Completely, utterly ashamed. That's what Lewis did to her. He taunted her, he made her remember and tell those closest to her the humiliating, mortifying things that were done to her. He made her describe them in detail.
Fin heard it.
Nick heard it.
Cragen and Amanda heard it.
Her boyfriend heard it.
They all watched her. They watched the shaking of her hands and they heard the tremble in her voice. They saw the tear run down her face and there was nothing they could do.
"Thank you, Detective Benson, that's all." Lewis said to her with that smirk on his face, the one that made him even more terrifying; as if he had all power over her. Olivia stepped off the stand and, while she didn't look at anything but the door ahead of her, she knew every pair of eyes in the room were on her.
"Detective Benson," She heard from somebody behind her. She barely even acknowledged it. She felt a sob get caught in her throat.
Just make it out of the room. Don't let them see you.
The jury knew that she lied.
There was no chance that he would even be punished now.
It was her that would go to prison.
She was so dizzy. Her head was spinning and her world that she had been building up so carefully came crashing back down. She wasn't seeing anything except for the stares of her coworkers and boyfriend. She couldn't hear anything except for the voice inside her head, screaming and repeating Lewis' words endlessly.
She made her way to the doors of the stairway, shoving them open and finding relief in the enclosed room. She sat down on the first step and ran a hand and over her face, still trying to keep her composure.
He tortured her. He touched cigarettes to her skin and showed no mercy. He forced alcohol down her throat, choking her and leaving her so, incredibly nauseous. He hit her and scarred her and shoved her own gun down her throat. He tormented her endlessly. He took away her right to say yes or no.
Olivia jumped to her feet when the door opened and pushed herself into a corner before even seeing who it was.
"Hey, hey, Olivia. It's just me." Brian said. Olivia put her fingers on her temples and kept her gaze on the ground, not moving an inch when Brian approached her. Half of her wanted him to wrap his arms around her, hold her tight, and never let her go. The other half wanted him to walk out and never look back. He deserved better.
"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Brian." Olivia stuttered, her arms moving to wrap around her waist as she hunched over the slightest bit and a sob escaped her throat. Soon her gaze of the ground was covered by Brian's shirt as he took her into his arms, her forehead falling to his shoulder. She felt one of his hands cup the back of her head and the other hold her lower back. Her hands let go of her waist and moved to press against his back and hold him tight.
"Don't ever be sorry, Olivia. Never be sorry for what that sick bastard did to you." He said, the harshness and anger showing vividly in his voice. The tears fell from her eyes and she held him tighter. There was nothing but silence and absolute love between them in that moment and for few following them.
"You are so strong." He whispered to her. "You did so well, baby. You did so well." He assured her.
"I can't go back in there. I can't face him, Brian. I c-can't do this anymore." She cried. Brian had never seen her like this. There had been nights where she fell asleep crying in his arms. But this, this didn't compare to that. This was raw and terrifying and so, so real. She was breaking after so many months and there was nothing he could do about it except for hold her and love her and make sure she knows it.
"It's over now, Olivia. The verdict is going to come back later. If he goes to prison, great. If he doesn't, we will protect you. Between me and Nick and everybody at the precinct, we will keep tabs on him and keep him the hell away from you. But you can't push me away, baby. You have to promise me that no matter what happens, you won't push me away." He said, a tear that he didn't even know was there, falling from his chin.
"I promise, Bri. But if he walks, he could just as easily turn this around and try to get me behind bars." Olivia whispered and buried her face in the his neck.
"That's not what he wants, baby. He could care less about what you do with your life as long as he is free. But that's not going to happen. If he doesn't go to jail for what he did to you, I'll kill him." Brian said, more hurt in his voice than anger.
"Don't say that...because I know you'd do it."
"You deserve a better life than I need. If I had to go to jail to put you at peace, I wouldn't question it." He said quietly, pulling away from her so that he could see her. Her eyes were already red and puffy and he had never seen his kind of fear on her face. When they were together again after Lewis attacked her, the fear was out of shock and pain. This fear is from knowing that you might be afraid for the rest of your life and not being able to do anything about it.
When Olivia didn't respond to him and closed her eyes, Brian wrapped his hands around her waist and rested his forehead against hers. Olivia moved her arms to fall around his neck, holding him close to her. For a second, she was able to forget about the trial. She was able to forget about the fact that a jury was deciding the rest of her life in that very moment.
With their eyes still closed, Brian leaned forward and pressed his lips to Olivia's, holding them there. Not for the sake of playfulness or romance, but to be connected. Their relationship had been on edge and still is. They had set boundaries towards each other that Brian wanted, needed, to break down.
"Come on," he said, pulling away from her and locking eyes with her, "Let's get out of here. You were the last person to be questioned and they were finishing up when I left. Let's go home."
Olivia nodded and took a second to compose herself before walking towards the door. She peeked out and the first thing she saw was Lewis talking to his counselor just across the room. Brian saw Olivia's hesitance. Wordlessly, he opened the door to walk out first. To his surprise, Olivia latched onto his hand. He squeezed it and they walked out, Brian shielding Olivia from Lewis' gaze for the most part. They were almost out the door when Olivia felt a chill run down her spine.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Detective Benson."