I can't even remember when it started.
"You do, you just don't want to remember."
...
"Shut up."
They were still happy, weren't they? Alfred thought, as he sat next to his taller lover, a silence between them, but it was comforting, and not awkward. The bloody mess they created stained the Earth, and he could only hope his dear mother will forgive him for doing such a sin, but the sin was right in front of him, and he grabbed it by choice. A choice influenced by others. A flash of guilt ran through him, as he found his old secretary's skull somewhere in the right of his vision, who was trying to escape with his son to connect with their other family, but failed. And he was now dead. Dead.
Funny word.
[Fredka...]
[Love?]
What being would tell Alfred he did not deserve Ivan?
They were lying to themselves if they did.
He sacrificed everything to keep him alive.
He needs him alive.
"-something on your mind, Fredka?"
"Nothing important." He'll say, with that Hollywood smile. Hollywood smile, but not a real smile. Ivan won't say anything.
Ivan doesn't need to know all the lives that were lost for him.
Ivan doesn't need anything but him.
They were doing so well, so how did it turn to this?
Ivan was hanging from a noose, a noose that Alfred made when they were tying knots for fun. But it wasn't fun anymore. Where did the fun go? Where did the innocence go? Where did the happiness go?
Just a night ago, they were cuddling with each other, under the soft blanket, and those little pecks and passionate kisses, so why did this happen?
There was a large note on the ground, just under where Ivan was hanging, so Alfred picked it up, picked it up with a gentleness that he once had for Ivan, but he can't anymore, right? Because he was gone. He was dead. And dead people didn't matter, so why was he crying?
'JOI N ME'
[I'm sorry Ivan. I can't do that right now.]
[...]
[I just want you to respond, please.]
[...]
[Okay.]
He dug through his memories. But they were all filled with sadness now, for he is a man of sorrow, and the overflowing feeling of frustration and everything around it surrounded him like flies to a bad smell. He was bad. He was not a hero. He was a bad guy, he thought he was doing good by sacrificing everything, for his true love, but it ended up having karma stab him in the back. But that was fine. Because they still mean nothing to him. They mean nothing, and even less than nothing, now that they're dead.
[Aha!]
[I found happiness in this Hell.]
Play
"I love you."
"We loved each other once before this, too." His hands were so cold, yet so feverishly warm as they caressed my cheek, his thumb pushing the dried blood away. Ivan, oh, Ivan. Has anybody told you how adorable and warm you could be when you're alone with me? Of course not- because only I will ever experience such a loving aura from you. Nobody else in this world will ever feel such a tantalizing yet overfilling sweetness, because they simply don't exist anymore.
"That tickles." I blush, but make no attempt to move his hand away, as his beautiful smile turns into a smirk.
"Really?" He said, and before I could register what was going on, he suddenly pushed me onto the wet grass-
Pause
The grass was wet with blood, but did they care at the moment? Not really. America could care less it was also the blood of his own people.
Resume
-and tickled my stomach, as I giggled and tried to push him off, but could not. Laughter filled the air, and it was a soothing melody compared to the ear-ripping screams that made him sob in agony from the sheer pain in his throat, and heart, and everywhere- oh god, a mother was holding onto her child, begging the father to not eat him, they'll find food, they'll find food, they-
(WAIT!)
"No stop! Stop please!" She cried and yelled and tried to run, but oh god her legs failed her, her legs, the ones she danced with, walked on those romantic streets in Paris with with her husband, they failed her, they failed her.
"Don't!"
"DON'T!"
(PLEASE STOP!)
[This was supposed to be a happy memory...]
Pause
Delete
Resume
-"I love you." I giggled, as I wiped tears out of my eyes, and he gazed back at me, his violet eyes that I once found cold, stared back at me with a heat like when they roasted marshmallows together, as they cuddled together, with their gloved hands holding onto each others like it was the world. Ivan was his world, his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world (because there's nobody left but them) his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his worldhis world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world (but that's fine.) his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world his world
Repeat