated. Most of the time, Zhuge Liang would go with Cui Zhouping to a temple and stay there for the whole day, leaving Yue Ying at home with nothing to do but clean out cobwebs and squish bugs. She was tired, dreadfully tired of her days passing like this, no memory, nothing she could look back on. She missed those days fresh from her marriage, days to nights, where husband and wife sitting on the Sleeping Dragon ridge, discussing interests and ideas instead of military matters. They skipped some days, but on days with a full moon they always attended. They don't even go on full moon days anymore. They were so close, closer than anyone, or perhaps anything she could think of. Then what happened? What changed their lives this dramatically? She didn't even remember how it felt to be held by Zhuge Liang, held by a love, her husband. What did she have now? It would be hard to say, for how could one say what they are left with when their spouse doesn't talk to you, doesn't express themselves to you, and doesn't do anything to love you?
Even more so, how would you feel if your husband was no more than a friend to you? If you were just someone he could talk to about anything but your relationship? What if he never called your name? Do you know how it feels to have your lover call your name in the middle of the night, dead in the day, deep in your sleep? She has heard her husband call her name only twice; once when they first met and once in a dream. Either way, she has always remembered how he said her name like a music box on the highest, sweetest note, but over time, forgot how it was and the music of her name and his voice. She in return tried to give him some of his own medicine, and called him only 'husband' but that failed. Eventually she grew used to it; husband and wife never called each other's name unless mentioned by another.
Yue Ying pulled a book from out of the drawer and began writing. When her husband and Cui Zhouping would head to the temple, Yue Ying was once this bored and started writing a book. That didn't turn out as well as she expected, she was a terrible writer. At first, she tried writing romance, seeing if she could vicariously live a romantic life, but that failed. Then she attempted an action story, only having to later give in. She tried tragedy, an abusive family to an unwanted girl. That failed as well. She pondered on what she should do, and picked the best thing she could have: so she tore out those pages and started a journal. Yue Ying turned to the next blank page and dated it. Then she started telling her dramatic story, her life, her belief.
Too long have I have been no more than a housewife. Too long have I been no more than a mere friend to my husband. How much longer can I embrace this pressure, not being known truly by my husband? How can I live without feeling him, talking to him, staying with him? We don't even sleep in the same bed, the same room! I want to talk to him, know him better rather than talk about talented people in Liu Zhang's territory, like Chen Shi and Fa Zheng.
I want a husband who can respect me. Zhuge Liang does, but that's not the respect I want. I want a husband who is romantic, even if it's once an empty moon.
Am I asking for too much?
She didn't get a chance to write any more. As soon as Zhuge Liang came, she shoved the book into the shelf. Zhuge Liang would have asked her what it was, but he didn't care. He yawned and sat on the table. "I'm going to meet up with Cui Zhouping," he says, lifting a pair of chopsticks. "He should be coming some time now."
Perfect timing, Cui Zhouping knocked on the door.
"I'll get it," said Yue Ying. She stood up and started to the door.
She pulled the door open. "Master Cui," said Yue Ying. "Welcome. My husband will be ready after breakfast."
Cui Zhouping blinked. "Who are you?"
Yue Ying wasn't surprised; she knew Cui Zhouping because her husband talked about their jaunts often, but he had not mentioned her name to Cui at all.
"I'm Huang Yue Ying, wife of Zhuge Liang."
Cui Zhouping's brow knit. "Kongming didn't say he had a wife."
"I'm not surprised," she replied. She called, "Husband, Master Cui is here."
"I'll be ready in a few moments," said Zhuge Liang, eating faster.
Cui Zhouping took another look at Yue Ying, making her uncomfortable. "I am unfamiliar to you," he said. "If I knew Kongming had a wife, I would have invited you to one of our jaunts earlier."
Cui Zhouping asked me to join them, but not my husband? "Am I welcome?"
He laughed. "Obviously! Any friend of Kongming's a friend of mine."
Friend of my husband...I thought so. "Where are you going today?"
"To the temple," replied Zhouping.
"For the whole day?"
"Why yes. You see, what we do is just sit and pray for hours. When one is done, he ascends and waits outside for the next. If night falls, then the person waiting is to leave."
Yue Ying smiled.
"Alright," came Zhuge Liang's voice, "I'm ready." He pulled on his Taoist robe over a robe he wore at home. He saw Yue Ying still standing there, which puzzled him. "What are you doing?"
"Master Cui-"
"Call me Zhouping," he corrected.
Yue Ying shrugged. "Fine. Zhouping has invited me to come along with one of your jaunts."
"Are you serious?" asked Kongming.
"She's your wife," said Cui Zhouping. "Why can she not come?"
He gave no reply.
Zhouping clasped his hands together and laughed. "Well then, let's go! I have our horses waiting outside."
---
The three sat on the floor, barefooted. As a sign of respect, they all released their hair and ensured well hygiene before entering the temple. They were surrounded by more Taoists, some helping set up the place, some talking, but they didn't notice. Cui Zhouping sat between Yue Ying and Zhuge Liang; Yue Ying the right, Zhuge Liang the left. The first to step up after their prayer was Cui Zhouping. Then came Zhuge Liang.
"What a day," said Zhuge, noticing the sun dying on the western horizon.
Cui Zhouping nodded. "Strange as well."
"What do you mean?"
"You never said you had a wife," said Zhouping. "Never said anything about her."
"She's my wife, what can I say about her?"
"Look, Kongming, I've been married for what, a month? And I can't stop talking about my wife. What about you? How many months do you have?"
Zhuge Liang hesitated but then said, "Sixty."
"Five years and you don't talk about your wife?" asked Cui Zhouping. "There's something wrong with you."
"We don't talk often," said Zhuge, defending himself the wrong way.
"Don't you sleep in the same bed? Can't you ask her stuff at night?"
"We don't sleep in the same bed."
"...Don't you at least sleep in the same room?"
"We have separate rooms."
Cui Zhouping snorted. "Bad love life."
And the worst retort Zhuge Liang had ever given: "We aren't in love."
Cui Zhouping sighed. "Then you shouldn't be married." He saw the moon rise. "Well, time for me to go. Wait out here for you wife, if you can even do that right."
Zhuge Liang didn't reply. He just watched Zhouping disappear in the night. "She's taking forever," he thought, changing the subject. It would be rude to interrupt her prayer ceremony; so he thought about what he and Zhouping discussed. He and his wife weren't in love, or at least, he wasn't. What did he want to do now? Zhuge Liang gave some more thought: Maybe I could leave her here. She doesn't know the way back. Thus he left.
---
Yue Ying had finally finished her ceremony. Why did it take her so long? She asked the Heavens a question and waited hours for a response. Her question stated her and her husband's situation, and she asked what would be done. The Heavens finally answered her in an odd way. The wind blew into her, surprising her. She turned around to fight the wind and noticed that the moon was out. "What time is it?" She stood up. "Well, my husband's waiting outside, so..."
She left the temple and was scared out of her mind when she didn't see Zhuge Liang waiting. Where was he? "Husband?" she called. "Husband, where are you?" Her voice echoed throughout the land, and there was no response. She backed away in fright, and crying, she ran back into the empty temple.
---
Zhuge Liang reached their residence but didn't dismount. Was what he did that moment ago the right thing? Why did he do it? In haste, he pulled the horse back and charged, ran to the temple, to apologize to his wife.
It took him a while shorter to reach the temple. He dismounted while the horse was still in movement and ran in. "My wife!"
She didn't recognize his voice calling for her; she remained crying by the wall. "My wife!" he called again in an attempt to comfort her. He ran to her side, rubbed her arms and said, "I'm sorry, my wife. Are you alright?"
She didn't reply, unless you consider crying the same way you did before a response.
"Yue Ying," he said, realizing how long it has been since she has heard it, making him wonder how it felt for her to say his name. He said it again, more of a statement than a phrase.
Yue Ying continued crying. There was nothing she could do, but she was comforted when Zhuge Liang called her name. She sniffed and looked away.
She's always been looking away, how I long to be looked at.
"Come on, let's go home."
---
She wasn't giving him the cold shoulder; she was far beyond maturity to do that. Instead, she remained silent through the entire trip home, as her husband. Zhuge Liang was silent only because he was ashamed. He was ashamed that he had left her at the temple, an idiot award. Was what he said to Cui Zhouping true? Was he not in love with Yue Ying, or was that something he would do just to stop his friend from talking?
Yue Ying and her husband dismounted, both walking in with shame written on them. Am I the one who should be ashamed? It was my husband who had left me...but why did he leave me? Was it because...he hates me?
And these thoughts ran into Zhuge Liang's mind, talking to himself: If you don't know how to treat her right, just leave the relationship. Wait, if Yue Ying felt you didn't like her or treated her improperly, don't you think she would have left earlier?
Yue Ying went into her room to continue her thoughts. She fell on her bed, weeping bitterly. It was terrible. Nothing would be worse. She looked at the calendar. "Tomorrow," she said, "Is the fifteenth. Just another unfortunate event coming," whispered Yue Ying.
Meanwhile, Zhuge Liang sat at the kitchen table, thinking. He noticed a book sticking out, so he pulled it and began reading. He didn't notice it was her journal, not until she started talking about him. After he noticed, he continued reading, realizing how terrible a husband he was. He shoved the book back in disgust of himself.
Zhuge Liang walked outside, wondering why he had left his wife back there. Nothing made sense for the two. He noticed one more millimeter on the moon and it would be full. "A new month, a new moon," he said. "I'm a man of tradition. It's time for a resurrection."
---
Yue Ying woke up early as usual, finished her morning routine and walked to the kitchen, yawning and stretching.
"You know it's impolite to yawn with your mouth open," said Zhuge Liang, sitting in Yue Ying's chair, reading the news Yue Ying did yesterday. In Zhuge Liang's side of the table was a steaming bowl of soup.
Yue Ying blinked. "What are you doing up so early, my husband?"
"I wanted to make breakfast for you. Come."
She wasn't angry, just confused. Why did her husband cook for her? There were always at least three reasons when it came to her husband. One could be he had nothing better to do. Two could be to make up from yesterday. What was three?
Yue Ying took her seat and drank. After she was done, she asked, "So, are you and Zhouping heading anywhere today?"
Zhuge Liang, wanting to spend the day with his wife rather than friend, hoped Cui would forget and said, "I don't think so."
Three knocks on the door.
Yue Ying sighed. "I'll get it." She stood up.
Zhuge Liang stopped her: "No! Allow me."
She was puzzled by his behavior.
Zhuge Liang hastened to the door and opened.
Yue Ying pressed her ear against the wall that divided the entrance and the kitchen, listening carefully.
"Kongming?" spoke Cui Zhouping's voice. "Are you and your wife ready?"
Yue Ying had a hint of disappointment in her face until Zhuge Liang said, "Actually, I have something planned today for us. I hope you don't mind."
"Finally," whispered Cui Zhouping. They said their byes and Zhuge Liang walked back to the kitchen.
Planned? Zhuge Liang had something planned for them? Yue Ying pondered until he sauntered in. "Are you finished, Yue Ying?" asked Zhuge Liang.
He said her name again.
"I have something planned for us today," he said. "Come."
They walked outside and to their little stable for their horse. Zhuge Liang pulled the horse out and held his hand out for Yue Ying. She accepted it even though Zhuge Liang never did that and mounted. Zhuge Liang mounted in front of her and they both started their ride into town. They passed by the marketplace, Yue Ying wondering why they didn't stop. Then they stopped at a river for the horse to drink.
"The Wei River," said Yue Ying.
"This is the closest river."
"Well..." Yue Ying began. "Can I ask you something, my hus...Liang?"
He nodded, smiling. "Ask away."
"Why did you bring me out here?"
He responded with a simple quote, "You're my wife. You deserve to be treated like this everyday. I haven't granted you this in a long time, and I am sorry for that, but I would like for you to enjoy this day with me."
She nodded in agreement.
---
Later on that day, Zhuge Liang brought Yue Ying to Sleeping Dragon ridge and both sat there on the ledge, peeking over the dying sun in the west.
"Isn't this beautiful, Yue Ying?"
"It is."
He had nothing else to say, but luckily, she broke the silence.
"Say, how have you been lately?"
"Fine, really."
To keep conversation, she asked, "Anything interesting happen?"
"I'm not sure...I read a nice book yesterday...I related plenty to it..."
"Oh? What was it called?"
Your journal. "A Flight on Broken Wings."
"What's it about?" she asked.
Liang replied, "A struggling couple."
"Do go on."
"Well, the husband's a nervous guy, constantly like that..."
"Uh-huh..."
"And the wife's not afraid to express herself...in writing. She can't say how much she feels for her husband at all."
Just like us. "It sounds very promising. Can I borrow it after you?"
He chuckled. "I've told you the whole thing. Why would you want to borrow it, Yue Ying?"
"I don't know the whole story."
"Then I'll tell you."
"But I don't want it to be spoiled," said Ying, throwing a rock. She held her hand out to catch it.
Liang caught it for her. "I'm telling you the story, my wife."
She realized how painful it was to be called that again. "Alright. Go on."
"Well, the wife and husband were also not close. One day, she tricked him into a room and after practicing on a pillow for years, admitted her passion for him. He listened, as if he didn't care. At the end, she started crying and asked 'You don't care for me, do you?' And he replied, 'I always have. I was too scared and all to tell you anything'."
"What happened to them?" she inquired.
"What do you think?" he asked. "The same one sentence ending, 'They lived happily ever after'."
She snorted. "That's never true."
"Tell me about it," Liang said, leaning back.
And Ying did: "There are always complications, like war, death, separation...that cannot be possible."
He chuckled. "Well, what can we do? People's minds and opinions are widened in certain areas...for example, us. We have knowledge of military tactics and strategies."
Ying sighed and said, "Yes...I suppose."
"What do you mean 'suppose'?" asked Liang. "We're geniuses. Hardly anyone could understand it."
She giggled and held his hand. "You're right."
Zhuge Liang shakily looked over at their hands. He had, for so long, wanted to kiss her, to let her know about how he feels for her, but never got a chance to. Here was his chance, Yue Ying could know in a second. Instead, he continued pondering if he should do it, his hand shaking more violently.
Yue Ying noticed this and let go. "Are you alright? Cold, perhaps? Maybe we should head back now. It is getting late."
He didn't want to go. One was because he wanted to proclaim his love for her out here, in the open. Wanting to give another reason, he remembered that today was the day with the full moon. Quickly he said, "Yue Ying, don't. We've missed so much of these moments. Don't you want to stay out?"
"What do you mean?" she asked. Then, a beam of light touched her. She looked up. It was full. "I see."
Zhuge Liang held her hand again, slowly becoming the calm person he was again. "One moment," he whispered. "One for your hand and your lips...you can do it Zhuge, get yourself to."
Ying turned to him. "What are you muttering?"
"Nothing," he said. "Nothing."
---
It was still dead in the night. Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying was on their backs, staring up, reading the stars as they used to in the older days. One would read and then sit up. Then after the other was done, they would ask what the other person saw and discuss it for a while. Sometimes, Yue Ying would lie about what she saw to continue conversation with Zhuge Liang.
Zhuge Liang wasn't reading, he was thinking. If I play my cards right, then maybe I can...its worth a try...He sat up and waited for Yue Ying to finish.
"The message was a bit unclear," she began, "But I see a member of the imperial line falling. I'm unsure if it's the imperial line or an important person. What did you see, Liang?"
"I saw nothing like that," he said, laying his first card down.
She blinked. "What did you see?"
He leaned over on her side. "I saw something shocking."
Ying blinked twice in confusion. "What exactly?"
"That was unclear," said Liang, playing a second card.
A bright star dashed through the night sky. Liang smiled and said, "Make a wish."
She closed her eyes and muttered something. When she opened her eyes, she found Liang plenty closer to her than he was before.
"What did you wish for?" he asked.
"Don't worry about that," she said, touching his face. "Don't worry your pretty little head off."
"Oh, look," said Zhuge, leaning closer to her and pulling something from her hair. "A piece of dust."
Ying gulped as she felt his fingers gently pull it from her hair. Liang pulled it off and leaned closer to her, less than a millimeter from their faces. "Ying..." he said.
"Yes?"
"I've wanted to say for the longest time..." he began, "You've been mistreated by me for so long. You deserve so much more than I gave you. I ask you to forgive me."
"I forgive you."
A gentle breeze flew by. Liang brushed a strand of hair away from her face and said, "I love you." He leaned closer and gave Yue Ying what she deserved for the longest time; a gesture of his love to her. And, perhaps that feeling of love is more than just a Ying thing.