I LOOKED AT HIM AS HE WALKED AWAY AND I FELT LIKE MY HEART WAS BREAKING INTO A MILLION TINY PIECES AND THEN BEING STOMPED ON BY THE DEVIL IN STEEL-TOED BOOTS. WHEN HE WAS FINALLY OUT OF SIGHT MY LEGS COLLAPSED AND I CRUMPLED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PATH AND STARTED TO CRY MY EYES OUT. I FELT EMPTY, HOLLOW AND DARK, LIKE THE SUN WOULD NEVER SHINE ON ME AGAIN.

FOUR MONTHS LATER

"HOW IS SHE?" I HEARD A SOFT VOICE MUTTER FROM SOMEWHERE NEAR ME.

"NOT VERY GOOD, SHE'S ONLY BEEN EATING ENOUGH TO STAY ALIVE BUT I'M NOT SHE THAT HER BODY CAN STAND MUCH MORE OF THIS."

"DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD MOVE HER TO A HOSPITAL?"

"NO MOVING HER COULD BE DANGEROUS. WE DON'T KNOW HOW SHE WOULD REACT IF SOMETHING THERE TRIGGERED A PAINFUL MEMORY."

"YOU'RE RIGHT. HIS FATHER USED TO WORK AT A HOSPITAL. THAT WOULD DEFINETLY BRING ON SOME REPRESSED FEELINGS."

WHAT THEY WERE SAYING DIDN'T MAKE SENSE AND I DIDN'T CARE SO I LET MYSELF DRIFT BACK INTO MY PEACEFUL OBLIVION. I WAS WOKEN A SHORT TIME LATER BY A GENTLE ROCKING AND A SOOTHING VOICE.

"BELLA, BELLA SWEETIE, ARE YOU AWAKE? YOU NEED TO TALK TO THE DOCTOR. YOU NEED TO TELL HIM WHATS WRONG. WE WANT TO HELP YOU." THE VOICES RUSHED OVER ME BUT THEY CAME TO ME LIKE I WAS UNDERWATER.

"BELLA, I NEED YOU TO TALK TO ME. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT YOU'D LIKE TO TELL ME, ANYTHING AND ALL?"

"THANKS FOR COMING DOC, BUT SHE HASN'T SAID A WORD IN 4 MONTHS I DON'T THINK THAT SHE'LL TALK UNTIL HE IS BACK." I FELT SOMETHING JERK IN MY HEART THE WAY THE VOICE SAID 'HE'. HE SOUNDED DISGUSTED AND OUTRAGED AND FOR SOME REASON, IT HURT ME TO HEAR THEM TALK ABOUT 'HIM' THAT WAY.

I SAT UP SLOWLY, EVERY BONE AND JOINT IN MY BODY ACHING FROM LACK OF USE.

"DON'T BE SO CRUEL TO HIM, HE WAS JUST DOING WHAT HE THOUGHT WAS RIGHT." MY VOICE SOUNDED WEAK AND FEEBLE EVEN TO MY OWN EARS.

"OH MY GOD DOC, SHE SAID SOMETHING! I THINK SHE MIGHT BE HAVING A BREAKTHROUGH! BELLA, HONEY, CAN YOU HEAR ME? IT'S CHARLIE."

I LOOKED AROUND THROUGH BLEARY EYES UNTIL MY EYES FOCUSED ON ONE MAN IN PARTICULAR, MY DAD, CHARLIE. SUDDENLY I FOUND MYSELF WITH TEARS POURING DOWN MY FACE, ALL MY PENT UP SADNESS AND GREIF CAME POURING OUT IN ONE GIAGANTIC TIDAL WAVE. THROUGH MY TEARS I MANANGED TO STUTTER OUT, "H-HE L-L-LEFT ME, DAD. I T-THOUGHT THAT H-HE LOVED M-ME."

"SHH, BELLS IT'S OKAY YOU'RE WITH PEOPLE WHO REALLY LOVE YOU NOW. SEE LOOK, THERE'S YOUR MOM AND PHIL." CHARLIE REDIRECTED MY GAZE TO MY RIGHT WHERE I SLOWLY MADE OUT THE FACES OF MY MOM AND PHIL, JUST LIKE CHARLIE SAID. MY MOM'S FACE WAS HOPEFUL AND STREAKED WITH TEARS, WHILE PHIL'S FACE LOOKED TIGHT AND DRAWN. IT WAS THEN I REALIZED HOW MUCH WORRY AND PAIN MY SELF-PITY HAD CAUSED MY FAMILY. I QUICKLY FLUNG BACK THE COVERS AND MOVED TO STAND UP BUT I BECAME VERY DIZZY AND FOUND THAT I COULD BARELY STAY STANDING.

"WHY AM I SO WEAK?" I ASKED IN AN EXHAUSTED TONE.

"WELL BELLS," MY MOM BEGAN HESITANTLY, "IT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE'NT BEEN EATING AND YOU'VE BARELY GOTTEN OUT OF BED FOR ANYTHING EXCEPT THE NECCESSITIES FOR THE PAST 4 MONTHS. WE WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU."

SUDDENLY, A MAN BURST INTO THE ROOM AND WHEN HE SAW ME STANDING, HE RUSHED OVER AND GENTLY LAY ME BACK DOWN ON THE BED SAYING, "YOU SHOULDN'T BE UP AND ABOUT YET ISABELLA. YOU HAVE A LOT OF RECOVERING TO DO BEFORE YOU'LL BE BACK TO NORMAL. YOU NEED TO REGAIN YOUR STRENGTH, GET BACK YOUR EATING HABITS, AND NOT TO MENTION OLD FRIENDSHIPS TO REKINDLE."

I LOOKED AT HIM IN ASTONISHMENT AT THE LAST PROBLEM HE SAID AND THEN I REALIZED THAT HE WAS RIGHT, I HAD PUSHED AWAY ALL THE FRIENDS THAT I HAD MADE IN FORKS. MIKE, JESS, ANGELA, ERIC, MAYBE EVEN JACOB. ALL BECAUSE OF ED-I MEAN- HIM. WHY DID HE LEAVE ME!? I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN, BUT HE PROMISED ME THAT HE WOULD TELL ME THE NEXT TIME HE WAS GOING TO IGNORE ME FOR MY OWN GOOD, SO THAT I WOULD BE PREPARED. A FLICKER OF ANGER SURGED THROUGH ME. WHY, WHY WOULD HE BETRAY ME LIKE THAT? WHY WOULD HE GO BACK ON HIS WORD? HE SAID THAT HE WOULD NEVER HURT ME! WAS EVERYTHING HE TOLD ME A LIE? DID HE REALLY NOT LOVE ME; WAS HE JUST STAYING WITH ME FOR A LAUGH? WELL,HE COULD GO TO HELL LIKE THOUGHT HE WOULD FOR ALL I CARED. I WAS THROUGH LETTING PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER MY EMOTIONS! NO LONGER WOULD I LET ANYONE WHO COULD BREAK ME IN. THIS WAS THE END OF THE OLD VULNERABLE BELLA AND THE START OF A NEW STRONGER BELLA.