AN: This is my first time writing a Skins fanfic, so i hope i do it justice.
Warning: Male/Male, suicide, language, mention of sex and drugs. If any of this bothers you, please DO NOT read any further.
Tony and Maxxie: Star-crossed(1) Lovers
Two boys, both alike in friends
In Bristol, England, where we lay our scene
An accident marks inevitable ends,
And jealousy and lust make the innocent unclean.
A pair of star-crossed lovers end their lives,
And the death of these two,
Allows their friends to grow and thrive.
The tearful reasons for these lovers death,
Is forbidden love that is hidden within.
With nothing but a cold, dead soul left,
They choose the black abyss as their end.
If anyone knew what I'm about to do, they would try anything and everything to stop me. This is why they can't know. My mind is made up, has been for a while, I just needed everything to be perfect first, and now that it is I can finally make the pain stop. Forever.
I turn around and step over the railing, holding on as I look out at the world I will soon leave behind. Most people that are going to do what I'm about to do would look out and have at least some hesitation, but I do not. I have to do this. I do not try to deceive myself with false hopes, for I know that what I want, what I need, will never happen.
It is a cold day and I shiver as the wind nips at my skin. I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I lean forward over the edge, holding onto the railing. My heart races in anticipation, and I can't help but smile at the thought of finally not being in pain, not feeling so empty, so cold.
His image flashes in my mind and I let go. The feel of the wind through my hair, the sound of the wind in my ears, and I feel like I'm flying. I'm flying into a world that can fill my cold, empty soul with warmth, and stop the pain.
It feels as if I'm falling for minutes, then the pain comes. Excruciating pain flows through out my entire body followed by calm relief as the pain finally stops. His face flashes before my eyes, then, nothing.
Sirens blare as police cars and an ambulance race down the road, catching the attention of 6 college students smoking cigarettes.
"Wonder what happened?" questioned a girl with dark chocolate skin and black hair as she inhaled her cigarette.
"Who cares about what some wanker did, Jal? Where the fuck is Maxxie? He was supposed to be here 30 fucking minutes ago." A boy with long, brown hair cursed as he paced back and forth in agitation.
"I don't know, Tony. I've been texting him all day, but he hasn't responded at all." A Muslim boy stated as he looked down at his phone worriedly.
"Anwar, you twat, try fucking calling him then," Tony stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, as Jal and a girl with curly, brown hair, who everyone referred to as, Michelle, rolled their eyes.
Anwar closed his phone and looked worriedly at the others. "He didn't answer, and guys, I have this feeling that something horrible has happened to him." Tony stopped pacing and looked at Anwar blankly, worry hidden in his eyes.
"I'm sure Maxxie's fine." Michelle said, putting a comforting hand on Anwar's shoulder and taking a puff of her cigarette.
"Yeah, I'm sure he just over slept, or got caught up dancing and forgot," Jal reassured him. Anwar nodded his head in agreement as a boy with short, brown hair started to speak.
"I say if that wanker isn't her in 15 minutes, we go without him, yeah."
"Shut up, Chris." Jal said as she rolled her eyes. "You're such a wanker."
"Guys, why don't we just go to his apartment and get him? It's not that far," Asked a boy with red hair and glasses that his friends referred to as, Sid. Chris groaned in annoyance, but got up anyway. They all started for Maxxie's apartment.
As they got closer, they noticed a lot of commotion in front of his apartments. They now knew where the ambulance and police were headed to. There was a huge crowd surrounding them, blocking whatever had happened from view.
They stopped and Tony asked a bystander if he knew what was going on. He informed them that a boy had jumped off the roof. Tony stared blankly at the man for what seemed like minutes before turning and forcing his way to the front of the crowd in a panic.
When he finally reached the front of the crowd, his heart plummeted. A blonde haired boy with fair skin and bright blue eyes lay dead on the concrete before him. Blood surrounded his smashed in skull, covering part of his face. His mouth was slightly open, and one bright blue eye stared back at Tony. This same bright blue eye had once held so much life and beauty, but now held nothing but cold death.
"No. No. No!" Tony screamed as he rushed forward, trying to get to his friend. "Maxxie! Maxxie!" Tony struggled as a police officer grabbed him and tried to keep him back, but he forced his way forward and knelt down by Maxxie's body. Tony continued to cry out his name as he grabbed Maxxie's body and held it to his chest, getting his blood all over himself. The medics tried to pull him away from Maxxie, but he refused to let go as he cradled Maxxie in his arms and cried.
He could hear the rest of the group screaming and crying as the police held them back, but he didn't care about them right now. Maxxie was dead and he didn't understand why. Maxxie was filled with so much life. He was so happy and fun loving. He was going to be a dancer. He had everything planned out. Maxxie wouldn't kill himself. He just wouldn't do something like that, but as it turns out, he did. He wasn't filled with life, or happy and fun loving. He wasn't going to be a dancer. Maxxie was dead and nobody saw it coming.
Tony was finally pulled away from Maxxie's body by his sister, Effy. Sid had called her. As he stood, he stared at her with pain filled eyes. More pain than she had ever seen in her brother's eyes. He looked down at his hands in disbelief. His face, shirt, and hands were covered in Maxxie's blood. Tony stood there staring at his hands for 15 minutes before Effy gently took his arm and walked him home.
The rest of the day was a blur. Tony walked home in a zombie like state, starring at his hands the whole way. When they arrived home, their mother tried to console Tony, but Effy shooed her away and took him upstairs to the shower. She sat him down and undressed him down to his boxer briefs, the whole while, he starred at his hands. She turned on the shower then helped him in. He needed to get the blood off of him. He watched as the blood turned the water pink and was washed down the drain.
When the blood had all been washed away, Effy turned off the shower and wrapped a green, fluffy towel around him. She dried him off as best she could before wrapping the towel around his waist and leading him to his room. She stood him in front of his bed before kneeling down, and with a hesitant, disgusted look on her face, she carefully reached under the towel and tugged down his boxer briefs and hurriedly tossed them across the room. If her brother hadn't been so good to her and she hadn't loved him as much as she did and if he hadn't had such a pained filled expression on his face, then she would have just left him in his cold, wet underwear. She had never seen her brother in so much pain, even after his accident. She knew that in this moment she would do anything for him, as noted before with the underwear.
She then led him to his bed and laid him down. She covered him and took a step back. He stared blankly at the wall and did something she hadn't seen him do in a while. He started to cry. It was soft and weak, but so pain filled that she did something that she had never done before. She sat down on the bed, pushed his hair back, and kissed him on the forehead.
She stayed with him till he stopped crying and he went back to staring blankly at the wall. She gave him a sympathetic look as she got up and turned out the lights, leaving him alone. There was nothing more she could do at the time. That's where Tony stayed, staring blankly at the wall, curled up in bed, until the next day when Maxxie's parents called, Maxxie had left a suicide note that was addressed to his parents and to the group, including Tony.
Somehow Effy managed to get him out of bed and clothed. He still looked like a zombie. His eyes had dark circles under them and were red from crying. His eyes showed the horrible torment he was going through. Effy took his hand and gave it a comforting squeeze as worry filled her eyes. She knew in her heart, that in the end, everything was going to turn out horrible.
During the entire ride to Maxxie's parents' apartment, Tony sat in complete silence, staring down at his hands. Effy wished she could do something for him, but she knew that nothing she did would take his pain away. She wasn't even sure if his pain would ever go away. Maxxie was his best friend. He took care of him and helped him so much after his accident that they had seemed to form an unbreakable bond. They didn't really act any different with each other, but you could see the connection between them.
Effy parked in the back, she didn't think Tony could handle walking by the place where Maxxie's dead body had laid only a day earlier. Effy help him out of the car and up the stairs to the apartment. Maxxie's dad answered the door, his eyes puffy and red from crying. He looked almost as dead as Tony.
He beckoned them in to where the rest of the group was already sitting, Maxxie's boom box in the middle of the coffee table. You could tell that they had all been crying, even Chris's eyes were red from tears. Michelle stood and gave Tony a hug, burying her tear stained face in the crook of his neck, but he didn't seem to register her at all. She pulled back, a hurt look on her face at his lack of response. Effy walked him to the couch as Michelle and Anwar made room for them.
When everyone was settled and looked about as close to being ready to hear the suicide note as one could be, Maxxie's dad walked over to the boom box, took a deep breath, and pushed play. Everyone gave a little start as Maxxie's pain filled voice came out of the speakers and the suicide note began.
"Mom, I love you so much". Maxxie's mom started to cry, her husband squeezing her shoulders comfortingly. "You are amazing and I want you to know that none of this is your fault. I couldn't have asked for a better mother in the entire world. I know this is hard, and will be tough to handle for a while, but I had to do it. I couldn't stand being alive anymore. I was so cold and so empty, and there was so much pain. I had to make it stop, and killing myself was the only way to do that. Please forgive me."
"Dad, I love you so much as well, and don't you dare blame yourself." His father tried to stop the tears but he was unsuccessful. "This is not because you wanted me to become a builder and not a dancer. That has nothing to do with why I did this. You are amazing and I know that you just wanted what was best for me. I'm sorry I had to leave you, but there was no other way. I tried to deal with it, ignore it, and for a while I was successful, but in the end I just couldn't do it. Please forgive me for failing you."
"Anwar, you are one of the best friends I could have ever asked for. I know we had our problems, especially about me being gay and your religion. Do not blame yourself. That is not the reason I did this. It is done and over with and the past is the past. I forgave you a long time ago. Friends fight, that is a fact of life, but it is never something I would kill myself over. You are amazing and I love you. As a friend you wanker." Maxxie's laugh came out of the speaker, but it was hallow and pain filled making it impossible for Anwar to even crack a smile. "Please forgive me for being a horrible friend."
"Jal, you are amazing at the clarinet and you should never give up, but that is not what I really need to tell you. You are a beautiful girl, smart, an amazing friend, and any guy would be lucky to have you. If I wasn't gay then I'd definately do you." Jal tried to smile, but only managed a pain filled grimace.
"Please don't hide your feelings for him. I lost my chance at true love, please don't lose yours. You deserve to be happy. Please be brave, and please forgive me for being a coward." Jal looked down at her hands, her eyes shifting over to look at Chris. She would be brave, for Maxxie.
"Chris, you're a great friend man, but you are an idiot." Chris grimaced at this statement. "You were so busy chasing after your "hot" Psychology teacher that you just wanted to fuck, that you missed what was right in front of you. Life isn't just about sex and drugs; it's about love as well. If you just stop and open your eyes, you'll see the beautiful, amazing girl that has always been there for you. Pay attention Chris. Don't pass her up, because I can guarantee you that you will never find someone like her again."
"Please forgive me for taking away someone else from your life. You're an amazing friend and I'm sorry I had to do that." Chris looked at Jal as she looked back at him, and he did something he never thought he would have the courage to do. He took hold of her hand, and kissed it, holding it close to his heart.
"Sid, I love you man. You are amazing. So much more amazing than you give yourself credit for. Stop letting people walk all over you. You don't deserve that. You handle it so much better than I did. I love you and you are such a great friend, and I don't want you to end up like me. Promise me that you'll stop letting people walk all over you. Please Sid." Sid looked down at his hands in shame, and quietly promised Maxxie that he would never let someone walk over him again.
"Please forgive me for being weak, I tried but failed to be strong. And please tell Cassie that I love her, and that she is beautiful just the way she is. I wish she would believe all of us when we tell her she is beautiful, because we mean it. I ask her to please promise me that she will stop starving herself. She doesn't need to do so. She is perfect just the way she is." Sid nodded and quietly promised to tell Cassie exactly what he said.
"Michelle, you have no idea how lucky you are. You have everything I ever wanted, ever needed. You have him." Tony finally looked up, and stared at Michelle as everyone else stared at him in shock, wondering if what they thought Maxxie meant by that is right. "He's not perfect, but at least you get to have him, get to say, "Hey, this is my boyfriend, Tony." Everybody was now staring at Tony and Michelle with wide eyes, in shock.
"I will never get to have that, and you do. Don't take him for granted. He is everything I have always wanted, needed, and you have him. Take care of him for me. Promise me. I'm sorry I couldn't stand seeing you with him and how much you take him for granted anymore. Please forgive me." Tony was staring at the boom box in shock. It couldn't be true. This couldn't be the reason Maxxie killed himself. Effy looked worriedly at him and grabbed his hand comfortingly. This was going to turn out worse than she thought.
"Tony, I love you. I mean I'm in love with you. You are the love of my life. The one I can't live without. The one that I would die for. The one I did die for. Michelle is right." Tony looked at Michelle, a stern look on his face, wondering what the hell she had said to Maxxie. "We can never be together. You're just too ashamed to admit to anyone that you love me.
I kept trying to tell myself that one day you'll admit it. That one day we could be together openly, as a real couple, but Michelle is right. No matter how badly I want it to happen, it never will, and I just can't wait for you anymore. The pain is just too great, too much for me to handle. I tried to move on. I really did, but you are the only one that I love, that I could ever love, and I couldn't deal with it anymore." Tears rolled down Tony's cheeks as he stared painfully at the boom box that Maxxie's lovely, but pain filled voice was coming from. The only thing left of him, and it was all his fault.
"I wish more than anything that it didn't have to end this way, that you would just walk up to me one day, grab me, kiss me, and tell me that you love me, no matter who was watching. But wishing that would happen doesn't mean that it will." Tony started to shake his head, eyes squeezed closed in pain.
"I've always believed in dreams and if you try hard enough and keep at it, you'll eventually achieve your dream. But now I know this isn't true. Being with you, truly being with you was my ultimate dream, and after your accident I thought that it was starting to come true, but I was wrong. This dream of mine is never going to come true, and I can't deal with that, and I'm sorry."
"No. No. No. No. No." Effy put her arm around Tony, trying to comfort him in some way as he started to shake his head more violently. He was about to break and this simple gesture was all she could do to help him.
"I'm so sorry that I wasn't stronger, that I couldn't just be happy with what we had already. I'm sorry I'm a selfish wanker that couldn't just be happy for you. I'm sorry for everything I must put you through. I'm sorry for breaking your heart, but you broke mine and there is nothing else I can do to make the pain stop. I'm so sorry Tony. Please forgive me."
"No. No. NO!" Everyone stood up quickly as Effy and Sid grabbed Tony as he struggled to get to the boom box. "No! You stupid fucker! Why? Why didn't you tell me any of this? I loved you! I would have done anything for you! I would have stopped you form thinking such stupid thoughts! I would have gone with you! You should have taken me with you! Why didn't you take me with you? Why didn't you take me with you?"
Under Tony's screams and cries, the rest of the group could hear the last thing Maxxie said. "Everyone, please, take care of Tony. He is my everything."
Tony finally collapsed onto his knees. His head buried in his hands as he rocked back and forth, repeating over and over in agony, "Why didn't you take me with you, my love?"
Everyone gathered around Tony to try and comfort and console him, except for Michelle. Michelle stared horrified at Tony for a few minutes before grabbing her stuff and bolting out the front door. She couldn't stand being there knowing that all of this was her fault.
She had known about Tony and Maxxie, known that they loved each other. She tried to ignore it at first, Tony kept coming back to her and that was all that mattered, until she could no longer ignore the signs. Tony was getting further and further away from her, and closer and closer to Maxxie. She knew he was going to leave her soon, and she couldn't handle it.
She went to Maxxie and told him that she knew about him and Tony, and that she knew that he loved Tony. But that he shouldn't be stupid, he shouldn't keep pretending that one day Tony would actually leave her for him. Tony would never do that. He was too ashamed to admit that he was in love with Maxxie. That would never happen and he knew it.
This was all her fault and there was no denying it. She ran as fast as she could and as far away from Maxxie's house as she could get, promising herself that she would somehow make this up to everyone. That she would somehow fix it. But in the back of her mind, she knew that what had been done, and the consequences that followed could never be fixed.
Three weeks later, Tony Stonem committed suicide. He was found in his bed, his wrists slashed, covered in his own blood. He was clutching a blood covered picture of him and Maxxie smiling, a note on the back saying, "I have always loved him, and will always love him. He couldn't live without me and I can't live without him. In death may we be together at last."
(1) Opposed by fate; ill-fated; doomed from the beginning: star-crossed lovers
AN: Thank you for reading:) i hope you all liked it. please leave a review/constructive criticism, so that i may learn and become a better writer. It would be greatly appreciated. Thank you again.
LoveLoveLove
Raine