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:::Beginning Author's Note:::
Oops, I'm writing 2nd story. Yes, it is also basically half porn.
PLEASE: tell me if I should keep it going, the concept is a bit weird and I haven't finished the whole thing yet so it's open to change. There will be over 10 chapters. I hope you like the preview, my 2nd chapter will be posted soon if enough people are interested in going forward.
Story Set-up: The boys are in their 7th year, Lily will have a larger role in this story, and it's AU in the sense that Voldemort does not exist so there's no war because HAPPY ENDING GUARANTEED! :D
Disclaimer: Yep, it's me. JK Rowling. You got me. (syke)
:::Never Known:::
Dumbstruck was not a term generally used to describe Sirius Black.
Idiotic, yes.
Impossible, daily.
But being dumbstruck was a state in which he rarely landed. Except on days when he'd discover something which cruelly reminded him that he was not, in fact, the all-knowing genius of the universe.
And damnit, today was one of those days.
Merlin's beard…
How had he not realized it before?
There were so many hints, so many clues that he had never bothered piecing together.
None of this could be right. There's no way he could miss something this obvious.
But then again… there were some signs…
Sirius' grey eyes flicked up from his book and stared at the smaller boy across from him as Remus scribbled a few notes onto his essay paper, double checked the answer in the back of his book, and then bent over his parchment to formulate a paragraph.
Despite his disbelief, he realized with a jolt that it had to be true.
Growing up in a dormitory with six rowdy Gryffindor boys, there were a few unspoken rules about male sexuality that were taken as social norms. Openly insulting the most promiscuous girls, fantasizing aloud about the sweeter ones' "bad sides", and of course, laughing about the woes of going through puberty while trying to maintain a shred of public decency.
But Remus, for the entire seven years they'd known him, had never made jokes like the rest about wanking off or fantasizing. He'd appear annoyed whenever the subject of erections came up at all. Even Sirius' lewd posters of half-naked girls, while greatly appreciated by the other members of their dorm, seemed to do nothing but irritate him.
So as Sirius stared, utterly dumbstruck, at the paragraph on werewolf sexuality in the library's copy of 'Werewolves: Life Processes', everything seemed to snap into place like an incredible epiphany:
"In certain countries, the moment a young werewolf is confirmed as contaminated, a special magical operation is preformed on their reproductive organs. As a way of containing the werewolf population and ensuring their condition is not passed onto a baby, Healers in five countries around the world cast the Delere Libidinem spell. It is classified as a spell, but some half-breed activists consider it to be a curse. Whatever classification, Delere Libidinem is an extremely complicated enchantment which, when preformed alongside the Perpetuum charm, completely eliminates all sexual arousal in the patient. While their body still develops normally through puberty, their sexual desire, lust for mates or excitement of any kind in their genitalia never occurs. This spell should not be confused with Magical Castration, but it acts in a similar way to suppress all urges to reproduce. Delere Libidinem keeps the werewolf in its prepubescent state of mind. Their thoughts are not drawn to members of society to which they would normally be attracted to, and chemicals which are usually released to stimulate sexual arousal are permanently blocked.
For a full history of the debate over its curse vs. spell classification, see Chapter 14 Werewolves: Civil Rights Struggles
The five countries which enforce the spell on all newly contaminated werewolves are as follows: South Africa, Brazil, Spain, United States and United Kingdom."
Sirius finished re-reading and continued to stare horrified at the article.
"Padfoot?"
He looked up.
Remus had sat up from his NEWT level essay on Corporeal Patronus' and was frowning at him across the table.
"What are you reading? You look terrified."
The other four jumped when Sirius slammed the book shut, almost involuntarily, emitting an obnoxiously loud THUD in the process.
Lily sighed.
"This is why I need to study with Mary…" she murmured quietly.
James shot Sirius a look of pure poison and laced his fingers tighter with his girlfriend, urging her to stay, but she shook her head and kissed him before retreating to a study nook on the far side of the library.
"Hate you," James said monotonously.
Sirius smirked and missed it when Peter reached over to inspect the book he had slammed shut.
"Werewolves life processes…"
Sirius reacted faster than James snatching up a snitch, but was still too slow to get it back. Remus, sitting next to Peter, tugged it from his hands and Sirius made the idiotic mistake of trying to get it from him in turn. As soon as he'd stood up to reach across the table, Remus looked up at him and he froze.
Although Sirius and James were the top spell casters in the school, they'd never had such a powerful secret weapon as the death stare Remus could affix on others. With one look he could paralyze them in their tracks, silence the words on their lips and on occasion reduce misbehaving First Years to tears. There was no spell in the world more powerful than the glare of those dark brown eyes.
Once he'd sat back down, Remus looked curiously at the book and then back up at Sirius, frowning.
"What's in here you didn't know already?"
Sirius' throat dried up.
"Been reading 'bout little children torn to bits, have you?"
James and Peter made two identical sounds of disgust and went back to their essays.
As soon as they'd looked down, Sirius frantically made the cut-throat sign at Remus to stop him from reading onward, but the other boy just flicked the page to where Sirius' quill had bookmarked.
And froze.
With baited breath Sirius surveyed the boy across from him for what felt like eternity. There was no movement or acknowledgment his way, and no noise other than the distant clock tower tolling 5pm.
Then quite calmly, Remus cleared his throat and slowly shut the cover of the book.
He sighed quietly, almost wearily, and tucked it under his arm before standing up and slipping away into the maze of bookshelves, all without meeting Sirius' eyes.
Sirius leaned in to whisper "Be right back" to James, who was lost in Transfiguration spells, before following the sound of retreating footsteps.
His mind was reeling with this new revelation— just when he thought he'd had the boy all figured out, Moony had found yet another way to surprise him.
Had it been another boy in another life, this would have been a virtual goldmine for Sirius—the jokes and blackmail this kind of secret could provide were limitless.
But this was not another boy in another life.
This was Remus fucking Lupin, and he'd spent too many years and far too much time investing in his happiness to let this go unaccounted for.
He couldn't imagine—a lifetime without any of the most basic and primal of human emotions. Sirius remembered vividly what it felt like the first time he'd experienced the crashing waves of an orgasm, could remember the blood rushing in his veins when he'd come back from summer fourth year and caught sight of a beautiful blonde Ravenclaw, and remembered the feeling of being inside a girl for the first time when Allison had hitched herself over his lap on their third date and whispered in his ear "I can't wait, I need you now".
He'd always been under the impression that Remus was just being his usual self—shy, modest and stubbornly traditional. There were even a few nights back in 5th year when Remus had spent several evenings away in the castle, and Sirius thought he must have been shacking up with some girl. He'd certainly looked distraught after the midnight escapades had ended, and Sirius had fondly gone easy on him for a few weeks, being under the impression he was nursing a broken heart.
This blew that theory out of the water.
A hand grabbed onto his robes as he turned the corner and he felt himself dragged sideways into a hidden nook of Herbology novels.
Remus sighed through his nose. His shoulders were tense and he was hugging Werewolves: Life Practices so tightly that his knuckles were white. He reminded Sirius of Muggles who clung to life vests to keep from drowning in the ocean.
"You won't tell them, will you?" Remus whispered, barely audible.
Sirius blinked at him.
"No of course not—,"
"You told them last time."
"That's not the same, I was twelve," Sirius scolded. He'd been the first to discover Remus was a werewolf and had confided in James as soon as he knew.
"I don't want them to know. I don't want anyone to know."
Remus was looking at the ground miserably.
"Are you going to do anything about it?"
"I don't need to do anything about it. There's nothing harming me, and I've spent all these years as I am so I don't know anything different. I'm perfectly happy the way things are so—,"
"You can't be serious!"
Remus' eyes widened and he stepped forward to clap his hand over Sirius mouth. Sirius shoved him off.
"Oh come off it, I didn't scream—," Sirius spat at him.
"You might as well have, we're in the library!" Remus hissed.
"No one can hear us, this is where I fucked Allison during break last June and even Pince didn't know about it."
Remus blanched at the word and diverted his eyes to the floor, his cheeks stained crimson.
"Sorry…," Sirius whispered, feeling ashamed. "I shouldn't have said that."
Remus chewed on his bottom lip and shook his head to say it didn't matter.
"As long as you don't mention what you found to anyone, then we're done here," he said whispered and moved to get past.
"Wait, Remus don't—," he reached out to block Remus' way.
"Padfoot, I swear if you make a scene over this—,"
"You'll dock us some points?" Sirius sneered and backed Remus up against a bookshelf.
"I'll—,"
"I can reverse it," Sirius cut in, latching on to Remus' wide, helpless eyes and trying to reassure him. "If we became Animagi, I can certainly figure out how to set you right. Let me, please. I've reversed Perpetuum charms before—,"
"On objects, not on people," Remus hissed.
"There's a first time for everything mate."
Remus shook his head, staring at Sirius like he was a child blabbering about Crumple-Horned Snorkacks.
"You're brilliant Sirius, but if you want something to test your skills before the NEWTs you'll need to find yourself another werewolf. I don't want to be changed. I don't want to pass my condition onto a child. I don't need you to do anything more for me than you already have."
The dinner bell rang and Sirius stepped away from him, crestfallen and slightly annoyed.
"Leave it be," Remus said firmly and handed his book back to Sirius before turning to go.
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