Out of all the subjects Wendy Testaburger has had the displeasure of studying over the course of her high school career, none has ever infuriated her as much as AP European History. Mr. Mackey had described the course as "something good for college, m'kay," so naturally Wendy signed up without thinking twice.
That is, until she stepped into the classroom.
It is no secret that Eric Cartman has a tendency to make everyone's lives a living hell.
When there isn't enough Kardashian and Brangelina gossip to go around, people'll sometimes speculate on why he does it. Some say he's a sociopath, which seems to be the logical choice, given his (usual) lack of empathy for others and innate ability to manipulate those around him to do his bidding, among other traits. Others - like Jenny Simon, for instance - genuinely believe he's the spawn of Satan himself.
To Wendy, though, he represents the vast amount of negativity in her life.
She thinks of that night all the time. Even when he isn't around.
Clyde's Halloween party.
She'd say she didn't know why she did it, but that would be a bald-faced lie.
Beer, as Wendy has learned, makes her kiss everyone. Hell, she even kissed Bebe once, but that was different. That didn't cause a complicated mess of emotions culminating in the War of Acerbic Wit she engages in every fourth period.
It's not like Cartman was sober that night, either. She could taste the hint of something stronger than beer when they kissed, but never had the chance to ask him about it, seeing as neither of them have brought up the subject since. Nor does she plan on ever bringing it up. It's just too embarrassing, like a giant smudge of ink smeared on the top of her permanent record.
The most embarrassing part of this indescribably embarrassing situation is that she liked it. She likes him.
Not that he'll ever find out.
Today Mr. Garrison puts them in the same group for their study packets. The class is supposed to be covering the Holy Roman Empire, but it somehow turned into yet another History of Westeros lesson. Cartman brings up how disgusting he thinks Queen Cersei is and Wendy finds herself screaming at him about slut-shaming.
Of course he retorts with some generic Cartman insult.
Sooner or later, they're an inch from each other's faces, bringing up examples from the ASOIAF books on their respective opinions with such fervor the Civics teacher next door comes over and asks them to quiet down, to which they both shout "GO TO HELL!" and continue with their debate.
She doesn't know what comes over her. With a sudden burst of clarity, she grabs him by the shoulders and his lips crash into hers.
When you play the Game of Sexual Tension, you win or you die. There is no middle ground.