Real or not real? This is my version of Catching Fire and MockingJay. What happens when Katniss comes home after the games, how will she handle her feelings for Peeta and Gale. I explore these characters feelings a bit deeper and I switch between Katniss, Peeta and Gale's POV. Rated M for later chapters, I decided to spice things up for them. My first Fanfic ever, I appreciate the reviews a lot! Thanks and enjoy!
Katniss POV
It's been almost two weeks since I returned to District 12 and for the first time I'm in the woods. These woods that I love so much, the place where I feel safe, where I can be myself. The place looks the same, yet so many things have change, especially me. I easily find my bow and arrows in their usual hiding spot. I start walking to my meeting place with Gale. Gale. I haven't properly talked to him since I came back.
I saw him on the train station waiting to greet me when we first got back, but I had only eyes for Prim, my little sister, my little duck for whom I sacrificed myself and would do it again. After a teary welcome with lots of hugs and kisses and even some for my mother, I turned to him. I looked into his eyes, those gray eyes that look so much like mine, and I was so happy to see him, I had missed him so much. During the games I thought of him constantly, wishing he was there with me having my back as usual. Then he hugged me and whispered in my ear "Welcome home, Catnip." I didn't want to let go of the hug, but I heard Prim thanking someone, I turned and saw her hugging Peeta. Aww Peeta, sweet Peeta.
I realize he's looking at me and I'm still in half a hug with Gale and then I saw the pain in his eyes. I quickly let go of Gale, and stand awkwardly between them. Thank God Effie comes along and hurries us toward the reporters. From that moment, I had nonstop events and interviews. Everybody wants to know and congratulate the Star-cross lovers from District 12, and I had to play my part, the Games are not over yet.
While I ponder over this, I spot a small raccoon lurking in some bushes at my right. I shoot at it, straight through the eye. A clean kill, I will make a lot of people at the Hob happy. I arrive soon after to my meeting place with Gale. Today is Sunday, and I know today is his free day from working in the mines. I look around and nothing has changed, everything looks the same, and yet everything is so different, I'm so different. I sit in our boulder to wait for him, I'm very tired. I haven't sleep properly in a long time, too many nightmares, and this time there is no Peeta to keep them away. Since I admitted to be acting our romance for the cameras, he has maintained his distance whenever the cameras are not around; I guess I really hurt him.
Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder, and my arena instincts kick in, I grab an arrow from my quiver, take aim and then I hear the only voice that can calm me in this situation, "hey Catnip, reflexes still sharp I see" Gale says taking a step back. I relax my position, take a breath to calm down and then I do the natural thing for me to do, I hug him. He hesitates for a minute and then returns the hug.
Gale POV
Hugging Katniss Everding, I never thought that such a simple act would make me feel so many contradictory things. Happiness, sadness, lust, passion, anger, ownership, but also resentment. A part of me never wants to let her go, the same feeling of before the games, the need to keep her in my arms and protect her from The Capitol and their games. But another part of me wants to cut the hug short, the part that feels betrayed, the part that has grown strong since the horrible games that took her away from me, where she met him. The baker's son, her new boyfriend. That's when I let go.
She starts to smile, but the she sees something in my face and stops. She bites her lip, like she always does when she's nervous or feels awkward. I know her better than she knows herself. There is a palpable tension between us, but looking at her up close like this I notice a shadow in her beautiful gray eyes, a shadow that was not there before the games. I can also see the dark bags under her yes, she hasn't been sleeping.
I relax a bit and decide to break the silence. "What do you've got there?" she finally smiles, "while I was waiting for you I found this little friend, Greasy Sae will be happy, don't you think?" "Not as happy, as the person that ends up with the fur. Nice shot you didn't spill any blood on it". Now she really gives me one big smile, the kind of smiles that make my heart skip a beat. I know it sounds like a cliché but it's true, not that I would ever admit it to her. Although admitting his feeling apparently it worked for the bread boy. No, I won't think about him, because I will get upset again.
"And it looks like you had a productive hike as well" she says looking at the two rabbits on my belt. "Yes, well that's why we're here, isn't it? Hunting? Or now that you're a Victor you're just here tree watching?" Damn, the words roll out of my tong before I can stop them, and yes I can see the hurt in her eyes. I know I'm being unfair; she never wanted to go to the games, she volunteer just to save Prim. And all she did was try to stay alive, but still I'm jealous! Of the bread boy, of her not having to worry anymore on how to put food on her family table tomorrow, of not having to work 12 hrs a day, 6 days a week in the mines, just to be able to support my brothers, my sister and my mom! I know it's not her fault and I know if it was the other way around she would have helped my family as I would have done the same for her. Oh, how frustrating.
I change the subject, apologizing for my comment would make things even more awkward. "Here, Posy made this for you and asked me to give it to you" I give her a small knitted bracelet my little sister made from old rope; she's been doing them for everyone, her new hobby. "Thanks, it's very pretty". I put it on her wrist, and when my skin touches hers I feel an electric pulse running down my spine, and are my eyes playing tricks on me? Or did I see her blush a little? "So, what do you want to do? call it a day? I mean we have the raccoon and the two rabbits..." she asks me. "Let's check my snares and the fish net to see if we had any luck before going" I want to spend more time with her. "Ok"
We start walking and talking about everything and nothing at the same time, about my family, the people in town, The Hob, the mines, even the weather always avoiding The Hunger Games, The Capitol, the other districts and the bread boy. It almost feels normal and easy again, except that I'm extra careful about my comments.
After another 2 hours we have a very nice game, 4 fishes, 3 rabbits, 2 squirrels, and the raccoon. So we finally decide to head back to The Hob to trade it. On the way back I see a berry bush, and start going towards it when I feel her stop behind me. I turn around to ask her what the problem is, and I see her eyes wide open and a little scare, then the look turns to sadness and silent tears fall down her cheeks. I run and hug her trying to comfort her and ask her what's wrong, but she can't or won't answer. Then it dawns to me, the berries, the night lock she was going to use to kill herself with Peeta at the end of the games. The question again escapes my lips before I can stop it. "Why did you do it? Did you really love him that much that you couldn't live without him? Or were you doing it as an act against The Capitol?"
It's really hard for me to believe that. As far as I know she didn't had never even talked to him before the games. She has never been a normal girl, the kind of girl that worries about boys or feelings. That is one of the things I liked so much about her, we were more worried on feeding our families and surviving, never trying too hard to flirt or look pretty, she's naturally beautiful, no need for extra effort. And also I thought our relationship was more than just a friendship anymore, we spent so much time together and had such a connection that I thought it would be us that would end up together in the end.
Six months before the Reaping, I started looking at her differently; she was no longer that scraufy little girl, thin from hunger but determined to survive. Now she was grown up with curves in the right places, gray eyes that took your breath away and simply beautiful. Also her strong will to never give up, her strength, her concern for other and the fact that she was my best friend, my favorite person in the world it was obvious that I fell for her. I was in love with her, and then she got Reaped and I was never able to tell her. I tried to, when we were saying goodbye before she left the Justice building, but the Peace Keepers made me leave the room before I was able to get the words out. Then everything went to hell, because the bread boy said he loved her and she acted like it was mutual. That destroyed me; the first time they kissed I broke the glass I was holding, along with my heart. But I know her, I knew some of the things he said or how he touched her, made her uncomfortable. Still she risked her life, over and over again to save him.
The other rumor going around town, the one I would love to believe is that she did that as an act of rebellion against The Capitol. But I can't completely believe that either. It was always me the one that complain against our oppressors, The Capitol, not her. But maybe the games changed her opinion about politics.
She can't stop sobbing, but it looks like she is now sobbing out of anger more than sadness. Finally she manages to say "Neither! I was just trying to do what I have always done! Survive! I'm not in love with Peeta, but that doesn't mean that I was going to let him die, or even worse kill him myself! He was still a human, and a nice person and I knew him and he was from here! I couldn't have live with myself if I was here now only because I killed him, not when there was a chance we could both come back! And it wasn't a politic act either! I just wanted to get us both out of there in one piece! Why can't anyone see it? Why everyone insists it has to be one or the other? Love or war?"
Wow, apparently she had wanted to explode like that for a time now, I can't suppress a grin. "Great and now you are laughing at me, why are you laughing?" she demands, she looks really upset but I'm just happy she doesn't love him.
"So you really don't have feelings for him?" She fires up again "No! Why is it so difficult to believe? First we are in these stupid interviews and he goes and announces to the world his feelings for me before even consulting it with me! Then Haymitch says it's my best chance to get sponsors because I have a terrible personality and if it wasn't for Peeta, nobody would like me, so I have to go along with it. Then in the arena everything is so messed up and again the only chance to live is to keep playing the lovers card! And I hate it but I promised Prim I'd do everything I could to win, so I played along! And then we won, I get to come home to Prim and you! But I have to keep pretending because if they find out everything was an act the consequences..." I stopped hearing her; she said she didn't love the bread boy. It was all and act to come back to me, she said me. So I do something I had fantasied with for so long now, I shut her up with a kiss.
Her lips feel soft and warm and wonderful, she seems startle but she doesn't break the kiss. I pull way to see her reaction and say "I had to do that at least once". I look into her eyes but I can't read them. Confusion? Happiness? A little bitterness? I grab a lock of her hair in put it at the back of her ear and leave my hand resting on her cheek. And I kiss her again, this time she places her hands on my arms. She is kissing me back. I place my left hand on her lower back pulling her closer. I feel I'm in heaven, it's even better than I imagined. I can feel her body against mine and I love how it feels. This time she breaks the kiss but she's still hugging me "I missed you a lot, I thought of you all the time, wishing you were there, guarding my back, hunting with me. I feel safe when I'm with you, but there I was scared all the time" I kiss her forehead and say "you're safe now, and I not letting you go again." She blushes, pulls back and reminds me of the time. "I think we should go, The Hob closes early today"
Katniss POV
We head back to The Hob, but before we cross the fence he turns and looks at me and gives me one last kiss. I'm surprised at this, but I like the feeling of his lips. I didn't expect to like it.
I have kissed Peeta a lot, but this feels different. Those kisses are for the cameras not for us, my heart is not in them, and must of the time I feel embarrassed to give them and not really enjoy them. Except for one kiss in the cave, a kiss that made me forget where I was or what I was doing, or the fact that we were injured and that the chances that we lived to see another day were very slim. That kiss that made me feel a different kind of hunger and I hungered for Peeta and more of those kisses.
This kiss with Gale, however, is different. It's not pretending, it's nice, soft and warm like home, but not hungry either, just nice and familiar. I let him kiss me, after all I assume it was difficult to him watch me make out with Peeta all this time. Not because he loves me or anything, but because we are so close to each other, I am his and he is mine. It's like watching someone play with your toys or in this case my friend. I never thought of Gale as my boyfriend after all I don't want to get married or have kids, but I do feel like I have some right over him, like I call dibs on him. That sounds ridiculous, but that's how I feel. And I guess that if I stop him from kissing me, I might push him away and I can't have that I need my best friend Gale with me. So if the price to keep him with me is to kiss him, then I'm happy to pay.
Finally he lets me go, we check for the familiar buzz that indicates the fence is electrified and when we hear nothing we cross the fence and head for the Hob. He tries to hold my hand, but I pretend to need both hands to carry the game and some flowers from the meadow. Somehow it feels weird for him to hold my hand, especially after the kissing. Also I start thinking of Peeta, and I feel a not in my stomach, like I'm cheating on him. But I'm not, well maybe to the public eye, but we are not really together it is just an act, isn't it? Although after I admitted to be acting, he was really sad, so maybe he does feel something, but do I? Oh I'm so messed up… Better not to think about this anymore and just concentrate on trading the game at the Hob.
I let him keep all the winnings from the hunting, and I even buy with my own money some stuff. Since I'm rich I always try to help a little to the people of the Hob and the Seam, most of them are too proud to take the money as a gift, so I make sure to buy from everyone at least something to help with the business. I leave Gale to finish trading, and I return home because I have to get ready for the Victor's tour. We will be leaving in three days, but my prep team is going to arrive tomorrow to get me ready. I want to spend some time with Prim before my life becomes a public affair again. But when I get home, something is wrong, there's a car outside and people in suits at the door. I get in and I find the worst person I can find ever in my home or anywhere as a matter of fact. President Snow. Something is very wrong.