Emma was in the middle of laughing her way through a barrage of texts from Henry about an ill-fated trip to the duck pond with Roland-it appeared Roland had fallen in and gotten himself adopted by a large, mean mother duck-when another notification chimed and she accidentally clicked on it.
Her messenger app opened to her sparse chat window with Henry, which was mostly just links Henry had sent her before he'd realized she only checked her regular text messages. At the very bottom was one message:
She keeps pretending that she's happy...
Emma had barely finished reading it when another message popped up below.
Oops. Sorry, Ma. Wrong thread! See you tonight!
Emma frowned.
Who's pretending? Emma typed… but right before pressing send, she decided she'd just ask him about it later.
She didn't bring it up right away because the first thing Henry did was launch into an immediate reenactment of the Duck Incident, complete with flailing arms and a spot-on impression of Roland's expression. Emma could see how the kid might look like a duckling, honestly, and sympathized with the mother duck a little too much-especially when Henry did his impression of Regina wading into the pond to rescue Roland.
She laughed until she cried and then they walked to the loft and it was chaos as dinner was prepared and Neal threw a tantrum when they told him to pick up his toys and Emma totally forgot about the message until they were almost back at Regina's house and she was saying goodnight to Henry.
"Goodnight, Ma!" he said, dashing up the walk. She almost called him back, but he was already opening the door and it could wait.
As she walked back toward the Sheriff's station she pondered the text. Maybe someone at school? But then why wouldn't Henry have said anything to her? He talked about everyone, and Emma probably knew his classmates better than their teachers.
Her? Emma rejected that idea. She was happy. She had her family, and Henry, and friends, and wow, but that still seemed surprising after these four years. Yeah, there had been that stuff with Hook, but she really wasn't unhappy about it, not anymore.
It wasn't Regina. Regina had Robin, and after everything they'd been through, a messy but happy ending, finally.
Emma guessed it could be anyone in town. Henry knew everyone, after all. Or… maybe it was someone fictional? A class reading assignment, or a comic book.
It was probably a comic book.
The best thing to do was to put it out of her mind. Even if it was someone else in town, it was none of her business, and regardless of how much Henry talked, he generally didn't overstep.
Yeah. she'd just forget about it. She shook her head and picked up the pace.
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She managed to forget about it until her lunch with Regina the next day.
Right before noon she left David at the Sheriff's station and grabbed salads, sodas, and one tiny order of fries for herself. She got to Regina's office right as the last meeting of the morning ended, and she stood to the side while various town leaders filed out. She endured a couple of glares from Frank and Norman, neither of whom liked her much after she'd written up their sons for tagging Granny's and refused to drop the whole matter on account of them being "good boys." She smiled blandly at them and went to step into the office.
Just as she knocked, however, Regina's cell rang. Regina flipped open her phone and waved Emma in. Robin, she mouthed.
Emma set down the two bags of food on Regina's desk and started unpacking.
"Hello. Oh, that would be nice, but I can't-yes, it's Wednesday." Regina rolled her eyes. "Yes, again." She motioned for a fork and Emma handed one over along with one of the napkins. "No, I'm having lunch with Emma. Yes, I think we can-" Regina listened patiently for a few moments and then said, "I don't know if-well, yes, that does sound nice. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."
Regina ended the call and sighed, and Emma frowned. "Something wrong?"
Regina startled as if she'd forgotten Emma was there. "Oh-no. Nothing's wrong," and then she smiled. It wasn't her fake politician's smile, or her "I'm going to murder you in your sleep" smile, but it looked oddly stretched across her face. Regina grabbed one of the salads and avoided looking at Emma as she dug into her lunch.
Okay then.
Emma took the fries and leaned back in her chair, debating whether or not she should say something. Sometimes Regina needed to be encouraged to open up, but sometimes she'd close herself off entirely if asked more questions.
Emma had decided to talk about something else when Regina sighed again and spoke.
"It's just… he keeps forgetting about Wednesdays."
Wednesdays were Regina's family night with Henry. They were sacred. If the town was in danger on a Wednesday, then it would have to wait until Thursday. That was a slight exaggeration, but only just. Emma had shown up to ask Regina a magic-related question on a Wednesday a couple of years ago and the minute Regina had determined that whatever was going on wasn't going to immediately throw Storybrooke into the ocean she'd ushered Emma out and literally locked the door behind her.
Emma ate another fry while she wondered how she could say "You have been dating this guy for two years and still haven't included him in your family night?" gently and without saying that. And also without implying that she thought Regina should include him in Wednesdays-for some reason, the thought that Robin would get an invite didn't sit too well with her.
"I know it's not that big of a deal, but-"
"It is," Emma said, without thinking, and then froze with a fry halfway to her mouth. She coughed and said, "I mean-"
Regina looked at her, eyebrows raised.
"I mean," Emma said, not sure where she was going, "it's one day a week?"
Regina said, "Exactly," and stabbed her fork into her salad before sighing again. "It's not a big deal," she repeated.
And now Emma was on high alert. Regina did not sigh. She did not acquiesce a point. She did not try to convince herself that things were fine.
That's when she remembered Henry's message. She looked at Regina and thought about how little trouble there had been in town lately, and about how that meant that recently she'd seen a little less of Regina than normal, except for their lunches on-hey, Wednesdays-and she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen a fireball or heard a sarcastic quip from the other woman.
Their lunches had been fine. They talked about all kinds of things: the mundane routine of the town, and the various hijinks of the people who lived there. They argued about Gold's motivations and about TV shows and about.. well, about a lot of things, but it was the fun kind of arguing, even if sometimes they ended up so mad that Emma stormed out of the office. They talked about Henry. They talked about… well, until Hook had left, they'd talked about him. Regina liked insulting Hook. And they talked about Robin. For a while Regina pretty much only talked about him. But not lately.
"Regina…" Emma started to say, but then her phone rang and she had to leave early to go fish a couple of dwarves out of the river, and by the time she got home it was already Regina and Henry's family time and Emma shelved her thoughts for another day.
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She started noticing more and more odd moments with Regina-places where she normally would have snapped a quick comeback or rolled her eyes or even shared a look with Emma but instead kept a neutral expression on her face, as if she wasn't even there.
Almost all of these interactions took place around Robin, or when he was brought up. And it wasn't anything… bad. It wasn't like Robin was controlling Regina. But Regina didn't act like that around Emma. Or Henry, or Snow, or David. She was her usual cynical and acerbic self, and if Emma hadn't been looking for the signs, she never would have known. She might have chalked up the moments that she did see as Regina maturing or letting go of some of her anger, or Robin being good for her, but that damned text had made her question everything.
Worse yet, she didn't know what to do about it.
Hi, Regina. I think you're unhappy with your soulmate and you should break up, she thought, cringing as she imagined Regina's response.
But she just couldn't not say something, not when it was so clear to her that Regina wasn't happy, and after she overheard yet another stilted phone call and they had sat in silence for a while, eating their lunches, Emma cleared her throat.
"Are you happy?"
Regina looked up from her salad, startled. "What? Of course I am," she said, as if it were ridiculous to think otherwise.
It wasn't quite a lie, but it made Emma narrow her eyes anyway. "Really?"
"What is this about?"
"You've seemed quiet lately," Emma said.
"Well, I'm fine," Regina said.
"And Robin?"
Now it was Regina's turn to narrow her eyes. "What about Robin?" she asked, a dangerous edge to the question that Emma ignored. She was committed, now.
"It's just… you're quiet around him," Emma said, a little helplessly. This wasn't going well. she struggled to put it into words before Regina went on the attack. "You're quiet and you haven't invited him to go over on Wednesdays and something isn't right."
Regina stared at her like she'd grown another head, and then the anger showed up. "Wednesdays are my time with Henry, my son. It's none of your business who else is or isn't there, and neither is my relationship with Robin."
"I'm worried about you," Emma said. "As a friend."
Regina said, with barely controlled fury, "You can stop."
"I just-"
"Get out."
"What?" Emma said.
"You heard me," Regina said. She started packing up her lunch, not looking at Emma at all, and after a few stunned seconds, Emma packed up her own half-eaten lunch and left in silence.
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The funny thing was that if Emma hadn't known Regina was mad at her, she might not have noticed. Regina, it seemed, had decided that she was going to pretend their conversation had never happened. Regina texted her about Henry the next day, and when they met up Regina acted absolutely normal. She talked to Emma about the weather and her new project and there weren't even any hidden barbs of sarcasm directed Emma's way.
Emma did her best to catch Regina for a moment alone, to… well, she had some idea that she should apologize, even though she still thought she was right. But no matter where she searched for an opening, Regina managed to evade her so deftly that Emma was left wondering if she was being given the runaround or not.
It was really impressive.
And this continued for several days, until Wednesday morning, when Emma got a quick text from Regina Can't meet for lunch. Something came up.
Emma texted back Okay. Next week? but Regina never responded.
She went over their conversation for the thousandth time. Maybe she shouldn't have said anything. Maybe she had been nosy. But that didn't mean she wasn't right, and she hated the thought of Regina… settling.
Then again, Robin was her soulmate. How could someone settle for their soulmate?
The whole thing made Emma's head hurt.
In the end, Emma decided her best course of action was to join Regina in pretending she'd never said anything. Regina sent an excuse the next Wednesday, and Emma was going a little crazy. She hadn't realized how much she enjoyed spending time with Regina until she wasn't. On Friday, she decided she'd had enough and stopped by Granny's before showing up at Regina's office at noon.
Thankfully, Regina was alone and still there-she sometimes took off early on Fridays. She was sitting behind her desk, an unopened power bar on the desk by her phone, and she was focused on the report in front of her.
Emma felt a stab of nerves but squared her shoulders. Lifting up the bags of food, she said, "I would have gotten salads, but there's something wrong with eating healthy on a Friday."
Regina's head had whipped up as Emma started talking. She opened her mouth-probably to (politely) tell Emma to get lost-but Emma wasn't going to give her the opportunity.
She kept talking as she walked into the room. "I really, really couldn't stay around the station for another minute. David's been planning a surprise party for Snow and it's chaos over there."
Emma set the bags on the desk and plopped into the chair, handing Regina her soda. Regina still looked like she wanted to tell her (politely) to go to hell, but Emma just leaned back and said, "You would not believe how many different types of streamers I know about."
And that did it. Regina snorted, and they spent the next few minutes discussing how over-the-top David could be when it came to Snow.
"You're going to be invited, you know," Emma said.
"I'll clear my calendar," Regina said dryly. "Or schedule an emergency town meeting for that night." She grinned maliciously.
"I already programmed a 'call from the sheriff's office' for a couple of hours into the night. If you're there, I'll ask if you want to tag along. Something magical, blah blah." Emma shrugged. She loved Snow, but spending that much time in a tiny diner with her and her closest hundred friends and royal subjects was a little much.
"Much appreciated," Regina said.
Emma grinned and Regina smiled back. Emma felt a visceral rush of relief, maintaining eye contact for another moment before leaning over to steal some of Regina's fries.
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The night of Snow's party, Emma kept her mother busy by dragging her out to the wishing well on the pretext of nostalgia for their trip to the Enchanted Forest-a lie that Emma managed to make sound half-convincing, especially because she did genuinely choke up when she said it was the first time she got to connect with Snow as her mom.
It was a beautiful, late-summer day, sunlight slanting through green trees and they wandered the woods for a while, remembering their various adventures and Emma's initial overconfidence in the Enchanted Forest.
"I'll never forget your expression when I shot that ogre," Snow said, laughing. "Like you had just realized I was Batman or something."
"I was thinking something more like, 'I hope I didn't just pee my pants.'" Emma quipped, ducking her head to hide her smile. "And also that you were practically Batman," she admitted.
Snow looked very pleased with this statement and she only cried a little when she talked about seeing the nursery again and feeling like it was all real and she had her baby back. They hugged for a lot longer than Emma was comfortable with but a lot shorter time than Emma knew Snow wanted to hug her, which meant she was trying.
It was actually a nice trip.
When they got back Emma said she needed to swing by Granny's for a second to see if she'd left her radio behind that morning. Snow opted to stay in the car but Emma didn't push her to come in-she merely waited until she knew Snow would be antsy and would come to get her. She spent the extra minute or two reassuring the people crammed into the tiny diner that she knew what she was doing, thank you, Leroy.
Her plan worked perfectly; Snow wandered in two minutes later and said, "Emma, I really need to pick up Neal before-"
The whole room shouted "Surprise!" and Henry captured Snow's shocked expression with his camera. David was taking video on his phone while Neal held onto his pant leg and bounced up and down. Snow, still grinning, went over to them.
"Happy birthday," David said, giving her a kiss.
"This is amazing," Snow said, her eyes shining. "Look at all the streamers!"
David preened. Emma rolled her eyes and started passing out drinks as someone turned up the music.
It wasn't until her phone went off an hour and a half later that she realized she hadn't seen Regina. She tamped down her disappointment and decided that she could use a break anyway. There were so many people around that she didn't even bother to use her planned excuse, just went out to sit in the bug for a little bit.
It was a nice night, cool and clear. Emma had grabbed a glass of wine and sipped it slowly, considering whether she wanted a big party for her own birthday or if she wanted to go through the several discussions that might convince Snow and David she didn't want a big party.
The passenger door opened and Regina sat down, pulling the door closed. Emma jerked in surprise, sloshing a bit of wine onto her shirt.
"Crap!" she said.
"You could get arrested for that," Regina said, motioning to the glass of wine. "Open container."
"Yeah, well, considering I'm the sheriff, my deputy is my father, and I'm not planning to drive, I'm not too worried." Emma flapped the shirt away from her skin and then decided it was a loss. "What are you doing here?"
Regina shrugged. "You invited me."
"Yeah, but you didn't come."
"Not to the party, no," Regina agreed, mildly, and there was something a bit off about her. Her tone was relaxed, but her body language screamed tension.
Emma drank about half of what was left of her wine before speaking. "So… where's Robin?"
"I'm not happy. I should be, but I'm not," Regina said, ignoring her question.
"What?"
"You asked me the other day," Regina said, and her voice wavered.
"I was out of line."
"You were right." Regina said. She twisted her fingers together. "I can see how it would have worked, you know. Back then, back before I was…" she turned to face the windshield.
"The Evil Queen," Emma said.
"Yes." Regina sighed. "If I had just gone into that tavern... I could have, would have let it all go. I could have been happy. I was still so young." Regina sounded tired. "I think we missed our chance. I'm not the same person. He's not the same person. It's like a puzzle where we're only almost the right pieces."
Emma didn't know what to say. She started to take another sip of her wine.
"I missed you," Regina said.
"You-" Emma choked. "What?"
"After I kicked you out of my office," Regina said. "Do you know that we talk twice a day? You text me all the time-stupid pictures and emoticons and no punctuation unless it's fourteen exclamation points. We eat lunch every Wednesday, and have dinner with Henry, and we argue about everything."
Emma drank the rest of her wine in one gulp and set the wineglass down on her dashboard. "I didn't… is that a guess or did you count the calls and take the average?"
Regina laughed, but it was clear that she was close to crying, and it was really freaking Emma out.
"Regina-"
"Do you know how often I talk to Robin on the phone?"
"Does he even have a phone?" Emma said, desperately trying to keep up and take this conversation back to solid ground.
"Of course he does, and I don't talk to him on the phone," Regina said. "Not about anything other than logistics, not anymore. The only time he calls me is when I'm with you."
Emma's breath caught. "What are you saying?"
"He calls me on Wednesdays during lunch. When I'm with you." Regina turned to her, and she was pale and she was shaking. "And I don't have anything to say to him, and I'm quiet around him and I hate it, because I promised myself I wouldn't be that person ever again-"
"You're not-you don't have to be-" Emma wasn't sure what she was saying. She felt like she was walking along the edge of a cliff, teetering between safety and a free fall. She swallowed and said the only thing she could think of, part apology and part promise. "I don't want you to be unhappy."
"Oh, Emma," Regina said. Emma wasn't sure what she heard in those two words, but she caught enough of the gist that it felt like Regina had pushed her right over that cliff.
In that moment, Emma knew two things: Regina Mills had as good as told her she loved her, and Emma was screwed.
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The thing was, Emma had never contemplated this, would never have guessed that Regina had feelings for her beyond a complicated sort of grudging friendship. Emma was fully aware that after the first year or so, she'd basically dragged Regina along until Regina had admitted she didn't want to kill her.
It was an odd basis for friendship, let alone anything else.
The only good thing about her surprise in the moment was that she'd been too shocked to say a word and Regina had left before she came up with a response, poofing right out of the car.
Emma was profoundly grateful, because the first thing she'd said to the empty car was "Shit!" Somehow she doubted Regina would find that an acceptable response to a fucking declaration of love.
How had this happened? When had this happened? Was she planning to leave Robin? Did that matter? How could she just drop this revelation into her lap and then poof away?
Had Regina been drunk? If she was drunk they could probably ignore this whole thing. She'd told more than one person she loved them while she was drunk and hadn't really meant it.
Emma still smelled the wine she'd spilled but hadn't smelled any alcohol on Regina. She hadn't acted drunk, either, not that Emma had actually ever seen Regina more than a little tipsy, her smile wide and inviting, leaning into the person next to her, her normally tense posture relaxed, her eyes warm-
Only, no, she wasn't remembering it right. Regina had been smiling at her, leaning into her, looking at her. Emma felt like she'd been given a key and the door to her memories of Regina flew wide open. They rearranged themselves, her assumptions pulled out and tossed aside, and she was seeing them clearly for the first time:
Regina's fingers brushing hers when she handed her a drink. Countless shared looks of Sure, Snow. Her straightening Emma's collar. The way they could have conversations about Henry in the blink of an eye without speaking because Regina's eyes said everything. Picking up Emma's scarf from the floor and running it through her fingers before returning it. The way she always invited Emma in for dinner when she dropped Henry back home. That soft, fond smile...
There was a knock at the passenger side window and Emma jumped.
David smiled at her. "Can I join you?" His voice was muffled through the glass.
Emma nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
David opened the door and sat down. "Snow sent me to find you," he said. "She thought you might have run off without saying goodbye." He stopped, looked at her. "Are you okay?"
Emma nodded, then shook her head, then blurted, "Regina's in love with me." She clapped a hand over her mouth in horror. She did not want to have this conversation. She really didn't want to have it with David. The only worse person-well, no, actually, she could think of at least three people who would be worse.
David went still. "What?"
Emma laughed, wincing at how it came out too high, too loud. "Hah hah, just kidding, don't know why I said that."
David wasn't buying it, eyeing her with a look that fell somewhere between panic and disbelief.
Emma gave up. "She was just here, and she wasn't talking to me because I asked her if she was happy with Robin because of what happened with the ducks, and she said she isn't, and then she said he never calls her but I do, and-"
David held up a hand. "Emma. Emma! Please slow down."
She swallowed. Took a couple of deep breaths. Tapped her hands on the steering wheel. Then she started over, telling him everything about the last couple of weeks, starting with Henry's text message and going straight through Wednesdays and cheeseburgers and then tonight.
"And you know, she didn't say it, but," Emma shrugged.
"You knew," David said. He let out a breath. "That's… a lot to take in."
"No kidding!" Emma said. "I don't even know what to think about this, let alone how to respond."
"How did you respond?" David asked cautiously.
Emma let out a huff. "She poofed out before my brain got past 'Uhhhh'."
"Thank God," David muttered.
"No kidding," Emma said again, more fervently. She rubbed her temples and closed her eyes. "What do I do?"
"Well," David took a deep breath, "do you have… feelings for her?"
"What?" Emma said blankly.
"If you do, then you should probably tell her," David said. He had his hand on the door handle as if he wanted to flee from the whole conversation.
"But," Emma said. "She's-I'm-Henry-the town-Robin." She tried again. "You can't possibly be telling me you'd be okay if she and I-she tried to kill Mary Margaret-Snow. She tried to poison me!"
David raised his eyebrows. "Remind me again who your parents are?" He held up a hand and ticked off his fingers. "I was engaged to someone else when I met Snow. I was pretending to be a prince and being blackmailed by the king. Snow was on the run from her evil stepmother and stealing from royal carriages. She shot me with an arrow once. Somehow, we still made it work. We've all come to terms with Regina, you know that. And you're the one who kept telling us she'd changed."
The comparison seemed a little simplistic. "This is-would be-different."
"It would be the strangest part of the whole story, that's true," David admitted. "And I don't know that Snow would like it that much."
"It's also assuming I…"
"Love her," David finished helpfully. "Do you?"
Emma shook her head. "I don't know if I even, you know, like her." She cringed at her phrasing. "Even if I do, it doesn't mean that anything will change. Robin's her soulmate. She fought hard for him and I don't know if she'll want to give that up, even if she isn't completely happy."
David didn't answer immediately, but he finally said, "But she came here tonight."
Emma had no response to that.
David patted her knee awkwardly. "I've gotta get back to Snow before she thinks we both got kidnapped. Are you coming?"
"Probably not," Emma said. She didn't think she could pull off acting normal after this. "Tell her happy birthday from me?"
"Okay," David said. He opened the door and hesitated. "'Because of what happened with the ducks?'"
Emma had to think for a moment before she remembered the connection with Henry's text message. She waved a hand, weakly. "Never mind about the ducks," she said. "They're innocent."
"Yeah," David said, getting out. "Okay." He closed the door and Emma dropped her head back against the headrest, closing her eyes and trying to think.
What was she going to do?
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Two days later, Emma had her answer: nothing. She was apparently going to do nothing, say nothing, act as if nothing had happened, and it was making her feel like a giant asshole.
Because now that Regina had mentioned it? Emma did text her constantly, only now she second-guessed everything she typed and deleted half of the messages before sending them. Emma scrolled through their conversations and everything seemed like flirting-on her part, not Regina's-and she was horrified at her past self for sending, among others, a message that read:
if you want to know what color my underwear is, you can just ask ;-).
The fact that this had been in response to a innocuous but badly worded question about what Emma planned to wear to Henry's school's award night didn't soothe Emma's conscience much. That was probably inappropriate to send to a friend, right? Or at least a friend who was also the mother of your child and also the mayor of the town and also a reformed evil queen?
And Emma knew she was making things worse. If only for Henry's sake, she couldn't avoid talking to Regina, and she knew Regina so well that despite everything seeming fine on the surface, she could tell that Regina was hurt, embarrassed, and probably angry.
Fuck.
So, despite the fact that it was Tuesday night and Emma had to be at work the next morning, she took a bottle of whiskey and a ream of paper to her room and decided she was going to make a plan.
A quarter of the way through the bottle and a flurry of crumpled papers later, she realized that she was getting ahead of herself. How could she make a plan when she didn't know what she wanted?
Another quarter of the bottle and she realized she needed to talk to Regina.
Knowing that this was a bad idea, she pulled on shoes and a thin sweatshirt, grabbed her keys, and walked the half mile to Regina's house. She was almost sober enough by the time she got there to turn around again, but she somehow still found herself on the doorstep, knocking.
A wind blew and chilled her, and what was she doing? Maybe no one had heard the knock. Maybe she could leave-
The door swung open.
Emma looked at Regina and knew that this was definitely her worst idea ever. Regina was wearing a silk camisole and loose pajama bottoms, and her hair was crumpled on one side. She wasn't wearing any makeup and her feet were bare.
Emma forgot to breathe for a second.
"Fuck," Emma said. She swayed and turned around before dropping to sit on Regina's porch, her head in her hands.
Behind her, she heard the door close, soft footsteps of bare feet against brick, and then Regina sat next to her. They sat in silence. Emma let the quiet nighttime sounds wash over her, ignoring the voice that was telling her to run as well as the voice that was screaming at her that she needed to say something, anything.
Finally that voice got a little too loud to ignore, and Emma said, "I'm sorry for waking you up."
Regina said, "My biggest fear has been that you were going to give an awkward 'No, really, we're friends' speech tomorrow at lunch, so… I'm actually glad you're here." She sniffed. "Though I don't think I want to know how drunk you are."
"Not drunk enough." Emma lifted her head. "How could I have missed this?"
"It's been sneaking up on me for a while," Regina said. She wiggled her toes. Her nails were painted a dark color Emma would bet was red, but there wasn't enough light to be sure. "I didn't mean to spring it on you at the party. I wasn't planning on going at all, and then I was sitting there at home and I… really wanted to see you." She said this last part quietly, almost whispering the last two words.
Oh. Emma's heart gave a quiet lurch and she warmed. She only realized she was smiling when Regina smiled back.
"I had no idea," Emma said. "None. If someone had said to me last week, 'You're in love with Regina,' I would have laughed."
Regina stiffened.
Emma added, "And then I saw you tonight."
"You didn't know until tonight?" Regina said. "Why-"
"Did I show up on your doorstep after midnight?" Emma struggled to explain it. "I was trying to figure out what I was going to do about this. I was writing it out, trying to be very methodical."
Regina huffed out a breath of laughter. "Yes, because methodical is your forte."
"Exactly," Emma said. She nudged Regina with her shoulder. "So I came here instead."
"Tell me, how's that working out for you?" Regina said.
Emma shook her head. "Too early to tell. Regina… this is crazy."
"Absolutely idiotic," Regina said. She looked away and cleared her throat. "I ended things with Robin."
"Oh," Emma said. "But-"
Regina interrupted her. "I told him that night. He was very understanding," she said, and there was a hint of disdain in her voice. "He told me that he'd wait as long as necessary for me to realize my true feelings."
"He said that?" Emma said, her hands tightening on her knees.
"He meant it kindly. He honestly sees this as a mistake. I mean, I'm fated to be with him, right?" Regina said. She sighed. "I have to admit, I did wonder if I was trying to ruin my own life for a while. Here I finally had everything I could want: my son, a man who loves me, a… friendship with someone who I've come to know better than anyone else, and yet I couldn't stop thinking about something I couldn't possibly hope for."
Emma furrowed her brow. "But if you didn't think I-I mean, why did you-" she glanced at Regina, who seemed to understand what she was trying to ask.
Regina said, "You know what I felt after I told him and he left? Relieved." She shook her head. "I felt trapped. I know it doesn't make any sense, but I had been trying so hard to match myself up with my happy ending-and I was sure no one noticed that I was always trying. And then you called me on it and suddenly I couldn't keep lying to myself that it was working."
Regina laughed, soft and low. "I wish I'd given up sooner," she said. "Soulmates or not, neither of us is the same as we were when that damn pixie dust started the whole thing. And even with magic here, it's not the same as back home. Maybe there I wouldn't have the option," Regina said, giving a slight shudder that Emma felt where their shoulders brushed. "Here, though, I think I might just take my chances with fate."
Emma knew how much that statement cost Regina. Regina was a woman who had always had the hands of fate involved in her life: through her own mother's manipulation and Rumpelstiltskin's interference, through kings and Snow and people's perception, until she'd become who everyone else wanted, needed, or feared her to be. Even her redemption was eventually cast in terms of destined soulmates and Robin.
Looking at Regina, her eyes bright, her back straight and projecting a weightless kind of self-confidence Emma had never seen from her before, Emma decided once and for all that destiny was an invention of history. Just because a prophecy came true didn't mean the prophecy itself was worth the paper it was written on, after all. It only meant whoever wrote it down won the lottery of time, outlasting everyone else who was proved wrong.
"Fuck fate," Emma said, fervently.
Regina laughed, the sound as free as Emma had ever heard from her. "Fuck fate," she agreed.
The street was still empty, but Emma wouldn't have noticed a presidential motorcade passing by. She was facing Regina and she wanted to kiss her, but that feeling was so raw that she didn't quite trust it. Instead, she held Regina's gaze and said, "Okay, so… what now? I mean, do we… date?"
She meant it to sound absurd, but the picture it brought to mind sounded not only appealing but right. Emma imagined Regina dressed up for her, imagined picking her up and eating at a tiny table and touching and kissing and-her brain shied away from further thought in desperate self-preservation.
Regina didn't seem aware of how close Emma was to sheer panic. She tilted her head and said, "A date would be an acceptable start." She smiled as she said it, and Emma couldn't understand how she hadn't known what she felt when that smile was like a punch in the gut.
Emma didn't want to give herself time to overthink this, although that was probably a lost cause. Wednesday was out, and this Thursday Henry had some sort of school thing they were all going to. "Friday? I'll pick you up for dinner?" Emma said.
Regina nodded. "Friday." She reached out and touched Emma's shoulder briefly before pulling away. "I don't expect that you-that this will be easy."
Emma grinned. "Nothing with you and I ever is." She stood and offered Regina a hand. Regina took it and Emma pulled her to her feet, holding onto Regina's hand even after she was steady, standing just inches away. "But we do okay at figuring things out."
"One of us does, anyway," Regina said. "The other apparently needs booze to talk to girls."
Emma laughed. She was afraid for a minute that she wouldn't be able to stop laughing-she felt an edge of hysteria creeping in underneath and knew that she was going to have to spend at least a solid half-hour freaking out about this before she could possibly concentrate on anything else later today. She managed to stop laughing only because she was still holding Regina's hand, and that felt-
"You want a ride home?" Regina asked, letting go of her hand.
Emma shook her head and shoved her hands into her pockets, ignoring the urge to take them out again and check to see if they were glowing like they felt they might be. "Nah. I'll walk back."
"Okay," Regina said.
"Okay," Emma replied. She stepped down off the porch to the walkway. Walking backwards, she said, "This is going to be weird, isn't it?"
Regina shrugged. "Yes."
"I was hoping for a comforting lie."
Regina lifted her chin and said, "You should watch where you're going."
Emma said, "I'm fine-" and stumbled over an uneven patch. She righted herself and said, "Okay, not a word," and turned around, ignoring the amused look on Regina's face. She resisted looking back until she was at the corner, turning to find Regina's door just barely closing.
Emma grinned to herself, took out her hands to double-check for luminescence-hey, she lived in a magic town, you never knew-and began walking for home.