I felt hot. I knew I had had too much to drink. The B&S was crowded: cowboys everywhere. I tried looking for April, but I couldn't see her. I started to feel claustrophobic, so I decided to move away from the marquee. The music was loud and giving me a headache. I don't know how far I walked, into another paddock maybe, but I was away from all the people and noise. It was much more peaceful.
I stood by the fence. My drink had gone. I didn't remember what I had done with it. I felt a bit dizzy: I thought it was because I had had too much to drink. I remember falling onto the ground and I remember someone putting themselves on top of me: they were heavy. I remember screaming once and then I was silent as my body went numb. I remember seeing a picture on his body, but I don't know where, I won't forget what it looks like. I don't remember what happened next.
When I woke up, at first I didn't know what had happened. I didn't know where I was. I was lying on the ground in the dirt. My hair was muddy. I looked around me and I couldn't see the marquee. I couldn't hear anything. I had no idea what time it was. I sat up. I looked down at my dress. It was ripped.
I threw up.
I felt disgusting.
I knew what had happened.
I screamed and cried. I couldn't believe I had let myself get into that situation. I was always such a careful girl. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to wash and to feel clean again, but I knew that even if I did that I couldn't feel clean. You can never feel clean after being raped.
I managed to stagger up and I moved in the direction I thought the marquee would be in. Finally some cars came into view. I ran towards them; my torn dress dragging around my legs. I fell against a truck and cried. I retched and cried some more.
That was when Roo and Sid found me.
When I saw Roo, I wished she could wave a magic wand and make everything better: she always seemed to sort things out.
"Help me," I told her, but I knew there was nothing she good.
"It's OK," she said, pulling me into her arms where I continued to cry. I felt safer.
I felt Sid looking down at my dress and I think he must have guessed what had happened
"We need to get her to the house," he said.
Roo nodded and Sid picked me up and carried me a long way to the house, so that we didn't have to go through any happy people, dancing innocently.
Inside the house he put me on the couch. I felt so uncomfortable.
"Bianca, what's happened?" Roo asked, but I couldn't tell her, I didn't know what to say.
Sid took Roo into the hallway and I could hear them talking.
"Roo," said Sid, "I think she's been raped."
I heard the sound of Roo gasping and putting her hand over her mouth. I could imagine the shocked and horrified expression on her face. She blames herself for my assault.
She returned to me, not knowing how to act around me now and praying that what Sid told her was not true, but by the look on my face she knew it was. She knelt down beside me. "Bianca, I'm so sorry."
"It's OK," I said, even though it wasn't.
"We should take you to the hospital," said Sid and I nodded.
"Is there anything I can get you?" Roo wanted to help as much as she could.
"April," I managed to get out through my hoarse voice.
Roo went back into the crowd to hunt for my sister. She couldn't find her. She found Xavier and said hurriedly, "Xavier, have you seen April?"
"Um she's over there," Xavier made a hand gesture that not only included the marquee, but the rest of the farm.
Roo scowled. "Thank you, most helpful," she resumed her search by herself.
She eventually found April with Dex, sitting against a tree. Roo arrived panting.
"April, thank goodness I've found you. You have to come with me right now. Bianca needs you."
April jumped up at once. "Where is she? I've been looking for her." She could tell by Roo's face that something was wrong. "What's happened? Is she OK?"
"She's been raped."
April almost fell to the ground, but Dex and Roo caught her. She looked from Roo to Dex. "Go," said Dex and she followed Roo, running back to the house.
I turned to see April standing in the doorway. She didn't know how to approach me.
"Come here," I said and she ran to me, falling at the couch and threw her arms around me and burst into tears like me. "Hey, don't cry," I told her. "I'll be fine. It's OK."
"It's my fault," she said. "I forced you to come. You should've stayed at home."
I pushed her away from me and looked into her eyes sternly. "April, don't be stupid, this is not your fault. You mustn't think that. I don't blame you. You weren't to know. Do you hear me? None of this is your fault."
She nodded silently and I managed to give a small smile.
I came to the ball to drown my sorrows, but I came away with more.