Hired Help

The following is a fan-fiction! (duh) I'm not sure where to put this: under Legacy of Kain or God of War…Anyway, I will figure out how to work chapters. This should prove entertaining!

Kratos had just read his script for God of War. He was going to need some help. Nobody would help him, he thought, he's the Ghost of Sparta. He frightened someone poor smuck into putting up fliers for hired help around Athens for him anyway. The date the journey was set to begin drew near, and no one came. Kratos heaved a heavy sigh and eventually turned the Village Oracle for some advice. The Village Oracle is aptly called so for being the oracle of a nameless, yet still horrible, village. She really had no name Kratos knew (or cared) of. But, he had to call her something since he would confuse her with the Oracle of Athens. Kratos just called her Lady. She went with it.

Lady suggested they convince the game developers to hold try outs through as many developers as would listen. Kratos took this advice. Lady bribed the Sony boys by telling them that their game would be the best in a long time and they wouldn't want to upset the stars of it. The Sony boys nodded thoughtfully, and glanced at Kratos. The Spartan warrior glared at them wrathfully and made throat slitting motions toward them. They promptly agreed.

Help Wanted

Kratos, The Ghost of Sparta, requests a companion for his journey

To kill ARES! The God of War.

The requirements are as listed:

Must be able to fend off hoards of giant mythical creatures that

eat people because they feel like it.

Must be able to put aside whatever pride/dignity is owned and

OBEY KRATOS

Don't ask too many questions and Kratos won't ask

too many questions.

! Must be intelligent and have experience in solving puzzles that are

both deliberately set and nature's obstacles!

It had been hours and only goofballs had shown up; things that spoke in high squeaky voices, things that couldn't hit something if they had been given the power of Zeus, or couldn't find their way out of an open cardboard box.

"What is that on your face, sir." Lady was asking a short guy in a red cap. "Its'a my mustache!" he said. "Does it give you power or something, and that's why its so outrageous?" she asked sarcastically. "Well, a little bit'a…" "NEXT!" Kratos shouted.

"Okay, Link. That looks like a trusty sword you have there. Ever done any life threatening puzzles, my boy?" Lady asked a green capped lad. "I've done plenty! My own life was but a meaningless puddle to that of Princess Zelda's!" Link said. "Oh, you save princesses too, do you?" Lady looked back at Kratos, who said, "There is a large glowing bug floating by your head. Clearly you are blind, and not fit for my needs." "No this is a fairy, silly! She helps me on my righteous quests to…" "NEXT!"

"What are you?" were the appalled words that managed to escape Kratos' lips when something pointy and blue blurred up to the table. "I'm a hedgehog, what's it to you?" It said. "I've never seen a hedgehog with eyes half as big as its face." Lady said. "I've never seen a crone with more leather on her bones then a cow." Said the hedgehog. "What the Hades is a hedgehog?" Kratos wondered as Lady bashed the beloved icon, Sonic, upside the head with her cane.

"Well, sir, you look quite capable of doing all the things required. But would you do what Kratos asks of you no matter what?" Lady asked a tall, broad shouldered, bronze vampire with long white hair. "What? Hell no. If anything he would do what I said. I don't know what's going on, I just followed that kid and his glowing bug." He said. Kratos glared at him. "Yes, Link. Kratos doesn't do fairies, I'm afraid." Lady shook her head. "Neither do I. This is why I smeared it into the floor after I drank the kid…" The vampire said casually. He got up and walked away.

A few stragglers came and were dismissed. "Too bad that vampire was so full of himself." Kratos said. "And that soul-eating man with the strange arm…with a name like Nightmare you'd think he'd be smarter then a wet rock, but I suppose not." They both sighed. That was when a skeletal thing meandered up to them. "Hello," it said with a smooth voice, shocking for its appearance. "Heard about your problem. Perhaps I could offer some insight."

After a moment of staring at it, Lady shuffled some papers and asked, "Well, then, what is your name?" "Raziel. R-A-Z-I-E-L." it spelled when she looked at it inquisitively. Come on, its Ancient Greece, I don't think the alphabet was the same. "& what is your occupation?" she asked. "I'm a wraith…The SoulReaver, specifically. Devour the souls of the living and the lost and all that jazz. Came around from the Edios guys, they weren't doing anything with me at the moment." Raziel said. Its voice dipped to a low that confirmed it was a 'he' if not already inferred. "You look a bit frail though, dear." Lady said. "I could break you with my knee." Kratos added helpfully.

"Well of course I look frail, I've died twice…that is, counting the only traumatic deaths. Once I died as a human and then Kain killed me as a vampire. I'm immortal you see." Raziel said. Kratos nodded and thoughtfully rubbed his goatee, but said, "Vampire? You know that white haired vampire? I didn't like him." "Join the club, my friend. He raised me as a vampire and had the audacity to kill me after I served him a thousand years. How do you like that?" Raziel said crossing his arms across the tabard on what was left of his chest. "What about the puzzle credentials?" Lady asked hopefully. "Oh God, don't get me started. I can deal with anything, just don't make me push boxes, please. & the obedience to Kratos, is it? You look like a reasonable fellow, I'm sure I won't have a fit if given a direction here and there."

Kratos and Lady glanced at one another. "You're hired." Kratos said.