A/N: Quite angsty; but also quite sweet (I hope!)
WARNING: Discussions of suicide attempts and dark feelings/thoughts
"...you what?"
Loki looked up at Tony, taking in the crestfallen expression on his lover's face.
Morning light swayed back-and-forth over their faces from between the open curtains.
They were a mass of warm flesh, entwined intimately on the king-size bed.
"I thought you knew," Loki breathed gently, blowing strands of his hair as it lay rough and matted on the pillow, "I thought that Thor would've told you."
"No!" Tony barked, "Thor didn't say anything about... well... that."
A bitter laugh from Loki, "I suppose he would not," he whispered, looking down at where his pale, slender, hand was linked with Stark's, "I suppose that he still maintains that I fell from the bi-frost... but Tony... Tony, I... I let go."
No words. Because Tony didn't have words for what he was hearing.
Instead, he grabbed Loki to him, suddenly afraid that a god may only be as immortal as he wishes to be – that if he... if he wanted to end things, then there would be little that Tony could do to prevent it.
Tony buried his face in Loki's hair, feeling the strands tickle his lips, "Was that...?" he began tentatively.
"The only time?" a harsh laugh rose from Loki's chest, far too close to a sob for Tony's liking, "No, my love – I have tried before. And I have tried since. Somehow something always... interrupts – usually Thor, in all honesty. He has staunched enough of my wounds, over the years, to save my life many times over... only but a dozen times or so have the injuries been self-inflicted."
"But... why?"
Another brittle laugh, "Why do any find themselves in the dark? ...Oh my love... you do not know the complex tangle of my brain. I pray that you never know."
Tony grabbed him tightly, pulling Loki's back to Tony's chest, skin to skin – feeling the vibrations of breath and heart-beats between them.
"Please," Tony murmured into Loki's ear, "never feel that you have to hide your thoughts from me – no matter how much you may want to protect me from them. I can't lose you – and if that means knowing more of the 'complex tangle' your thoughts get into – then I'd be happy to do it."
Loki's body shuddered in little hitches against his. The god was crying, soundlessly, still trying to hide what he saw as weakness. Tony held him tightly, stroking his arms, until the sobbing subsided.
"Don't," Loki whispered.
"Don't what?" Tony queried – what was Loki talking about? "Was I holding you too tight? Was it uncomfortable?"
A little huff of air, "Don't treat me so well. Kick me, punch me, spurn me... just don't love me so very much. I have no defense against it, and I do not deserve it."
Tony felt like his chest had been cracked by Mjolnir.
He drew Loki close again, "I love you," he said gently, perhaps a little huskily, "and I will never stop. We'll get through these... problems... that you have – together. Because I want to wake up with you in my bed every morning for the rest of my life."